Chapter 14

Rainey

I madeit all the way to Zeke's bedroom before the first tear slid down my cheek. If a hole had magically opened up at my feet, offering safe passage to a deserted island, I would have gladly jumped in. All those people. Staring at me. Singing. Wishing me happy birthday. I groaned and sank down onto the bed, my face resting in my shaky hands.

Being the center of attention had been fun when I was a teenager. Being wild and reckless had soothed the hurt my father had created when he ignored me all those years. But somehow, being an adult, trying to scrape by with multiple jobs and rent coming due and grocery bills getting steeper and run-ins with assholes had made me retreat to the safety of the shadows. Being one tiny fish in a sea of bigger fish had suited me just fine in the city. I no longer even liked being the center of attention.

What made it worse was seeing the faces of all the people who'd welcomed me with open arms years ago. They'd accepted me. Showed me what community actually looked like. And what had I done? Tore out of here the first chance I got, thinking I could do better. Thinking I was better.

I was such a dumbass.

"Rain?" Zeke's gentle voice came from the doorway.

I couldn't lift my head and look him in the eye. His attention was worse than everyone else's. As a child, I'd learned to ignore my father's negligent behavior as a surviving mechanism. In high school I'd continued doing the same, not knowing any other way to live. I'd ignored Zeke's efforts to love me. Now to add insult to injury, he'd bent over backwards for me since I'd been back, but the truth was painfully obvious despite everything he did: I wasn't worthy of anyone's attention.

The mattress dipped as Zeke sat beside me, his big hand coming up to rub circles on my back. I cringed inside. Not from his touch. God, no, not from his touch. I wanted to curl into his side and let him continue to fight my battles for me. I cringed because I didn't deserve his kindness. He'd thrown a birthday party for me after serving me breakfast in bed and I'd ruined that too.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" he finally asked.

"Why did you do this?" I asked, voice muffled as it traveled through my hands.

"The party?" Zeke's hand stopped circling my back but he didn't take it off me. "To be honest, I shouldn't have."

My heart cracked even as he gave voice to the same conclusion I'd come to. Even he knew I wasn't worthy of a party.

"I shouldn't have tried to manipulate you like that," Zeke went on. "I thought if you could see how much everyone was glad to have you back home, you'd stay longer."

I lifted my head, thoroughly confused. The line between Zeke's eyebrows softened as he took in my watery eyes and wet cheeks. He lifted his hand off my back, and instead of getting up and announcing he'd tell everyone to leave, he pulled me into his arms and tucked me against his chest.

"Why are you crying?" he asked gently, the rumble of his voice vibrating against my ear.

I inhaled slowly, my eyes closing. There was nowhere else I'd rather be. Ever. What did that say about me that my best friend had become the only refuge I'd ever known? Was that normal? Was I confusing friendship with sexual attraction? Because that kiss this morning had made my toes curl. Definitely not in a friendly way.

"Rain?" he prompted when I took too long to answer.

I sniffled, hoping I wouldn't get snot and tears all over his shirt. "I don't deserve a party."

Zeke inhaled sharply, his arms turning to steel bands around my torso. His growl had my eyes widening. "Who the fuck told you that?"

"Um, me?" I pushed off his chest, knowing I looked terrible but I needed him to understand. "I left this town like I was too good for it, Zeke. Now I'm back, twelve years later with my tail between my legs, and I'm supposed to believe that everyone out there is happy to throw me a birthday party?"

Zeke looked like he was going to crush something by sheer force of will. "Yes."

I scoffed. "Zeke. Seriously."

"I am being serious. Everyone—well, everyone except Marlo, who doesn't trust anyone unless they're dead—is very happy to throw you a party."

"Why?" I asked incredulously. That made zero sense. I'd offended everyone when I left town and hurt Zeke. I'd abandoned my grandma. I was kind of an awful person back when I was a teenager.

Zeke shrugged. "Because Blueball is different. Those people out there genuinely want to know you. The grown-up Rainey Shaw. We don't hold things against people forever. People make mistakes. But you have to put in the effort this time around if you want to make things right. Allow yourself to have friends, Rain."

The panic was back and so were the tears filling my eyes and making everything in my vision shimmer. "I don't know how to do that."

"Bullshit," Zeke fired back. "You and I were best friends once. And I'm not exactly easy to be friends with. You know how."

I picked at the comforter underneath me, trying to pinpoint why my heart was racing. "Feels like making friends is dangerous."

"Why?

I shrugged. "Well, I never stay in one place very long, so it seems kind of pointless."

Zeke tilted his head. "I call bullshit again. You can live in another country and still keep up friendships. There are these things called smartphones."

I smacked his knee but he kept right on going.

"I think you're afraid of letting anyone get close to you. You think we're all going to let you down like your father did."

My breath froze in my lungs. Zeke grabbed my hands and held them tight. "You think you're not worthy of a birthday party, not worthy of friends, because of how your father treated you. Am I close?"

My eyes slid shut and I blew out a shaky breath. "I thought you were a builder, not a psychologist," I teased, the joke falling flat.

"Do you want to make friends, Rainey?"

I opened my eyes and stared at the one person in my life who'd always been there for me, even when I hadn't been there for him. "Yes."

And oh how I meant it. I desperately wanted friends. I'd spent the last twelve years lonely, searching for more out of life when I'd left all that mattered to me back in this little town.

"Then get your gorgeous ass outside and fake it 'til you make it. That's what I do in social situations, a skill a certain someone taught me." Zeke winked and I knew he was referring to me and my very awesome advice from our freshman year of high school.

I slid one of my hands away from his and wiped at my face. "There is one thing I know how to do."

Zeke grunted.

"I know how to party."

That earned me a rare grin from Zeke. "Yeah, wife, you do know how to party." He shook his head, probably remembering all the times he held my hair back as I puked up Four Loko, my drink of choice back then. "Come party with me."

That was an offer I couldn't refuse. Not anymore.

Zeke slid off the bed and held his hand out for me. I took it, rising and following him back outside where I hoped no one could see my red eyes. Thankfully, I was no longer the center of attention. Everyone was in groups, talking, eating, and drinking. They included me whenever Zeke dragged me with him, the two of us being as social as we knew how to be. Daisy kept to my side until some of the little kids belonging to Zeke's friends dognapped her with a bag of treats, settling into the living room to watch a movie.

Eventually, the beer turned to mixed drinks and my blood alcohol level got just high enough that I loosened up. Most of the older crowd went home to make Sunday dinner. The boys cranked up the volume on the speakers that promised angry letters from Zeke's neighbors tomorrow. My eyes lit up when one of my favorite songs came on.

"Dance with me!" I shouted up to Zeke. He groaned, but let me drag him over to the little patch of grass next to the back deck where other couples were dancing.

His arms came around my waist and my hands snuck into the hair on the back of his head. My breasts were smashed against his stomach, not a single centimeter of air between us. My skin held a light sheen of sweat from the hot afternoon sun. I tipped my head back, eyes closed, and just grinned up at the sky. I really was having fun.

Zeke dipped his head and skimmed his nose up the column of my throat. I gasped, my head coming back up to stare at him just an inch away from my face.

"Happy looks good on you," he said gruffly, gaze drifting down my body to where we're smashed together.

My head felt like it was going to float right off my body. There it was again, that tingle of awareness that hadn't left me since he kissed me this morning. I couldn't catch my breath and I wasn't sure if that was from him or from the dancing. Our hips moved together, a subtle rocking motion that wasn't even with the beat of the music at this point.

"I think you look good on me," I said back, staring at his mouth. If the birthday girl was given one wish on her day, mine was that those lips would be on my skin. Right. Freaking. Now.

Apparently old, impulsive Rainey hadn't completely left me because next thing I knew, I tugged on his neck, bending him down even further. As soon as he was in range, I pressed my lips to his and took what I wanted. His answering groan, right before he hauled me off the ground and took the kiss from the slow lane to the fast lane, told me he wanted this too. His tongue dipped inside and everything perfect about our wedding kiss was amplified here in his backyard.

A wolf whistle broke through our awareness, breaking us apart on a gasp. I swallowed hard, realizing I'd wrapped a leg around Zeke's waist, as if I had plans to climb him like a freaking tree while we kissed. I dropped my leg and also my face, resting my forehead against his chest. I wasn't sweating because of the afternoon heat any longer. A bead of sweat dripped down my spine from straight embarrassment. How many people just saw us making out at my birthday party?

The low vibration coming off Zeke's chest had me glancing up, thinking he was angry. Instead, I found him smiling ear to ear, looking down at me like I amused him. He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear before I realized he was laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" I hissed as quietly as I could, aware of all the heads turned in our direction.

He swayed to the side again, as if we hadn't missed a beat with our out-of-control kiss. All the blood drained from my brain when I felt how hard he was behind those jeans that fit him just right. Holy shit. Zeke kept dancing as if this wasn't a giant turning point in our friendship.

"I've been waiting for you to do that for sixteen long years." His lopsided grin made the edges of my mouth turn up, such was the power of his smile. "It was every bit as wonderful as I dreamed it would be."

And then he kissed my forehead and kept dancing like this was suddenly our own personal Dirty Dancing dance floor, clearly as turned on as I was and not doing a damn thing to stop it. His hips rocked against mine and every slumbering cell that had put my libido on the back burner the last few years woke up all at once. My skin was on fire and my nipples felt every shift against his body as if there were no clothes between us. I dropped my forehead to his chest again and held on for dear life.

I didn't know if it was the alcohol flowing through my veins or simply the culmination of the temptation building between us over the last few days, but I wanted every single one of these people at Zeke's house to go home.

Right freaking now.