Chapter 19

NINETEEN

Saylor

Carlotta's puts us at a string of big, long tables in the back of the restaurant. They've pushed them together so we're basically all at the same table, except there are so many of us, there's no way to talk to everyone, which is inevitable but a little frustrating since I don't know everyone, and I'd like to meet them. This probably isn't the right setting for that, though.

I've never been here before, but I've passed by a million times. That's the trouble with L.A. There are so many choices, so many wonderful bars and restaurants, it's hard to choose. And like most people, I have my favorites, so I tend to go to the same places over and over.

This place is low-key, empty since it's almost eleven o'clock at night, but the owners had agreed to stay open for us and we're a large group. Apparently, the news that Canyon's niece is living with him now has half the team joining us, and it's obvious they're all paying extra attention to me. I'm sure they recognize me. Not only have I been a season ticket holder for a long time, I've made multiple appearances on a popular sitcom, have been on the cover of Sports Illustrated twice, and my face has been on probably thousands of magazine covers over the course of my career.

Not to mention, he called me his girlfriend right there in the family lounge. While I don't think that's true—that I'm now officially his girlfriend—I've suddenly been elevated to a new status with the team. Not that I care about something so ridiculous, but there's no doubt the vibe is different now that he made that unofficially official announcement.

I'm ninety-nine percent sure he only said it because Ally had put him on the spot, and he probably hadn't wanted to embarrass me since we'd been holding hands, but it makes me uncomfortable. Despite our quick talk before heading down to the family lounge, we're still basically friends with benefits. I might go so far as to say we're in the early stages of dating. But boyfriend and girlfriend? No. We aren't there yet.

Even if hearing the words makes my stupid, romantic heart skip a beat.

Now, he has his arm casually slung along the back of my chair, occasionally stroking the side of my bicep with his fingers. He's laid back, casual, like we do this all the time, and it's confusing. Having a private, low-key sexual relationship is one thing. Doing this in front of a group of our mutual friends and co-workers elevates it to a level I can't wrap my head around.

What happens when he gets the itch to fuck someone else and ends it? Then I'm going to be the one who'll have to explain that we had a deal. That it hadn't been serious. That I was never really his girlfriend, and it had been a ruse because of his niece.

Ugh.

I'm overthinking the whole thing, and it's pissing me off.

"Ally, when do you start school?" I ask, trying to bring her into the conversation since most of us are talking around her.

She scowls. "You mean that prison he's making me go to?"

"It's not a prison." Canyon rolls his eyes. "It's one of the best private schools in L.A."

"Whoop-de-doo. I hate school. And those uniforms are butt ugly."

"Uniforms make it easier," Autumn says gently. "Everyone is wearing the same thing so there's no competition."

"I don't give a shit about that," Ally mutters.

"Ally." Canyon looks at her. "Stop trying to show off. You're eleven . You don't get to use words like that."

"I bet you did." She issues it like a challenge.

"I did not ," he corrects in a tone that's equal parts admonishment and frustration. "My mother didn't allow it. And neither do I."

"Well, you're not my dad."

"No, but I am your guardian and your uncle. So, my rules apply."

The power play between them is almost tangible, and it seems like this half of the table is collectively holding their breath, waiting to see where it ends.

Amazingly, Ally backs down.

But not without getting in the last word. "You just won't hear it when I do it at school," she mumbles under her breath.

Canyon looks like he wants to argue but then merely shrugs. "I may not hear it, but your teachers will, and you'll be the one dealing with detentions."

She shrinks down into herself a little, and I feel bad for her. Unfortunately, she's doing this to herself and there isn't much I can do to help her get past what she's going through. It's going to take time, so we're going to have to be patient.

We .

As if it's a foregone conclusion that I'm going to be part of this.

Canyon and I really need to talk, but we have neither the time nor the privacy to do it here.

On the flip side, I'm having a good time.

Harper and Gabe are talking animatedly about their recent trip to Mexico during the All Star Break, Ivan and Chey have just moved into a new house, and Stevie is a lot more excited about working at my gallery than I'd imagined.

When she brings up the art classes, I notice Ally's head turn, interest blooming in the depths of her hazel eyes.

She looks so much like Canyon she could almost be his kid.

He would have beautiful children someday.

I almost kick myself for thinking that.

For imagining I could be the one he'd have them with.

For allowing myself to buy into the stupid fantasy of being his girlfriend.

Because I'm not.

No matter what he'd said in the lounge.

"Are you teaching the class?" Ally asks Stevie.

Stevie grins and shakes her head. "No. That's all Saylor. She's an amazing artist."

"She is?" Ally wrinkles her nose. "You paint?"

I nod. "And draw. Sculpt. I like it all, but watercolors are my favorite."

"Oh." Now she looks disappointed, and I suddenly understand Canyon's frustration.

She really is going to be a tough nut to crack.

"You're welcome to come to the first class," I tell her. "See if you like it."

"Are you teaching watercolors?"

The truth is, we hadn't mentioned which medium we would be using in the ads. The copy said something like, ‘come explore your artistic side with artist, actress, and supermodel Saylor Bonetti! Drawing, painting, and multiple mediums will be used to help you discover your artistic passion.' I'd laughed when Stevie read it to me, but it had been effective, so now I have to come up with a curriculum, buy supplies, and set up the gallery.

"I'm teaching the basics of everything," I respond. "A little history of art, and then each week will focus on a different medium so you can figure out which one you like best." Apparently, I've just come up with a plan on the fly.

"You want to take the class?" Canyon asks her. "I can sign you up. Maybe you can meet some other kids."

She makes a face.

"There's a kids' class and an adult class," I say. "The kids' class is for ages ten to fifteen, so you won't have to deal with really little kids. Mostly your age or a little older."

"They're all about twelve," Stevie interjects. "I looked at the list. There's one girl who's ten, four are twelve, two are thirteen, and I think there's an eleven-year-old."

"Nah. I'm not into it." Ally suddenly shrugs and picks up a piece of garlic bread, making a show of taking big bites.

As if that somehow makes her look bigger. Stronger.

Poor kid.

"Well, if you change your mind, it starts next Thursday."

"I won't. Uncle Canyon has a game."

I've forgotten about hockey.

Obviously, the team isn't on a set schedule so I would inevitably miss games. I just hate to. And not just because my tickets cost a fortune. I actually love going, and seeing Canyon out there makes it extra fun.

"Well, the class is over by eight, so I'll probably head over to the arena right after."

"Yeah, I'm not that into art. I was just curious." She goes back to eating and there's a momentary awkward silence at the table until Harper starts talking about an upcoming trip she's taking.

"I'm sorry," Canyon whispers in my ear.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Except maybe for what you said in the lounge." I give him a look.

He stiffens. "You're talking about…"

"Uh huh. Calling me your girlfriend. Why would you do that?" It's probably better to get this conversation over with.

"I thought we decided to see what happens?"

"Yeah, like dating a little. Spending some time together. The term girlfriend insinuates a relationship. Serious. Monogamous. And?—"

"Well, we do have a relationship," he says, frowning. "And we agreed to be monogamous. So who cares what we call it?"

"Because it's dishonest. It makes it seem like you care about me."

He does this thing with his eyebrows when he's frustrated. I've seen him do it a dozen times tonight with Ally, but I've never seen him do it with me before. It's a cross between a frown and a scowl, where he's trying really hard not to scowl but it sort of comes out anyway.

"You think I don't care about you?" he asks, leaning over so his lips are close to my ear.

The warmth of his breath and the timber of his voice makes gooseflesh break out on my skin, and I can't help but sigh a little.

"I don't think we've spent enough time together for us to have reached that level, that's all."

"If I didn't care about you, do you think we'd be here?"

"You were very clear that you don't do relationships and that you're not looking for one. Then two weeks later you call me your girlfriend. Excuse me for having a tiny bit of whiplash."

"Okay. You're right. I just…" He gazes over at Ally. "This probably isn't the best time to have this conversation."

My heart sinks a little.

I was right.

He's only been doing what's convenient.

Trying not to embarrass me or give Ally any ammunition to use against either of us. If I'm his girlfriend, it validates my place in his life. Because he can't come out and say we're fuck buddies.

I get it.

But it still hurts.

"It's all right," I say. "I understand. You don't have to explain. You're trying to put on your best face for Ally."

"No, that's not?—"

"Hey, you ready to go?" Stevie asks me, interrupting him. "It's late and I have a video call at eight in the morning with a magazine editor in France." She offered to drive me home earlier, and it feels like the perfect time to put an end to a conversation that isn't going anywhere. Not anywhere good, anyway.

"You're ready to leave?" I ask, reaching for my purse.

"Yeah, it's almost one. Eight a.m. comes early."

"Of course." I pull out my wallet. "How much do I owe you?"

Canyon's eyes darken again.

Normally, I love that side of him.

But not tonight.

Tonight, I just feel used and let down, and I'm not sure why.

He hasn't lied to me.

We have an agreement.

I don't know why calling me his girlfriend, or his lack of explanation for why, bothers me so much.

"Don't be ridiculous," he says. "It's on me."

"Oh." I force a little smile. "Well, next time will be on me."

I can see that bothers him, but I don't feel like arguing with him.

More than anything, I want to get out of here.

Retreat.

Lick my wounds.

And come up with a plan on how to break things off with the hottest, most interesting and sexy man I've ever met.