Chapter 2

TWO

Ten Years Later

"Ms. Mayfield? Are you in here?"

I snap my head up to the door with wide eyes. My heart is still pounding, the echoing sound vibrating up to my ears. I clear my throat, willing the words to make their way out of my mouth. "Be right out."

Looking down at my shaking hands, I frantically rub the blood from my fingers. It's no use as most of it has already dried. With unsteady hands, I reach behind my neck and unclasp the diamond necklace wrapped around it. The chain pools in my palm before I drop it into the toilet. It sinks quickly to the bottom, and I shut the lid before pulling on the lever and flushing it without another thought. The bit of wet blood remaining on my fingers smears across the silver handle. My chest squeezes when I tear off a fistful of toilet paper and frantically scrub the handle until the blood disappears.

"Ms. Mayfield?" my assistant Ruby repeats, her voice muffled by the bathroom door.

"One sec!" I croak a little louder while moving to the sink.

I rinse my fingers, watching the remaining bit of dried blood under my fingernails. I dab at my nose and sniff. The pain radiates along the side of my face and nose, reaching behind my eye.

Taking a deep breath, I steel my chest and look up. The bruises aren't showing yet, but they're beginning to bloom, nonetheless. A bright red mark covers my entire cheek. I scrunch a piece of paper towel and dab at the little bit of blood still dripping from my nose, then reach into my small makeup bag still sitting on the edge of the sink.

After squeezing out a large glob of foundation, I smear it across my face, careful not to press too hard against tender skin. I grit my teeth through the pain, spreading out the foundation as fast as I can. My hands are shaking uncontrollably, as if I've injected coffee directly into my veins. I'm running on pure adrenaline.

"Ms. Mayfield," Ruby says again. She pounds on the door. "Please, let me in."

Heat spreads across my body. After applying the liquid foundation, I sloppily dab my brush into my setting powder, hoping it'll mask the splotches of color on my face.

"I'm…" I swallow back the tears that sting the back of my eyes. "I'm almost done."

My words come out choppy and unbalanced. I'm almost finished applying the powder when Ruby turns the handle on the door and pushes her way into my trailer bathroom.

I take two steps to the side to let her in, but I keep my head down, not wanting her to see me just yet. My long, brown waves create a curtain that shield me from her.

"I told you." I drop the brush in my bag and pretend to be looking for another makeup tool. "I'm almost finished."

"Adeline." Her voice is soft, but fear creeps in.

I can't look up at her, because when I do, it will make this moment real. It will solidify the fact that my boyfriend just barged into my trailer, falsely accused me of having an affair, simply because he caught me talking to one of the photographers from the production crew. Then before I could comprehend what was happening, his hand connected with my face. The snap and crack of the force behind his hand meeting my face ripples through my body once more, the memory refusing to leave.

I fell to the floor to him hovering over me, spewing threats about how he has the power to ruin my career if he were to ever catch me again. I stayed curled on the floor until I heard the metal door of my trailer slam shut, and the silence that ensued sucked all the air out of the room.

"Adeline," Ruby repeats from behind the door.

"Seriously, Ruby," I warn her. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Zipping up my makeup bag, I keep my focus on what I'm doing. Ruby is standing in the doorway of the tiny bathroom, and I need to reach my overnight bag in the common area of my trailer.

"Yes," I say while I blink back the tears. "I just... I need to go."

Simple and direct. It's the truth. I don't know what I plan on doing or where I'm going. I just know I need to keep moving.

"What?" She gasps. "Why? You have a photoshoot in two hours. Hair and makeup are waiting for you. You can't leave." I hear the panic in her voice, but I still don't look up. I shield the side of my face from her as I push past, clutching onto my makeup bag. I know if I look at her, I'm going to fall apart. I'm going to allow reality to set in, and I won't let it. At least not now. This isn't the first time Maddox has hit me. The first time was last week, the day after he proposed to me.

I thought when he'd pushed me against the wall after an argument over where we were going to eat for dinner was going to be the one and only time. Apparently not.

Maddox has been my manager for a year, and my boyfriend all for a total of one month. For months, he spent his time convincing me to give him a chance. He wooed me. Our days were filled with endless flirting and him showering me with gifts—the diamond necklace being the latest in celebrating our one-month anniversary.

But it was all a ruse.

A ploy to control me.

I feel foolish. Duped. Conned. Embarrassed. And I can't imagine what our lives will look like if we continue down the path we're taking. How worse will he get? Will he turn out just like my father? I've lived through a life of abuse, and I refuse to stick around with Maddox to find out how the rest goes.

"Because…" I choke out, answering Ruby, swallowing the lump of regret threatening to claw its way out of me. "I just can't do this anymore. At least not now."

Once I'm past her and step into the tiny hallway, I make a sharp left and eye my bag sitting where I left it. Well, sort of. Now, the contents are spilled out, all the way from the table to the floor. Underwear, shirts, and pants are strewn about haphazardly. I blink away the vision of him hurling my bag at the wall before he charged toward me.

My teeth cut into my cheek until it stings. The sensation propels me to keep going. Shame slams into my gut for allowing my relationship with Maddox to get to this point.

"If you need to cancel this interview, I can reschedule with the crew," Ruby blurts out, and I hear the fear in her voice. "I can find Maddox and?—"

"No!" The word falls from my mouth as sharp and fast as a bullet. I spin around to face her with my hands curled into tight fists at my sides. "Do not find Maddox."

My sharp response is followed by an equally sharp gasp coming from Ruby's lips. Her soft brown eyes immediately widen, and my stomach flips.

She brings her hand to her mouth before she reaches out to me. I shy away from her, not wanting to venture down this road. The one where she feels sympathy for me as if I'm some weak, broken woman.

I lift my hand and cover my cheek, as if it'll take us back to ten seconds ago before she saw what Maddox has done to me.

"Adeline…" She frowns. "What happened?"

"Nothing. I—" I gently press my palm against my skin, then resume cleaning up my clothes, fisting each item and shoving them into my bag. "I don't know."

I truly don't know. Flashes of the words Maddox spewed in my direction play in my mind. Every word and every touch he threw in my direction is like a pile of mixed puzzle pieces. None of the pieces fit, and I'm too distraught to try to put them together and make sense of it. All I feel in my gut is the need to get out of here, far away from Maddox, this trailer, and my life in Los Angeles. This isn't me. This isn't the life I wanted for myself. I'm better than this. At least I want to believe I am.

My dream to be a model and get out of my parents' house has been a goal for as long as I can remember. But now, my modeling career is crumbling in front of me. How can I possibly stay here after what he's done? How can I continue this career with him still in it, representing me?

Karma has come for me. I've always been in a rush to get on with my dream, never thinking about the price I might have to pay to get it. I've wanted to become a model since I was four years old. My first memory is sneaking into my mother's closet and digging through her vanity. I found her favorite, crimson red lipstick, and sloppily swiped it across my mouth. I was smoothing it across my tiny lips for the hundredth time when she walked in, catching me red-handed. From then on, she was convinced I'd never let up on my dream to be just like her. Professionally, at least. If it weren't for my mother's insistence on waiting until I was eighteen, I would have done everything I could to make it happen before then.

I'm silently cursing myself for allowing myself to get to this point, where my career is literally dissolving in front of me. I allowed myself to fall for my manager and his sweet words. Now, this relationship is costing me everything: my career, my physical health, my emotional health, my reputation.

Once I have all my belongings shoved into my bag, I zip it shut and leave it on the table to gather the rest of my things from the bathroom. I wind the cord around the base of my curling iron and feel my assistant behind me. My chest vibrates, and I know my body is crashing from the adrenaline. For the past ten minutes, I've been running on autopilot, not allowing my situation to sink in. I'm in fight or flight mode, quietly deciding to fly.

I feel Ruby's eyes burning a hole on my back. With a shuddering breath, I finally gather the strength and courage to look up.

My eyes meet hers in the reflection as she moves to stand beside me. Her soft, beautiful face gives me comfort when inside, I feel broken.

Not broken for ending my relationship.

I'm broken at the fact I've allowed him to manipulate me and my career. I've lost out on this key photoshoot opportunity. Even if this one wasn't for a major publication, it was publicity. Publicity I desperately need. I've been a model since the day I turned eighteen. It's been three years since my first magazine featured photoshoot, but every day has been a struggle to be seen. Days turned into weeks spent jumping from one job interview to the next. I didn't want to ride on the trail my mother left behind or rely on my name to push me through my career. I wanted my talent to propel me, but it's impossible when you fall for someone whose sole mission is to hold you back.

I thought what Maddox held for me was love, but this isn't love. It never has been.

Resting the heels of my hands on the edge of the sink, I hang my head low. Tears sting the back of my eyes. The warm liquid spills over my lashes and warms my already-heated cheeks. I inhale a shaky breath, my sobs working their way up my throat. Ruby places her hand on my back, and her touch radiates across my body, and the floodgates burst open.

"He wasn't always this way." My chin quivers and my stomach flips. "Only… there was this change in him, like the flip of a switch. It was so fast and so sudden. I didn't see. I didn't know it would—" I can't finish. My words linger in the air, dissolving through the thick oxygen filling this tiny bathroom.

"It's okay, Adeline," she soothes as she runs her hand gently down my back.

I finally turn my head and look up at her. "Promise me you won't tell anyone," I whisper.

"Adeline." Her soft voice wraps around me like a blanket.

"I don't want this to become a headline," I say in a rush, twisting my fingers. "I don't want to read some distorted version of the truth." I inhale a shaky breath. "I just want to go. Quietly."

I look back down and stare at the sink and the single drop of blood still resting in the drain.

When did I become this person? When did I become the model who fell for her abusive manager? Being with him is costing me everything.

Every dream I've ever had has disappeared.

At some point during my sobs, with Ruby's hand on my back, something in my mind clicks. Reality crashes into my thoughts with unrelenting force. I'm not this person, and I won't allow this to become my life.

I can't explain it, but this place doesn't feel like home. I always believed I wanted to leave my life back in Boston. I wanted to run away as far and as fast as I could. The shadows and recessed corners of the place I used to call home were hanging over me like a dark cloud. My heart was begging to see more of the world, but now that I'm here, on the opposite side of the country, I've never felt more isolated and alone. I don't recognize the woman I've become.

A comforting warmth spreads across my chest at the thought of returning to the East Coast. An inexplicable pull tugs at my chest, like an echo vibrating through my bones.

"You're coming back, though, right?" Ruby asks, her copper eyebrows knitting together. "I can black out your calendar for a while, but eventually…" Her voice trails off, then her eyes find mine. "You have a photoshoot scheduled in two weeks. You'll still make it then, right?"

"I, um…" I inhale a deep breath and inflate my lungs until they burn before I release it. "I can't answer that right now."

"Oh, honey." She places her fingertips gently to my cheek, but I hiss and jerk back. Her mouth twitches with pity and sadness, and the hole in my heart grows wider. Ruby has been a great assistant and friend these past three years. I hate that I'm leaving her this way, but there's an understanding in her eyes that reassures me.

"I understand." She nods.

"Thank you. I'll keep you updated." I nod, patting my cheek to dry the tears soaking into the makeup I put on only minutes earlier. I'm thankful she doesn't hold my lack of commitment against me. I hate not giving her a concrete answer, and the uncertainty of not showing up for future photoshoots scares me. The fear of letting go of what I hold dear to me weaves into my broken heart.

I move past Ruby again and stuff my makeup bag and curling iron into my duffel.

Closing my eyes means I only see a road with no direction, no ending. But the thought of coming back to work and facing Maddox makes my stomach coil. It aches like a spring resting at the very bottom and twisting into knots, the sharp edges cutting into my flesh like barbed wire. The uncertainty of the future is scary, but the promise of returning to this life, the version I'm living in now, is even more terrifying.

I steel myself. Invisible armor wraps around my heart, giving me the strength to keep moving. It's what I've always done.

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I push through my trailer door for the last time and call one of the only people I've been able to rely on.