21. TWENTY-ONE

TWENTY-ONE

" T he bus is here; let's go."

They were right. When I woke up this morning, the entire thing with Heidi had pretty much blown over. The magazine printed an apology along with a statement from Heidi that she was under the influence of drugs when she disappeared and will be seeking treatment at a facility in Houston. Luca will play with them tonight, and that's that.

Next stop is Albuquerque. It could be worse—the drive isn't that far, it'll be warmer. Declan will probably go upstairs, and I won't have to look at his fucking lying face or listen to his fucking lying mouth.

But I'm starting to feel the same sentiment as the rest of the family when I first met them—I'm getting tired of the shows and the parties and the clubs. Declan or not, I'm ready to go home.

"These are for you," Declan says, handing me a shopping bag.

"Why?" I ask dully.

"You said you read the others already."

"I don't want these," I lie. "Not really my thing."

"You're lying—they're all on your wish list. Let's go."

Beside me, Luca laughs. "What did I tell you about hurting his feelings?" he says. "It never ends well. What'd you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything to him. He doesn't have any fucking feelings."

Declan scoffs. "That's cute, Teagan. Keep it up and see what happens."

I glare at him from behind the safety of my sunglasses. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I have an idea," Luca says and slaps my ass hard on my way out the door.

"Ow! Fuck! That hurt!"

The brothers both laugh, and I punch Luca in the arm before we step into the elevator.

"Oh no, not Teagan's tiny baby fists again! Whatever will I do?" Luca laughs. "You know what? I think I've got a knot right here, baby." He points to his lower back. "You want to help me with that?"

I fold my arms in front of me and lean against the back corner of the elevator.

"Go ahead and laugh at me—that's fine. I already feel like a joke."

"Aw, come on, Teag," Luca says.

"I'm not laughing at you, Teagan," Declan says. "There's nothing funny about how red your little ass is right now; that slap was hard."

"Fuck you."

I'm the first one out of the elevator with both of them laughing behind me.

"When did you even find the time to piss her off like this?" Luca asks Declan.

"It was a quick turnaround," Declan says. Then, he's at my side with his hand on the back of my neck. "But she looks so pretty—even when she's mad. I miss my kitten, though." I hold my breath while he runs his hand down my back. "Don't be mad. No one is laughing at you, baby. You're not a joke."

"I'm not mad," I say to him. "I just want you to stop being nice to me."

"You don't mean that," he says.

I push through the hotel doors and climb onto the bus with Declan and Luca behind me.

"Teagan! We're making Bloody Marys—do you want one?" River asks.

"I want two," I tell her. "One for each hand."

I regret it as soon as the words leave my fucking mouth.

"Yeah, Teagan loves having one for each hand," Luca says.

God damn it.

"Actually, just one is fine," I say over everyone's laughter.

"Go ahead and make her two, Riv. She'll change her mind," Declan says.

"No, I won't."

I take one Bloody Mary and sit in a space between Luca and Hazel. The Bloody Marys are actually bloody, and I should have anticipated that, but it's been a while. The coppery taste on my tongue comforts me; it relaxes me. I take another drink and sink down into that space under Luca's arm.

I am going to want that second one, too.

"So, what'd he do?" Luca whispers. "Ass-to-mouth?"

I laugh, choking on my drink. "Luca! Damn it."

"What? Am I right?"

"No. I fucking wish it was just ass-to-mouth."

"You wish it was just ass-to-mouth? Well, god damn. I have no more guesses."

"Move," Declan says to Hazel.

I place my hand on her arm. "Please don't."

She looks at me and shakes her head. "Sorry, Teagan. Declan is Daddy. I have to listen to him."

I frown, and he sits in that space next to me. So much for him hiding upstairs.

"Get over it, Teagan," Declan says. "I'm not going to apologize to you; I'm not sorry."

"I didn't expect you to," I tell him.

I try to make myself smaller somehow—to sink further into Luca's side. I don't want to leave the rest of them. I know that means I'll have to make some kind of peace with Declan even if I don't want to, but I don't have to right now. I don't have to kiss him or touch him; I don't have to be soft or sweet to him in the middle of the night. He'll find someone else to hunt and forget about me.

We can exist together separately. I'll just have to be more careful.

"Do you think my brother is going to save you from me?" he asks.

"I love you, baby, but I am not getting involved in whatever this is," Luca says.

"Does someone need to save me from you?"

He shrugs. "I know how to deal with brats. Whether you like it or not isn't a concern of mine."

Ignore him. I'm going to ignore him. River takes my hand and switches my empty glass with a full one.

"See? I knew you'd want two," Declan says. "Maybe you just need to admit that I know what's best for you, and that was all I was ever doing." He pulls River into his lap. "Riv used to be a brat, too."

"She's still a brat sometimes," Hazel says.

"Can you just stop fucking talking to me?" I snap.

"Excuse me?"

"Well, you know everything about me, right? So, you know that I have social and emotional problems, and you're causing me distress in both areas."

"Am I?" he asks. "What are you going to do about it?"

My chest contracts. "Nothing that will make you happy."

"Teagan, would you relax?" Luca says.

"You need to shut her up before I shut her up," Declan says. "And right now, I don't think she's going to be so happy if I do it."

"Do you need something to keep that mouth busy, Teagan?" Luca asks. He lowers his voice and adds, "You really need to stop, angel. You don't know what you're doing."

"I'm just going to go read."

"Because I got up early to get all the books you wanted," Declan says. "You're fucking welcome, Teagan."

I grit my teeth to keep from snapping back at him. I take my drink and books upstairs and find a quiet spot to read alone for the rest of the drive.

Even Luca leaves me alone.

I don't talk to either of them when we get to the hotel. I follow River and Hazel into a room and start getting ready. I shower, taking my time straightening my hair. I'm putting on mascara in the bathroom mirror when the door opens; I don't need to look up to know it's him. I see his reflection in the mirror, leaning against the doorframe.

"Is this part of your temper tantrum, too?" Declan asks, running his fingers through my hair.

To be honest, I think it was part of my temper tantrum. If he likes my curls, then I'm not wearing them.

"I'm not having a temper tantrum," I say, shrugging him off.

"What do you want, Teag?"

"Nothing."

"You said I wouldn't give it to you. I can't unless you ask for it, so ask for it."

"I just want you to give me the same treatment you gave Layla and pretend that I don't exist."

"Would you stop fucking pouting? I didn't do anything but give you what you wanted."

I snap my contour kit closed and throw it on the counter. "No, you didn't!" I shout. "You did not give me what I wanted—you manipulated me! None of my choices were my own! That's the only thing I have . That's the only thing I want."

"But can you honestly say you wish I hadn't done it? You wouldn't fucking be here."

"You hurt my fucking feelings! Do you get that? You hurt me, you tricked me…you made me feel stupid just like everyone else in my life does all the time , and now, I don't even want to look at you. So, you know what? You get over it. One person in the world doesn't like you—big fucking deal. What do you care?"

He shakes his head, then turns and kicks the door closed. "Fuck!" he yells. He comes up behind me and grabs me by my throat. "It's a big deal because I picked you…for me. You're mine, and I am never going to be done with you."

"I thought no one belonged to anyone, and I could leave whenever I wanted," I hiss through my significantly reduced airway.

"Well, I make the fucking rules," he growls. "I can break them. Besides…" He traces the 'L' carved into my chest, just above where the towel is tied off over my breasts. The hand around my throat tightens, and he says, "It looks like you already belong to someone. Is this what you want, Teagan? You want me to be more like him?"

I feel his hard cock against my ass, and—I can't help it—I arch my back against him.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I do want him to be more like Luca.

"Mmm…no. Not like that, you little slut." As he releases my throat, one arm circles my waist, holding me tight against his hard body and my towel falls to the floor. I gasp for air while I struggle to break free of his hold, but I can't even move my arms.

"I'm going to enjoy this more than I'd like to admit," Declan says. He takes his knife from his pocket and runs the flat side up my stomach and then over one of my hard nipples. "I fucking love your body and your perfect fucking tits. You know, people like us don't always have the best sense of self-preservation. I think I need to remind you what you're dealing with."

He turns the sharp end of the knife into my body, pressing just hard enough to break the skin.

"You said I don't need to be afraid of you," I hiss through my constricted airway.

"You don't…as long as you behave."

I watch a small stream of blood run down the front of me in the mirror. The knife's tip aligns almost perfectly with the top of the 'L' on the left side, and I realize what he's about to do.

And I don't want it.

"Declan, please don't hurt me," I beg. "I'll be nice. I'll be sweet for you if you want. Just please don't."

"It won't be that bad, Teagan," he says. "Then, you won't be able to forget who chose you or who you really belong to even if I did let you go. And Teagan, I am never letting you go anywhere."

I grit my teeth and scream as the knife digs deeper into my skin. Blood gushes down the front of my body in a river of deep scarlet. When Luca did it, it was different. I felt desired and loved—maybe even by both of them, as ridiculous as that sounds. I thought I was special.

But I'm not special. I'm a toy—a plaything.

And so, I sob. "Please stop," I cry. "It hurts. That's too deep."

"Stop squirming," he says. "You're making it worse. I'm going to puncture your lung if you don't fucking stop."

He starts on the second line, and I do my best to stay still because I'm pretty sure he means it—I'm pretty sure he is going to puncture a lung. I scream through clenched teeth and wait for it to be over.

And when it is over, he licks the blade clean, then releases me, and I fall forward onto the countertop. "Declan," I sob. "I don't think I'm okay…it's too much blood. I think I'm going to pass out."

With my head swimming and my vision blurry, I slide down the side of the counter and onto the floor. I look up at him from the cold, wet tile, but I can't really make out his face— he's just the silhouette of a figure in dark clothes standing over me.

He kneels on the floor beside me in a puddle of my own blood.

"I'm dying."

"You're not dying," he says. And I swear I hear a laugh in his tone. "Your airway sounds clear. You're just bleeding—and sweetheart, it looks so beautiful."

He leans down and presses his mouth to the fileted skin. It's deep enough that he can actually get his tongue inside the cuts, and I groan, squirming against his hold while he licks and traces it before moving down my chest and licking the blood from my tits.

Between my legs, I feel something hard against the inside of my thigh before he pushes my legs apart and thrusts it inside my pussy.

I moan, and then he holds the knife in front of me.

"See that?" he says. "See how wet it is?"

"Not really," I say weakly. Because I can't really see it, but I realize it was the knife handle inside me.

"If you can get wet like that, you're not dying," he says. He pushes it back inside me. "You need to stop whining like a little brat."

My eyes flutter closed, and I let them while he fucks me with the thing I'm pretty sure killed me regardless of what he says. And god damn it…what the fuck is wrong with me because it feels so good. I let my legs fall open, giving into it.

"There you go," he says. "Finally being a good girl for me. You're mine, Teagan. In every way that matters, you're mine. Your mind, your body, this pussy. Even when you're his, you're mine. You won't leave me…because even then, you'll still be mine. I will never let you go."

"I'm gonna…" I start. "I'm gonna pass out."

"No…you're going to come," he says. "And it's going to be so fucking hard…maybe then you'll pass out."

I think he's right, though. I am going to come. Even though I'm seeing spots when I open my eyes, I can feel it—that tightening in my lower belly, the delicious tension threatening to unravel. I grab a handful of his t-shirt with what little strength I have left.

"Declan…" I whimper. He thrusts the knife into me hard, swirling the end inside my pussy, and I scream again as I clench around it. "Ahhhh!"

"Look at you," he says. "You're still coming, aren't you, you little brat? You should know that even if you do pass out, I'm still going to use this body however I want. I've never been this hard before. My cock is dripping for you."

"Declan, I can't…" I can't even get the words out. But I can't take any more. I'm still writhing against the knife while he moves it just slightly inside of me, and my eyes are so heavy, I can barely open them. "Oh, god."

I almost cry with relief when he finally pulls it out. My entire body goes limp on the floor.

"Help me," I say.

It comes out as a whisper—something barely above a breath. I feel his hands on me, brushing my hair away from my face.

"I am helping you." He straddles me, kneeling over my chest, stroking his rock-hard cock in his hand while he looks down at my bloodied body. "Open that mouth of yours, Teagan," he says. "Let me come in it."

I let my mouth fall open and feel his cock push past my lips and into my mouth.

"Mmm…just like that, baby," he says. "Suck on it, Teagan. Suck me dry."

He holds my head in place while he thrusts in and out of my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. I feel tears running down my face while I choke, incapable of controlling my breathing.

I'm in and out of consciousness for I don't know how long while he fucks me, while he groans, his breath labored while he praises me, threatens me.

And then, he comes, pushing his cock as deep as it will go. It jerks in my mouth while his cum coats the back of my throat, I swallow hard, desperate for air.

Now. Now I'll pass out.

He pulls his dick out and lies beside me on the floor.

"I told you I was a psychopath, sweetheart," he says. "I told you that you were mine, too. I want you to remember both of those things…every time you look at this."

I feel pressure against my chest that makes me think maybe he digs his fingers into the open wound, but I can't feel pain there anymore.

"You hurt my feelings, too. I do have feelings."

I can't respond. I can't even think, so I don't say whatever smartass reply I'd come up with if I were physically capable of words. He leans in and kisses me on the lips, then next to my ear, and in my delirious state, I swear I hear him whisper, "I love you, Teagan."

But I have to be wrong. Because there's no way he said that.

His presence leaves my side, and I hear the doorknob turn. Inside my head, I panic—he's really going to leave me here to bleed out. I really can't move. Does he not realize that? Does he think I'm faking?

"Take care of that," I hear him say.

I hear a gasp from somewhere near my body. "Declan…" River says. "What did you do?"

I don't hear his reply, but suddenly, she's at my side.

"This is too deep!" she says, pressing a towel to my chest. "There's too much blood. She needs to go to the hospital—she needs stitches."

"No," he says. "No hospital. Just clean her up and take care of it. And make sure she's at the show tonight."

"That's not going to happen," she says.

"I didn't fucking ask your opinion, did I? Make it fucking happen."

"Hazel!" she screams. "Brady! Somebody fucking help me!"

"What do you…oh shit," Hazel says. "Oh my god, is she…"

"No!" River yells. "Get my fucking bag!"

I hear River scrambling at my side, but I can't open my eyes. On the other side, Hazel takes my hand in her own.

"Teagan? Can you hear me?" she asks. "Can you open your eyes?"

I can't. But I try squeezing her hand to let her know I'm okay. It doesn't work.

That's the last thing I remember before even my mind goes dark.