14. What is Happening here?: Larry

Oh god—he was so sexy and fun! That yellow pup mask was adorable, and his body was long and lean. And I wanted to jump in and play with them as he wrestled his friends.

What have I done?

I wanted more. I wanted to see more, learn more. Earlier that morning, I was thinking we finally crossed over into the realm of making something of our relationship, but he got up to go do his pup-play. I didn't even know what the hell a mosh was. But I grabbed a shower, and he got coffee, and I followed him to this large room on the bottom deck to watch and learn. I was so curious, and it was so important to him.

The open room had mats on the floor and a table at the far end with bottles of water and snacks. Ward and Quinn stood beside it, watching Jax and Royce crawl around. They were dressed similarly to Todd in puppy masks of different colors. When Todd joined them, a wrestling match ensued.

I watched as I crossed the room to stand by the other observers.

Oh shit!I liked it. I liked this version of Todd. Adorable was an understatement. Why had I belittled him when we first met? This was nothing like I thought, even after what I found online. I still didn't understand Todd's reasons completely, but I could easily see it was fun.

He had great companions. These guys were obviously lifelong friends. Todd had even called them brothers. I saw it when we'd gotten together before, and more so yesterday at the pool, but never greater than now.

But there was something else to this. It was…

Sexy.

I couldn't find a better word. And I still didn't understand it. Why did they do it? Why did I like it? Why did Ward and Quinn like this? I turned to them, and Ward gave me a knowing smile. But it was Quinn who spoke up. "I knew I was a daddy before we got together. This fit with that well."

"Daddy?" Had he meant like Hudson and Levi? That was another dynamic I didn't understand, but at least with that relationship, I didn't have to understand. "But Royce is a pup, not a little."

"I know." Quinn grabbed a bottle of water off the table. "But there are enough similarities that it works. My bottom line is taking care of him." He held the water up, then whistled. "Boone! Come on. Let's get some water, boy."

Royce's head popped up from the center of a dog pile, and he made a woof sound. He then extricated himself from the others and padded over quickly. He wore a blue and black mask and a thick leather collar with his name, Boone, embossed into it. Quinn helped him get some water while petting his head, neck, and back the entire time. Afterward, Boone rolled over on his back with his arms and legs up like a pup, and Quinn got on the floor beside him and rubbed his tummy. I could see that easily leading to other things—sexual things. I had to admit it was hot.

"Ward? Is it like that for you?" I asked.

Again, he flashed that knowing smile. "No. I mean, yes, I like taking care of my Jay-Jay, but I'm no daddy or anything close. I'm considered a handler when we're in a group like this."

"And when you're not?"

That smile morphed into a smirk. "Then we're just us. And we do whatever we want."

"D-Do you…"

"Go ahead, Larry. Ask what you want." His expression softened. I had a feeling he was the best person to ask anything to do with this pup stuff.

I took a deep breath. "Do you have sex? I mean, while he's in the pup stuff?"

"It's called gear, and yes. We have."

"Isn't that—"

"Sexy as hell? Why yes, Larry, it is."

That wasn't what I was going to say, but since he threw it out there, my mind shifted. I nodded. "It is sexy. I admit that."

Jax and Todd bounded over to us, and Ward immediately petted his pup and got him some water, so I grabbed a bottle and awkwardly did the same for Todd—Sunshine. And that was the perfect name for him when he was a pup. He was like a little hyperactive bundle of joy that didn't stop moving and petting him was irresistible.

Once playtime was over, I helped Todd with his gear and held his hand on the way back to the cabin so he could shower. He had that class to give later and wanted to be fresh, and I couldn't blame him. We didn't say much until he got out of the shower and came out with a towel wrapped around that slender waist. My gaze tracked right down his chest, hitting the line it made across his hips.

"Eyes up here, Mr. Henderson." Todd snapped his fingers, but he was smiling. "Seriously, thanks for today. You didn't have to even be there, and you jumped right in."

"I was surprised. And to be honest, I still don't understand it all, but I'm hoping you can help with that."

"Yeah, maybe…" He looked incredibly sexy, even with his wet hair drooping down in front of his face and no glasses blocking those eyes that looked browner now in the soft cabin light. Looking up at me from behind that damp curtain, he gave me a shy smile, and for the first time, I felt hopeful. Even since the night before. Yeah, we got off, but that didn't have to mean anything to him. But it did mean something to me.

And maybe it could mean something to him, too. "So, we can talk about it later. But we could also maybe fool around. A little before you have to go?" I ran my finger along the edge of the towel, taking a chance.

"Really? Because last night—"

"Can mean whatever you want it to. I told you before, Todd, I'm attracted to you. But more than that, I like you. I even like the pup stuff."

"You don't even understand the pup stuff." He shoved my shoulders, and I stepped back.

"That doesn't mean I don't like it. Doesn't mean I'm not open to it."

"What if we played now?" he barked at me.

I couldn't stop the surprise from showing, but it did nothing to diminish the hardness of my cock. I raised my hands.

"That's what I thought. You are acting like you're cool to get in my pants again. No. Not happening. You really are the ass I thought you were."

"What? No. Damn, Todd." I grabbed my cock, both to show him how interested I was, pup or no pup and because it was aching for him.

He started grabbing clothes and mumbling to himself. And worse, ignoring me.

"Todd. You're not listening to me."

"Oh, I'm listening. I hear what you're saying, and I see what your body language is. I'm not an idiot, you know." He let out a string of curse words and grabbed his phone.

"This is stupid. Todd, stop." I wanted to get him to calm down and listen to me, but he was on a tear.

His face was red when he turned to face me. "You did not just call me stupid. My gawd, you fucking fucker ass wipe head hole. Shit. I'm so fucking pissed."

"I did not. Todd. Stop. Please."

Out the door he went—towel around his waist, clothes and phone in his arms.

I followed, thinking that I was the one who was an idiot. "Todd. Wait."

"Don't fucking follow me."

"No. Here." I opened the door to the cabin and bowed down with one hand, showing him the open door. Then, I turned in the opposite direction and walked away. I left him standing there half-naked with his wet hair, not to mention that horrible frown on his face. But he wasn't listening to me, and I couldn't have him walking around like that. I had no idea where he thought he was going, but he didn't need to go anywhere.

I went down the stairs to walk the deck. I had no destination in mind except away so I could give him the space he so obviously needed. But I didn't understand what had happened. I thought I was doing everything right, but maybe I underestimated his sensitivity to the pup stuff.

I looked up when I heard music and voices to watch where I was going and was surprised to find I was by the pool. I walked up to the bar and ordered a whiskey, but I wanted to be alone. So, I had him put it in one of the plastic to go cups and took it with me.

I walked across the deck to the side railing of the ship. The water spread out away from the yacht like a vast ocean, but we were still in the Gulf of Mexico. I wouldn't know the difference except that the ship wasn't leaving the Gulf on this trip. Ocean, gulf, bay, whatever. It was water. And it was lonely.

No, that wasn't what I wanted at all. What I wanted was Todd.

In every way possible and in any way I could get him.

I sipped my drink but didn't want that either. Since I didn't know what else to do, I headed back to the cabin. He wasn't there, then I remembered he had been getting ready to go do his class. I was torn between going or staying here and taking a nap, but the former won out.

Leaving the shitty drink on the dresser, I headed out to find the bow deck where he was supposed to do the class. When I got there, it was in full swing. About a dozen guys, including a few uniformed crew members and probably a few who weren't in uniform, hung around the bar, including a couple of women. I had heard a few women were on board but hadn't seen any until that moment.

Levi was standing beside one lady with his arm around her, and when she laughed at whatever he said and turned so I could see more of her face. She must be his sister. She favored him, or vice versa since she was older. Todd said she worked at the company Royce had been at and had helped him get an interview there, though nothing had come of it as far as I knew. But it had been nice of her.

Todd turned on a blender, drowning out all the conversation with the whir. Then poured the red mix into a few small glasses and passed them around. "Samples, people. And don't drink too fast. You'll get a brain freeze. Trust me." Everyone laughed at his self-depreciation. And why not? He was so cute.

I dared to get a little closer. The drink samples were passed around as he rinsed the blender. A few people asked him questions, and he answered as he pulled ingredients together, including a bottle of Camarena Tequila, Silver, and another of Grand Marnier.

"This is the secret," he said, holding up another bottle I didn't recognize. "Probably of all these drinks in one way or another. It's basically simple syrup. You can actually make your own, but it's a helluva lot easier to buy it." He shook the bottle and squeezed it into the blender. "Then add the Grand Marnier first." He tossed in two shots, put the lid on, and gave it a quick blitz. Then he shook the tequila for effect before dropping in a few shots. Maybe four. "Twice the tequila." After another whir, he squeezed half a lime in and added ice until the concoction was at the top of the blender. "Okay, this takes a while at this point because you want it thoroughly mixed and that ice crushed up as much as possible to get a good texture. Use crushed ice whenever you can, makes it easier. Ready?"

The small crowd cheered, and he turned the blender on.

His smile was beautiful. He was totally in his element. Sometimes, he seemed very shy. At others, he was a fierce tiger. He'd managed to get his hair styled up and back away from his face, and it made me want to go over and pull his glasses off so I could see it even better. But I didn't think he'd appreciate that. In fact, I didn't think he would want me here at all.

I backed up slowly and left the deck. I wanted to watch the rest of the class, watch him, but I felt like a stalker. I headed, once again, back to the cabin. I didn't know if I would see him after the class. There was other stuff going on. And I could go do something. Or not.

My phone buzzed, and I looked at it, hoping it was from Todd, but I should have known better. And it wasn't. It was Hudson: What up bro? Where you at?

Halfway to the back lounge deck. It was on the same level as our cabin and one floor up from the pool, and though fewer people congregated there, it was still noisy from the pool.

Come to the dining room.

I'd wondered where he was while I was watching Levi's class. I gave him a thumbs-up emoji and headed one more level up to where the massive dining room was. It took up the majority of that deck, with a small open lounge area at the back. When I arrived, Hudson was with Drew and his partner, Justin. Todd had mentioned that they were into BDSM, but I didn't really know them.

The three were sipping Old Fashioned classic drinks, so when the server looked over at me, I pointed at them and then held my index finger in the air. He nodded and headed toward the bar. Satisfied, I turned to my companions. "What's going on?"

"Waiting for Levi. He's down there doing Todd's class. Hey, why aren't you there?" Hudson scowled at me.

"I was. Just left. They're having a good time. I'd rather have this." I nodded at the drinks, and Drew held his up before taking a sip.

"Honestly, me too." Hudson picked his glass up. "This has been fun so far though."

The server arrived with my drink, so I held it up. "To cruises."

The other couple held their drinks up and everyone sipped.

Hudson glared at me again. "What's wrong? I've known you long enough and well enough to know when something is up. So spill…"

I huffed. "Fight with Todd before his class. That's the real reason I'm not there. He doesn't want me there." I was pouting and looking for sympathy and couldn't help myself. "I don't understand him sometimes."

Justin snorted. "Sorry. But you haven't been together long enough, that's all. But Todd's a cool dude. I'm sure you'll work it out."

"I don't know," I answered with a shrug. Todd wanted to do a fake breakup to end this farce anyway. I guess the breakup part sure didn't feel as fake as the relationship had. "I'm trying, but he refuses to see that."

"What do you mean?" Drew asked.

I didn't know how much they knew about the pup stuff, but Drew was Ward's best friend, and it felt like this group lived in each other's pockets, so I didn't think I was breaking confidence. Especially since they were all doing pup-play earlier and had invited anyone who wanted to come. "It's the uh, pup stuff."

"You didn't put your foot in your mouth again, did you?" Hudson asked, leaning in a little.

"No. The opposite. That's why I don't understand." I held up my hands.

Hudson shook his head. "One extreme to the other. I bet he didn't believe you."

"Yeah, I think it was something like that." I downed my drink and waved to the server for another. "What?" I asked when Justin shook his head.

"You messed up with him and his kink once. Now you're trying to be accepting. Do I have that right?" I nodded. "It's going to take time for him to trust you."

"I get that. I do. But if I'm trying, he should at least listen." I appreciated the advice, but I wasn't looking for that. Was I?

Justin shook his head again. "No. You screwed up. It's your job to listen to him." I opened my mouth to contradict him, but before I could get a word out, he kept going. "Even if it doesn't seem fair. If you like him or love him or whatever. You want him? A relationship is built on trust. So, you have to listen and give the whole two hundred percent, expecting nothing from him. For a little while. Especially if he's sensitive about a kink. He'll come around when he sees with his eyes what you're doing. It's not about hearing what you're saying."

"Actions are louder than words—that type of thing?"

Justin shrugged one shoulder, and Drew put his arm around him, pulling him close. I wondered what their story was. Justin sure sounded like he was speaking from experience.

"Okay. I'll keep trying." I wasn't one to give up easily, despite the fact that it felt like I had already been giving two hundred percent from the start of this farce.

After a few more drinks, I headed back to the cabin. It was still empty, and I hadn't heard from Todd. I didn't feel like looking for him or doing anything else. Nearly everyone else on this tub was paired off, making it awkward to walk around without him.

I took a shower. Put on a pair of sweatpants and crawled into bed with my phone. I flipped through some financial pages but couldn't concentrate on anything I was reading. Eventually, I nodded off but woke up quickly when the door opened and the lights flipped on.

Todd stumbled in. He wobbled over to the small desk and put his phone down with a hiccup.

"Todd? You alright?"

A second later, he turned to me with a glare. "No. Not fucking really." He hiccupped again. "I'm going to go sleep on deck."

"What? Like on a deck chair?"

"Yes. They have loungers." He spread his hand out as if showing me the lounge chair that wasn't there.

"Whatever—don't be ridiculous. We're two adults and we can sleep here with nothing happening."

"You said that lass times." He pointed a finger at me, but even that was wobbly.

"Last time you weren't drunk."

"Well, ‘em not drunks now," he slurred.

I got up and crossed the room. "Come on, tiger. Let me get you in bed. I'll sleep on top of the covers. Okay?"

"Okay…" he said on a long exhale and closed his eyes. He leaned into me. His shirt was big and soft, so I didn't bother with that, but I slid his glasses off and pulled his khaki shorts down, leaving him in tight boxers. I'd seen him go to bed like that the night before, so I shuffled him over and pulled up the covers.

"Are you going to puke or anything?" I asked as he climbed into bed. I pulled the covers up to his waist.

"No. I'm only a little tipsy."

Sure he was. I went into the bathroom, grabbed the waste basket, and put it beside the bed. "Here. Just in case."

"Tanks."

I grabbed a bottle of water from the mini-fridge and a Tylenol from my toiletry bag. "Take this and drink at least half that bottle."

He did as I asked then put the rest of the bottle on the side table. "Sat okay, boss?"

"Yes. Thank you, but you'll appreciate it later."

"Sure…" He closed his eyes again.

I turned off the lights and got on top of the covers on the other side of the bed. It was going to be a long night. How the hell was I supposed to sleep? Not that it mattered. If I were going to take Justin's two-hundred percent advice, it would be my problem to deal with.

I closed my eyes and tried to get comfortable.

For a long time, there was no sound on the other side, and I drifted off again.

Until cold hands slid inside my waistband. I grabbed them. "You're going to regret that later, babe."

"No, I'm not."

"You are. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm thinking clearly enough. I was buzzed earlier, but it's worn off. I'm not a lightweight, you know."

"I'm not saying you are."

"Come on, this is what you want, right?" He tugged his hands away and grabbed my pants.

"No. It's not."

"What the fuck, Larry?"

"I want a relationship. I want you to be in it for more than a fake date and fooling around. Are you?"

"I don't know yet. Isn't that good enough for now?"

It wasn't but I couldn't tell him no, when he was so persistent and no longer slurring his words. "You sure you're not still drunk?"

"Want to give me a sobriety test?"

"No." What did I want?

Then he had my pants down, low on my hips, and his fingers skated across the top of my dick. He pulled in close to me and then…

He passed out.

So much for not being drunk. I moved him to his side, and when he didn't wake up, I yanked my sweats up and spooned him.

I had no regrets. For now, that was enough.