Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Everest always found it interesting to see if and when his bodyguards told him to stop. Most were too eager to please and did anything he wanted as long as it wasn't going to get him killed.

But they were also dull.

There was no challenge if the man went willingly to his bed. Nor did he didn't want someone to fuck him because they thought it was expected. He appreciated the warning Kaine and Dalmon now gave his guards, as it made things more fun.

Cadel had only been with him four weeks—and he hadn't bothered too much with him because of Bridgeman. He'd been waiting for Bridgeman to be removed—it wasn't as though he'd been subtle about it. As much as he loved Gerrit, he insisted on treating him like a child, constantly telling him he shouldn't have affairs with the staff.

Like it mattered.

He couldn't download an app and create a profile.

He couldn't tell his bodyguard to take him to the nearest club…or glory hole .

He leaned against the wall to steady himself as a memory threatened to swallow him whole. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of a stone wall that no longer stood. The noise of a market surrounded him, and for a few seconds, he felt a man's tongue on his shaft and the wet heat of his mouth.

"No. That isn't real." But it had been.

The scent of spilled wine and discarded food filled his lungs.

Someone moved behind him, sliding a hand beneath his tunic to cup his ass. He considered letting the memory play out, but he'd made that mistake before. It was too easy to become lost.

"Everest. Are you okay?" Cadel's voice cut through the market noise.

Everest used the touch to pull himself back to the present.

He made a noise. It might have been a yes, but he wasn't sure. He couldn't open his eyes. He needed to.

Cadel put a hand on his shoulder. It was enough to break the grip of the memory. The heat and lust faded away, leaving him hard and aching and cold. The air conditioning in the hotel was too low.

Everest sucked in a breath. "I'm fine. Turn the AC up a bit."

Cadel stared down at him. While the lion shifter was only a few inches taller, he was all hard, lean muscle hiding beneath his clothes. "You don't look fine, and you don't smell fine."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Cadel leaned in and took a more obvious sniff. If Everest turned his head, his lips would brush Cadel's dark stubble. There was something very erotic about a man getting his scent like that. He half expected, hoped, Cadel to run his hand over his hip and pull him close .

"It's gone now." He rocked back, his golden eyes narrowed and assessing as if he didn't like what he saw.

"What was it?"

"Magic. It smelled like sour wine and something else."

That scent was always there. It must be something to do with the magic.

Cadel put his knuckle under Everest's chin and tilted his chin up. "Are you here or in the past?"

"I'm here, clearly," he said. He didn't physically disappear.

But Cadel was touching him as if he cared. No, he cared about keeping his job, which meant keeping him safe, which meant stopping his mind from breaking.

The memories grabbing him were becoming more frequent. They got their claws in and dragged him back more easily. When he was in control, he found what he needed. He had found everything he'd ever learned about the Shadow Board and then traced back to learn about the families in charge. He'd gotten to know his brothers better. He'd passed all of his exams because he had so much knowledge, and he'd done it all before.

"But you weren't," Cadel said softly, understanding what was going on.

Everest pulled away even though he wanted to pretend for a few minutes Cadel cared about him. "It doesn't matter. I am here now."

"Until next time."

Everest pressed his lips together and scowled at him. His blood was hot, hoping there might be more than a sniff and a chin grab on offer. No doubt Cadel smelled that, too.

"How did you unlock your memories?"

"It doesn't matter. It's done now." Everest took another step back. One more, and he'd be back in the bathroom, which didn't seem like an entirely bad idea. He'd fill the tub, turn on the jets, and forget about everything for a little while.

Unless a memory grabbed him, and he drowned.

"It matters to me because we are working this operation together, remember? So if this is going to affect your performance?—"

Everest laughed. "I can assure it doesn't."

Cadel shook his head, and for a moment, Everest was sure he saw disgust flicker in the lion shifter's eyes. He didn't want that. He might need Cadel to pull him out of a memory.

"Magic," Everest said, giving Cadel the morsel he wanted.

"No shit. What kind?"

There was that push. The reminder that Cadel wouldn't bend to his will the way the other had. He put an edge in his voice. "Perhaps you are being a little too informal?"

"And perhaps you are a little uncomfortable with answering questions and letting anyone close." Cadel kept his words low and soft, making them far more dangerous.

The barb struck dangerously close to Everest's heart. If no one got close, they couldn't get to know him, which meant they couldn't judge him. It was impossible to be found lacking if no one expected anything from him.

Let them think him careless and reckless…

Then he couldn't disappoint.

He drew in a breath and pushed back on the tide of memories that wanted to reveal all the times that had been true.

"If I think this is too risky, I will call this off." Cadel's voice was a low growl.

"Then I will go alone."

"And you will die alone and wake up a Shadow Broad slave. You don't want that."

He prayed that when he hatched, all the memories would be gone and he'd been restored to factory settings, ready to roll, the same but different.

"I do not." He conceded. And he couldn't rescue Olier on his own. He'd gone through the missions in his previous lives, or at least those from the last five hundred years or so…sometimes it was hard to tell when it was. "I got the spell last life. But I was too old, and I had the others to raise."

It hadn't been the right time, either. The things he'd set in motion had needed to play out, and the others needed to step into their roles. It was always a risk, that time he spent as an egg and then a child. Things had moved faster than he'd expected.

"So when you were told what you were and you read your book, you used the spell. You've had all the memories for three years?"

"They made finishing school a breeze. I can read and speak any language that I once knew." He could guess how people might react because he had access to hundreds of iterations of similar situations. He was right over ninety percent of the time.

"You didn't tell anyone what you did."

How the fuck was Cadel reading him so easily?

"I don't need their permission. Or yours." He snapped, hoping that Cadel would back off. He didn't answer to his brothers, and he would not answer to his bodyguard.

"No. You don't. But people who care about you?—"

Everest gave a sharp laugh. "They care about the country and about keeping our secret; they do not care about me. They do not care that Olier was taken. They had over one hundred years, and they did nothing. So I started to do something."

"How do the memories help?"

"Because I no longer have to rely on notes made in a book." There had been things he hadn't written in his books that were important now, even though, at the time, he had dismissed them. "I remember everything. And now I know all about the Board and who is on it, And I can trace their lineage through my memories."

"That's why you're so smart. "

"I was always smart. The memories took it a step further." A hundred different memories gave him the most probable outcome in a split second. He understood topics he'd never studied. And he had, on more than one occasion, explored some pleasurable memories. There were several orgies that he had re-lived…he hadn't expected there to be so many.

Cadel's nostrils flared as he sensed exactly what Everest had just been thinking. "And the price of the magic is that the past can sneak up and grab you."

"Non." That was a troubling surprise.

"What is the price?"

"What makes you think there is one? Did you order room service? I'm starving." He went to brush past Cadel, but the lion's hand reached out and wrapped around his arm. Everest glanced at Cadel's thick fingers, then up at his face.

Another man would've released him immediately and groveled for daring to touch him.

Cadel took a beat, and Everest watched the calculations in his golden eyes. He was pretty. Dark hair, light brown skin, and all predator.

"Sorry, sir." Yet he didn't let go.

If he demanded to be released, he'd push Cadel away, and he needed him. "You are still standing, and your clothes are on."

Cadel's lips twitched, but he didn't smile. "And you are trying to change the topic. I saw you trapped in a memory."

"I wasn't trapped. I was enjoying a moment." But he hadn't been able to free himself.

Cadel shook his head. "I don't like liars. If you lie about this, what else will you lie about? It makes me wonder if I can trust you."

"I'm sure my brothers told you not to." His brothers were no doubt disappointed it had been he who'd returned, not Olier.

He hoped that if the situation had been reversed, Olier would've searched for him.

"That doesn't make it true."

Everest clamped his teeth together. He was not debating who he was with a man who'd only known him a month.

"I'm taking a bath." Everest turned around and stalked back to the bathroom. It was going to take a while to fill the tub.

"You're a kid with centuries of trauma."

Everest stopped. Flames flickered over his fingertips. "I am not a kid."

"You're nineteen."

"My body is nineteen. I am thousands of years old. You would do well to remember who you are talking to."

"I'm not sure who you are. Are you the seducer? The Coven agent? The Shadow Board spy? The hedonist prince who only cares about a good time? Or a man so determined to find his brother he'll kill himself in the process?"

Everest spun and pushed Cadel against the wall. Cadel could've pushed him off, but he stood there with Everest's hand on his chest and the fabric of his shirt smoking. "You know nothing of soul bruises. Wounds so deep they fester with each life, slowly eating away at your soul. I don't want to die, but I will not live another life with this wound tearing me apart."

He snatched his hand away.

"You're right. I don't because I only have this life."

"You're wrong. All paranormals are reborn, though not the same as I am. You carry soul bruises from your previous lives."

Cadel shook his head. "I carry the mistakes of this life."

"Yes, and some of them you will carry next time. The greater the feeling, the deeper the wound."

"So if you don't care about anyone, you can't be wounded. "

Everest gave him a small smile. There was no point in lying about that. "Correct. I live for fun and to do the duty my brothers expect."

"If you die, you can't become king."

Everest swore in a language that had been dead for a thousand years. The words still felt good on his tongue. "I don't want to be king. I do not want to be a prince. I want to be a no one."

"Without the money and connections, getting your brother back would be harder."

"I didn't say I wanted to be poor. I have more money than I can ever spend." He sighed. "Next time will be better. No soul bruise. And I will request that I am not royal. I need a break."

He didn't feel nineteen. He hadn't felt sixteen after he'd accessed his memories. He was old and tired, and he needed to heal this wound and move on. "Don't look at me like that. I am not wasting this life. For me, rescuing Olier is the point of this life. Finding him and bringing him home will be enough."

A handprint-shaped scorch mark marred the front of Cadel's shirt.

"Your death will upset the king."

"He only cares because he played the role of my father."

Cadel frowned. "He is your father. He raised you. He loves you."

"My brothers do not love me. They tolerate me. With only four of us, they need me."

"I refuse to believe that."

"That is your choice, but I have centuries to back up that claim."

"Sounds like a soul bruise. You want to be loved…Olier loved you."

Everest froze, not liking the way Cadel pinpointed his pain .

Cadel tilted his head. "The greater the feeling…" His eyes widened in understanding. "You were lovers."

"Don't act so scandalized. We are no more closely related than you are to another lion shifter picked at random."

"How do you know?"

"Last life, I had a scientist run some tests when the others were babies."

"That was dangerous."

Everest shrugged. "I had questions I wanted answered. I wanted to learn who we were and how we ended up founding Mont de Leucoy."

"And?"

"We were gods or demons. Mercenaries or rulers. We were the hunted or the hunters. Witches, shifters, and humans have been killing each other for millennia…if I go back to my creation, I may not come back. I fear going back further than I have done."

"If you become lost, how do I pull you back?"

"A touch is enough. You'd best make sure I don't slip into the past and drown in the bath. If I die before rescuing Olier, I will find you and kill you no matter how long it takes."

"Understood, s?—"

Everest's lips curved. "You can join me in the bath."

"No. I can watch from the side."

"Worried you might enjoy it?"

Cadel studied him for several heartbeats. "It's like you flick a switch, and a different side of you takes over."

Everest glanced away. That was the first change his brothers had noticed. They said he wasn't acting like himself. He was, but different versions of himself. "I have always been fickle, though it has gotten worse."

"What else has gotten worse?"

There was a knock on the door of the suite .

"You get dinner, and I'll get the water going."

"Changing the topic again."

"I'll tell you, but you cannot share it with my brothers. I need to do this. I need to heal this wound. I cannot live with it again." Stupid tears pricked at the corner of his eyes.

Yes, he wanted Olier back because he was the one who cared and who understood him best, but he couldn't live with this raw and bleeding wound that was tearing his soul apart.

"Your brothers don't know how bad it is, do they?" Cadel sounded as though he cared.

"They do not. They have other worries, and I need them to take down the Shadow Board for me."

"You set this whole thing up."

"I spend over sixty years as bloody king. Of course, I fucking did." He hadn't known how it would play out, but he'd had the time to set things up, so the odds were stacked in his favor.

Waking his brothers so they were of similar ages had been necessary despite the risks. And for a little while, he'd been happy, and they had loved him as children. He sniffed and drew in a breath.

Everything would be fine, especially if Jacob found some actual phoenix eggs. They'd have others to hatch. He'd hide and heal and hatch again in the future.

And if they forgot about him? Or if the humans hunted all shifters to extinction?

He was okay with that, too. He didn't fear death or even waiting to be hatched.

He was terrified of failing and breaking under the weight of his own failures. Each small one he fixed eased the burden, but it was Olier who was dragging him under and leaving him gasping for his next breath.

He'd learned the hard way love wasn't worth the pain.