99

Piper

A Hundred Times Worse

Oh my god, if I could do anything in the world, I would've burned the card. My heart thrummed in my chest like a hummingbird. And everyone was looking at us…the blush blazed across on my skin. This was a nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.

Adam led to the shed in June's backyard. Her garden was in full bloom around us, just beginning to inch up for the upcoming summer heat. The flowering bushes and trees offered exactly the kind of cover we were looking for.

I was all apologies the second we were out of earshot.

"I am so sorry," I hurried to say. "I am so, so sorry, that was all my fault, that was awful. If I could do anything, I'd go back and burn that card. I'm so sorry."

Adam didn't reply. He ran his hand through his hair and his eyes flickered beyond me, to the garden around us, to the little pathway back to the house.

"I should've thrown it away." I struggled to breathe. "I was going to, I kept seeing it, and I kept thinking—Piper, you're going to regret not putting it in the garbage—and then you were there and I didn't want to explain it." I wrung my hands together, wracked with guilt. "Just talking in circles now. It was stupid. I'm so sorry."

Taking a step closer to me, Adam's eyes were hollow.

My heart pounded in my chest for another reason.

"Are you…okay?" I asked softly.

"You're not pregnant?" he rasped.

"Um…no?"

His face twisted again. "Did you take a test?"

"No?" I quickly shook my head. "It'd be too soon anyway."

I knew why he was asking. We weren't using condoms anymore and between all of the other day-to-day obligations, we were going at it like bunnies.

"Uh…I can take a test in a couple of weeks," I said softly. "But I'm not pregnant, Adam."

He took another step away from me. It was so abrupt, I stepped towards him and he shifted back. Adam couldn't stay still. There was an animalistic pacing to his movements.

"Adam, you're freaking me out," I admitted. "You look sick."

"I can't do this to you," he muttered. "I just can't do it."

I stared at him. "I know it…wasn't a good prank. I didn't mean to embarrass you—"

"You didn't embarrass me."

Something changed on his face though and it left me uneasy. His jaw tightened, he rolled back his shoulders, and I could feel the walls going up. Adam was gearing up for something. Something that left a bad taste on my tongue.

"Adam?"

"Piper…this isn't going to work out."

My heart dropped in my chest. "What?"

"You deserve…so much better than this and I wasn't…meant for relationships." He took a deep breath. "I'm impulsive and I'm rash and I think about the score between us and I can't watch it keep climbing—"

"What—what are you talking about?"

"It's not going to work out."

"Are you—are you—?" I couldn't breathe. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"You'll be better off."

My hand flew to my throat and I tried to calm down, to talk normally, but I couldn't. "Is this—is this a joke? Are you getting back at me because of the prank? Because I'm sorry, I—I said I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry—"

"This isn't a joke, Piper," he said, his voice soft.

"But—but you said you love me."

"That's why I have to do this."

A horrible feeling settled over my body. "We can just pretend like we never said I love you. And—and we can just go back to how it was before and—and—"

He shook his head. "No, ice princess."

His favorite term of endearment felt like a slap in the face. The pain welled up inside of me and I stumbled to the side. My feet worked faster than my brain did. I hurried away from him, putting as much distance between me and the linebacker as possible.

"Piper," he called after me, breaking away from the shed. "I'll drive you home."

"No, no, no." I wiped away the tears but they kept coming.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

"Piper, I'll drive you home—"

I shook my head and when he cut in front of me, I pulled away from him, unable to hide the tears. Adam wasn't ready for a relationship. And he decided to tell me at a friend's birthday party where we both knew everybody inside. And I loved him so much and that made it so much more unbearable.

"I love you," he told me. "I'm always going to love you. But I'm not the guy you need."

There was a hard lump in my throat. "You are so fucking mean, Adam Russell."

He stared at me, stunned, and I backed away from him.

"You can't play with people like this," I told him, brushing away at the tears with the back of my hand. "You can't just decide to mess with someone's feelings and emotions like this—I'm sorry about the prank. I'm so sorry." I shook my head. "But you are so fucking mean . "