Chapter 17 - Felix

"Maybe we should just keep him locked away," Father suggests as we sit around the boardroom table. The other council elders are gathered here, too, to discuss what to do with Diego Alvarez.

"What do you mean, Father?" I frown. "Locked away, as in here, on the island?"

Father shrugs nonchalantly. "Like you said, the girl has a very estranged relationship with him. She won't care."

"She will care. That's her father, after all," I object. "Family is family; you'll do anything to protect them."

"Even after what he did to her?" Father presses.

"Yes," I concede with a firm nod, grunting under my breath. "I know how important it is to honor family. Even if she doesn't admit it, she cares about him."

Father huffs agitatedly, glancing at Draco. "Perhaps it will be better to let him go. After all, we have to ensure her happiness."

I take a deep breath as I stare at my father with conviction. "That's why we'll let them both go."

"Sierra and her father?" he asks with a frown.

"Yes. I don't want either of them here on the island. I don't want a reminder."

"A reminder of what?"

"A reminder of her," I say without giving it a second thought. None of the Council elders know I share a past with the human woman who was meant to be my mate. What I've just said stirs the room; it's evident in their confused frowns.

"She is your mate, Felix," Nimbus reminds me. "She was chosen by the Cube, the only match—"

"It doesn't matter," I interject. "I willingly forego the human mating process. It just won't work for me."

"Felix…" Father begins, leaning closer. "... You were so eager to find your human mate. What has changed? Is she not willing?"

"No, she's not," I relent with a sigh, stepping out of my seat and turning toward the whiteboard at the back of the boardroom. "I only have myself to blame for it. You see, Sierra and I knew each other long ago."

When silence stretches out behind me, I know I've seized the full attention of the Council members. It's time to come clean.

"Eight years ago, during my travels in the mortal world, I met Sierra, and we fell in love," I reveal, hanging my head in shame even though they can't see the humiliation contorting my face. "Back then, we knew nothing about the human mating process, and I left her distraught when I came back to the island. She knew nothing about dragon shifters. When the human mating process was introduced, I wondered if she'd be my match."

I turned around slowly, and my shoulders slumped despondently. "I was, however, too late to consult the Cube. Then, the incident with Diego occurred, and his daughter was revealed to be my match. I had no idea that it would be her. I was willing to accept that it was someone else." I sigh heavily, feeling the weight of the eyes that watch me and the ears that pay keen attention to everything I'm saying. "When it turned out to be her—the woman I love—I was met with the consequences of leaving her the first time. She doesn't love me, and the past prevents her from ever loving me again."

I hang my head again, clutching the back of the chair until my knuckles pale. It's Draco who offers a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"It doesn't matter, Felix," Father begins. "She is the only human—"

"The only human that I've ever loved," I contest as I look up through hazy eyes, clouded by the tears I refuse to shed in the presence of our Elders. "The one human I hurt the most. I can't expect her to agree to be my mate simply because it's our ruling."

A moment of tense silence stretches around the room. I've only ever caused a scene when Draco was forced to kidnap Lily to bring her to the island. It's what sparked the Elders to change their methods and exercise caution when introducing a proposed mate to the world of the dragons.

It's why they'd sent Yazmine a personal invitation to Draco's wedding in Seattle.

Yet, it seems that they don't understand a thing about humans.

"What about the mating process?" Nimbus asks. "She's the only candidate suited to your DNA."

"She's not a candidate, Nimbus," I grouch. "Her feelings are important too. You know where I stand when it comes to humans, and I refuse to force her to be with me if she doesn't love me anymore."

The weight of that last statement hangs heavy on my shoulders, threatening to push me into the ground to hide from the shame I feel. "I don't expect any one of you to understand how important this is. All I ask is that you let them go, because she has a choice. And she has made her decision."

My grim declaration cuts through me like the sharpest knife; all I can do is leave the boardroom with marching steps. I've had my say and won't turn back on my decision.

So when my father follows me out of the boardroom and joins me at the elevator, I stare at the doors and will myself to remain firm in my decision.

I know he's come out to convince me to change my mind.

"Despite what you may think, I understand you, Son," he says, much to my surprise.

Turning my face to him, I frown. "You do?"

Father sighs, the sound ancient despite how young he appears. It's only thanks to the gift of immortality that he seems to be as young as his children—almost identical to Draco. It's the way he carries himself, and the way he speaks, that attests to his vast knowledge and stature amongst the dragon shifters.

"Of course I do," he says, looking compassionately into my eyes. "I fell in love with your mother when we were younger. I know how profound the feeling is."

I hang my head in shame. "With everything happening, it's almost as if the dragon shifters have forgotten that humans have feelings."

Father places a hand on my shoulder with a sigh. "We haven't forgotten, Son. We're only learning how to integrate our lives with theirs. Love, however, has always been universal. And we'd be barbaric if we didn't consider that."

"You know I will never force her to be with me."

"I know, Felix," he assures me. "Perhaps the slate would have been clean enough to make a good impression if it were someone else."

"I failed her the first time," I murmur, moved by my father's consoling. I'd never seen him this way before; he was gentle and understanding.

He'd always just been the ex-alpha of the Aurora Dragons, a revered leader who we never thought to question. Someone whose every instruction had to be followed. Right now, his warm smile tells me that we're more alike than I expected. Beneath the tough outer shell of an elder who strives to maintain our existence is a man with a heart.

"And you're willing to give up so easily?" He perks up a questioning brow. "The only one of my sons who fought for the rights of the humans?"

"I've tried, Father," I sigh gloomily. "But she cannot love me anymore. I don't blame her, but I cannot force her to live a life without love."

"Try again," he urges me, squeezing my shoulder. "That fire that broke out in you in the boardroom—take that fire to Sierra and convince her that she can love you again."

I nod slowly as my resolve strengthens, and hope reignites in my being. "Thank you, Father."

He smiles warmly at me, stepping aside when the elevator doors open. He nods at me when I step inside, offering silent encouragement as I mentally prepare myself to face Sierra again.

***

Equipped with a bunch of cherry blossoms, I knock on Sierra's door. I'd been avoiding her ever since our escapade on the mountain. Wrongfully so, I do admit. It'd just been too painful to be around her when she couldn't tell me how she truly felt.

I know it's because she doesn't love me anymore. Seven years is a long time, especially for a human. Even I, as a dragon shifter, had been wallowing in my grief when I left her with only a note to tell her that I was gone.

I'd spent countless restless nights mulling over what could have been, piecing together my shattered heart.

I can only imagine what she'd been through. It was only through great strength and magnificent resilience that she'd pursued her dreams despite her broken heart.

A heart she fixed in my absence so that she'd never allow herself to be hurt like that again. Somehow, I have to prove to her that she can trust me again. Love me again. I'd spent hours rehearsing what I would say to her, fueled by my father's confidence that I could somehow change her mind, but when she called out from behind the door, I was faced with fear again.

"Come in," comes her sweet voice, taking me aback as I take a deep breath to will myself to go ahead.

When I finally felt courageous enough to go inside, Sierra was on the balcony with her back turned to me.

I step inside and close the door gently behind me, a part of me resisting the urge to let her know it's me. She's probably expecting Kairo, but I asked my sister not to come to my quarters this evening.

"Oh," she says when she glances over her shoulder. "It's you."

Those three simple words, said without a hint of emotion, have my courage crumbling to pieces. Frozen to the spot, I watch as Sierra turns back to the island without giving me another glance.

I seize the opportunity to approach her cautiously, picking up the pieces of my resolve on the way to the balcony. With the bunch of flowers behind my back, I clear my throat and ask,

"How have you been, Sierra?"

She shrugs nonchalantly. "I'd like to go back home," she replies, staring out at the horizon. Her focus is set on the setting sun, its pretty orange hues a stark contrast to the gloominess I feel inside.

I wasn't expecting that response. I don't know what I was expecting, except that it wasn't that she wanted to go home. I genuinely care about how she feels. Yet, that's not the direction of our conversation.

Gulping, I keep the flowers behind me. The grim look on her furrowed brows tells me that she wouldn't care that this time, I wouldn't be afraid to admit that the flowers are for her.

The gesture seems pointless.

"You'd like to go home?" I murmur under my breath in disbelief.

"Yes," she concedes, turning her face to me and offering me nothing regarding emotion. Her eyes are blank as she nods. "I'd like to go home if that's not an inconvenience to you."

The sarcasm is evident in her tone, slicing through me as if she wields sharp blades with her tongue. Maybe this was a bad idea—thinking I could simply change how she feels by gifting her flowers.

"It's not an inconvenience," I assure her. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

She nods again, turning back to the picturesque sunset. "I'd like to go back home."

A long moment of silence stretches, in which she doesn't offer me an explanation. I have to stifle the urge to reach out to her, to hold her in my arms, or permit her to slap me across the face if that makes her feel better. If that changes things somehow. I'm not sure what will amend the situation, because the pain I'd caused her was too much to bear.

"Fine, you can go back," I finally agree, seeing no way out of the mess I'd created when I left her seven years ago. Nothing I do will erase that past that looms over the possibilities of what could be between us.

I guess it's something I didn't consider when I wondered if things could work out between us. I'd spent so much time wondering if Sierra could be my mate, not realizing I caused too much damage.

One thing I can't do is force her to be with me. I tried, and I failed dismally at that.

"I'll arrange to take you back to Charlottesville tomorrow," I relent, staring out at the horizon and trying to find the beauty in what she's watching.

It seems to be more important than me being here, and I wonder if this is what she did over the past seven years. Just as I did—staring out at the setting sun and seeing her eyes staring back at me.

It was my only comfort back then. It must be comforting to her now. That's how she learned to live without me. How she learned to stop loving me.

"Thank you," she bids without turning my way, forcing me to leave the balcony and leave her in peace.

I'm just the disruption of that peace, and I have to accept it.

"Sierra…" I call out, wanting to try one last time, just for the sake of closure.

"Yes, Felix?" she calls back, folding her arms across her chest as she turns to me.

When our eyes meet, her brows lift expectantly, and I see the pain of seven years flashing in her eyes. It fills me with dread and remorse, and I can't see past her heartbreak.

For someone who loved me so dearly, she hates me just as much. Perhaps this is the best thing for both of us. Being around her only reminds me of the pain I'd caused her, and I can only imagine that it's the same for her.

"Nothing," I lie, though everything I'd like to say to her hangs on the tip of my tongue. Everything I'd been rehearsing, a plea to give me a second chance. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I turn on my heel, and with my head hanging, I head to the door. As a dragon shifter who refuses to be forceful toward humans, I can't force her to give me a second chance. I've done everything I can, showed her how much I love her on the top of Mount Aurora.

It clearly wasn't enough.

Swallowing down the lump forming in my throat, I set the flowers on the pedestal beside the door and leave.

After tomorrow, I won't see Sierra ever again. I have to make peace with the fact that I was wrong.

It could never work out between us. Perhaps the gods sent her in my path again just so I wouldn't spend my life gazing at the sunset and picturing her staring back at me.

They've answered the question I'd been asking for months. It can't work out between us.