74

Piper

A Person With Feelings

I had no idea how much of my day revolved around Adam until he was…gone.

He left for football practice early, he wasn't there to walk me to class, and when I met up with my study group for one of my programming classes, his texts weren't making my phone vibrate enough to bother everybody. No coffee with Adam, no gym time where he worked out, and I worked on a coding project at the table in the corner. And when dinner time came around, when I was supposed to meet up with him and our friends to go to Gianna's , I couldn't make myself go.

I wanted to talk to Adam alone . But I didn't want to corner him.

What am I supposed to do?

Friday came, and I still didn't have an answer. I picked up a paintbrush for my volunteer shift to help make the fairgrounds for the rodeo. The place was packed with other student workers, helping put up tents and the pavilions. I only signed up for a single shift, but when my time with Adam became null and void…I finished up four already.

At least it'll look good to Roman Hall.

I dipped the brush in the can of paint again and splashed it on the barn door, resisting the urge to toss it back in the bucket and head to Adam's room.

"How much space is too much space?" I mumbled under my breath.

I thought I could spend the time reciting my upcoming RA presentation. But I was sulking too much for that. Without Adam sitting in front of me and cracking jokes about my PowerPoint, it wasn't nearly as fun.

When do you cop to it and admit you miss them?

All I needed was the courage to actually go up to him and say I messed up and I wanted to fix everything and I didn't mean to hurt him. But every time I thought about his face, my stomach twisted. The way all emotion wiped clean. I hated seeing him like that. I hated putting him in that position.

"Piper!"

Oh my god .

I flinched and squeezed my eyes shut. Maybe if I kept painting, nobody would notice it was me and I could get the thirty minutes of solitude that I needed to figure out a plan to apologize to Adam. But I didn't even get five minutes before Kassie, Zariah, and June made their way up to the barn door.

"Do you have extra paintbrushes?" June put a hand on her hip. "I'll get some. Do we need anything else?"

"You know what I needed last night?" Zariah asked.

Kassie leaned back against the barn door, taking up half of the space where I was supposed to paint. "What did you need?"

"I would've loved for the girls to be a little less outnumbered. That would've been nice!"

I winced again, cornered.

"Wasn't somebody supposed to join us?" Kassie continued.

"And I texted her, and she didn't respond to me," Zariah pointed out.

Ugh, yes. Zariah had asked if I wanted to hit up the store super quick for another RA supply run, and Kassie had asked about signing up to model for an art class. I would have replied sooner rather than later, but that sooner became later while my stomach twisted in knots from the night before.

Kassie knocked against the barn door, but Zariah spoke before she did. "Cut the shit, Piper. What's going on? Why are you avoiding us?"

" Ladies, " a curt voice called to us. The volunteer supervisor, an RA from one of the freshman dorms, shook his head. "Ladies, when you paint, remember to use our sponsored paint cans. Ms. Contractor, that's not our preferred brand."

Zariah gave him a nasty look, but I held up the bucket. "We have it here."

" Thank you, Ms. Fontaine." He beamed and moved along.

"What a tool," Zariah muttered.

"They only want pictures of us using it," I whispered, waiting until the supervisor passed. "The generic doesn't need as many coats. Just hide it behind the other pails." Leaning down, I dipped my brush in the hidden paint bucket and stood right back up to smooth it over the wooden paneling. "See?"

"Damn, Piper." Kassie whistled. "Stick it to the man."

June reappeared with more supplies, and her lips pressed together in irritation. "I am so tired of everyone trying to convince me to do more. Stay until eight o'clock? What are they? Drunk? Why would I stay here until eight?" She put her hands on her hips. "Piper, did you say why you're ignoring us yet?"

Oh, god .

For a moment, it was quiet, and Kassie swung over to me. "Piper, did Adam do something?"

Guilt grabbed me by the throat. I did something.

"What did he do?" she pressed.

"He didn't do anything," I hurried to say.

"You're avoiding us because of some dude?" Zariah frowned. "I love Adam, but seriously. I can't be expected to go to these RA pump-it-up meetings by myself."

"I don't even go to those," June admitted.

Kassie raised her eyebrows. "Did Adam say something?"

"No," I blurted out. With a sigh, I drew my paintbrush away from the wall. "I…said something."

All three of them stopped painting long enough to give me a long look, before back to each other, and back to me, and right back to each other. Nobody knew what to say. Zariah and June both looked baffled, but Kassie bit her lip. Did she know? Could she guess?

"You said something?" Zariah finally asked. "Uh…like what?"

"I don't get it. Like you said something that offended Adam?" June said.

Zariah laughed. "There's no way. Adam is unoffendable. He's like rubber. You could launch anything at him, bounces right off."

That's not true .

Adam was a lot of things, easy going, brash, down for anything, but he wasn't infallible. I hit him where it hurt. I could still see the way his face closed up as his voice tightened. It'd been a punch to the gut. The idea that nothing could hurt him was ridiculous.

"He's a person," I snapped. "With feelings! "

Once again, silence. They stared at me, frozen in place. I had to reign in the other comments that threatened to blurt out of me. Adam wasn't a robot or one of those frat boys who didn't care if they hit a stop sign. He wasn't one-dimensional, and I hated hearing how everyone wanted to put him into these boxes all the time. But they knew that. Of course they did. They were just kidding around.

They were Adam's friends too. He wasn't just mine.

I sighed. "I'm sorry."

Zariah slowly started painting the barn again. "Girl, I was just joking."

"I know." I did know. But I still couldn't help the anger that sliced through me at the thought of anyone disregarding Adam. With another sigh, I turned back around and headed to the line of paint cans to pick up the new color.

Zariah and June started talking about the rodeo in an obvious attempt to cover up where I boiled over, as footsteps followed after me. Kassie broke from the ranks and reached for another paint can.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"I said something I shouldn't have, and it hurt him," I explained, a strain in my voice.

"Piper, he was really disappointed when you didn't come to dinner."

It felt like icy cold fingers closed around my throat and I shifted back, guilt twisting inside of me. "He was?"

"Oh, yeah. Looked like a lost puppy the whole night."

No, no, no .

"I need to apologize." I swallowed. "Um…we…talked about his…dad."

Kassie didn't say anything, but I could see the new lines on her face. She nodded slowly. "Got it."

No suggestions, no nothing. Kassie knew how big of a deal it was. This couldn't be worse. I stepped back away with two paint cans in my hands and walked back to the barn, taking the chance to breathe in deeply and attempt to sort out my thoughts. I needed to figure out what to say to him.

What do I say?

"What are you doing again at the rodeo again?" Zariah asked me, obviously trying to bring me back into the conversation.

"Um…petting zoo," I remembered, stepping onto the ladder. "And then…I think I'm working the blackjack tables."

June snorted. "You'll be a big hit. The donors love blondes and gambling."

"I thought they just love football for the thrill of the game?" Kassie asked in mock-surprise and the girls snickered. I even cracked a smile.

"Do you know what I want?" Zariah threw the question behind her shoulder. "I want a cowboy. Rough and tough cowboy. The cow print, the rolled-brim hat, the whole enchilada. I'm swarming the bull riders and finding one to take home. I am sick and tired of hanging out with hockey players."

"I bet anything you'll end up with a hockey player," Kassie teased.

"Fuck you."

A big grin lifted on Kassie's lips. "You want to bet on it?"

"Fuck. You." Zariah snorted. "Don't put that in the universe, I have enough problems as is."

"I could do without cowboys," I admitted. "I had enough of the hype in Oklahoma."

Kassie gave me a curious look. "But what about tonight?"

"Tonight?"

"Movie night," Zariah sang, dabbing the paint on the wall.

I blinked. "Movie night?"

"Ryan rented out the rooftop theater for us," Kassie said. "It's going to be super fun. Cowboy movie for the rodeo. Lots of food, lots of drinks—"

"Ugh. I don't ever want to drink again," I mumbled.

"Adam's bringing the sodas," Kassie finished, with a knowing look my way.

Of course, Adam would be there.

The rest of my day included classes and programming study groups. But I needed to talk to Adam. And I wanted an actual conversation with him. Not pretending like nothing happened.

"Hey?" Kassie bumped her shoulder with mine and dropped her voice. "Can you swing by six o'clock? Help me set up?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Of course."