20. Chapter 20

I moved around the room to cool my temper while planning what I wanted to say to Kenny. A few minutes later I found him in the growing crowd and stopped beside him. "Come for a walk with me?" I asked him.

"What for?" Kenny asked and then took a sip from his glass.

"You and I need to talk, so how about we find a private room to do that," I suggested. Once Kenny agreed with a nod, I walked toward the door to the main hall. Instead of turning right to head toward the front foyer, I turned left and found an exit onto a private back porch on the other side of the kitchen.

"What's going on with you?" I asked Kenny. "Why do you have such a problem with Cain?"

"I don't have a problem with him," Kenny said. "It's your life. You don't need my input on where you stick your dick."

"Is it because he's a man?" I asked pointedly.

"I'm gay, why would I care about you fucking a man?" Kenny scoffed.

"Maybe because you and I have history?" I offered.

"We work together. That's the only history we have," Kenny replied.

"Did you ever want more with me?"

"Are you fucking serious right now?" Kenny said with anger. "Wow, your ego is even bigger than I thought! Why would you think I wanted you? Get over yourself!"

"I've heard your comments over the years, Kenny, and I ignored them because I knew you understood that I was straight and nothing could ever happen for us—that way."

"If I said anything, it was meant as a joke and nothing more," Kenny stated.

"I'm not so sure I believe you," I answered. "It might have started out as a joke but as the years wore on things changed. I remember when we were on tour you were constantly offering to blow me on the bus if I was horny or suggest that I fuck you instead of a groupie to save me from getting an STD, or some other bullshit."

"I don't remember saying any of that shit," Kenny said weakly.

"You definitely did," I countered. "I heard every comment you made to me and I also remember how pissed off you'd get when I'd disappear with a woman. But I shrugged it off by making a bunch of excuses for you because I couldn't imagine you really wanted to sleep with me. But your recent behavior makes a lot of sense to me now."

"No way, none of that is true," Kenny denied.

"I thought you were just trying to rattle my cage because you knew I was straight," I continued. "Truth is, I've always found you attractive as a man but we were brothers. Even if I had been curious back then, I wouldn't have crossed that line with you and risked the bond we'd built as brothers in this band. You had to have known that."

Kenny sat down in a wicker seat and leaned forward, resting his head in his hands.

"Fuuuck. . . Gage, I'm so sorry."

"And now I'm with Cain and I'm guessing it really bothers you," I said. "I'm sorry if me bringing him to the studio hurt you but I really had no idea what was going through your head. I just knew something wasn't right, but we've got to figure out a way to get beyond this—if nothing else, for the sake of the band. We can't keep butting heads like this any time Cain is with me because he's going to be part of my life for a long time."

"I understand," Kenny said. "I always thought if you ever did get curious that you'd experiment with me—not some stranger."

I moved a chair to sit beside Kenny and squeezed his shoulder. "This thing with Cain isn't an experiment," I said. "I knew that from the first time we kissed. It felt like I'd finally come into myself which probably doesn't make sense. But it just felt—right, like I was finally where I was supposed to be."

"It sounds pretty amazing," Kenny said.

"It is. Sometimes I can barely believe he's with me," I said and smiled. "I mean, he's gorgeous. Why the fuck would he be with a clown like me? He could have any man he wanted."

"I don't see it like that," Kenny said and met my gaze. "Cain is the lucky one because you chose him. You're fucking Gage Tennison, and I think that's a pretty incredible thing to be, not to mention you're not hard on the eyes."

"Shut the fuck up," I said and laughed.

"What? It's the truth and you know it," Kenny said and then he joined me in laughter. Once our laughter died down Kenny bumped his shoulder into mine. "So, you really like him?"

"I'm in love with him," I admitted, "and you're the first one to know that besides Cain."

"No shit?" Kenny said. "I can't believe what I'm hearing and not because you're with a man. I honestly never thought you'd ever fall in love."

"You and me both," I said and chuckled. "But Cain. . . he just does it for me and it's so much more than the sex—which, by the way, is awesome. Why didn't you tell me how great this stuff is?"

"I tried but you were too busy trying to find the ‘golden pussy' to prove your hetero status."

"I was not," I replied.

"Yeah, you kind of were," Kenny balked. "But, for the record, I saw right through you."

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"Remember the night you lost the bet and got a blowjob from a guy?" Kenny mentioned. "I was in the room when that happened. I saw for myself how you reacted to him being on his knees for you. It wasn't just a physical reaction to having your dick sucked. It was the fact it was a man that made you come like Old Faithful—and so quickly, too. Don't try and deny it. I know this isn't something you would have been consciously thinking about back then, but I believe it all ties in with what happened with Cain."

"Perhaps. I don't think I'll ever know," I admitted. "Everything with Cain is heightened which is as difficult to explain as it is to understand it myself. I don't know why I fell for him but Jesus, I've never been happier. It's the most honest and adult relationship I've ever had."

"Honesty? Wow, that is an anomaly in this business and especially in LA," Kenny teased.

"Damn right it is, but we have these incredibly deep conversations that blow me away as much as the sex does. I've never felt this comfortable with another person."

"I'm happy for you," Kenny said. "I really am, in spite of my obvious jealousy."

"No need to be jealous," I said. "You and I will always have a close bond. You know that."

"Yeah, I do, but I gotta know one thing," Kenny said with a glint in his eyes.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Does Cain take your monster cock or do you take his?"

"How do you know the size my dick?" I asked while laughing.

"I saw you getting head from that guy and I've also witnessed you fucking numerous groupies over the years," Kenny outlined. "I've seen how big you are—everyone has seen Godzilla at some point over the years. Which is why I was curious if Cain has been able to scale the face of Mt. Everest or not."

I was still laughing almost uncontrollably. "Cain manages me just fine but last night I conquered his anaconda and I lived to talk about it, so there's that feat to add to my list of accomplishments."

"No way! You fucking bottomed for him?" Kenny asked in surprise. "Now I really am jealous."

"I took it like a porn star, and I have to say I am a fan," I said and laughed some more. I couldn't believe we were talking about this but it felt good to let loose with Kenny again like we did in the old days. I knew we were going to be okay after this and that was the whole point of us talking.

"Are we cool?" I asked Kenny once our levity finally petered out.

"Yeah, we always will be," Kenny said. "I'm probably still going to be a little jealous you picked him instead of me, but in time I'll get over it."

"You will survive, Kenny," I said. "But I need to know if you'll play nice with Cain from here on out because I really can't tolerate you being rude or condescending to someone I love."

"I will respect your relationship and him—but if he breaks your heart, I will fuck him up," Kenny mock threatened. "No one hurts my boy and survives!"

I stood up and held my arms open for Kenny to step into them before wrapping him up in a tight hug. I held his head in both hands and our eyes met. "We're brothers for life," I said. "We'll always have each other's back. Remember that." I kissed his forehead before I stepped away.

We returned to the ballroom and Kenny hugged me one more time. "Love you, brother," Kenny said beside my ear.

"Thank you for listening to me and for understanding," I said. "He's really important to me and I want this to work which is why I can't have friction going on between you and him."

"Does this mean I can't offer to suck your cock anymore?" Kenny asked and winked.

"Yeah, it's probably a good idea to let go of your generous offers for sex," I teased.

"Okay, I will, but only if you continue to share the deets on how hot the sex is with Cain," Kenny said.

I burst out laughing and gave Kenny a playful shove. "No way!" I said, then I grabbed him by the neck and pulled him close enough to whisper into his ear. "The sex is so fucking hot I don't think you could handle the details."

"Jesus fuck!" Kenny shouted and all I could do was laugh.

We walked back into the ballroom but Kenny headed toward a group of musicians we knew while I scanned the room looking for Cain. He was coming across the room with our drinks that I'd long since forgotten he was getting for us. I stopped to watch him move. He was an intoxicating mixture of masculine grace. His stride screamed confidence like a man who was completely comfortable with himself. I loved his muscled legs, the bulge of his package, the way his tuxedo jacket stretched across his chest, and those damn broad shoulders. Christ, he was so fucking gorgeous. He really did make me breathless. I couldn't believe he was there with me and I'd be the one taking him home. Yeah, I was the lucky one to have him in my life. Not the other way around as Kenny suggested.

I met Cain in the middle of the room and took the drink he offered. I took a healthy swig of the cold liquid before I said, "Come on, let's mingle."

"I'd love to," Cain replied with a knowing smile.

We walked off together, zig-zagging our way through the crowd and Cain leaned in closer to speak. "Everything okay with you and Kenny?" he asked.

"It is now," I answered. "We just had a talk in one of the other rooms and cleared the air."

"What about?" Cain questioned.

"That's kind of a funny story," I said. "He used to joke about sucking my dick if I was horny. Turns out, he wasn't joking. Apparently he's had a thing for me for quite a while and he was jealous I was with you and not him."

"Holy shit," Cain said. "How'd the conversation go?"

"I explained how I could never cross that line with him because we're basically brothers," I confessed. "I told him he'd have to settle just being my best friend because I was crushing on another guy."

"Really? Anyone I know?" Cain teased.

"I'm sure you've seen him around," I continued. "He's smoking hot and so damn dreamy I could faint when he looks my way."

"Dreamy? Wow, I have to meet this guy," Cain said. "He sounds like he's just my type."

"You'll have to get in line because I already snared him," I said, "and he's all mine."

"Do you share?" Cain asked.

"Abso-fucking-lutely not."

We bumped into Ray over by a table covered with trays of raw oysters displayed on top of a pile of crushed ice, an enormous mound of shrimp cocktail the size of my fist, and another giant tray of New England lobster tails on skewers with little cups of melted butter for dipping. It all looked delicious but I didn't feel like eating. The stress of being there and having to clear the air with Kenny certainly hadn't helped my appetite.

"Are you enjoying the party?" Ray asked me and Cain.

"As far as these types of events go, this is like any other," I remarked with a bored expression. "We're just watching the clock until we can leave."

"It's not that bad, Ray," Cain said.

"Don't lie to him, Cain," I teased. "You were just saying you couldn't wait to get the hell out of here."

"I didn't word it quite like that," Cain muttered.

"Anyway, I wanted to go over the schedule for tonight," I said. "The sooner we get the formalities over with the quicker we can go home."

Ray ignored my annoyance and began to go over our timeline. "In twenty minutes, we're meeting in the green room for photographs, which is adjacent to this room," Ray said and pointed to our left. "Right now, I'd like to bring you around to say hello to a few executives from your record label."

I growled far too loudly and Cain elbowed me in the ribs. "Show us the way," Cain said with a fake smile plastered on his face.

Ray chuckled and his face lit up with a genuine smile which was nice to see. Ray was less than pleased when Cain and I returned to LA from the New York lake house—obviously still together, but the fact we were loaded down with more than enough new sheet music for the next album tremendously eased Ray's irritation we were in a relationship. Ray had completely backed off from his previous assessment that Cain was just another distraction to keep me from writing. The new material was good and I think that's what surprised Ray the most. I doubted he'd ever say another negative thing about me being with Cain. Ray might not understand how I could fall in love with a man but he could definitely appreciate the obvious and intense collaborative partnership we'd created. The music I came home with proved it. But I think Ray was also seeing how well Cain and I blended together as a couple and I was very happy about that. It certainly made for a better working relationship between me and Ray when he wasn't always so pissed off or disappointed with me.

Even better than that was the fact my band brothers were happy with the new material. I was certain this project would be considered one of our best by those who critiqued these things and that made me excited to finish up and get this album released. If we stayed on track the project would be completed in another month or so—a full six weeks ahead of the deadline set by our label.

For the first time in a long while, I was feeling an enormous amount of contentment with my personal life and also professionally with my band. It was as if all the various pieces of my life were finally dropping into the places they belonged, and it gave me a rewarding sense of peace. I was truly looking forward to what happened next in the months and years ahead.

Ray dragged us around the ballroom to rub shoulders with anyone who was at the top of the food chain at our label and then we met up with Kenny, Ward, and Speck in the green room. We posed for a bunch of photographs that weren't optional, with all the right people, and so on. We filled our faces with incredible food and had several more drinks than we probably should have and by that time I was more than ready to go home.

"You about ready to get out of your penguin suit?" I asked Cain.

"I was ready two hours ago," he said to me with an outrageously sexy smile that promised sinful things once we got home. "Let me hit the bathroom and then we can head out."

"Sounds good," I replied. "I'll meet you by the front door."