Chapter 6

Chapter Six

On one hand, traveling without an entourage meant Everest was less likely to be noticed, but on the other hand, it also left them vulnerable, particularly if the Shadow Board decided they wanted another phoenix shifter and attacked.

It also meant Cadel had no backup.

Which meant he had to trust Everest, and he wasn't sure that was wise.

While he'd been told that Everest wasn't just a prince but also a phoenix shifter, when he started the job, he had not expected the memory issue. No one had warned him because then they hadn't known either.

And his brothers, not that they were brothers by blood, didn't realize the damage the magic was doing to Everest. Nor did they understand the extent of the damage the soul bruise was causing.

Cadel understood Everest's need to make amends and put things right, even if he didn't understand how or why it worsened with each passing lifetime. He almost grasped why Everest was willing to sacrifice this lifetime to put it right—he was tired of being in pain. No one wanted to live in pain, and sometimes, the injuries no one else saw did the most damage.

He'd seen other cops suffer with PTSD, and he figured this was much the same. The invisible damage was chipping away at who Everest was or who he had been until there was only the pain left.

Cadel ate the last bite of his pasta—the schnitzel was long gone—and considered his options and the not-so-young prince.

"Can you not study me like a curiosity?" Everest set his plate aside. "I need to check on the water level."

It would have been easy for Everest to ask him to do it. He had staff for everything. He could have paid someone to warm his bed. His brothers would've probably preferred that to burning through bodyguards.

Cadel watched him leave.

The suite in the hotel was bigger than Cadel's first apartment, though that was a low bar to climb over. He got up and put everything back on the trolley, then pushed it into the corridor. There was only one other suite on this floor, and it was empty.

They should relocate tomorrow after meeting with Everest's handler.

If they kept moving, it would be harder to be taken. Nor should they stay at five-star hotels all the time as the Board would expect that of Everest.

It wasn't only the Shadow Board that he had to worry about; it was Everest falling into a memory and the headaches. That Everest had only given himself six months before his brain failed was not reassuring, as it meant the problems were escalating.

What was he going to tell Lenoir?

He should tell him everything, but Lenoir would call a stop and demand Everest get help. That was the smart thing to do. But it would only worsen Everest's pain, and he'd have to grow up and do it all again. Set another plan in motion and waste more lives…

He'd already spent two lifetimes getting ready for this.

Planning every move, even talking to the Shadow Board when he'd been king and making noises about joining. Only a phoenix made plans that stretched over lifetimes.

The only part of the story he struggled with was that his brothers didn't care.

Even if they only cared because he was one of them that was still caring. They still worried about him.

He pulled the curtains closed in the living area.

The water shut off.

What kind of soul bruises was Cadel carrying? Were they lesser because he wasn't a phoenix? Had they crossed paths before? Everest had explained more over dinner, raising more questions.

He turned at the sound of Everest's soft footsteps. He'd taken his shoes off…and his shirt and was only wearing jeans.

"You look pensive," Everest said.

"I was thinking."

"Yes, that's what pensive means," Everest quipped with a sharp smile.

Cadel pressed his lips together. That was the prince he'd first met. All sharp tongue and expectations. "Get in your bath. I'm coming."

Everest's eyebrow twitched. "When you make it that easy, it's no fun."

Cadel growled.

This wasn't supposed to be fun.

Everest was dying.

While Cadel had risked his life many times, Everest seemed too young to be making that call. But Cadel had joined the police force around the same age.

Plenty of young men joined the military and were sent away to fight at the same age.

How was it different?

The difference was Everest was a prince. The man he'd sworn to protect. And the biggest threat was one he couldn't do anything about.

"I'll make watching worth your while…" Everest turned, hips swaying as he walked away.

"I've seen plenty of naked men." He followed, already expecting Everest to push buttons Cadel wasn't aware he had. Or maybe they'd always been there, and he chose not to look at them.

"And?" Everest stripped off his jeans and briefs and added them to the pile of clothes.

"And some of them were attractive."

"So you lied when you said you are straight." Everest stepped into the bath and leaned back with a groan.

"No." Cadel leaned against the wall. "Just because I have found some men attractive doesn't mean I want to fuck them." Would a man's mouth feel the same?

"Because you didn't allow yourself that option." Everest tipped his head back and closed his eyes.

"That's not true." If he'd wanted to, he would have…wouldn't he?

"You find me attractive." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes." He didn't want to lie to the prince.

"So why don't you want to find out?"

Cadel swallowed and stared at the tiles on the wall. "Why does it matter so much?"

"It gives me something to think about in the present. "

He shook his head. "It allows you to needle me, to push and pick until I can't stand you."

Everest opened one eye. "Ouch."

"Too accurate? You use sex to push people away. Use them and discard them." If he never let anyone in, they couldn't make a soul bruise.

"Better to use than be used."

"Who hurt you?"

Everest lifted his head and stared at him. "Which time?"

"Did it hurt learning all of your past?" He expected Everest to brush off the question.

He drew in a breath and sighed. "I had a three-day migraine after doing the spell. I couldn't sleep or eat as doors that were supposed to be locked were kicked open. My more recent lives assaulted me first, followed by the mental anguish and the physical pain. There is a reason we do not remember our past, even though we feel the effects."

He couldn't imagine living with all of that every day. "If you look for pain, you find it. What about happy memories?"

"You want to hear about the night I played the camp whore, poisoned the wine, and killed twenty Roman generals?"

"That doesn't sound very happy."

"They died… It was a good day."

"I meant, happy, happy. Like…playing as a child or being held by a lover? Simple things."

Everest closed his eyes and was silent. Was he sifting through lives, trying to find something? Had he only searched for fighting and killing?

"Those memories exist. But I can only unpack so many. I can't waste the time or space on opening everything. I made that mistake at the start. Once I was functioning again and had convinced Gerrit I was fine, I flicked through my lives at whim. I read the old scrolls because I remembered the language. I spent far too much time having fun reliving past exploits." His lips curved. "There is nothing quite like a three-day orgy…"

"You have access to all your lives, but you went looking for porn."

"I was sixteen, and it was all so old and exciting. Like, you haven't watched porn and then remembered your favorite bits."

"I don't have centuries of knowledge. You could solve archeological questions."

"Possibly." Everest shrugged. "But that's not why I did it. The nightmares started around the same time as the headaches. Memories I didn't want to see broke out of their rooms. They roam my mind and sneak up on me, taking up space."

"You didn't list nightmares as one of the side effects."

"I can deal with the nightmares. The screaming and the blood. Holding my own guts in while I find a place to die. Burning villages. Burning fur as shifters try to flee." He turned his head away. "There are too many like that. When we were no longer gods, it was easier to disappear."

"I'm sorry you remember all of that. You shouldn't have to."

"I need to. I needed to see the zealots. The faces of lost brothers. When we founded the kingdom, there were only six of us. The others don't remember, and they can't read those books. Before we came to Europe, there were a dozen…"

"It's not your fault."

Everest swiped at his cheek and swore. "I'm supposed to be seducing you with saucy tales."

"Is that what you really want to share with me?" Or was Everest playing another part? Keep him thinking of sex so there is no time to get to know him. "I can imagine that you played the camp whore convincingly. I suspect when people are around you, you can play them perfectly, so they see what they want to see. "

"And what do you see, Cadel?" It was the first time Everest had used his first name.

"A man consumed by old wounds, who wields sex like a sword, even though it cuts him in the process."

"Is that your way of telling me I have no chance?" Everest moved around the tub, folded his arms on the edge, and rested his chin on his hands. His dark gaze fixed on Cadel.

"You can keep trying since it helps you stay in the present." And the more Everest tried, the more he revealed about himself. "But I'm not going to let you use sex to push me away."

"I don't know how to do anything else."

"Liar. Find a memory where you actually loved someone, and they loved you." Cadel didn't believe that Everest had existed for centuries without being loved.

"That would be Olier."

Cadel crossed his arms. "He knew what you are. When was the last time you opened up to someone and let them in?"

"When was the last time you were in love, lion?"

"My girlfriend and I split up six months ago; I'm sure you read that in my file."

"Did you love her?"

"Yes."

"Why did she leave?"

That was a slip because Cadel hadn't said she'd been the one to leave, even though she had been. "It was complicated."

"Isn't everything?"

Cadel smiled. "Yeah. She's human and wanted marriage and kids, and I wanted out of the police force. I wanted to be around other paranormals, so I applied to be an agent with the Coven. But it meant more lies, and I couldn't juggle them. She sensed something was wrong, and when I wouldn't agree to marriage and kids, she ended it. "

"So when you said you don't like liars, you were looking in a mirror."

Cadel stared at the floor. "Yeah. Dating humans sucks. But other lions don't want me. And I don't want their bullshit, either."

"Phoenix shit is more of the same, only fancy."

Cadel laughed. "It's vintage."

"Vintage? It's antique." Everest grinned, and for a few seconds, he appeared to be only nineteen until Cadel looked into his eyes. He wasn't a jaded, spoiled prince.

Everest was tired and hurt and dying.

And there wasn't a damn thing Cadel could do about it aside from helping ease his pain, so his next life was better. Which seemed rather shit.

Let me help you do this suicide mission so you feel better next time. But what did he know about phoenixes and their many lives? Maybe this is how it was.

And Everest knew better than any phoenix alive because he remembered.

"Make your call and tell my brothers I'm alive."

"I thought you wanted me to supervise so you didn't drown."

"That was a lie to get you in here. I hoped to tempt you in…but you knew that. So perhaps you did want to perve on me after all." A smile played over Everest's lips.

Cadel shook his head. "What would you have done if I'd stripped off and gotten in the bath with you?"

"You'll never know."