Chapter 14 - Sierra

"Kiss me, please. I want to know if it's still the same. If I feel the same way." I take a deep breath, closing my eyes as I pucker my lips ever-so-gently and await the kiss.

I don't know what's come over me. Perhaps it's because I've been mulling over Kairo's question.

" How do you feel about him now?"

I'd felt so strongly for him before, but those feelings had been dulled when he left me without a proper goodbye. Now that I'm in his arms again, I'm trying very hard to sift through the memories to find the love I once had for him.

They're buried away, tucked behind the veil of pain I had to endure. Still, I find myself attracted to him, my body melding to his firmer frame as he holds me close with an apology in his eyes.

It's the apology I'd been waiting for, yet it doesn't hold the weight I thought it would. Standing on the tip of the mountain, on the spot Kairo pointed out would be ideal for meditation, I find myself entranced by the warm glow of his azure eyes.

With my eyes closed, I can no longer see him, but I can feel how his intense stare bores into my soul as he leans in. His breath is warm and fragrant as he grows closer, the husk of his breathing fanning my lips.

My heart begins a gentle trod, racing in anticipation of the kiss. The attraction is undeniable—I realized it yesterday when I watched him play rugby on the field. If that's all, perhaps being his mate isn't such a bad idea.

I can live with that, as crazy as it may sound. The wait is killing me inside, too, but the moment Felix presses his soft, cushiony lips to mine, it's almost as if I'm refreshed with new life.

Sighing at the kiss, I release my inhibitions to savor the taste of his lips. I can't say I missed this because it just doesn't feel the same as I remembered it. Now that I'm different, I feel differently. As the seconds tick by, his lips gently pressed to mine, I take each moment to appreciate how luscious his lips really are.

He seems to mimic my sentiments, remaining chaste as the flow of the kiss becomes stronger. When the last of my trepidation slips away, I part my lips and weave my arms around his neck, noticing the way his hands settle comfortably on my waist as he draws me closer.

Permitted entry between my lips, Felix deepens the kiss by gently submerging his tongue into the cavity of my mouth. He curls the tip, running it across the roof of my mouth to taste me. A guttural groan reverberates from his chest, sending arousal to my core in a flurry of hot emotions.

I pull away with a gasp, staring at his face with disbelief that I could possibly feel so much in a matter of a few seconds. That's all it took to unearth my desire for him, tucked far away in the recesses of my mind.

Feelings I didn't realize I still harbored for him. He's unlocked them, making it impossible to think about the seven years that flashed by without him. When he touches my face with a cradled hand and smooths his thumb over the apple of my cheek, my heart swells with a warmth I haven't felt in years. The gesture is loving, making me forget the past altogether. In his eyes, his trembling bottom lip was swollen and moist from the kiss, and there was a sadness of longing evident. Intense pining, yearning for me, that's almost pitiful.

"I'm sorry, mi ángel ," he apologizes again, this time using those sweet words in a sultry voice. The name of adoration he'd always call me enrobed in the sweetness of his tone. It grips and squeezes my heart, stirring up the feelings I'd buried away. He doesn't make a move to kiss me again, respecting the boundaries I've set up.

My mind tells me it's better this way, but my body says something else. The arousal pooled between my thighs is too intense to ignore; wanton needs blurring caution as I step forward and press my lips to his.

When he kisses me again, I know that his apology in words doesn't bear the same weight as feeling his body against mine. To hell with what happened! I think as I mewl on his tongue. All I can think about is that we're here, beside the waterfall, the gust of nature adding to the baser desires swarming my core. It's almost animalistic, fisting his t-shirt and attempting to rip his clothes away.

He pulls away with a lighthearted chuckle, grabbing my wrists as he stares into my eyes.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he rasps, throat hoarse from how much we've been kissing as he cradles my cheek fondly. In his eyes, I find earnestness, compassion, and remorse. I have to stifle the urge to cry, so imminent from how much I'm moved.

I nod, lost somewhere in an abyss of nothingness, where the tingling of my limbs can only be cured by the satisfaction between my thighs. Pleasure only he can induce. He's the only man I've ever had. The only man I've ever wanted this way.

In seven years, I never thought of moving on from him or taking another man into my bed.

It's only ever been him, as much as it pains me to admit it. Gulping hard, I nod slowly as I tug on the fistfuls of black cotton in my hands, pulling him closer before I change my mind.

The possibility of changing my mind at this moment is nil, especially when his lips meet mine again, this time to greedily devour the kiss. He grunts and moans as he rips the turquoise summer dress from my body, leaving me in nothing but my panties.

I mewl in protest when he breaks the kiss, the heat of his lips feeling like the most profound loss right now. But all he does is sink to his knees before me, arms tightly wound around my hips as he stares up at me.

"I'm sorry…" he says again, this time as he presses his lips in a chaste kiss on the crotch of my panties. The lace sticks to me with the adhesive of my arousal, my body shuddering from the highly intoxicating sensation on my core.

As a gasp falls from my lips, all I can do is nod gently and tuck my bottom lip between my teeth. Clamping down on flesh, I watch with bated breath as he hooks his fingers beneath the waistband of my panties and takes his sweet time peeling it from my hips.

My body shudders again when my panties pool around my ankles. I brace my hands on Felix's shoulders as he helps me step out from the last piece of my sanity. He doesn't stop staring into my eyes as if gauging my every reaction as he dips his head between my thighs.

"Ah…" I gasp, instinctively carding my fingers through his blonde locks while his tongue flicks at my clit. Squelching sounds of lapping at my dripping essence fill the air, his skillful tongue running across every inch of my folds.

"Oh—my—God…" I whimper, throwing my head back as he plunges his tongue between my folds, sinking into my aching hole and drawing me to the tip of my existence. I'm so close, I can see stars behind my eyelids, beckoning me over the edge.

It's the leap of faith I make for the sake of my own sanity, letting go of the tight knot coiled in the pit of my belly. It spreads out across me, extending to every nerve-ending I have.

I ride out my high on his tongue, my body quaking until he adds a finger between my thighs. Gasping from the influx of sensation, his name falls off my tongue like a chant.

When I climb down from the peak of my climax, my body feels limp, like I'm going to keel over. Felix catches me in his arms, deftly scooping me to his chest before pressing his lips to mine.

It's purely carnal to be inebriated by the sweetness of my own juices as I taste them on his tongue. It's raw and baser, refueling my desire all over again, my walls clenching around nothing as the need to feel him inside me takes prominence. This time, I grab fistfuls of the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head rigorously in my quest to be filled. He chuckles tauntingly when he's finally undressed, eyeing me keenly as my eyes rake over his glorious chest.

I reach out and place my palm over one pectoral muscle, feeling how it flexes divinely beneath my touch.

"You've been working out more…" I whisper in astonishment. Seeing him up close like this, standing beneath nature's glow, I noticed just how much he'd bulked up.

He takes a step closer and pulls me to him with large hands on the mounds of my rear, his rigid cock pressing into my belly. "I'd been distracting myself while I couldn't have you," he drawls, a smirk curling his lips. "I'm not the only one who's changed."

He squeezes my ass cheeks to punctuate his statement, sending a blush creeping on my cheeks. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I bat my eyelids at him. "I was distracting myself, too," I admit sheepishly.

Felix dips his head at the crook of my neck, peppering open-mouthed kisses along a trail leading to my ear before he whispers, "No more distractions… I can think of other ways to work out."

This time, he punctuates that statement by grabbing the backs of my thighs and wrapping my legs around his waist. He captures my lips again while he sinks to his knees with me straddling him. While he kneads and squeezes my rear, he takes his member into one hand and guides the tip to my moist, ready hole. The nudge is prominent, his immense girth stretching my walls deliciously as I sigh against his lips.

The full feeling is everything, but I crave more friction. Bracing my hands on his shoulders, I gently rock back and forth, Felix's hands guiding my hips while we fill the air with lewd sounds of moaning and skin on skin.

Nestled in nature on the top of the mountain beside the waterfall, we act out the most basic human desire. Except, it fulfills every fantasy I ever had, doing this with the man I love.

My eyelids spring open when the realization hits me. All I can do is watch Felix's face contort as I ride him toward his peak, feeling so fulfilled while knowing I shouldn't be feeling this way.

To distract myself, I crush my lips to him just as he spills deep inside me, my own climax meeting his in perfect synchronization.

My heart pounds, but it's not because our bodies are tangled on the rocks.

It's because I've discovered that I can't just let him satisfy me carnally.

I love this man. I love him as much as I loved him before, if not more. Now that I know him in all the depths of his being and his authenticity, I'm free to love him fully. Yet, I can't tell him that much. I'm too afraid of getting my heart broken all over again. I can't risk losing myself in the tumult of heartbreak as I once did before.

I can't risk losing myself in the name of love.

That fear has me winding my arms tightly around his neck as he nuzzles his face at mine. Catching our breaths, I start calming down until I think it's possible to banish the thoughts in my head and just think of this as a simple act of sex. The adrenaline must have rushed too far up my head, clouding my judgment.

I think I'm in the clear long enough to pull away with a giggle until I meet his eyes and see that he's very serious when he says,

"I love you, mi ángel . I never stopped loving you."

Just like that, my world comes crashing down on me again. This time, because I need to spare my heart.