Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Cadel sat on the edge of the bath, trying to study the pattern on the tiles to avoid watching Everest strip.

Everest was determined to make that as difficult as possible. "I think you enjoy seeing me naked."

"Just making sure you don't faint and crack your head."

"You can't do that if you're not watching."

Cadel glanced over, and Everest grinned as though nothing had happened on the street. "You could also have a shift. I've never been up close to a lion."

He kept his gaze on Everest's face, but the little thread of heat was back. The whisper of temptation that he'd never have another chance if he didn't take it.

Everest's grin widened. Could he smell even the faintest drop of desire?

"That would involve me also being naked, and I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Worried you might want to do more than watch?" He turned and arched his back.

Cadel needed to remember Everest had a thousand lifetimes of experience, and he knew how to move and what to say to create a spark. He'd have to be dead to be immune. "How can you be like this?"

"Like what? This?" He indicated to his lithe body. "Phoenix physiology."

"I meant…your brain is melting, but you're trying to get in my pants."

"Everyone needs a hobby."

"And seducing bodyguards is yours."

Everest shrugged. "It is in this life." A frown flickered over his face.

"What is it?" Cadel was standing and moving towards him before he finished speaking. He hadn't been joking about stopping the prince from cracking his head open.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit. What memory dragged you under?"

Everest shook his head, and flames flickered over his skin. He closed his eyes and for a moment he appeared peaceful, then fiery wings erupted from his back and consumed him, until nothing but fire remained. The phoenix was entirely made of flames.

His other job, when Everest shifted, was to put out any spot fires. He moved all the towels and anything that was flammable, so in theory, it should be fine. No shifter liked to be contained, though, as it was always more fun to shift outdoors. He imagined Everest felt the same frustration he did when forced to shift inside. There was nowhere to run or fly. It was a shift out of necessity, not pleasure.

Cadel's skin heated from being too close to the fire.

Everest remained suspended in the middle of the room, flames gently flickering. And in a heartbeat, Cadel understood why people had both worshipped and feared phoenixes, along with other shifters and witches .

Even now, there were some things science couldn't explain. Though he was sure scientists would give understanding the ability to shift a good try given half a chance. Perhaps in some secret government lab, scientists were already studying witches and shifters.

The phoenix dropped to the ground, and the flames receded as Everest reformed. He coughed and drew in a rasping breath.

"Always fun." His voice was rough, as though he'd breathed in too much smoke even though there had been none.

Cadel offered him a hand, and Everest took it, using Cadel's strength to stand. "Do you feel better?"

His skin was smudged with ash from where his body burned when he shifted. "Yes. The solution for my mind would be to remain as a phoenix; however, I can't eat when shifted, so remaining a phoenix is just a different way of dying."

At least when Cadel shifted, he could hunt. While shifting was a quick way to heal, it was also possible to become stuck if the shifter didn't have enough energy to shift back.

Everest's fingers were hot against his skin.

Cadel swallowed. He was still holding Everest's hand.

He needed to keep him in the present long enough to complete the mission. He wanted to tell Everest that he didn't need to do this, that there must be another way. But Everest was the one with all the memories. The knowledge of thousands of lifetimes, and the one who had to live with the soul bruise.

He put his arm around Everest and pulled him close, acting on instinct.

Everest didn't resist. "Careful, or I might think you like me."

"I think you're brave."

"Terrified of having to live like this again." He sniffed. But it wasn't blood on Everest's skin. It was a tear. "I don't want to die."

"At least you'll be reborn."

"It's not the same. It's never the same."

"What did you remember?"

"No, I don't want to risk going under again. I need to stay in the present, so don't ask me…don't let me talk about the past." He pushed away, but Cadel held tight.

"What do you need me to do?" He watched the glib response forming and expected something sexual to come out of his mouth.

"I don't know."

When he pushed away again, Cadel let him go. "Aren't you supposed to flirt with me until I give in and sleep with you?"

Everest turned on the shower, and he didn't turn around.

"Sir?"

"I don't want to wear you down until you give in. I want… I don't even know what I want." He stepped beneath the water and started washing the ash off his skin.

Cadel watched, unable to look away.

He was nineteen. He was ancient. He was a prince, a god, a demon, a brother, and a man who would do anything for the man he'd once loved. And he was so incredibly broken that he was falling apart with each passing minute.

Maybe that had nothing to do with the excessive memories and everything to do with the soul bruise that had been tearing him apart for centuries.

Cadel pulled out a towel.

Everest rubbed a hand over his face.

Should he leave and let the prince dissolve in the shower? Or should he stay in case he fainted? None of this was the job description. He'd signed on to be a bodyguard to protect the prince with his life. He wasn't equipped to deal with so much baggage. No one was.

"You can go," Everest dismissed him.

Cadel drew in a breath. "No."

"I want five minutes alone. Leave."

Cadel winced at the harsh tone but stood his ground. "I can tell, and I'm sorry, sir. But I'm going to stay."

Everest turned away, his hands still on his face. "The immortal phoenix is having a breakdown over dying."

"You're young and following through on decisions you made a lifetime ago. It is a burden you placed on yourself."

"It's the only way." He leaned against the wall, his shoulders shaking. "I want the memories gone."

"Your brothers might be?—"

"I need them. I'm not this smart without them."

"You're not smart if you pass out."

"If I can't do this, promise me you will bring Olier home."

Cadel opened the shower door. The scalding hot water splashed on his skin as he reached for Everest, wrapped the towel around him, and pulled him close. "We will find Olier and then find a mind reader to lock all those memories away. And you'll be fine."

"I want to believe you."

He wanted to believe him, too. He pressed his lips to the top of Everest's head. "You don't deserve this."

"Yes, I do. You have no idea how many people I have claimed to love and betrayed. I see them when I sleep. It's not one wound; it is hundreds, each one cutting deeper."

"I don't believe that. You're willing to die for him."

"No, not for him. I'm willing to die so that I no longer have to live with the pain. There is a difference."

But the end result was the same. Olier was saved, and Everest was healed. He rested his cheek on Everest's hair and rubbed his back, and Everest didn't pull away. He let himself be held.

He wanted to ask when was the last time Everest had been held without expecting anything or demanding anything. But the past was out of bounds.

Which only left the present and the future, though Everest didn't have the latter either. All they had was now.

Neither of them moved.

Cadel didn't want to move, and he wasn't sure Everest was capable. With the water running on the tiles and the spray soaking through his clothes, he tried to unjumble a few weeks of feelings.

The way he had started to enjoy the flirting and come to expect it and now it was gone, he missed it. He wanted Everest to keep trying because he was closer to agreeing than telling him to stop. He always had been.

He hadn't liked Bridgeman because he had crossed a line…the same one that he wanted to cross. And if he crossed it, what did that mean?

That he'd lose his job? He was going to lose it when Everest died, anyway.

That he was bi? He'd dated human women because that had been easy and expected, so he'd never let himself explore further. But the lying about being a shifter never got easier.

"If you keep hugging me and kissing the top of my head, I'm going to believe that you really do like me." The familiar snap returned to Everest's voice as the walls went up around him.

Cadel closed his eyes. It was his job to keep the prince safe. He hadn't counted on old ghosts being part of the problem.

"I do like you."

Everest went rigid in his arms. "Define like ."

"It's complicated." He could barely sort through his own thoughts and feelings, and he wasn't sure he could put them into words.

"And what would I know about complicated?" He tried to push away, but Cadel kept him close.

"I'm your bodyguard. I'm older—physically older—than you. You're a prince, and I'm a lion of dubious heritage."

Everest looked up at him. "You're trying to find a reason to say no and failing."

"You're dying?—"

"That's an argument for yes," Everest said. He was probably right.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Sweet, but I can guarantee you'll be the one getting hurt."

Cadel swallowed. Everest was right again. "You want sex, nothing more."

"Also, in the yes column. There is nothing wrong with convenient sex."

"I want more than being a convenient distraction."

"You deserve more, and I can't give you that." Everest was silent for a couple of heartbeats. "I can tell my brothers to give you a position at the castle for as long as you want it. You can call Mont de Leucoy home."

That was a very generous offer. One he wanted to take but wouldn't if he failed. "I have never lost a charge."

"I was already lost."

Cadel cupped Everest's jaw and tilted his chin. "And I want to find you."

"Do not give yourself that burden."

"You aren't a burden." His thumb swept over Everest's cheek. What would happen if he gave in and didn't worry about tomorrow? He leaned in, his lips only a whisper away.

"You cannot uncross this bridge."

"I know." His nose brushed against Everest's. His body wanted him. Curiosity had sparked desire. "You could burn the bridge to stop me. Tell me that you're using me."

"Of course I am. If I sleep with the wrong people, I'm safe."

Cadel's lips twitched into a small smile. "Safe from what?"

"From falling for the people who would use me." Everest closed the gap between their lips and kissed him.

Cadel didn't close his eyes, and it was nothing like any kiss he'd had before.

It was soft, tentative, like the first drop of rain before a storm. Heat surrounded him, but before he could open his lips for more, Everest stepped back.