Chapter 9

Iwake to find myself spread over Valerian and the sun low in the sky. I slept the day away and I have zero guilt. I can feel the low hum of our early morning lovemaking in my entire body.

And the sticky mess we left behind. I need a shower. I sit up, causing the sheets one of us pulled over us to fall around my waist.

"Don't worry, I clean my messes up." Valerian drags me up his chest and I let out a soft laugh of surprise.

"Good morning, handsome."

"Come here, beautiful. You weren't planning on escaping were you."

"Not now. Not ever." I brush the tips of our noses together, my hands resting on his well-defined pecs.

My tone is light, but my words weigh with my true emotions.

I straddle him and sit up, pulling my hair out of the way. I want to see all of him and with how the sun filters through gauzy curtains every bit of him is on full display.

"How did you get the scars?"

I trace the puckered skin draped over his left pec. It covers a good portion of his back and some of his arm now that I can see all of him. Something terrible must have happened to leave him marked this deeply.

He raises a hand and covers the left side of his face as if embarrassed. I curl my fingers over his.

"No, don't hide it from me. It doesn't bother me. I just want to know how you got hurt."

He locks our fingers together and settles our connected hands on his stomach.

"My brother happened. He is a hate-filled man, Bella. If he could breathe fire and lay waste to the world he would. He wasn't always like that, but after years of growing up treated like an outcast, he changed. He became mean and then he became vengeful until all he caused was death. The little brother I used to love turned into a monster and in doing so created others. Me. His soul-deep need to see me dead left me an empty shell."

He gestures to his scars and then to himself as a whole. His words fill with the weight of loss and ruin. I didn't think one could live with the other as an emotion, but his words are heavy and I can feel to my soul the destruction in his words.

I stay quiet where I sit and listen to him talk about his brother. I rather throw my arms around him and cry for him, but giving him my full attention is what I think he needs most. I hope. I have so much to learn about this man.

"Until you. When you touch me I feel like a light switch flicks on and I can see where I'm going again."

He lifts our connected hands to his lips and presses a warm kiss to the palms of both my hands.

"Where is he now?"

"There's more you need to know. Darrion is the reason you are here."

My brows pinch with confusion. "What do you mean?"

"The De La Rosa family has deep roots in the city. When my father was alive, he singled me out as the next in line to take the helm once he stepped down and my brother, only a year younger than me, couldn't understand why. My father saw him as a wild card while I sayed in reality. He liked to gamble away any money that crossed his hands while I invested."

"When did things turn for the worse?"

"Years of my father telling him he was nothing and never would be, left my brother scarred. I tried to tell him the old man would pass and just to keep his head down. Once I took over things would be different. He didn't want to listen."

"Your father played favorites."

Valerian strokes the back of my hand as he talks. His eyes find a spot on the ceiling as he continues.

"He did and made it known I was his favorite. When he died, Darrion swore he would take over. He tried. A war ensued, and I came out the victor. But it cost me."

"A brother."

"More. Our sister and mother, too. And because of that my humanity died for a while." His eyes fall from the ceiling and land on me. "Until you entered my life I had no hope of ever crawling out of the darkness."

I can't swallow the knot of emotions swelling inside me for several long moments. I stare into his eyes and fuse all my love in my gaze.

"He… killed them?" My voice cracks with disbelief.

Valerian nods. "A car bomb. I tried everything I could do to save them, but I wasn't fast enough."

Hence the scars. What a terrible horror to live with. I try not to cry, but I can't stop the painful tears from falling.

"I'm so sorry, Valerian. I'm so sorry."

He strokes the pad of his thumb over my cheek and gathers a falling tear. "It's been years now, Bella. I found solace at the bottom of a bottle and used my drunken nights in the ring. I fought anyone and everyone. After a while I stopped drinking, but kept up the illegal matches. They make good money and it was a way to keep tabs on my enemies. Not just my brother. Kincaid took care of all the details, I paid him handsomely for his loyalty too. Until he turned."

The mention of my father burns a hole into my chest. Holding Valerian's hand, I drag my fingers over the fight scars littered across his knuckles. Little by little, I've pieced together everything that happened between Valerian and my father.

"At first I couldn't understand why my father would turn on you, but in the end the embarrassing truth is greed. He wanted more money. Darrion used my father's weakness against him in order to take you down."

"He did. We all have our vices. Your father's is money."

I've known since I knew right from wrong. I've watched my father make the wrong decisions my whole life. But I also have no right to judge him "Where is he now?"

"Your father or Darrion?"

"Your brother."

"Dead."

A wall of shock smacks into me head on.

Silence.

No wonder he has a hard time letting people close. He barks orders at his enforcers. He is cold when he addresses Mabel. I can't imagine any other person gets the warm side of him either. If memory serves he has multiple clubs, a casino and a couple of dive bars for the seedier side of town.

The torture in his eyes breaks my heart. I take his face in my hands and lower my forehead to his. I stay like that, letting him feel my warmth and my love until the sun fully sets.

Love.I mull the word over and keep it close to my heart when we rise from the bed. We shower in silence. And though I can see him wrestling his demons into submission, he gently takes the time to wash my hair. When he finishes rinsing the soap out, he lathers every inch of my body.

The man is wildly misunderstood and suffering all alone. Water cascades over us as I take his lips in a kiss. I fuse our connection with all the compassion and love I can pull from my soul and hope he can feel it. I brush the strands of hair from his face and he does the same for me.

"Thank you," I say against his lips. "Thank you for talking to me and trusting me with so much of who you are. I will never take that for granted. Ever."

"I trust you, little rose."

After we've toweled off and my hair is fully dry, Valerian comes to find me in the bedroom pulling on a pair of sandals that match the light pale yellow sweater dress I slip into. I don't know why I feel the need to put something pretty on. Maybe he will let me play a little piano for him. That always soothes the heartache away.

"Mabel has no doubt left dinner for us in the kitchen. Maybe we can grab something to eat and then check on the rose garden after last night's storm?" I can't say I'm all that hungry. My head swirls with too much information and I need to find the right time to ask about my father. There's being blunt, honest and then compassionate for another person's pain. I have mine and I will make my heartache known, but I can wait a while longer.

He's pulled on a pair of black slacks and has another dress shirt on. It hangs open, revealing a swathe of tan skin and delicious taut muscle I've had the pleasure of touching. He moves in and I circle his waist with my arms. I'm not helpless or powerless, but in his arms I don't feel the constant need to always be on guard. Not like when I lived with my father. He protected me from his way of life, but no one could protect me from the worry I held for him or the loneliness I suffered through when I left for school abroad.

"I like how you make me feel, Valerian."

He eyes me somberly. "Let's see if you still feel that way after tonight. You need to know the full truth about me and where I've been for the last three weeks. I want to show you something. Will you come with me?"

There is a seriousness to his voice that has my hands moving to rest over his heart.

I wanted to ask since he showed up last night but I was afraid of the answer. I guess I'm about to find out.

My voice drops to a low quiver. "Of course."

Why do I feel this night is about to take an unwanted turn?