22. TWENTY-TWO

TWENTY-TWO

" O h, thank fuck."

When my eyes flutter open, I'm on a bed with River hovering over me.

"Don't move," she says. "You have an IV in your arm, and you need to keep it in, okay?"

"What…how long was I—"

"A few hours," she says. "You're going to be okay, all right? You've had a transfusion; I'm giving you saline fluids now. I've got your wound cleaned and taped up. There's some Dermabond on it, so just try not to move around too much, okay? It might be itchy—don't scratch it."

"Derma…what's that?"

"It's surgical glue."

"Oh, god, she's awake!" Hazel says, stepping into the room. "How are you feeling, beautiful?"

"Great," I lie.

"How did it go?" River asks Hazel. "What did he say?"

Hazel shakes her head. "He said we'd better all be there. He said we have to bring her and to leave now. He's sending a car."

"Fuck…" River says. "But did you tell him—"

"I told him, Riv. I told him over and over and over. He doesn't care. Teagan…" Hazel looks at me and shakes her head. "I don't know what you did to him, but don't do it again."

I don't bother telling them that I didn't do anything to him—he was the one who did something to me. He lied to me, he manipulated me, and then he hurt me and left me bloody and unconscious on the bathroom floor.

"Did he even—" I start.

Did he even check on me? Was he worried about me? Does he even care? I'm scared to hear the answers, so I don't bother asking. As if she knows what I'm thinking, River takes my hand in hers and offers me a sad smile.

No. He doesn't care.

"We need to get her dressed and downstairs," Hazel says.

"How the fuck are we going to—"

Hazel cuts her off. "I don't know. I don't know, okay? But we need to figure it out. You should have heard him on the phone—he was fucking furious. He said we're both going to lose a lot of blood if we don't get her down there."

"He's furious?! He did it!"

"River…shhh. Don't…okay?"

She scolds her as if she worries that he'll hear them even though we all know he's not even in the same building. It makes me wonder if she knows something I don't.

It's eerie.

River sighs. "Find something that won't rub up against her cuts."

Hazel begins digging through my suitcase and eventually pulls out a pair of jeans and a low-cut cropped cami I normally sleep in.

"That should work," Riv tells her. "I'm going to take this out now, Teagan. Are you ready?"

I nod, and she removes my IV before the two of them help me into my clothes. Then, River brushes out my hair and starts braiding it.

"There's blood in it," Hazel says.

"He wants her there—he gets what he gets. I cleaned up the rest of her; I don't have time to wash her hair."

"River, I don't feel good," I tell her. "I think I need to eat something."

"I can't give you any food yet, Teagan. I'm sorry," River says. "We're going to pull you up and take you to the elevator now, okay? Are you ready? Stand up."

With one arm over each of the girls' shoulders, I bring myself to stand. On weak, unsteady legs, I move with them through the door, into the elevator, and through the first floor of the hotel.

"How are you doing, Teagan?" Hazel asks me.

"I'm cold," I tell her. "I'm really fucking cold."

"It's normal," River says. "It's not great, but it's normal."

"That's the car," Hazel tells us, pointing at a black Cadillac SUV. She opens the door and climbs in first, and then helps pull me into the vehicle.

"I want her lying down," River says. "Her feet really shouldn't be below her heart right now."

I lie across the bench seat with my head in Hazel's lap, holding my arms against my chest while I shiver.

"What's all of this?" the driver asks. "Is she on drugs?"

"No, she's not on drugs," River replies. "She's…she's hurt. We're taking her to the doctor."

"The doctor?" he asks. "This address is a concert venue. What the hell is going on here? Girls, I'm not trying to lose my fucking job."

"The doctor is…meeting us there. Just drive, okay? We'll make it worth your time," Hazel says. To us, she adds, "I'm texting Luca now."

"I don't feel good," I say through chattering teeth.

"She better not throw up in here," he says.

But unfortunately, I have no control over that. I manage to get my head up just enough that when I vomit, I do it on the floor and not all over Hazel.

"God damn it!" the driver says. "I'm pulling over, and you're getting the fuck out of my car."

"No, she can't!" River says.

"Sir…or um…Carl?" Hazel starts. "You don't want to fucking do that, Carl. Trust me." She leans forward and wraps her arm around Carl's neck, pressing a knife into his throat.

"Jesus Christ, lady! You're insane!"

"That's right, I am. And my friends—they're even worse. Get us to the address and take your money or you're going to lose a lot more than your fucking job, Carl. And for fuck's sake, take the corners slower. We've got a sick girl back here, and besides, you don't want my hand to slip. And if one of your hands leaves the steering wheel even a little bit, my hand is going to slip."

"Okay, just…take it easy," Carl says.

"God, you're so fucking sexy, baby," River says. "I'm so fucking wet right now."

"Yeah?" Hazel asks. "Show me."

River hikes her dress up around her hips and spreads her legs wide.

"Hey!" Hazel snaps at the driver. "Eyes on the road, mother fucker. Don't fucking look at my wife."

A few minutes later, the car pulls to a stop on the side of the street.

"Not here," Hazel says. "Pull around to the alley in the back."

He sighs, then pulls back out into traffic. The car turns twice more before he parks in a small, dark alley.

"We're here," Carl says. "Now get the fuck out of my car!"

"Don't. Get. Mouthy. Carl," Hazel grits.

Before he can reply, the passenger side door opens, and Luca hops in, removing his wallet from his back pocket. "All right, you can put the knife down, Haze," he says.

She does what he says and leans back in her seat.

"He was going to throw Teagan out on the sidewalk," River tells him.

"River," Hazel laughs, shaking her hand. "You really want to see this man bleed, don't you?"

Luca hands Carl a wad of cash. "You're fucking lucky nothing happened to my girlfriend. You mention this to anyone, and I'll give her what she wants, Carl, who lives on South Green Street."

He climbs out of the car and opens the back door. "All right, come here, Teag."

River guides me toward Luca, who takes me into his arms and carries me through the back entrance of the building.

I clutch Luca's shirt in my hands, breathe in his scent, and cry.

"It's okay, angel," he says. "You're okay. I've got you." He kisses the top of my head and the side of my face. "How bad was it, Riv?" he asks.

"Really fucking bad," she tells him. "She shouldn't be here; she should be in bed. She's shivering, and she threw up in the car."

He turns into a room and lays me across on an old brown leather sofa. Everything about the room is old and much too bright. Fluorescent lights lining the ceiling burn my retinas. I squeeze my eyes closed, and Luca covers me with a black hoodie…which smells like Declan.

I think I'm going to vomit again.

"You want something to drink, baby?" Luca asks.

"No!" River says. "Don't give her anything to drink or eat. She's vomiting."

"Can you guys turn the lights off in here?" I ask. "Please."

Someone must hit the switch because the room goes dark, save for the light coming through the open door.

"Sit up for a second, Teag. I'll warm you up."

I pull myself up and then lie back down against Luca's chest, closing my eyes again.

"I'm so sorry," he says. "I love you so much, Teagan."

"What the fuck is this?"

Just like after the night we dug the grave, the sound of Declan's voice elicits a knee-jerk, fear-based reaction and has me clinging to Luca for protection.

He stands in the doorway, wearing a white v-neck shirt with black block lettering that says, 'Everybody lies.'

And his jeans are covered in deep red-brown stains from the knees down to his ankles.

My blood.

He didn't wash them; he didn't even change them. He made me part of his aesthetic—part of the show.

"What do you mean, 'What the fuck is this?!'" River asks him. "You said to get her here; she's here."

"Well, get her up," Declan says. "The show is about to start."

"She cannot get up, Declan, or she is going to end up in the hospital."

"Well, she's not going to the hospital," he tells her.

My heart sinks into my chest. It's bad enough lying here listening to him talk about me like I'm an object, completely unfazed by the state I'm in, aside from what an inconvenience it is for him.

'She can just die,' he says.

And to think I actually thought he cared about me—that I found comfort in his touch and his words. I trusted him. I read to him. I believed in him.

I feel like that stupid sixteen-year-old girl again, and everyone is laughing at me.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Luca asks.

Declan scoffs. "Nothing you haven't done to her."

"No, Declan. I never did this to Teagan."

He scoffs. "Whatever."

"She is not just yours!" River snaps. "You can't keep doing this! This is supposed to be a family, and we love her. You let her bleed for too long, and she's small and had been drinking all morning —you're lucky I still had some of her blood because she has a rare blood type and can't accept other donors. You hurt her!"

"River…" Hazel cautions, squeezing River's arm. "Don't…"

"You really hurt her," River continues through tears. "I'm mad at you."

His eyes dart to mine for the first time since he entered the room, and I quickly look away.

"Fine. Leave her back here," Declan says casually. He takes a swig of whatever's in his flask and heads for the door. "The rest of you need to get out there."

"I'm sorry, baby," Luca says. "As soon as we're done, I'll take you back, okay? We'll get out of here, and he'll leave you alone. And when the tour is done, we'll go away for a while—just us."

"Where?" I ask.

"Wherever you want," he says. "Hawaii, Mexico. We could go to Paris or London. You pick."

"I don't have a passport."

"That doesn't matter," he says.

"What about Italy…or Greece?"

"I can take you there—I'd love to take you there. You'd look good on the Mediterranean."

"Okay," I tell him.

"I'll see you soon, okay? I love you."

"I love you, too."

He kisses me on the lips before leaving the room.

"I'll come check on you every twenty minutes," River says. "I set a timer."

I smile. "You know, it'd be pretty easy to turn that 'D' into an 'R'."

"Don't tempt me," she laughs. "I am so fucking mad at him."

"Let's go, Riv," Hazel says. "Get some rest, Teagan."

"Thanks, guys."

They walk out the door, leaving me alone in the dark room. I sigh, lying back and closing my eyes, and then I hear footsteps in the room again.

Eli sits on the coffee table, facing me.

"What…what do you want?" I ask.

I've barely interacted with the man who was apparently Declan's best friend in high school, and I don't really want to like this now—weak and alone in a dark room.

"You should have ran, kid," he says. "I am. I didn't sign up for this shit. I just want to play fucking bass. I never wanted to be part of some dark underworld cult of rich assholes or bury girls in the fucking woods. I have a wife and kids—daughters—and…I'm trusting you not to repeat this. Can I trust you?"

I nod.

"After Dallas, I'm done. I'm going north, and I'm staying there. I've got a plane ticket home, and then I'm going to Canada; my family is already on their way. I bought a house and a bar in a small town with a new name…and we're just going to disappear. You meet me downstairs at eight on Sunday morning, and I'll take you to the airport, too. Don't try to pack, don't worry about your things, just come downstairs and get in the car."

"But I don't want to leave," I tell him. "I don't have anywhere to go."

"It's that or the woods, Teagan," Eli says. "Your choice."

"Hey," Rhett says from the doorway. "What are you doing? Let's go."

"Just having a friendly chat with Teagan," he says, standing up and making his way toward the door. "You get some rest."

Rhett makes eye contact with me as Eli brushes past him to the hallway. His eyes narrow, searching my own for something—maybe some kind of hint as to what I might have been discussing with Eli.

"Was he bothering you?" Rhett asks.

"No."

He narrows his eyes. "Okay…I'm glad you're okay, Teagan. Do you want the door closed?"

"Yeah," I tell him. "Please close it."

I close my eyes, and, even though I can hear the concert going on through the concrete walls that separate me from the rest of them, I still fall in and out of sleep for the next hour and a half between my check-ups.

And in that space in between, I think of the first time I saw them on stage—of how magnetic Declan was, how his voice still sends chills up my spine.

The only thing I've ever wanted—my drug of choice, as Declan called it—is freedom. Specifically, the freedom to exist and move through life the way that I want. Free of judgment. Free of the expectations of others.

Before I met them, I thought the only way to have that was to be alone. I was at peace with the idea of living in solitude.

A month later, the idea of going back to being lonely crushes me. But if Eli is right and my only other option is the woods, maybe I should go while I'm still breathing.

"You said that already, Riv," Luca says. "I can take care of her; she'll be fine. She looks so much better than she did earlier."

"I do feel better," I tell her, taking a drink of my soda. After the concert, Riv finally told me I could eat since I wasn't throwing up, and Luca sent the driver through the line at Del Taco.

I fucking love Del Taco, but it's never tasted so good. Even the diet soda is like a delicacy.

"Are you going to finish that red burrito?"

"It's all yours," Luca says, passing it to me. "See? She's fine. Take a key if it makes you feel better."

"Fine," she says. "But take it easy…Luca."

"We'll cuddle," he tells her. "And watch one of those docuseries Teag likes where people murder each other. I'll rub her feet."

"Really?" I ask. "You'll rub my feet?"

He shrugs. "Of course I will, baby."

"Fine," she says. "Good night."

"Good night, Riv," I say. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She pauses in the doorway before adding, "You two have a problem. You realize that, right?"

I am fully aware, but I don't tell her that. I look to Luca, waiting for him to answer instead.

"Yeah," he says. "I do."

"What are you going to do about it?" she asks.

"Um…"

He pauses, running his hands through his hair. I know Luca is used to Declan being the one in charge—the one who makes the rules. I can tell he's uncomfortable now just as I could see he was remorseful earlier, even though he'd said on the bus that he couldn't get involved with whatever was happening between Declan and me.

"I'll talk to him…when we get to Dallas. I'll keep them separate until then; it'll be fine. And then, after a couple more stops, Teagan and I are going to take a long vacation. Right, Teag?"

I smile and nod.

Sure. As long as I don't decide to run for it with Eli.

"He'll move on; it'll blow over," he adds.

That's not what he said. He said he'd never let me go. Still…

He'll move on. The words shouldn't feel like a knife to the chest—I've had enough of that lately—but they do. But maybe he's right. Maybe if we spent some time apart, he'd forget about me. He'll find someone new to hunt, and I wouldn't have to leave them.

But even if I weren't hunted, I'd still be haunted. He'd still be there—under my skin, just like he has been for a while now. After all, I have a permanent reminder just in case I ever try to forget.

River looks apprehensive. "I hope you're right," she says before closing the door.

"Hey, baby." He leans toward me on the bed and kisses me on the lips. "Mmm, I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I tell him.

He pulls away, cleans up the fast food mess on the bed, turns off the lights, and then hands me the remote.

"All right. Give me your feet," he says.

I pull them out from under the blankets and give them to him; he kisses each one before massaging them.

I hide a smile in the dark and put an old episode of Dateline on the television.

"I'll never leave you," I tell him.

"Were you thinking about it?" he asks.

"Yeah. But I won't do it."

He doesn't say anything; he continues rubbing my feet while I watch my show until my eyes get heavy, and I can't keep them open much longer.

"I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed."

"Maybe we could get married," he says.

"What? Why? Do you really want to?"

He shrugs. "Why not? River and Hazel are married. It might be fun. We could do it on vacation and keep it a secret. I could call you wifey, but only we would know."

"Luca…" I smile and shake my head. "I think your brand of crazy is my favorite. You're my drug of choice."

"You want to?"

I nod. "I like the idea of us having something like that as a secret—something just for us."

He moves beside me, pulling me into him before he brings the covers over us.

"I like that, too."