Chapter 16 - Sierra

I can feel his dragon eyes boring into the back of my head, waiting for something I'm unwilling to give right now.

He's torn—it was plain to see how the color drained from his face when I couldn't tell him that I loved him back. This time, I'm the one hiding something from him. It's only to protect myself.

When I hear the whoosh of wind beneath his webbed wings in the air outside, I know he's left the vicinity of the balcony. Relief washes over me then, permitting me to turn around and gaze at the afternoon sky forlornly. Sighing, I finally allow the tears I'd been stifling to fall from my eyes, falling in a heap on the floor simultaneously.

I can't afford to be broken again, but right now, I'm breaking to pieces, sobbing uncontrollably into my hands that feel tingly. My body feels tingly from our passionate tryst on the mountain.

It's everything I could have dreamt of and more. Yet, I remember how hard it'd been to navigate the trials of heartbreak. Deep down, I don't think he'd hurt me again. I just can't drop the walls that had been built so gallantly just to risk being hurt a second time.

***

Seven Years Ago

Time doesn't feel the same anymore. The construct of time itself has become foreign to me. Dragging my feet down the hall toward my class, I barely pay attention to those around me.

I haven't even been able to make friends in college. I couldn't care less about the usual frivolities of college life. I'm only attending because Felix has paid my entire tuition upfront. It was pointless staying at home and wallowing in my sorrows, allowing them to consume me whole.

It's not like it's any different right now, maneuvering the daily routine just to get by. I can barely pay attention to my classes, grasping little of what I should be learning while my mind runs a mile a minute, suffering through the memories of the months when Felix was still around.

I don't care about what happens to me. I'd even considered going back to Louisa, going back to my dad's home to suffer the torment he offers. Just so that I don't have to be alone anymore.

I hate being alone because it means Felix isn't with me anymore. Wherever he is, I can only hope that he's happy. Though happiness is a far stretch for me.

Navigating the hallway, I round the corner leading to my class without really seeing in front of me.

Crash!

Warmth spreads over the front of my t-shirt when I collide with a disposable coffee cup that lands on the floor. I'm prompted to look up into the wide eyes of a stranger.

"I'm sorry," I apologize with little emotion. I'm the one that has coffee spilled over my chest, the woman in front of me getting away without a drop spilled on her clipboard.

"Don't apologize, honey," she says sweetly, reaching for the now-empty cup on the floor. When she straightens up, she winces at the sight of me standing there unabashedly in ruined clothes. "We should probably get you cleaned up."

I look down at myself and sigh. "Maybe it's my sign to skip classes for the day," I shrug.

"Who do you have this morning?"

"Erm—" I sift through my thoughts, searching for the timetable I'd memorized. "Mr. Hawkins, I think?"

"Ah," the woman grimaces. "You probably don't want to skip his class. I heard he banishes students who skip without a doctor's note."

All I can offer her is another shrug and a half-smile in response. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea."

The woman grows silent as she stares at me, brows furrowing slightly. "I can offer you a doctor's note, you know. I'm the resident counselor. If you wanna talk, I'm free this morning."

"T-talk?" I ask with a frown. When she nods, I realize I'm a walking time bomb, and this woman can see right through me.

"Sometimes all we need is a listening ear," she offers. "I'm Ms. Walter, and my office is next to the staffroom," she says as she turns to leave.

I realize that walking around like a zombie will do me no good except crashing into more coffee cups. Maybe, just maybe, this woman has been sent as an answer to the prayers I've been praying for weeks since Felix left me without a final goodbye. On those nights when sleep wouldn't come, I'd cry out to the powers that be to lift the pain in my chest for good.

I never considered getting therapy. But right now, it's my last strand of hope to get me through my life without Felix.

"Wait!" I call out to the woman, rushing behind her. "I'm ready to talk."

***

Waking up in the early hours of the morning with only about three hours of sleep in my system, I recall my therapist's advice.

Happiness can't be found outside of myself. I have to find it within me.

It's not as easy as it sounded seven years ago when I was alone, and Felix became just a figment of my imagination. He's here, in the flesh, the light tingle between my thighs attesting to what occurred between us yesterday.

Since then, he hasn't been to see me. I can only imagine that he's hurt because I couldn't tell him I love him. He probably doesn't understand what I'd been through when he left. That needing to get therapy with Ms. Walter at college was the only way I could go on without him.

I was a shell of myself when he left. Now that he's back, he can't just expect me to drop my guard and trust that he won't hurt me again. Even though I know what he is now, and I'm here on the island where the weredragons hail, doubt still lingers in the back of my mind.

Closing my eyes while I cross my legs on the bed, I take a few deep breaths to center myself for the day ahead. I didn't think I'd end up in his arms when I woke up yesterday. Today is no different, with no expectations of the future. A part of me expects to open my eyes to see him standing at the door when I hear it open up.

Instead, I find Kairo smiling at me from the doorway.

The disappointment that rears its head is why I hate having any expectations in life. I'd learned to have none, only for Felix to come back into my life and disrupt my peace of mind all over again.

"Morning, Sierra," Kairo greets as she enters the bedroom. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug diffidently. "I'm not sure," I admit tersely. "Have you spoken to your brother?"

Kairo grimaces as she comes toward the bed. "He didn't say much. He just requested your presence at breakfast this morning."

"He did?" I frown, wondering why he'd want me there. "Why didn't he ask me himself?"

"I'm guessing it has to do with yesterday… What happened?"

Lacing my fingers together on my lap, I sigh. "Nothing happened," I lie. "We talked for a bit, and he finally apologized." Kairo doesn't need to know the details or the extent of his apology. Or how his apology only served to resurface the feelings I thought had died.

"That's a good thing, isn't it?"

"I—I don't know." Lifting my face, I'm met with her kind eyes allowing me to cross the threshold of what is in my heart. "I think I might have broken his heart."

Kairo frowns. "He's deserving—"

"No," I interject, shaking my head. "He doesn't deserve to be as broken as I was. I don't wish that on my worst enemy." I sigh heavily. "He told me he still loves me, and I couldn't be honest with him."

"Because you don't love him?"

"Because I do," I admit as a sob escapes my throat. "I didn't tell him anything ‘cause I'm too afraid of getting my heart broken again."

While I sob into my hands, Kairo gently rubs my shoulder in silence. I look at her sweet face when I'm done choking up on my emotions.

"I'm so scared, Kairo. You don't understand."

"You're afraid of giving him another chance?"

I nod tentatively as I take a deep breath. "If I do, I'm afraid Felix is going to hurt me again. If I did really love him, I'd give him another chance, wouldn't I? Maybe I'm mistaken…"

Kairo wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her warm embrace. "You love him, but you also love yourself enough to protect your heart. It's up to him to prove himself now. Perhaps that's why he suggested you meet the rest of our family."

"Maybe he thinks I'll leave…" I lament. "I'm not even sure what I want anymore."

"Meet the family first, and then decide what you want. I know he wouldn't force you to stay if you weren't entirely sure."

I nod as I uncoil my legs and decide to get ready for the day. Despite not returning his admission of love, he still wants me to meet his family. Perhaps he wants me to fall in love with the place instead of him.

If only he knew that I'm afraid of any kind of love and attachment only because it means I'll get hurt.

***

I take a deep breath to strengthen my resolve as we enter the dining room. I'd foregone breakfast, thanks to Kairo, and offered to join the family for lunch instead.

The mid-afternoon sun warms the room as light filters in from the white blinds. Kairo and I are the first in the room, a dark-haired man entering soon after.

"Sierra Sanchez…" the man greets warmly, his voice gruff and commanding despite the cool tone. He rounds the oak table and stretches out a greeting hand. "I'm Dedrik Vulkan, Felix's father."

As I take the man's hand to shake it in greeting, a beautiful woman appears from behind him, her features almost identical to Felix's, with blue eyes and blonde hair, a warm smile that pokes dimples on her cheeks.

"And I'm Phoenix, his mother."

I giggle nervously. "Oh, my… You're both so… Young."

"We haven't aged in almost two thousand years," she muses as she comes forward and pulls me into a hug. "That's the beauty of immortality."

"It's quite impressive," I marvel when she takes a step back. Her creamy skin is as smooth as marble, her delicate features etched into eternity. She's stunning.

"You'll make a fine immortal yourself, Sierra," she praises warmly.

"I—" I gulp on my words, not sure how much Felix's parents are aware of the situation. Glancing at Kairo beside me, she offers a coy shake of her head to signal that they know little, and I shouldn't say anything more. "Thank you," I say instead.

"There's no need," Phoenix giggles lightly, her blonde aves swaying like the finest silk in a gentle wind. "You're beautiful, Sierra. I hope Felix knows how lucky he is to have you."

It's Kairo who replies to that statement. "If he doesn't know by now, I'll have my revenge in the arena," she muses, though the glint in her eyes says that she means business.

It's not that I'm insecure in any way. I witnessed the way his heady gaze drank me in on the mountaintop yesterday, and I'm certain he knows how beautiful I am.

That's not what has fear hanging over my head. It's the insecurity of not knowing what the future might bring if he suddenly decides that things couldn't work out between us like he chose the last time.

With seven years gone by, I'm not sure if it's been enough time for him to make a firm decision. Even with Draco and Aragon's success stories with their human mates, will it be enough for him not to decide that a human and a weredragon can't be together?

The uncertainty passes through me as a cold shiver, just as one of the success stories on the island walks into the dining room.

As described by Kairo, Lily is exactly what I'd envisioned she would be. With long, dark hair and the roundest brown eyes against ivory skin, she holds herself boldly as the Lady Dragon of the Aurora Dragons.

The alpha's mate smiles warmly at me as she comes over to greet me for the first time.

We make our acquaintances, exchanging a few words as I marvel at how confident she is.

"It's nice to have more non-shape-shifting people around," Lily giggles. "It's quite frustrating when an argument allows a dragon to just fly off from his problems."

"What's worse is being lifted off your feet in the midst of an argument," Yazmine titters on her way in.

"Well, Draco knows that he's not allowed to do that," Lily affirms sternly just as her mate appears at the doorway. She watches him with a sharp eye and a smirk. "He'll just end up in the dog box."

"We've been in and out of Italy; that's why I wasn't here to meet you on your first day on the island," Lily says, going on to explain how they'd purchased a house on that side of the world as an alibi—her family in the human world believes that she and Draco live there with their adopted son. It's the only way to explain how Tyson came to be since she'd only been pregnant for three months. That's how long dragonspirit children are carried for.

"My sister had been snooping around. That's what led us to your father. Now we have to host her in Italy, so she thinks we live there. Will you be coming to visit?"

"I—" I hesitate, only because I haven't been offered to go to Italy yet. It's one of the places I have on my list of places in the world to visit.

I'm just not sure where I fit in with Felix's family, especially after yesterday. He knows he can't force me to be his mate, but then where does that leave us? Maybe I'm waiting on some miracle, some sign that will show me that he can be trusted again.

It takes a lifetime to build trust—or, in our case, falling in love—and a second to demolish it. Building it up again isn't easy, not when it's something I hadn't even considered before I'd been flown to the island, only to discover that Felix is a weredragon.

"I would like to visit Italy," I say earnestly. "I'm just not sure if Felix will be up to it."

"Up to what?" he asks when he suddenly appears out of nowhere.

The tension in the air rises, causing me to gulp on my words. My hesitation to reply has me averting my gaze, leading Lily to reply.

"Will you and Sierra be joining us in Italy?" Lily asks him.

He mutters something inaudible under his breath, keeping his gaze down when he responds, "We have a meeting with the Council tomorrow. With Draco in and out of the island, I have to take care of things here."

"You don't have to, Felix," Aragon offers. "Since Yazmine is too pregnant to travel, I'll stand in your place as Beta,"

Felix grunts under his breath. "You'd like that, won't you?" he muses, though there's bitter intent on his tongue.

"I'm not gonna deny it," Aragon shrugs. "You don't have to pretend that you enjoy being the Beta of the clan."

"It's my responsibility now," Felix asserts sternly before going back to his lunch. "I'd been chosen as the Beta, and I have duties to fulfill." He seems to be in a terrible mood—probably because he hasn't gotten over my reluctance to speak to him yesterday. He's being avoidant, too, only making his appearance in front of me in the presence of his family.

Through the side of my eye, I watch him as he eats with deliberate mouthfuls as if he's rushing through lunch. He doesn't seem to be enjoying the meal, and I have difficulty finding my appetite.

The Vulkan men continue to discuss the dragon clan issues, making me realize there's more to it than just enjoying the extravagance of the castle and the island. Important issues like keeping their existence from the prying eyes of the mortal world to the war in the Middle East that they're planning on intercepting. I realize the extent of being a weredragon and how they pride themselves on being the protectors of the Earth from the shadows thanks to their advanced technologies and will to fight for the right causes.

All of this is done from the island without humankind being aware of their existence. Heroes without the need to be recognized. While I listen to their conversations, it strikes me that their lives are so much different from ours. Where we live to die, they live to protect everyone else.

Is that why Felix left? Not because he didn't love me, but because he was trying to protect me? When the realization hits, I gasp into a cupped hand over my mouth and excuse myself from the lunch table.

My ears begin ringing, my head pounding, and my heart racing as it hits me. Before Lily, the weredragons didn't know their kind could mate with humans.

This is more than just him and I. It was never personal. He was protecting his identity—an identity the weredragons work so hard to protect. He was protecting me, probably wanting me to live my life as it was meant to.

After all, he must have thought that staying with me would have been a mistake. He'd be forever thirty while I grew old and withered away.

He was protecting himself from the most brutal heartbreak of having to be around while I grew old. Now that he knows differently, he wanted me to be his mate so we could be together forever.

Only for me to break his heart with rejection.

I wait for the elevator, a part of me hoping he'd follow me from the dining room. When the elevator doors slide open and he doesn't appear, I realize how painful yesterday must have been for him.

I can only hope that he understands how agonizing it is for me.