LOLA, AKA THE END OF A COOCHIE CURSE

My dress has a fun little clip thing, so I can tie up the train and move more easily. Val and I share our first dance as a married couple to “Riki Tiki Tavi” by Donovan, which was playing when he first strutted his fine ass in my direction.

It’s an awkward song to dance to, so we have the same goofy moves as when Val tried to dance to “Psycho Killer.”

Duke frowns at Emmett as if Val’s to blame for our ridiculous dance. Kerrie thinks it’s hilarious because she likes to do silly shit.

Soon, the music changes, and we’re joined on the dance floor. Poppy bounces around Emmett who mostly bobs his head to the beat.

Duke grudgingly dances with Kerrie who seems to be voguing as if channeling Madonna. My father stands very still while she moves around him, making hand gestures.

I think back to their marriage. They seem so poorly matched now, but back in the day, they acted happy enough.

I smile at Val and never want to be “happy enough.” Unrealistic or not, I always want to be perfectly happy.

Right now, Val and I dance slowly to a fast song. I’m never sexier than when Val stares at me with thoughts of sex floating around in his gorgeous head.

“You own me so completely,” he says, sounding pained. “It’s almost too much, but I’m getting used to my heart feeling this full.”

I can’t think of anything as beautiful to say, so I tug him down for a kiss and hold on through two songs. People move around us. The party continues, yet all I see is Val Mercer offering me his heart.

The mood at the reception is jubilant. Though we have security posted outside, they apparently get distracted enough to allow a party crasher.

Not long before people are ready to sit down to eat and make toasts, I hear, “I’m here to stop the wedding!” I spot a blonde woman at one of the meeting room doors. She looks around and yells, “I object!”

People gasp. Well, mostly the women in Val’s family gasp, echoing each other and dialing up the drama.

Slow to notice the growing craziness in the room, Val finally tugs his gaze away from me and frowns at the woman wearing a red dress and matching high heels. Still dazed from making out for the last thirty minutes on the dance floor, I struggle to zero in on what she said or why she’s dressed for clubbing.

“Jessica?” Val asks.

The woman frowns. “It’s Jennifer.”

“That’s what I said.”

“No.”

Val taps his jaw and nods. “I think it is.”

“No, and I know you know my name. We’re in love! That’s why I’m stopping your wedding!”

Another round of gasps takes place. Kerrie gets swept into the gasping chorus, but Clover refuses to take part. She does scoot closer to Duke as if trouble might be brewing.

I return my gaze to Jennifer and find her bright-eyed and pink-cheeked. She really thought this plan would work. Rather than give dirty looks to the guys who were supposed to keep an eye out for troublemakers, I only stare at Val.

“Your behavior is fricking adorable,” Val tells the woman as he wraps an arm around my shoulders. “But you’re late. I already got married. This is the reception. That’s why people are dancing and getting wasted. Don’t you know how weddings work, Jessica?”

“Jennifer.”

“No.”

“I’m pregnant!” she screams and lets out a rebel yell like Tuesday does when she’s losing an argument.

“Mazel tov,” Val says and smiles. “Does the baby daddy know you’re still hot for me?”

Jennifer narrows her gaze at him, still completely ignoring me. “It’s your baby.”

Val shakes his head. “Um, I’m no OB/GYN or mathematician, but that seems wrong. We haven’t been together in many full moons. Seems like if I knocked you up, you’d have a bigger bump.”

Jennifer grabs her belly and frowns at the “bigger” part.

“I’m carrying small. It’s yours. You’re the only man I’ve ever been with.”

“Bullshit,” West announces from nearby where he was dancing with Alexis before the party got interrupted. “You were with me years ago before I saw my redheaded dream girl.”

“Well, then, Val is the only man I’ve been with this year.”

Val smiles down at me like we’re just chilling. Of course, I’m ready to light the very short fuse on my temper and deal with this troublemaking bitch, even if it means my dress gets ripped.

Instead, Val taps his head and smiles at Jennifer. “I believe you. Without a doubt, my jizz has the power to blast through a condom. You’ve been knocked up with my baby and are six months along. That means you can go get me one of those ultrasound pictures with my kid’s weird-looking face on it. Do that and come back. I’ll give you support. After the kid’s born and we get a DNA test, you will name my son Bucky after my preferred Marvel character. If it’s a girl, she shall be Bucky-Leighanne.”

Jennifer tilts her hip and frowns. “I’m not naming my kid anything dumb.”

“Babe, that’s not your choice. I’m the man, and you’re carrying my kid. Now go get me one of those ultrasound pictures, so I can see my little Winter Solider.”

Jennifer frowns at how Val turns his back to her.

He smiles down at me. “I don’t think she’s actually pregnant,” he whispers. “Shh, it’s a secret.”

I roll my eyes at how he plays this game rather than allowing me to smack the chick into next week.

“So, what’s happening here?” Emmett asks Jennifer as if the entire reception hadn’t come to a crashing halt when the bitch showed up. The DJ even stopped playing music. Yet, Emmett acts confused as he speaks to Val. “Who is this cocktail waitress?”

The lying bitch announces, “I’m having your grandbaby!”

“Please, God, no!” Poppy cries and faints back into her chair. “Don’t let the baby look like its mother! I’m too shallow to love it!”

Growing upset, Jennifer throws a heel at me, and Val casually slaps it away.

“The bride’s in danger!” Val yells even though he never stops smiling.

“Unleash the bridesmaid army!” Tuesday cries and reveals her super soaker.

My other bridesmaids are also quickly packing water guns. With a war cry from Tuesday, the women chase after a now fleeing Jennifer. The troublemaker runs extremely fast for a woman in her second trimester. I hear her squeal when they begin firing.

Smiling at how Clover joins in with the others, I realize how much she’s been missing out by never spraying anyone with a water pistol.

Emmett signals for the DJ to restart the music. Half the people return to dancing. The other half hurry to the parking lot where Jennifer gets drenched. I’m sure pictures are taken and videos are made for me to enjoy tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Val looks down at me and smiles smugly. “That’s bound to happen from time to time. Women go crazy for me.”

“Well, men might show up to stake their claim on me.”

“If that happens, I’ll flex my muscles to remind you why you picked me.”

Before I can reward Val’s casual cool, Duke walks over and frowns at his son-in-law. “Don’t name my grandson Bucky, and the girl’s name was also horrible. I want normal names for the kids. Can you do that much for me, Valor ?”

“Sure, Duke .”

My dad narrows his gaze. “I’m named after a famous western star.”

“I’m named after a famous Graboid killer. What’s your point?”

“I don’t know that reference,” Duke lies instantly.

“Bullshit. There’s zero chance you haven’t seen ‘Tremors.’ I can’t believe your family is that lame.”

I smile at my dad who shakes his head. “‘Tremors’ sound foreign. I don’t watch those films.”

For a moment, Val looks genuinely upset over the prospect of my dad being super lame. When he finds me smiling, his relief is palpable.

“You’re not mad about that Jessica chick showing up, are you?” Val asks me.

“Her name is Jennifer.”

“No, it’s not. It’s Jessica. I saw her work badge once.”

“Why would she lie?” Duke asks.

“To protect the baby.”

Duke and I share an eye roll. Nearby, my bridesmaids return from chasing away the troublemaker. They’ve switched gears and now spray each other. I sense a battle brewing between Tuesday and Edith based on how they’re squirting each other directly in the face.

“No water battles at the wedding,” Val insists and points at his sister. “I behaved at your wedding.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t remember that.”

“You were too busy making out with Bullet to notice my sexy yet submissive behavior.”

“Exactly. If you were too busy sucking face with your wife, you wouldn’t care if I was planning to drown Edith at your wedding.”

Val smiles at me. “She isn’t wrong. I feel like we aren’t being grossly inappropriate enough to prove our love to our guests.”

“Are you suggesting we roll around on the floor?” I ask and study the area while my father inches away from what’s about to be overly affectionate for his tastes. “I don’t want to mess up my dress.”

“What if I pin you against the wall and dry hump your baby maker? That ought to keep your dress safe while also making the correct point to our guests.”

Emmett leans in closer to share, “I don’t want to see any of that. Maybe save it for the homestead’s reception when I can watch the game while you shame the family.”

Val studies his father and then looks at me. “He’s emotionally fragile. We might have to give him this one.”

“No,” I insist and tug Val toward a wall. “Emmett can use the restroom for a few minutes while we make a spectacle. That’s the benefit of being a future club president. You bow to no one.”

Val grins at my pushiness. “The moment we met, I knew I’d never enjoy another woman. I should have been horrified by my monogamy-filled future, but I was mostly excited to see what you’d do next.”

His words hit me hard. In the back of my mind, I still worry about the family curse. It’s been a part of my life for far longer than Val has. Yet, each time I feel unsteady, he sets me right again.

The wedding is great. Our families get along, and Kerrie keeps saying she forgot how much fun West Virginia can be. Meanwhile, the club guys drink OG Peepaw Zeb’s moonshine until they’re absolutely wasted. Many end up bunking at the hotel overnight because they’re too buzzed to get home.

Over the next few days, Val and I hide in my apartment. We only leave for food and long rides around our two towns. As soon as we finish up, we’re back in our safe space where no one can interrupt our naked fun.

A few days later, we’re lured by Poppy to the homestead for a family party. I invite Duke, Clover, and Grandma Erin to ensure they feel included in my new extended family.

“Your sister had a false alarm earlier today,” Poppy explains to us when Val asks why they’re having a party. “We are celebrating to distract me from how I’ve been deprived of a grandchild.”

While Poppy levels a hopeful gaze at me as if I might announce a pregnancy, Val changes the subject.

“We’re putting the final touches on our house selection,” Val tells his father. “Soon, we’ll spend more time here.”

Poppy’s lips pout immediately. “More time? Why won’t you live here full-time? Lola’s apartment is tiny.”

“I like Lola’s apartment,” Val says and hugs me. “It’s where I first explored the wonderland that is her body.”

Emmett scowls at his son. “I’ll allow that kind of talk because you are newlyweds, but I’d prefer if you knocked it off.”

“I’ll try, Pa, but this woman makes me nuts,” Val says, dipping me back and planting a wet kiss on my lips.

After we don’t let up for a minute, Emmett announces he’s too old for this shit and walks away. Poppy wanders off in a different direction.

Val and I finally pry our lips apart long enough to make our rounds. We find Grandma Erin chilling with Christine and Jared. Clover is hanging out with her newest friend, Zelda. Alexis’s cousin is also “uninterested in swapping bodily fluids.” Thanks to the homestead women, my sister has come out of her shell.

Standing away from everyone, Duke nurses a beer and a bad mood. Val and I decide to tag-team my dad. Duke sees us coming and looks ready to run. Instead, he remains very still as we approach.

“Are people hassling you?” Val asks Duke. “I can put in a good word for you if you want, sir.”

Duke wants so badly to barf irritation at Val, yet he’s starting to realize pushback only feeds Val’s drama.

“I am happy,” Duke says, sounding almost robotic. “This is a fine party. I am enjoying myself. Thank you for stopping by. See you later.”

Hugging Duke, I ask, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Why are you over here alone?” I ask and gesture at where Emmett now sits with Court and Donovan. “The big boys are having their own little party. Why not join them?”

Duke narrows his gaze at my tone and word choices. “I’m worried they’ll talk about grandkids, which would spoil my good mood.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Val says immediately. “But grandkids are in your future. I think I’ve already put a baby bun in my lady love’s oven.”

Duke wants so desperately to push back against Val. I feel him fighting that insatiable urge to tell the younger man to stuff it. My father wins the battle and only grunts, “Sure.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Clover doesn’t want kids,” I say, and Duke glances at my sister clapping to a dance-off between Tuesday and Alexis nearby at the Mercer house.

“She seems happy.”

“She’s a weirdo,” Val says, winning frowns from Duke and me. “And my family embraces weirdos. That’s why Clover smiles so much when she’s here.”

Duke and I look at each other and mellow out. Clover has always felt she needed to shove herself into a box to fit other people’s expectations. It’s why she never goes out or does anything. People want too much, and she feels like a failure.

At the homestead, she can sit back and watch the show without anyone hassling her.

Despite Clover’s good example, Duke refuses to join any of the various groups spread out over the grassy section between homestead houses.

“If you need a sounding board, I’m around,” I tell Duke when he won’t budge.

“That goes for me, too,” Val offers. “In case, you need a male sounding board.”

With Val and me on the same page, and Duke refusing to engage, we begin walking again. Poppy runs over to us as we near the Mooney house.

“What is your name choice for a boy?” she asks Val. “It’s not still Dog, is it?”

“Poncho is our new favorite,” Val tells his mom who shakes her head. “Groucho?”

Poppy snickers. “Wait, is that in honor of Journey’s giant eyebrows?”

I look at Journey nearby with Justice. While Val’s aunt does have luscious eyebrows, they are not at all like Groucho Marx’s. Assuming this is a family in-joke, I don’t ask questions.

“I thought Worth might be a fun choice,” I suggest. “It’s a virtue name like Valor, and it means homestead.”

Poppy smiles at me like I might be her favorite person in the world. “I knew you were perfect as soon as I learned you existed.”

I smile at her revisionist history. Val kisses the top of his mom’s head and gives me a look similar to his mom’s. I assume that means he approves of the name.

“How soon will I get to hold my grandson?” Poppy asks. “Oana and Ike made a baby during their first month together. I’m looking for that kind of speed.”

Val glances at his cousin. “Can you imagine our kids being the same age? They’ll be pals.”

I rub my belly and imagine a little version of Val growing inside.

“Soon, our house will be right over there,” Val tells his mom and gestures toward the area where West and Tuesday have new homes. “Lola will be carrying your favorite grandchild. I’ll be doing my best to bring the two clubs together, so my kids will have a good life like I did.”

Poppy admires her son, and I imagine her raising him with the kind of love my parents gave me. She’s partly why he’s so proudly arrogant yet impeccably kind. I scan the homestead to admire the other people who helped Val become the man he is today.

Nearby, Emmett laughs at something West tells him. His grandfather flicks a frisbee across the yard to entertain the dogs. Everyone here loved and protected Val. Now I’m the one reaping the benefits.

After offering us hugs, Poppy runs over to her sisters to likely brag. I see her pointing at us and moving her hips like she’s explaining how babies are made.

Val takes my hand and starts walking again. We end up near Journey’s house where Edith shuffles around the yard in an oversized shirt and faded jeans. She sprays dandelions as if she hasn’t noticed the party happening around her.

“Are you okay?” Val asks and takes the spray from her.

“My hands are nasty,” Edith mumbles, seeming lost.

“I’ve got you,” Val insists and tugs his water pistol free from the back of his jeans. “Let me shoot you clean.”

Edith tries to smile, but she’s in a mopey mood.

“What’s bothering you, cousin?” Val asks and hugs her to his body.

“Nothing. I’m glad you’re happy,” she says and pushes him off. “But don’t force me to meet your happiness with my own.”

Val backs off and acts like he might walk away. Changing gears, he takes my hand and smiles at Edith.

“Lola and I are planning to hit up Arcadia next week,” Val explains while Edith stares as if he’s threatening her. “I know the whole gang is planning on going down there soon to make a lot of noise. But Lola and I thought you might like to make it a smaller affair. The three of us could roll around town, scoping out men worthy of your many qualities.”

Edith’s gaze flashes to me. I think she’s worried about coming along on our honeymoon. I smile warmly, hoping she realizes how every day is a honeymoon with Val. Plus, I’d like to help her find someone special.

“I know you don’t want to move away from the homestead,” Val says softly. “I don’t think that’ll be an issue. Once your dream guy meets you, he’ll be willing to give up everything to have you.”

Edith’s face pinches, and she backs away. I’m startled when she begins to full-fledged cry.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Val says and reaches out to hug her.

Edith backs away from him, even though her tear-filled gaze remains locked on me.

“Oh, no!” Tuesday gasps from nearby and comes running.

Edith dodges her cousin’s embrace and walks away while hugging herself.

“Don’t suffer alone,” Tuesday insists, blocking Edith’s escape. “Spread the pain around, so we can all help you carry it.”

“What pain?” Ike asks, walking over and frowning at Val. “Did you make my sister cry?”

“Yes. I’m sorry.”

“Edith, what’s wrong?” Donovan calls out from Court’s back porch.

Hearing her name sets off Edith, sending her running from the people wanting to soothe her.

Everyone stops what they’re doing and focuses on her, likely the opposite of what she wants. I even notice my father walking over to see what’s happening. Clover joins me while Grandma Erin watches from Christine and Jared’s back porch.

“Edith, don’t be sad,” Tuesday says, corralling her cousin back toward the group. “I only want to hug away your pain.”

Clover opens her mouth to ask what’s happening. Her question is cut short when she notices Duke walking right for Edith. Tuesday backs away as if startled.

Before I can put words to what Clover’s thinking, our father cups Edith’s face and plants a very inappropriate kiss on her lips.

“The stripper,” I gasp, and Clover grips my hand while Val seizes my other. “It’s all so obvious now.”

“Is it, though?” Clover asks.

“No, not really, no.”

“Why is your dad sucking on my sister’s face?” Ike asks me. “Should I tackle him?”

Edith must hear her brother’s question. She wraps her arms around Duke to prevent him from being tackled.

“The curse is officially broken,” Val tells me.

I have no idea what the hell is going on with Duke and Edith, but I can’t deny the curse has lost its pull on me. Val Mercer wanted what he wanted, and nothing was standing in his way, not even a hundred-year-old curse.