100

Piper

Cookie Dough Break

Finding out Thomas cheated on me was a crack in my heart. What Adam did shattered it entirely.

An emergency SOS went out to my parents, and they dropped everything to drive to campus. I didn't want to cry into my pillow in my dorm. I needed my family around me, and they came without question.

The car ride was quiet as my dad stretched back to hand me a box of tissues.

It wasn't the first time.

When I broke up with Thomas, after the thousandth story that someone posted of Thomas and some girl or that girl or another girl, Thomas had taken almost all of my stuff and thrown it out of his house. It'd been more than me losing my housing close to campus. That day had been mortifying .

And that car trip, like this one, had been quiet too.

My parents hadn't touched my room, and I crashed upstairs in my bed, yanking the covers over my head to block out the noise and the sun outside.

In complete darkness, I could finally face the question that had been brewing in my mind for so long. I jumped into these things with these guys and I was never enough for them to commit. Nothing I did was enough. Adam had popped out with the—I love you—but not that much.

I fisted the blankets and hunkered down, unable to stop crying.

How can you miss someone who hurt you so badly?

Crying ebbed into sniffles, sniffles ebbed into silence, and I stared at the wall, painted blue like the ocean. I was right back where I'd been last year. Sobbing over a guy who determined I wasn't enough to be dedicated to.

A knock echoed on the door, and my dad gently pushed it open. "Hey, kiddo."

I didn't bother turning around to see them, both there, hovering around the door.

"Piper," my mom murmured and sat on the bed next to me. Gently, she stroked my hair, and my dad sat on my hope chest. The smell of chocolate wafted over my room, and I glanced up to see a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

Tears sprung in my eyes again. Adam's favorite snack.

"Goodness." My dad sucked in a breath. "Kiddo, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"She doesn't want the cookies, Carl," my mom tried to shoo him away.

"No, I want the cookies," I said pathetically and sat up a little, reaching for one. They were perfect. Gooey-deliciousness, just like how my dad liked to make them when he was fuming from a cheating student in one of his classes or when he came home from a long work trip. I grabbed for another before he could put the plate down. More tears sprung. "I'm sorry ."

My mom sighed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Oh, Piper. You're fine."

"Do you want cookie dough?" My dad's eyes crinkled for a smile. "I have some in the freezer."

"Thank—thank you both—" I blubbered and my dad reached to hug me too.

I was so grateful for them. They had my back and protected me at a moment's notice. But my heart hurt thinking about it. What did Adam have? Because he didn't have me anymore. And as much as I tried to feel angry about it, I couldn't. The heartbreak overwhelmed everything else inside of me.

"And this is…about…?" My mom hesitated.

"The boy?" my dad pressed. "Adam? Is it about Adam?"

Slowly, I nodded and reached over for another cookie.

"These football players," my dad muttered under his breath. "I'll never watch football again."

"You don't watch football, dear," my mother reminded him.

"Now I'll watch it even less. I'll send a complaint to ESPN."

I knew they were trying to make me feel better in that weird way they excelled in, but it just made me feel worse. Two emotionally unavailable football players on my track record. You think I would've learned my lesson after the first one. I sniffled again and my mom brought out another tissue box.

"What happened?" she asked gently. Or as gentle as my mom could be.

They asked me that same question when Thomas and I broke up and I refused to answer. I didn't want to embarrass him. And it was embarrassing by itself. The football player that I dated for years turned out to be cheating on me and I had my blinders on the whole time? For years? How could I explain that to my parents?

Suddenly though, I didn't care about the humiliation. I wanted to tell someone and not hold on to all of the pain.

"Thomas cheated on me," I blurted out.

My parents stiffened and glanced at each other. I could see the confusion on their faces. They really had no idea. None at all.

"He—he what?" my dad repeated.

"Cheated?" My mom gave me a long look. "Thomas Sullender? "

"He cheated on me for years." I blew my nose in another tissue. "It was a running joke at KYU. Everybody knew, I didn't, and he was a horrible boyfriend and he's a horrible person and he was harassing me for months until Adam punched him in the face."

" What? " my mom demanded. She looked over at my dad. "Carl, did you know about this?"

"If you don't know about it, how am I supposed to know about it?"

Slowly, I explained everything from the beginning. The bleacher bunny photo, the viral videos about Thomas's body count, all the jokes on the university's message boards, and then…this semester. My contract with Adam. The agreement I made to keep the linebacker out of trouble.

Everything spilled out.

My dad gaped at me. "I don't think I can ever ride a Ferris wheel again."

"Carl, be sensitive," my mom muttered and rubbed her temples. "And Adam said he loved you."

"He said he loved me but—but—" My words were fixed together and I was unable to unglue them, to break them apart. "He said he couldn't do relationships and he—he didn't deserve me—"

My dad shook his head. "At least he's honest."

" Carl, " my mom snapped. "Can you go grab the cookie dough?"

"Hm? Oh, you want to be alone." He stood up and pushed in his glasses. "Sorry, I'll go get the cookie dough. I'll be back in five…whatever the appropriate time is for this."

I blew my nose in another tissue and my dad walked down the stairs. My mom took her time, picking up the trash, closing the door, and finally sitting next to me on the bed. She brushed back a lock of my hair.

"Piper…" she said softly. "We don't mean to be bad at this."

"You're not bad at this," I hurried to say, my voice thick.

"You are so kind. You were such an easy child. People used to tell me all the craziness would come later, and I did not believe them. That's on me. Testimonial evidence should never be ignored in an experiment." She grabbed a few pillows and fluffed them behind our backs. "Your dad and I are…not used to this."

I swallowed. "It's okay."

"Um…" My mom cleared her throat. "You love this boy? Adam?"

Brushing back another tear, I nodded. "I do."

"Okay. You love this boy," my mom said as if she was establishing a fact for one of her research papers.

"Why does this have to be so hard?" I blubbered, reaching for another pillow to hold.

"That's the thing, Piper. It doesn't have to be."

I frowned, glancing back at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well…love is easy, Piper."

"Mom…no offense but just because it's all peaches and cream with you and dad, doesn't make me feel better." I squeezed the pillow. "So—what—I'm defective because all of this is happening? I'm not enough for someone?"

"Do you know what's easy?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Piper, loving you is easy."

I stared at my mom for a long moment before I turned away, tears brimming on my eyelashes again.

My mom, my assertive, dominant mother who loved nothing more than whipping up her students for a grueling research trip out in the empty Oklahoma landscape, used the softest voice I'd ever heard from her.

"Loving you is so easy. I'm not exactly the maternal type and do you know how scared I was when I became pregnant? Frightened to death. But having you, having the pleasure of having you in my life, has been the greatest joy I've known. You are by far my greatest achievement."

I hurried to wipe away more tears.

"You're kind, much kinder than we are," my mom said. "You're incredibly intelligent. You're beautiful. You see the beauty in the world that I never bothered to look at. And every day I think of how grateful I am that you are part of my life. It is easy to love you, Piper. Easier than breathing."

I cleared my throat. "And you…feel the same way about dad?"

"Oh, he can drive me to drink. Did you know he deleted half of my third thesis?"

A small smile tugged up on my lips at the story I'd heard a thousand times. "I know."

"But love is…every day knowing you'll fight for someone," my mom said thoughtfully. "Did I want to take a hammer to his laptop? Of course. But it is still easy to love him. And it's easy to make that choice to fight for him, every day. It's even easier to make that choice for you."

"Why can't he love me like that?" I whispered.

"If he can't, that's not your responsibility, Piper." Reaching over, she gathered me in her arms and held me there for a long moment. "You are more than enough."

The door pushed open a few inches. My dad raised his eyebrows. "I have cookie dough."

"I think I just need some time…" I whispered, hugging my mom back.

She kissed my forehead. "Of course, Piper."

"Does that mean no cookie dough?" my dad pressed.

"No." I shook my head, sniffling again. "I'll take some cookie dough."