6 - Joanna

6

Joanna

Life was so much easier when you didn't take things seriously. I'd learned that back in law school while studying for the Illinois Bar Exam. So much of those years were spent doing extremely serious things, that when I actually had some time to myself, I made sure to relax. If you couldn't laugh at yourself, then life wasn't worth living.

I had decided to have fun with this evening, because it was a ridiculous concept. Pretending to be Landon's girlfriend for a night to impress his parents? It was dumb. I would never have agreed to something like this if not for the chance of a job at DefTec.

I was still buzzing from last night's date with Theo, too. I couldn't stop thinking about him, despite our long-term incompatibilities with regards to children. It was too bad I had to wait two weeks to see him again. This dumb dinner had cock-blocked me.

I'd better get that job .

"Remember," Landon said as we approached the front of the restaurant where his family was entering. "Just tell my mother whatever she wants to hear."

"I understand the assignment." I stole a glance at Landon's pants. "Seriously though, ten inches? I could tie that thing in a bow."

Landon snickered. "Stop it. You're making me laugh."

"That's the idea. They'll think I'm funny."

They came through the door and I put on my best smile. Landon made some quick introductions, and I mentally took note of everyone:

Bradyn, Landon's brother, who was getting married next weekend. He had straight black hair like Landon, but he was already showing signs of balding, whereas Landon's hair looked too thick to get a comb through it.

Marisa, Bradyn's fiancée.

Clark, Landon's father.

And finally, Danicka, Landon's mother. She was taller than I expected, with short hair and sharp eyes that reminded me of the terrifying mother-in-law from every single romantic comedy on Hallmark.

The others shook my hand, but I went in for a hug with the mom. "It's so good to finally meet you! Landon's told me so much about you," I said.

Danicka gave a surprised smile. "I wish I could say the same—Landon didn't even let us know you existed until yesterday!"

"Always secretive with the ladies," Clark said, giving Landon a playful shove.

Danicka leaned in to whisper to me: "He must really like you if he invited you here. Don't worry, there's no pressure." She punctuated it with a wink.

She seemed genuine, rather than scary. That was a good sign.

"Those pearls are gorgeous," I told her. "They really make your eyes pop."

Danicka beamed. "And I just love that red dress! It's about time Landon dated someone with style. I can't say the same for his last girlfriend."

"Oh mom, nobody needs to bring her up," Marisa said.

As the hostess led us to our table, I shot Landon a satisfied smile. I was scoring points before we had even sat down.

Our table was in the back corner, and I made sure to scooch into the seat next to Danicka. When the waiter took our drink order, I pretended like I was undecided in order to let Danicka go first. "Chardonnay."

I put down my menu. "Good choice, I'll have the same."

"You're a white wine girl?" she asked me.

"Oh, you know it!"

I rarely drank wine. I preferred beer and cocktails, and when I did drink wine, I preferred reds. But I could suffer this for one night. Especially since I was starting to feel good from the double shot of tequila.

"What do you do, Joanna?" Marisa asked me. "Landon hasn't told us anything about you."

"I work in a law firm," I replied. "I'm a paralegal."

"Oh?" Clark asked. "Which one?"

"Sawyer and Sawyer," I replied.

Bradyn perked up in the seat across from me. "Tim Sawyer? The guy with the billboards on the highway?"

"Tim ‘The Steam Engine' Sawyer?" Danicka asked, quoting from one of his commercials. "He always struck me as a sleazy guy…"

Think fast, Joanna. You don't want them thinking you work for an ambulance chaser .

"I know he looks like that, but he actually does a ton of pro bono work," I replied. "He's representing… um… a bunch of children. Children with cancer! It's actually really fulfilling work."

"Oh, wow," Danicka said. "Sounds more exciting than Landon's job for that big defense contractor."

"That's actually how we met," Landon cut in. "At a conference." Under the table, he nudged me with his knee.

"Right! It was a conference in Milwaukee two months ago. I got lost trying to find the presentation on digital security, and ended up walking all over the huge convention center. Eventually, this handsome devil took pity on me and asked if I needed help."

"That's our Landon," Danicka said. "Always picking up strays."

I wasn't sure how I felt about being classified as a stray, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered tonight except making Landon's mother like me.

"Tell us more about yourself," Danicka said. "What hobbies do you have?"

"I don't really have much time for hobbies. Except drinking!" I punctuated that with a laugh.

There were some awkward chuckles around the table. Danicka sniffed, then pulled out her phone and began scrolling Facebook.

On the other side of me, Landon cleared his throat and nudged me.

"I was just joking," I said, thinking fast. "I'm actually… a marathoner."

Danicka blinked and turned back to me. "Oh really?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty good. I was much faster in high school. I set a few state records. I mean, none that you would be able to check. They've all been broken by now. But I had them for a while. I just qualified for the Boston Marathon next April."

"I've been trying to qualify for Boston for two years!" Marisa exclaimed. "I ran the Chicago Marathon last October and missed my qualifying time by five minutes."

"She's trying again this fall," Clark said. "You two should go running together."

"Oh yeah, totally," I said with a big fake smile. Good thing I would never see these people again, or I would be worried about my fake hobby checking out.

"You guys see the Bears report?" Clark asked his two sons. "I'm telling you, this is the year."

"You say that every year, Dad," Landon replied.

"This time I mean it!"

Since the guys were all chatting, I turned toward the two women at my end of the table. "I heard you're getting married next weekend. That's exciting!"

Marisa let out a long sigh. "It's exhausting. I'm just ready for it to be over. Even with a wedding planner, it's so much work ."

"What style dress did you get?"

Marisa pulled out her phone and showed me the screen. "This is from the final fitting this morning."

I put on another fake smile. It was the ugliest dress I had ever seen in my life. It was a chaotic mishmash of lace, silk, and frills. It looked like a prom dress from the 1970s had been spray painted white.

"It's so pretty ," I said. "I love the frills around the arms."

Marisa bounced happily in her chair. "I can't wait to see Bradyn's face when he sees me in it for the first time."

"I can't wait either," Bradyn said, kissing her on the cheek.

"Where are you doing your honeymoon?" I asked.

"Jamaica. Everyone is going: the entire wedding party, plus other family and friends. It'll be so nice spending time with everyone!"

"I love Jamaica! It's like Hawaii, but a lot closer."

"You've been?" Danicka asked, surprised.

"My boss took the entire office on a long weekend back in January. It was so relaxing."

It wasn't relaxing at all. The resort was cheap, and the food was mediocre. And my boss, Tim ‘The Steam Engine' Sawyer, hired prostitutes for all the men who went on the trip. At least, that's what we had heard.

I really needed to get this DefTec job.

"It was so relaxing ," I reiterated. "You're all going to have so much fun. I love the idea of a group honeymoon trip."

I was lying again. A group honeymoon sounded like literal hell to me. Who would want to spend their first week as a married couple surrounded by family?

"Let me tell you about the flowers…"

Marisa dominated the conversation for a while, giving way too many details about the upcoming wedding. I didn't mind; it was easier to react to things she said rather than come up with my own conversation points. Danicka was already on her third glass of Chardonnay, and wasn't giving me much attention. That was a problem.

Before the food arrived, I excused myself to the bathroom. While peeing, I tried thinking of other subjects I could bring up at dinner. Maybe if I asked what Landon was like as a child, Danicka would open up to me.

When I came out of the stall, I gave a start. Danicka was standing next to the sink, arms crossed over her chest and a scathing expression on her face.

"I know you're lying," she said bluntly.

Fuck .