Chapter 10

We step outside but instead of getting into a waiting car, Valerian slips his hand into mine and leads me past the rose garden below my window. When I think we are heading back to the atrium, which is the only place I've seen out here, Valerian takes a detour down a small gravel path tucked in behind a row of towering Arborvitae hedges. Last night's rain makes the leaves stick to my thighs as we brush past them. On the other side, it's an endless sea of manicured lawn with large trees at the top of a crest.

While I'm in awe of his estate, Valerian seems more interested in me.

I tremble under the caress of his heated gaze on me as we walk. His cool, gorgeous eyes linger on my lips a moment and then fall back to the gravel. It's not long before his attention moves back to me and then he raises my hand for a kiss against my warm skin.

His free hand moves to slip through my loose hair. The strands fall and for a moment he looks mesmerized by the red of my hair mixing with silver light. He leans down, his lips brushing my ear as he rasps deeply, "Your glow outshines the moon. Lovemaking looks good on you, my beautiful rose."

"Valerian, let's go back to the house." My plea comes out in a throaty whisper, and suddenly he pulls us to a stop and sears my lips with a kiss.

"Soon."

He sounds as though he would like to take me up on my offer, but he continues walking for the large tree on the hill. Had I known we were going on an evening stroll so far from the house I would have opted for something warmer. Cool air seeps into the fine knit of my dress, forcing me deeper into his arms.

I take a shaky breath, my eyes tracing the lines of his scars before dipping over the open top buttons of his dress shirt.

For several moments, there's only the sound of the wind feathering through the leaves of some nearby trees and the crunch of rocks underfoot. A part of me wants to fill the quiet with questions about what happens from here, but I am more interested in what has brought back the scowl on his face when it wasn't there a moment ago.

"I became an expert reader in body language by the time I hit puberty. It took me a while to catch on when my father was lying, but I figured out his signs. His was dodging my gaze. Yours is how you turn your body away from me. You're holding something back, Valerian. Just like my father did time and time again. I don't like lies. What's all this drama and show for?"

I stop walking, and his hand slips from mine when he takes several more paces.

Long inhale.

Slow, patient exhale.

I let him gather his thoughts.

I want to shake him to spit whatever it is out, but I know that will never work. Not on a man as controlled as this Chicago kingpin. Maybe a weaker man would react to getting verbally pushed around, but not this one. Besides, it's not my style.

"Is it my father?" I finally ask in a voice cracking with fear of what Valerian might answer. Do I think he hurt him? I want to say no.

"Has something happened?" I push. "I need to know."

His expression darkens. Pain-filled eyes find mine. They beg for my patience and I want to give it to him, but I'm also eager for some answers.

"It's just a little farther up the path. Allow me to show you. There are no lies. In fact, I'm trying to show you the truth of who I am. Trust me. Please?"

His words have me pausing. For a moment I don't know what to do or say. He said please. He's speaking my language and holds his hand out for me to join him. How can I say no and just walk away? I can't is the purest answer.

I know that in this moment if I don't take his hand and give him my full trust there will always be this haze of uncertainty between us. I don't want that. And did I not mean what I said back in the bedroom?

In my heart of hearts I know I did. Here's my chance to prove it to the both of us.

I take one step and then another and finally glide my palm over his. Our fingers lock under the light of the moon. Magic isn't real, but for a moment I can feel the tingle of our souls connecting with more than what I can physically see.

"Show me what you need me to see and then please tell me about my father."

His head lowers and the brush of his lips over mine in what I read as a slight gesture of gratitude.

"Thank you. I will. I promise."

We climb up the small hill to the sight of a beautiful wrought-iron fence outlining a somber graveyard. In the middle are magnolia trees in full bloom, offering something peaceful to focus on when my heart rate wants to pick up speed. Thousands of tiny white roses cling to the metal with the winding vines weaving through the curved metal. Someone put in a lot of work to offer loved ones a serene resting place.

Valerian steps up the gate and holds it open for me. Inside, there are four headstones and from the two I can read the De La Rosa name is chiseled into the gray stone.

"Ever since my mother died when I was young, I haven't been able to step inside a graveyard and not feel like I want to run away. So if I start back tracking, it's not you, it's me."

As I speak, Valerian draws me into his arms and tucks my head under his chin. Instead of saying everything will be fine and washing over my feelings with common phrases everyone uses, he asks about my past.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

I keep my head on his chest and my ear to his heart as I talk.

"It was years ago. I was only ten. She died in a car accident. She was driving me to ballet school when an ambulance ran a red light. The driver's side was destroyed. Luckily I was in the back that day with my seatbelt on."

I lift my head and take comfort in the way Valerian rests his open palm over my cheek.

"My father lost his connection to reality when that happened. He didn't grieve. He worked harder and tried to stay so busy he forgot he had a daughter until it was nearly time for me to go to college."

Valerian lets out a sound that is between a grunt and a sigh. It"s rough and masculine. And oddly soothing.

"I understand the pain of losing a parent, but our individual grief is unlike anyone else's. We all suffer differently. If you ever want to talk, all you have to do is come to me and I'll always listen."

I don't think another person has ever given me so much importance. I can't find the words needed to express my emotions so I raise to the tips of my toes and press a kiss to his cheek and simply offer, "Thank you."

I turn to the gravestones. "Are these your parents?"

"And my sister." He points to the headstone closest to a fragrant tree and a large angel overlooking the family's resting place. Our earlier conversation comes back to me and my heart breaks for the man I'm quickly realizing I love. His brother killed them and, until recently, was actively trying to kill Valerian. What a freaking horror story to live through.

"I'm sorry, Valerian. I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing to say, my love. They're gone."

There's not enough light out to read the name on the fourth headstone. But I can smell the newly turned wet dirt lingering under the floral perfume.

I gesture to the fourth. "Who is in the fresh grave, Valerian?"

A heavy feeling pools in my stomach. I think I know why we are out here now.

Shadows pull across his face, hiding his eyes from me. But the way his lips stretch into a tight white line tells me I already know the answer without seeing the headstone.

"It's your brother, isn't it?"

"I wish I could say no, but I will never lie to you." He spreads his hands out on either side of him and steps back from me. "You need to see who I am. He left me no choice, Bella. I had my men hunt him down. I knew I either took control and tried to keep him from declaring war on me or kill him. There was no other way. Too many innocent lives would pay for his blood thirst and I couldn't let that happen. I had to protect you and the people of this city."

My stomach bottoms out and I suddenly feel so sick I can't stand anymore. Only sheer will power keeps me on my feet when I look Valerian in the eyes. "All this time you were away, you were fighting with your brother?"

"I hunted him down like an animal. He knew he crossed a line pulling my best enforcer into his schemes to overthrow me. I had every intention of roughing him up, but I would have let him live. Then I received this."

He pulls a white envelope from his back pocket and unfolds it, pulling out something before passing it to me.

I hold a picture up in the full light of the moon to see my face through the window of my suite.

Ice seeps into my blood. "He was here? On these grounds?" What a dick move.

Valerian flicks the edge of a folded paper. "The note he sent with it told me I had three days to hand over my territory or my new wife would be the next person to pay the price."

"But we are not married." I want to be angry at having my privacy invaded, but I really think there are bigger issues to focus on. Like how his brother had access to me and this piece of property which leads me to fear who else might?

"Reality and then what Darrion had going on in his head rarely coincided."

"And you found him." I look to the grave. A man lies under six feet of dirt because of me and what my father has become—money hungry.

"I'm so sorry, Valerian. I am so sorry." My chest heaves and I can't seem to catch my breath. Tears freely fall down my cheeks and guilt drags its claws through my insides, wrecking me. "I am so sorry I caused all this chaos and pain."

He closes the distance between us and forces my eyes off his brother's grave and to him instead. His fingertips wrap around my arms and he tucks me under his chest. I breathe in the scent of soap and a lingering hint of sandalwood. He's my calm. My peace, but the cost was too high.

"None of this is your fault or your father's. My brother and I had our issues long before you were even born. We both knew it would come to this some day."

"Why are you telling me all this? You could have easily hidden the truth from me."

"Because I need you to know the real me. There will never be lies or falsehoods between us. I have blood on my hands and there is no changing that about me. I'm nothing but an animal. A monster who has taken lives and I know I will again."

I grab his hands and lock our fingers together. "I see you Valerian, De La Rosa. I've seen animals and monsters. You are not one of them. You are protective to the death if need be, but you are not a monster."

I drop my head back to his chest and we stand fused together for several long moments. I listen to the rapid thump of his broken heart. I heard his words, but I can't help but feel like my family had a hand in Darrion's death. Not directly, but the lightest of touches can serve like a butterfly"s wings in the air. Not felt, but the effect is still there.

Valerian pulls back and his touch falls away from me. "And while I am being honest with you, I want you to know I hunted your father. At first I wanted to end his life so he could never steal you away. And then I realized to truly love you would be to set you free. I have no right to end him. He was trying to do the best he could for you and for that I can never fault the man no matter the crimes against me. When I find him, I will let him know his debt is paid."

He sounds haunted, broken.

I squeeze my eyes shut and try to make sense of everything. War. Blood. Loss. Love. Pain. Betrayal and… love. I come back to that word and the emotions glued to it. It can drive a person mad. Darrion is proof of that. He wanted his father's love and never got it. Now he's dead and forever buried next to the man who saw no value in a second son.

Valerian killed to protect his love for me. Of that I have zero doubt And my dad betrayed his long-time boss because he lost the woman he loved and gave up on caring.

I don't want that to be me. Or us.

"Does that mean I am free to go?"

Valerian lifts his face to mine and watches me intently. Blue eyes shatter from the amount of emotion shooting the crack of ice in his gaze.

Unlike the furious beast I first meet, my kingpin leans in and places a soft kiss on my lips.

"You taught me how to be human again. You are free to go. It's the only true way I can show you the depths of my gratitude. I love you, Bella De La Rosa. We may never be married but in my heart of hearts for the short time you were mine, I gave you my name."

His name means "of the rose" in its literal translation. "Is that why you keep calling me little rose?" Fresh tears burn the back of my eyes. Now I feel like the monster in this story for asking if I could leave. From the pain gripping his expression, he thinks that is what I want. I only asked, because it surprised me with his confession. He surprised me. Valerian is laying his heart out for me to either step all over or protect with all my being and here I'm trampling all over it.

"My little rose. Now and for always." The tips of his fingers caress through the path of my fears.

He comes to stand in front of me and studies my face. I have an idea what he's looking for and I want to give it to him.

"I'll take you back to the house now and make sure you are taken wherever you want to go."

"No, Valerian that —"

A large gray form moves along my peripheral and I gasp. I turn around to find a familiar set of green eyes staring back at me through the pink and white flowers of the trees.

"De La Rosa."

The sound of the anger-roughened voice has us both turning. My jaw drops at the sight of the man I've known and loved all my life leering at me from the shadows.

"Dad?"

No, he's not looking at me, I realize. Green blood-shot eyes laser in on Valerian.

Shocked, I don"t speak for several heartbeats. I can't. My mouth won't connect with what my eyes are seeing. I've never seen my father drunk, wearing tattered clothes and looking like he wants to commit murder.

It's not until the moonlight catches on the metal of the gun that I truly feel fear.

"Dad!"

He scowls looking like he has the force of a thousand avenging fathers at his back. "You took my baby girl. Nobody does that to a father and expects to live." The guttural truth of his words leaves me rocked to the core.

"Dad, you don't understand." I hold my hands up and move in front of Valerian, but he doesn't let me protect him as he's protected me.

"Kincaid. We need to talk. I was wrong." Valerian pushes me behind him, but it's too late.

The flash of the muzzle goes off in the night and the man I love falls to his knees.

Blood oozes over the white of his shirt.

"I love you, Bella."

I fall to my knees in front of him and scramble to find anything to press to the wound. In the distance I hear the shouts of enforcers rushing our way. I knew they were always around us, but they stayed out of sight so Valerian and I could have our time together.

"Help!" I scream.

"It's okay, Valerian. Help is on the way." Shimmering water blurs my vision. I press my hand into the wound as my father comes up to me and tries to drag me away from the man I love.

"Get off me!" I scramble across the grass, uncaring of the stains and mud. "What have you done, dad? What have you done?"

"I saved you from this monster. You can come back with me now. He's as good as dead."

I turn wild eyes on my father, and my lips peel back with the rage roaring through me. "You better hope he doesn't. He's no monster. He's the man I'm going to marry. I love him. You better leave before Raven finds you. LEAVE!"

I turn back to my beast and pray I don"t lose both of the men in my life in one night. My world caves in and the air in my lungs constricts.

"I love you, Valerian. Don't leave me. Don't leave me."