Chapter 11

Zeke

Pretendingto be happily married in front of my mother was the hardest thing I've done since I spoke at my father's funeral. It would crush her to know it was all for show, a fact I should have thought about before I paid Danny off and ran him out of town so I could take his place at the altar. But as per usual with Rainey, I'd lost my head. All I could think about was making her mine. Even if it was just for a short time.

Thing was, there wasn't a lot of pretending going on on my end. I loved Rainey. Always had, always would. I just couldn't tell her that, not when she obviously didn't feel the same way, so I hid behind the fact that I'd loved her as a friend once upon a time and that was all there was to it. I'd simply show her how I felt about her in all the little and big things I could do for her while she was with me. It would have to be enough, because in two days, she turned thirty years old.

And she would have no reason to stay with me longer than that.

Loving her felt as natural as drawing breath. I was all in when it came to Rainey. Had been at eighteen and still was at thirty. So it felt right to give her my heart for the next two days and deal with the fallout later.

"About six months after you left, Dad was diagnosed with cancer. Like a lot of men, he ignored the aches and pains, thinking he was just getting old and work was getting hard on his body. By the time he went in, it was already stage four."

Rainey cursed under her breath and laid her head on my shoulder. It reminded me so much of old times I had to stare at Daisy running back and forth through the tall grass to ground myself in the present. I cleared my throat and continued, telling the simple end to a great man.

"He passed a little over six months after that. And I was almost glad. He hated to be a frail man and that's what cancer did to him. Once he knew he couldn't beat it, he wanted to go fast." My voice quit working and that deep sorrow I could always tap into when I thought of those last days with my dad threatened to overwhelm me.

With only a sob as warning, Rainey almost knocked me over, throwing herself into my chest and wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing tight. She lay halfway across my body, so I steadied myself and held her, appreciating someone to hang on to. Mom and I had each other when it happened, but she'd quickly withdrawn into herself after the funeral and nothing I did got her to come back out. I'd felt so alone for a long time after Dad was gone. Friends from school would offer condolences, but no one just held me. With Rainey's arms around my neck, I felt like she was holding the pieces of my shattered heart together.

Temporary, I reminded myself, just temporary.

We stayed locked together for so long Daisy got bored chasing squirrels and came over. She must have thought we were playing a game because she burrowed her big body between us, lashing us with that rough tongue as she broke us apart. Rainey's cheeks held tear tracks as she pulled back, a sight that made my heart squeeze painfully tight. Must have affected Daisy too because she licked her face clean, even as Rainey tried to push her off, her tears turning to laughter. I whistled and Daisy jumped off Rainey to sit by my side, looking over at me with innocent eyes. I shook my head at her antics, but she made me smile.

Rainey laid her hand on my thigh, stealing my attention from Daisy. Her big blue eyes were bloodshot and yet still so pretty I wanted to take her picture just so I could pull it out later and stare at her. "I'm sorry, Zeke. I'm sorry you lost your dad and I'm sorry I wasn't here to be with you."

I put my hand on hers and squeezed. "Thanks, but no eighteen-year-old is equipped to deal with that kind of grief. I was almost happy to go through it alone without dragging you down with me."

Rainey flipped her hand over and laced her fingers with mine, a soft smile playing on her lips. "Still wish I'd have been there." She squeezed my fingers. "Now tell me why you didn't give me this pretty ring back in high school. You were holding out on me, mister!"

I knew what she was doing. She was trying to change the subject to bring some happiness back in my life. She was constantly doing that when we were kids, saying I took everything too seriously. And maybe that was true.

My thumb swept over her diamond ring and then the twisted band. I couldn't tell you how many times over the years I'd taken it out and just stared at it, wondering about what could have been. It was almost surreal seeing it on her finger now.

"I bought it senior year. Took all my money from that extra job Dad gave me on the ol' Skinner House."

"I remember! You worked every weekend for two months and I was so annoyed with you for not being available." Rainey made a face like she was embarrassed. "If I'd only known…" Then she wrinkled her nose, which only made her cuter. "But why didn't you give it to me?"

I ran my teeth over my lip, knowing the truth would hurt her, but deciding this was not the time for lies. She might leave at the end of the week and at least I would know I'd told her everything.

Well…almost everything.

"I planned to give it to you after graduation." I let the words hang there while she filled in the blanks. I saw a myriad of emotions cross her face, ending with her burying her head in her hands and moaning.

"But I left on the back of a Harley!" she said through her hands.

Anger simmered, a relief from the grief. "Yeah, with Eagle or some stupid fuckin' name like that."

"Hawk." Rainey's shoulders shook and I thought she was laughing. Which kind of pissed me off. Nothing about that night was laughable. Then I saw a tear slip through her fingers and I realized she was crying again.

"Shit," I mumbled, hauling her off the ground and into my lap, tucking her leg over my side so she straddled me and I could pull her in, chest to chest.

Her crying was soft, but I could feel her body shaking with it. I held her close and tried to will the tears away with my presence. I was all too aware of her bare legs hugging my hips and her breasts crushed to my chest. There was only a flimsy tank top and denim between us. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to focus my brain on what truly mattered: making Rainey feel better. This was not the time to get an erection, which she would most certainly feel sitting on my lap like this.

Rainey hiccuped and pulled back just enough to look up into my face. Her nose was starting to run but she didn't bother to wipe at it. Instead, she cupped my face with her soft hands and tried to smile.

"That was really sweet, Zeke. I wish I'd stuck around. My life would have been totally different if I had."

Her mouth hovered just an inch away from mine, a fact that sent flames slicking across my skin. But she didn't move closer and neither did I.

"Why didn't you stay?"

The question was out before I could pull it back. Before I could tuck it away with all the rest of the hurt that she'd caused me that we didn't talk about. I didn't actually want her to say out loud that I wasn't enough. That my friendship, my love for her, wasn't enough to keep her in Blueball.

Rainey dropped her hands to my shoulders and there was already more space between us. My heart sank, even before she opened her mouth.

"My nickname is free bird."

As if that explained everything. I knew Gertie called her that, but I never picked up that nickname because I never wanted to entertain the thought of her leaving.

Rainey stood, pushing off my shoulders and dashing her hands across her cheeks before wiping them on her shorts. Then she held her hand out to me, but I didn't take it. Instead, I stood on my own two legs, snatched my shirt off the ground, and pulled it over my head. Daisy ran circles around us, and without discussing it, the three of us headed back to the house.

We danced around each other the rest of the day, both of us finding things to do that didn't involve the other person. I got groceries while Rainey called the lawyer handling her inheritance. I couldn't be there while she discussed her timeline for leaving me. When I returned home, she was off the phone and reading on the back porch. I poured her a glass of white wine, hoping she still liked it like she had when she and her girlfriends pilfered a stolen bottle junior year. She gave me a soft smile in thanks and immediately sipped as she went back to her book. I got busy making a salad and cooking chicken on the outdoor grill. I didn't know how to make anything fancier, which I told her as we sat down to eat. Rainey said it looked like a feast and tasted even better. I knew she was lying, but I didn't call her on it.

She insisted on doing dishes, which I let her while I took a shower. It was tempting to take matters into my own hands while the hot water steamed up the bathroom. Anything to slake the sexual need that reared its ugly head anytime Rainey was in the room. Sleeping all night next to her was an exquisite torture that even whacking off in the shower wouldn't help.

The towel was tight around my waist when I opened the door. A billow of steam escaped, obscuring my view. Still, I halted immediately, stunned stupid to find Rainey with her flannel sleep shirt on. It was what was not on the bottom half of her that had me still as a statue. Hard as one too. She had nothing on except a pair of thong underwear, the perfect juicy globes of her ass aimed in my direction as she bent over the bed.

"What are you doing?"

Rainey jolted and straightened up, whipping around with a pair of scissors and her pajama pants in her hands. "Making shorts." Her voice was an octave higher than normal.

My lips quivered. The one leg of her pajamas looked like it had been hacked off by a chainsaw. "Told you it was too hot for those."

Rainey's whole face was bright red. "Turn around!"

I turned as a gentleman should, chuckling at her embarrassment, but refusing to wipe that image of her bare ass out of my brain. I'd have to live off that visual for decades to come.

"Okay."

I turned around and Rainey was already in bed, the covers up to her nose. I took pity on her and changed in the bathroom, noting that her gaze followed me all around the room until I shut the door. By the time I brushed my teeth and climbed in bed, her eyes were closed. By her breathing, I could tell she was asleep. Leaning over carefully, I placed a whisper of a kiss against her forehead. Then I lay there next to her for what felt like hours before I fell asleep.

At some point in the night, she cuddled up against my back, her toes finding warmth against the back of my calves. Again, I lay there for over an hour, just feeling her against me and wishing I could turn over and pull her close.

Maybe, just maybe, we could stay friends when she left. I wasn't sure how my heart could handle that, but my heart was hers anyway. Even if she left Blueball again.