Chapter 13 - Felix

Grunting under my breath, I clutch the stems of the cherry blossoms and feel them being crushed under the weight of my fingers. I hate the fact that I just lied to Sierra. Again. When I had the chance to apologize for everything, I'd put her through. Flinging the flowers on the floor out of pure frustration, I spin on my heels and bite my bottom lip contemplatively.

With leaded feet carrying me toward the front door, I feel like an intruder in my own home. Spying through the door crack, I watch Sierra enter the courtyard before Kairo finds her.

It's the power of mind-reading I wish I had right now to eavesdrop on their conversation as they sit at the marble water feature in the center, my sister holding Sierra's hands on her lap and listening intently to what she's saying.

Even though I can't hear a word, I have a feeling I know what it's about.

She's talking about me, shame filling my insides and keeping me cemented to the spot behind the door. It feels like I'm intruding on a moment of vulnerability for which I should have provided comfort. I should have given her a safe space to cry, to shed the tears and the layers of pain she'd suffered all this time. Instead, I plucked her from her world and shoved the harsh truth down her throat.

It's unfair, and I deserve every second of self-loathing I feel right now. My vision blurs with tears I refuse to shed, witnessing Sierra's pain as she weeps quietly and tells Kairo about the past.

The pain outweighs the guilt and shame I feel for not being the one to tell my sister. Perhaps I feared what she'd tell me if she heard it from my mouth. I know what she'd say—that I'm an idiot who doesn't deserve the second chance he's been given, fucking up at every turn.

That's all I've been doing, all because I'm a coward.

I feel relieved when my sister embraces the woman I love with the arms of compassion I cannot give Sierra right now. She won't allow me to get close enough to her to do that. I understand, but the frustration still gnaws on my conscience. I must be brave enough to step out, leave the castle, and go toward Sierra and ask her to hear me out.

I'll be as gentle and loving as I once was. Hopefully, that will let her open up to me.

I'm about to step forward and cross the threshold to meet them in the courtyard when my brother, Stryder, and Yazmine beat me to it. With crestfallen eyes, I watch them make their acquaintances while I'm left to wallow in self-depreciation behind the castle's front doors.

Great!

I've never felt so highly out of place before. As the second oldest Vulkan sibling and the Beta of the Aurora Dragons, I should be more courageous.

Instead, I'm spying on Sierra's interactions with my family until my brother leans in and whispers in her ear.

Huh?

What was that?

It's definitely enough for me to ignore the inhibitions that keep me hidden and step out of the castle. My feet move mechanically forward, my chest filling with a strange sense of… Jealousy?

The poison of envy rushes through my veins when Sierra leans toward my brother, and they share a joke that makes them laugh together. With flashbacks of the way she'd been eyeing Brantley on the field yesterday filling my head, all I see is red.

I don't know where this feeling comes from, but I suddenly don't care that there's company. I can only focus on Sierra as if she betrayed me by giving her time to others instead of me.

I can't see sense right now, blinded by the weight of my own actions, coupled with hers. Stryder seems to notice my presence first and takes a step back to reveal the surprise in Sierra's eyes.

She isn't happy to see me. She should be—I'm the one she once loved.

Glaring at her accusingly, my body tenses when I realize I have to say something. I couldn't have marched out here just to stare into her eyes. So, I asked, "Can we talk?" without giving it a second thought. It feels like this is that moment—that fine line between life and death that one must pick a side. It's now or never, even if this isn't the ideal time to do this.

"No," she says, her amber eyes narrowing with anger. I've seen that look in her eyes before—when I first brought her here, when I visited her bedroom the next day, and yesterday when she told me point-blank that she isn't my mate.

I'm not willing to give up so easily, so I tilt my chin up to show her who's in charge here. I never wanted to use force when it came to my mate, even if it wasn't her. But she's making this impossible. "We need to talk," I say in a commanding tone.

"There's nothing to speak about, Felix," she declares, shaking her head.

"There is, and you know it," I grate as my nostrils flare. Why is she making this so difficult?

"It can wait," she says nonchalantly before turning toward my sister. She's just going to pretend like I'm not here. Like I don't exist. Even though she isn't demanding to go back to the mortal world.

It's almost as if she's doing this on purpose. Staying here to pointedly defy me at every turn, reject me as if I mean nothing to her.

That's not what I saw when she poured her heart out to my sister a few moments ago.

Unclenching my fists from either side of me, I grunt lowly as I swiftly grab Sierra by the waist, not thinking twice as I set out toward the skies, shifting mid-air to carry us toward the clouds. She squeals and protests, but I ignore her cries to be set free as I breathe out a puff of fire from all the rage that's been building inside me.

"Let me go!" she yells as she tries to wring free. I'm so much stronger than her, her attempts are almost ridiculously funny. If I was in human form, I would have laughed. Right now, even my dragon is too vexed to care about what she wants.

We reach the mountain top, where I cautiously set her on her feet so that she doesn't fall over. Despite my anger, I care too much to hurt the woman. When she's steady, she glares at me with violent fury in her eyes.

"What the fuck, Felix?!" she bellows venomously as I shift into human form.

With human eyes frowning at her, I shake my head. "Don't be so rude, Sierra. I'm sick of the way you're treating me!"

She gasps as if my words have shocked her. "You're sick of how I'm treating you?" she chuckles in disbelief, crossing her arms over her chest. "Did you ever consider how I felt?!"

I take a cautious step forward, noticing that she's too close to the edge of the waterfall, the rapids roaring right beside her.

"How would I know how you felt, Sierra?" I ask as I reach out to her. "You won't let me speak to you, let alone allow me to apologize."

She recoils from my outstretched arm, ensuring I don't touch her with glowering eyes. "Did you even try to apologize to me for what happened before? After seven years, you just pitch up out of nowhere and want me to agree to your demands?!" She throws her arms out defeatedly. "Who are you even? ‘Cause the Felix I knew wouldn't have forced me into anything."

Hanging my head in shame, I sigh. "I'm not trying to force you into anything, Sierra. That's the last thing I want to do. You have to understand…" I lift my face and meet her eyes, hoping she can see I'm earnest. "... I had no idea you were the one picked as my mate. It was as shocking to me as it was to you."

"Wait…" she lifts a hand in the air, her brows furrowing. "... Are you saying you would have taken anyone as your mate?"

"N-no," I hesitate, realizing my mistake as soon as her face falls with disappointment. "That's not what I mean. You—"

"No, Felix!" she roars. "I've heard enough!" Sierra snaps and spins on her heel, tripping over a loose rock on the waterfall's edge and shrieking.

I reach out and grab her, pulling her to safety and inadvertently pulling her to my chest. When she realizes I've just saved her from falling into the gushing stream, her panting slows down, and she looks up at me.

The sadness and pain evident in the soft hues of honey is like a punch to my gut. I can't let another second pass without her knowing my true intentions.

"Listen to me, Sierra," I command, feeling her body soften as she surrenders. Holding her steady against my hard frame, I continue, "I didn't mean to leave you, but I didn't have a choice. Human mates were not a thing before my brother Draco." I take a deep breath before going on. "I didn't think things would work out between us because of what I am. Then, thanks to fate, I was led to you. I was forced to face the horror of having to leave you before. And I don't know if saying sorry can simply erase the past."

"It can't," she whispers tentatively, a stray tear slipping out from one eye.

"Tell me, then," I offer softly. "Tell me how to make it up to you."

A long moment of silence passes as Sierra stares into my soul through the gates of my eyes. She finally lets out a sigh and says, "Kiss me, Felix."

When the shock renders me incapable of moving or acting, Sierra says again,

"Kiss me, please. I want to know if it's still the same. If I feel the same way."

Seeing the determination in her eyes has made me realize that she's not even sure if she still loves me. As I take a deep breath and prepare to give her insight into her feelings, I can only hope that the heartbreak I caused isn't what prevents her from feeling love for me.