VAL, AKA THE SON OF A LAZY LOVER

The clean-up process goes quickly. King Peepaw Jared hired a bunch of teenagers to round up the trash and food. The tables are broken down. Within thirty minutes, the homestead looks like it never hosted a party.

I frown at how quickly everything happens. I hoped Lola might stay longer. I imagined she’d hang around late into the evening, sharing stories and getting to know my people.

Instead, Lola came and went in a flash. Now the homestead doesn’t even offer me a hint of her presence.

Normally, I don’t get agitated over such small things. Life changes. People leave town. The world goes on without us. I’m a rational guy.

Yet, I miss Lola, and the lack of party reminders makes her seem out of reach.

“I don’t like her,” Ma-Poppy announces when we’re inside the house. “She didn’t kiss my ass at all.”

“She said you were hot,” I mumble and drop dramatically into a chair. “When I mentioned how you and Pa banged a lot, she said that was normal for hot people. You were spoken of fondly.”

Pa-Emmett decides to be a pissy grump and imitate me by dropping into his recliner. “Stop talking about your mother having sex.”

“Look at how flustered she is,” I say and point at my ma standing in the kitchen, eating a baby carrot and frowning at me. “The woman could use sex right now.”

“Well, too bad because I’m tired,” Pa-Emmett snaps at me. “I don’t like you marrying those people.”

“Lola is beautiful. If you don’t think so, get your eyes checked.”

“They’re going to set you up as a human shield in Basin Rock. Then, if Charleston comes shooting, they’ll hide behind you.”

“I’d take a bullet to protect Lola.”

Ma-Poppy gasps and looks at Tuesday who also gasps. They both look at an overheated Alexis at the kitchen table.

Noticing their gazes on her, she shrugs. “I think it’s romantic. Besides, no one’s going to shoot at Val.”

“Why not? Don’t you think he’d make a good human shield?” Tuesday demands, deciding to stir up drama. “Well, for your information, my brother's giant head would make him an excellent target.”

I consider sizing my head to make sure she’s full of shit. Lacking the energy to lift my arms, I melt into the chair and miss Lola’s lips.

“Why are you acting goofy?” West demands of me as he tugs Alexis to her feet. “Hold your answer until we get back from the shower.”

“Well, at least someone’s having sex,” I announce and frown at my father. “You are so lazy.”

“I’ll get to it later.”

“It?” I balk. “My mother’s vagina has a name.”

Emmett only smirks at my bullshit and turns on the TV. “Duke wasn’t friendly enough. I expected a bruised ass from all the kissing he’d do. Instead, he was standoffish. Won’t even let us have the wedding here. What a crock of shit.”

“I like having a better wedding than West did,” I announce.

“I got married at the homestead, too,” Tuesday mutters. “Do you think you’re better than me?”

“Yes,” I answer immediately.

“Well, that’s just not true. Right, Ma?” she asks and cuddles Ma-Poppy’s chest-pillows. “I’m great.”

“Sure,” our mother grumbles while frowning at me. “I don’t like that girl.”

“You said the same thing about Alexis. You didn’t like Bullet and Roxie, either.”

“Hey,” Roxie grumbles as she enters the house with her dad. “I liked Poppy and Emmett from the first moment we met.”

Ma-Poppy waves off the drama. “I was just fussing back then. This current drama is real. I must have my concerns validated.”

“Her sister is fun,” Roxie says and takes a baby carrot from the same party dish my ma currently grazes at. “She said Lola is hot for Val.”

“Of course, she is,” I murmur and close my eyes. “We’re magic together.”

“She kept trying to punch you,” Ma-Poppy points out. “You know I’m against violence.”

We all look at her, knowing she’s full of shit. My ma refuses to back down. She meets our gazes with her wide-eyed righteous one.

“I’m right!” she declares. “You’re wrong. Nothing will change my mind.”

Unable to back down either, I reply, “I suspect if Pa weren’t so lazy, you’d be much calmer right now.”

Ma-Poppy shrugs. “Well, yes, but his mind is on biker crap. He doesn’t savor me as much when he’s pondering beating someone’s ass.”

I crack up at the sight of Roxie’s expression as she glances at Pa-Emmett. While I’m laughing at my father, Bullet walks to Tuesday and wraps an arm around her shoulders.

“I talked up those dumbass bikers like Court wanted. Got the skinny on if they’re chill with Val and the Rawkfist club. At the beginning of the party, they claimed Val was a gutter slut unworthy of Lola’s snatch,” Bullet explains, winning gasps from Ma-Poppy and Tuesday. “By the end, they were claiming he seemed like a solid guy who ought to fear Lola’s snatch. You worked your magic on them, Val.”

“Thank you. I studied the notes your wife gave me,” I reply and then frown at my pa. “And you said I was a poor student.”

“You were.”

“I graduated.”

Pa-Emmett shrugs his wide shoulders. “So did a lot of stupid people. That’s not proof of anything.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“No, but you’re acting dumb with this woman. You ought to make her believe you’re unsure, just until you get everything you want from her dad. Instead, you drooled all over her for the entire party.”

“She’s my dream girl.”

“Aw,” Tuesday coos, winning a snarl from our ma. “Val’s always been such an unrepentant shithead. This sweet side of him is too damn charming not to ‘aw’ at.”

“No, shut up,” Ma-Poppy insists. “I don’t like her. I won’t agree to the marriage. My mind will never change.”

We all stare at her, not buying her declaration. Even her man, who regularly goes along with her crap, seems unimpressed.

Pa-Emmett shakes his head. “You always say that shit, Poppy. You hated Alexis and called her a raccoon when she came to dinner. I couldn’t believe how much you hated her. Now, you treat her like your second daughter. So, no, I’m not buying you actually dislike Lola McGraw.”

“Well, nuts to that!” Ma-Poppy cries. “My anxiety needs to be acknowledged and coddled! I’m going to my mom’s house to seek out the support I can’t find here!”

Everyone watches her storm out of the house. We all look away when she’s forced to sneak back in to grab her shoes and phone. Ma-Poppy slips back out with her anger and dignity intact.

“What did you think of Lola?” I ask Pa-Emmett.

He reaches for the remote and shrugs. “I can see why you’d go stupid over her. She’s attractive and knows the life. Rumor has it, she’s close with her dad. That part might keep you from ending up as a human shield.”

“Lola won’t want me to die.”

“I don’t suspect she will as long as you do right by her. And her caring means Duke will care.”

Standing up, I head for the door. “I better go make nice with Ma since she’s been neglected by her man.”

“Jackass,” Pa-Emmett mutters, but I know he wants me to turn Poppy’s frown upside down so he’ll have less work in the bedroom later. “Remind her how she’ll be your kids’ only local grandma. I bet her competitive nature will kick in and make her happier about this marriage.”

Pa-Emmett isn’t wrong about Ma-Poppy’s reaction to the “only local grandma” idea.

“I’m going to be an amazing meemaw, just like Christine is to my kids,” she says and cuddles with her ma. “I’ll also wear a dorky ‘Best Meemaw” shirt like the one my mother refuses to wear.”

“That shirt was a boner killer,” King Peepaw Jared announces from the kitchen. “Too many flowers.”

“Your dick ruined a perfectly good present,” Ma-Poppy grumbles as she shoots a dark look at her stepdad. “Mom would have rocked it.”

Queen Meemaw Christine pats her daughter’s cheek and gives me a head shake.

Seeing a moment to slide my needs into my mom’s drama, I explain, “Tomorrow, I need to buy Lola an engagement ring. Will you come with me to the store?”

Ma-Poppy lifts her head from her mother’s chest and smiles at me. “I would be honored to bring class to your quickie wedding.”

“I want to make Lola feel special,” I say while kneeling in front of the couch. “She thinks she’s cursed, and this wedding is only a business deal, but I want her for real. So, I need to make slick moves to help her see what I do.”

Ma-Poppy smiles at Queen Meemaw Christine. “My boy has a heart of gold.”

My grandmother nods in agreement. We all look to King Peepaw Jared who still stands in the kitchen. He doesn’t react to our interest right away. When we don’t relent, he finally breaks down under our hopeful gazes.

“Yeah, you’re cool, kid,” he mutters, rolling his eyes.

“He likes me, Ma,” I tease and smile at Ma-Poppy. “Now I just need to get Duke to warm up to me. Then, everything will fall into place, so Lola and I can make you a beautiful grandchild to spoil.”

“If you treat his daughter right,” Queen Meemaw Christine says, “Duke is bound to warm up to you.”

Her words are exactly what I need to hear. I don’t know about Basin Rock or the Blood-Red Suns operations. I’m not sure where Lola and I will live or if Duke can chill out with me.

What I am certain about is Lola is my dream girl, and I plan to spend the rest of my life showing her what that means.