41. Daire

FORTY-ONE

daire

“HAVE A GOOD one,” the shop owner called out as I shoved my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans and stepped out into the brightest, warmest day we’d had in a long time.

Spring was too happy a season for me, but for once, I didn’t turn my nose up at the way every New Yorker was outside today to enjoy the weather. I’d had a good morning, a successful one, which meant my mood was better than it usually was as I threw on my sunglasses and didn’t curse at any pedestrians.

Okay, that was a lie. One dumbass was walking in the bike lane and would’ve gotten knocked on his ass if I hadn’t told him, “Move, motherfucker.”

There. My good deed for the day. Gavin would be so proud.

Just the thought of him had my frigid insides thawing. It was strange the way one person could have such an effect on me, could make me want something more than just going through the motions and resenting everyone and everything. But Gavin was the one bright light in a world that had been too dark for too long, and I wasn’t about to let him go, no matter how many self-sabotaging thoughts tried to break through.

My pocket vibrated, and I pulled out my phone to see Gavin had messaged.

GAVIN:

I’m almost there!

No rush, see you soon

Turning the corner, I found myself staring down at my phone, waiting for another response, just like all the assholes I’d always hated, eyes glued to their cells instead of looking out for where the hell they were going—and whaddya know, I clipped someone in the shoulder because I wasn’t paying attention.

“For fuck’s sake.”

I stepped off to the side, getting my ass out of the way. When Gavin didn’t respond, I shoved my phone back in my pocket, but before I could start moving again, my eyes landed on a couple sitting at a restaurant’s outside table, drinking white wine and laughing like they didn’t have a care in the world.

Claudia’s back was to me, but I could clearly see Patrick’s, my birth father’s, face for the first time in years. He hadn’t changed much at all, just a few more lines around his eyes and silver at his temples, contrasting the full head of black hair, the same color as mine. Where he was a little lighter-skinned, Claudia was more tanned, and I hated that I was such an obvious mix of them both. Seeing them together was a glimpse at what I’d look like in the future.

It was also a fucking jolt to my system.

From here, I could hear the thick Irish brogue as Patrick spoke, could hear Claudia’s grating laugh, and I wondered—if I were to walk by, would they even notice me?

Probably not. They were too caught up in each other and their own bubble to give a shit about anyone else. I tensed, waiting for the rage that always raced through my veins when I saw them. The feeling of inadequacy and defeat that would settle in the pit of my stomach. The curses that would fly off the tip of my tongue without a second thought.

But it didn’t happen.

The longer I stood there, the more I stared at the two people who should care about me most in the world, the more they looked like complete strangers.

They weren’t my family. They didn’t know me, didn’t care to, and I didn’t give a shit to know them either. Why would I, when they’d only let me down my entire life? Why would I care about people like that? Why bother getting upset about it? Especially when I had someone in my life who actually saw me, with all my hang-ups and flaws, and still made every effort to show me he cared.

Thinking of the way Gavin had stubbornly kept pursuing me, even when I pushed him away constantly, had my chest tightening. He cared about me when he didn’t have to. He could’ve said “fuck it” at any point, that I wasn’t worth it, and I wouldn’t have blamed him for it.

Instead, he’d told me I was worth it. Even if I wasn’t sure I believed him yet, and that…meant everything.

The two sitting a few feet away from me? They meant nothing. Less than nothing. And that was all the attention I’d give them from now on.

I started back down the sidewalk, passing them as I headed to meet Gavin and not giving them a second look. And just like I thought, they didn’t pay me any attention either. No calling out my name, no double takes out of the corner of my eye.

And that was fine. That was just the way I wanted it from now on.

I rounded the corner, and just like that, they were gone from my mind. In their place was the gorgeous man I was about to meet up with—and as if I’d willed him to appear, Gavin stepped out from under the Rubirosa sign and waved in my direction.

A feeling of peace settled over me in a way I’d never experienced.

Peace and…happiness.

“I beat you.” Gavin met up with me, wrapping an arm around my waist. The easy familiarity between us only added to my unusually good mood. “I thought you were just around the corner.”

“I was—just got held up for a sec.”

Gavin cocked his head. “Oh? Everything okay?”

“Yep.” The spiral that usually happened whenever I saw Claudia and Patrick was nowhere in sight. “I’ll tell you about it inside. Come on.”

I took Gavin’s hand and led him inside the casual pizzeria, the two of us opting for something cozier than one of the fancier places downtown. Plus, Rubirosa served a killer slice, and I was ready to eat several.

We slid into one of the booths in the far back corner, and instead of taking the opposite side, I slid in beside Gavin.

“Ooh.” He smiled as my leg brushed up against his. “Please, come closer.”

“Don’t mind if I do.” I threw my arm across the back of the booth and lowered my head to nuzzle at the sweet spot behind his ear.

Gavin chuckled, his hand finding my leg under the table as he leaned into my touch. “What’s gotten into you? Not that I’m complaining.”

“Nothin’. I just missed you today, that’s all.”

“Aw, me too. Stupid essay.” Gavin sighed and turned to brush a kiss across my lips. “But I appreciate your giving me the afternoon. There’s no way I could’ve gotten it done with you there.”

“I get it. You distract the hell out of me too.” I reached for his hand, pulling it a little further up my leg. “See?”

“Oh, I definitely see, and feel…” Gavin squeezed, and I growled against his neck. “But so will the rest of the customers if you don’t quit.”

“That would be a problem?”

“Only if you want to see my jealous side.”

I searched his face, looking for the “just kidding” in his expression. But no, he was dead serious—and that was hot as fuck.

“Okay, you win. As much as I think I’d like to see that.”

Gavin flipped open the menu between us. “Do you know what you want? I personally love the⁠—”

“Tie Dye Pizza,” we said at the same time.

Gavin grinned and shrugged, shoving the menus back where they’d been. “Well, that was easy.”

“Something else we have in common.”

“How did I not know that?”

“We’ve never been here before.”

“Together, at least.”

“Right.” And what a damn shame that was. It also had me wondering what else we both liked and had no idea about. But before I could dive a little deeper, the waiter stopped by to take our order, and a few minutes later, he was back with our drinks. We’d both opted for soda, deciding to give our livers a bit of a reprieve after our night out at Church.

Gavin took a sip then turned to face me. “So what happened earlier? You said you got held up.”

I was hoping he’d forgotten about that. But unlike all the other times Claudia and Patrick came up, that anger and dark cloud that usually rolled in was nowhere to be found. Instead, I felt…nothing.

“I saw my parents, or at least, the two who claim to be them.”

Gavin’s smile immediately fell, the color in his face draining. “Daire… I… Are you okay?”

I took his hand under the table and stroked my thumb across the top of it. “Yeah, actually. I’m pretty damn good.”

“But…” Gavin blinked as though he was trying to find his words. “You let me go on and on just now. Why didn’t you tell me when we sat down?”

“Because I’m good.” When my lips tugged up at the side, Gavin frowned and that made me laugh. I reached up and smoothed my thumb over the furrow there. “Seeing them today, I felt nothing.”

The sadness that filled Gavin’s eyes had me squeezing his hand and scooting in even closer, because he’d clearly misunderstood.

“Nope. Don’t do that. At least not over this. I wanted to feel nothing. It means they don’t have a hold on me anymore. You know why? Because of you.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“Didn’t you?” I scanned the crowded restaurant then brought my attention back to him. “You ever known me to wanna hang out in public? Or to smile when I step outside on a fuckin’ spring day? Because I gotta tell you, I was kinda beaming earlier and didn’t even feel stupid about it. I mean, who the hell am I?”

A burst of laughter escaped him. “You smiled? Did anyone run screaming in the opposite direction?”

I shook my head. “Not that I noticed.”

“I’d like to see that, actually.”

“People screaming to get away from me?”

Gavin rolled his eyes and knocked his shoulder into mine. “No. Your smile.” He angled himself toward me. “Go on. Show me.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

“Sure, it does. Aaand go.”

“I don’t smile on command.”

“Well then, pretend I’ve said something really funny.”

“Why don’t you actually say something funny and maybe it’ll happen.”

“I don’t think you can do it.”

“Reverse psychology won’t work either.”

He pouted, and it was so fucking cute I was tempted to give him what he wanted. Too bad I liked playing with him more.

“Did I ever tell you”—he traced the top of my hand resting on his thigh—“what I thought about the video East sent? The night you guys messed with Joey and his friends?”

I scowled at the mention of those fuckheads. “Pretty sure you let me know when you got home that night. You were pissed.”

“I was. But I was more pissed about the fact that I watched you threaten Joey and found it”—he leaned in by my ear—“so. Damn. Hot.”

My brows shot up. “Really?”

He covered my hand with his and inched it up to where his cock was getting hard behind his pants. “The way you protected me—and that sexy, murderous growl? I would’ve let you fuck me that night.”

Now that had me grinning, remembering the way I’d kissed him during his outrage, the way I could feel he wanted more. “Yeah. I know.”

“So cocky,” Gavin said, pulling back with a smirk. “And PS—you’re smiling. I win.”

I forced my face back into a frown, but he’d already busted me. “What do you win?”

“I’m thinking…” He paused as the server came out with our massive pizza. “An extra slice of that.”

“By extra slice, you mean one of mine?”

Gavin reached for one, and it was as big as his plate. “We’re boyfriends now. What’s yours is mine. Those are the rules.”

“Bullshit. I’m new at this, but I’m not an idiot.” I grabbed my own slice, took a huge bite, and knew right then we’d be getting a second one to go, because there was no way I was sharing.

Gavin would just have to mark that down as something else I needed to work on.

Then again, if he kept grinning at me like that, I’d probably end up giving in. I could already sense the way he was wrapping me around his finger, but shit, I needed to at least give him hell about it and not make it so easy.

That pretty face was gonna be the death of me.