28. Grace

Chapter 28

Grace

Anxiety crackled in my veins and thrummed at the base of my neck as we entered the suite in the ski lodge. I wanted to turn off the part of my brain that fixated on the pressure to perform, about how much money he spent — he hadn't looked at the invoice when he slapped down his credit card, but I did.

I wanted him to take control, craved the surrender to his warm hands and assertive directions ….

But he surprised me, scowling at the rustic-chic room like he was inspecting it for bed bugs, passing right by the bed, and leaning his elbows on the balcony railing to look over the mountain.

I followed, leaning the back of my elbows on the railing to face him. The metal bar under my foot quivered.

"What's the plan, Clarke?" I jeered nervously, butterflies pounding against my ribs. "You dragged me up here for the view?"

"It's a nice view." His shoulder raised lazily. I itched to rub my clammy palms along my pants, wondering how he could seem so calm when I was exploding on the inside … until I noticed a sheen along his upper lip.

Oh my gosh. Arrogant, cocky Alexander Clarke was nervous. About me . He'd reluctantly admitted last night that it had been years since he'd had sex, and now he hid his insecurities behind cool detachment.

He'd paid for this fancy-pants suite to finally have sex and he got cold feet. And if I tried to verbally reassure him, to let him know that I was freaking out too, he might shut down more.

Holy heck. I was going to have to seduce him.

I didn't know how to seduce … but I knew somebody who did .

I promised myself I'd never tell Alex what I was thinking as I channeled his sister's alluring charm.

I glanced over my shoulder at his view of the mountain then assessed him top to bottom, not hiding my blatant perusal. I mimicked his shrug with a flirty grin. "This view's better."

I dropped my ski cap on the balcony floor and slid down the zipper of my coat, feeling none of the chilly December air, insulated by his hot gaze. I loosened my boots and let the snow pants drop, leaving a pile of gear on the concrete.

Standing in my long underwear on the windy balcony, watching his composure unravel with each discarded article of clothing, I'd never felt more powerful.

I tipped my head coyly towards the skiers. "You gonna stand there while I give all these people a show?" I reached for the hem of my shirt as a growl rose from his throat. Before I could raise it an inch, my body was being effortlessly carried into the room.

"They don't get to see you before I do." He lowered me on the bed and stripped off his outerwear. Then he was down to his base layer, crawling up the mattress, blue irises overtaken by his dark pupils. He propped himself on his forearms over me and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

His mouth was sweeping, claiming, plundering. My hands cradled his jaw, scraped over his scalp, clawed at his back. Weeks of pent-up yearning unspooled — no yoga class to teach, no work to interrupt, no family listening in. His greedy mouth departed for a journey down my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, and landed on my breast. His teeth scraped through my shirt, letting out a masculine growl as my nipple puckered under his attention.

My patience snapped, pushing him up and dragging the shirt over my head. Cool air brushed against the sweat on my skin, my cold nipples warmed by his hot mouth and steady hand over my sports bra. I should have pulled that off too, or offered to shower — god, we were so sweaty — but before I could, he pulled up the hem and latched onto my tight bud.

All thoughts disappeared as I arched into his mouth, weaving my hands into his hair as he licked and sucked. Words evaporated, replaced by whispered curses and plaintive begging. His hips dropped, his cock grinding against my thigh .

I slid a hand between us over his tight thermal pants, inadequate at concealing his arousal. I stroked him over the thin fabric as he let out a needy groan. My hand trailed under the waistband, wrapping around his hard cock.

"Wait," he moaned, his body not wanting to stop but his mind awakening.

"Wait," he repeated, reluctantly removing his mouth from my breast.

"Wait," he panted again, lifting to hover above me.

"Why?" I murmured with a playful squeeze of his shaft.

"It said — this isn't how we're supposed to …" He dropped his head to my forehead. I ran my hand along his cock again, kissing the side of his jaw. His arms gave out and his chest dropped into mine, his long underwear rubbing against my tight nipples. "This isn't — Shit, Grace, I had a plan."

A surge of joyful laughter bubbled up at how thoroughly he'd thought this through. Only Alexander Clarke would mansplain sex to someone with her hand down his pants.

I smiled against his mouth as I trailed my thumb over the head of his cock. "That's cute, Alex. Tell me your plan."

He rolled away and tugged his pants up, then stood to catch his breath. "We need to talk."

Oh God, I'd read this all wrong.

He hadn't been nervous in need of seduction. He'd changed his mind.

I'd been in this situation before. After, ‘We need to talk' came, "You're a sweet girl, but …'

I pulled down my shirt and scrambled to lean against the headboard, tucking my knees into my chest. He bent over his pile of gear, probably looking for his key to get out.

"You don't have to let me down easy," I said, rubbing my hands on my legs.

He straightened. "What are you talking about?"

I tucked my head to rest it on my knee. "We can pretend this never happened and go back to skiing. It happens."

His eyebrows pinched. "What happens?"

He was really going to make me spell it out ?

"You changed your mind. That's why I had to drag you in from the balcony. You were mentally composing the ‘it's not you it's me' speech." My shoulders scrunched around my ears.

"I didn't change my mind, I'm fucking nervous," he confessed as he folded his arms, then unfolded them and blew out a hard breath. "I'm scared I'm going to hurt you or trigger a flashback. You had one this morning, and you seemed ok so I … but on the elevator, I remembered how tired you were last time and how you wanted to be alone, but what if you wouldn't tell me …"

His hand wrapped around his neck. "So we need to talk before we go any farther. And I need some distance while we do, because I'm having a really hard time keeping my hands off you."

I inhaled sharply as my trembling hand rose to my mouth.

"I've been half hard all day — which is not fun in snow pants, for the record. You'd think the cold weather would help, but then you lean close, or I'd remember how your mouth looked last night while … fuck, I've never wanted anyone like I want you."

I wanted to say something smart, or reassuring, or sexy … but the only word that came was, "Oh."

He blinked, waiting for more, then his lips parted. "But you thought …"

I could feel his question, wondering why I would think he was leaving, not realizing that whenever I let anybody get close, whenever I showed them the real me, they left.

And he'd already left me once without notice.

And he was going to leave me again in a few days.

Mercifully, his mouth closed and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, I should have been clearer, but my head was …" He picked up his ski jacket from the floor. "I stopped because I wanted these."

He fumbled in the pocket and tossed lube and condoms on the bed. "Not that I assume, or expect that we — I wanted to be ready."

My legs unfurled. "You've been carrying these all day?"

"I packed the lube this morning, in case …" His cheeks flushed and that crooked grin rose. "And found the condoms in your glove compartment. "

Yeah, I definitely wasn't going to tell him that Mallory stashed them there. She handed out condoms like a dentist hands out toothbrushes.

Their presence buoyed my confidence, remembering her advice, ‘Have fun, be safe, guard your heart and don't expect forever.'

Have fun. This was supposed to be fun .

I tried to slough off my hesitation. So what if he was leaving?

I was in the bed of the hottest man I'd ever seen. I was putting all my abandonment issues on display, yet he was …

He watched my gaze drop to the bulge in his thermal pants — yep, still hard. His hand clenched in restraint.

"And you called me the optimist," I teased to lighten the mood.

"Apparently you're rubbing off on me."

"Or at least you hope I will," I answered with a shy smile, and his grin widened. "So, um … what do we need to talk about?"

"I told you, I have a four step plan," he said, heated gaze running over my body. "Step one: Define a goal that benefits all parties."

I blinked in disbelief at his negotiation steps, then held out my arms to indicate the lodge. "I'm in your bed, haven't you already won?"

"What better opportunity for a win-win?" he said with a smug grin. My mouth curved up at his cockiness as my confidence built. " My goal is to make you come. Multiple times, if you let me." My breath hitched, my temperature rising even without him touching me. "Can we define that as a joint goal?"

"Yeah," I rasped, smoothing my messy braids.

"Step two: Set ground rules. Anywhere you do or don't want me to touch?"

"Sometimes it can, um, take me a while." I smoothed out the fabric of my shirt. "People get annoyed when I can't tell them how to …"

His jaw clenched. "That leads to step three: Troubleshoot and find alternatives. Tell me what feels good, I adjust when it's not."

My mouth went dry so I licked my lips, his gaze lingering on my mouth. "What's step four?"

"Implementation of our agreement," he said, finally crawling across the bed, leaning over me to kiss me, his hand cupping my cheek .

Then, my stupid, annoying, mortifying stomach chose that moment — that moment! — to let out the loudest growl of hunger ever.

And Alex? He laughed, that jerk. A booming, echoing laugh.

A laugh that his mother hadn't heard in a decade.

He kissed me again and shifted away. "But first, I need to feed you."

"No, I'll be fine," I shook my head vehemently, wrapping my hands around his shirt to tug him back. "We can keep —"

"I'm starving but didn't notice until …" he leaned down to kiss my stomach, murmuring to my belly. "Thank you for telling me what she needs."

I sighed, shifting towards the edge of the bed. "Fine, I'll run down to the restaurant for sandwiches. Do you want coffee?"

"I like everything about that plan except you leaving." He pulled me back between the pillows and pressed me into the mattress. "Don't move."

He lifted the phone on the nightstand. As I took the receiver, his hands grazed my ankles and his eyes met mine. When I nodded shyly, he tugged my leggings to pull them off.

"Room service," the voice said as Alex's hands traced up my calves.

"Yes, I'd like to order coffee," I said. He held up two fingers as his lips pressed into the inside of my ankle. "Two, with cream and sugar."

"We'll send up a carafe."

Into my calf, he murmured, "Appetizer."

My head felt cloudy at the feel of his lips. "And, uh, a charcuterie board?"

His mouth moved up to my knee as his fingers trailed inside my thigh, and he said with a cocky grin. "What are their specials?"

I glared at him — or as close as possible with his hands tracing circles inside my legs. He barked out a laugh of pride at the effect he had on me.

"A burger and a pizza, please," I said into the phone as Alex's hands reached my panties. My hips jerked as his thumb swirled over the bundle of nerves that was now my clit, and any words being spoken were overpowered by the feel of his hands exploring the soft fabric.

He poured lube on his fingertips and met my gaze for approval, then moved my panties to the side, running a slick thumb over my center .

"Order dessert, Grace," he said, voice quiet and firm as my decisionmaking ability disintegrated.

"Dessert," I breathed into the phone, only able to repeat his words. As the staff member listed options, he wrapped his hands around the edges of my panties and met my eyes with a question. When I dipped my chin, he slid them down my legs and tossed them over his shoulder.

His mouth grazed from my knee up my thigh with tender kisses. After a breath-stopping crooked smile he lowered his head, placing a scorching kiss a few inches higher. I lost my breath, restraining a desperate moan into the phone.

His finger dipped inside me, my panting breaths coming in faster as electricity pooled in my belly. He moved his mouth back to nip my thigh, "Apple pie, Grace. A la mode."

"Apple pie," I repeated into the headset as his tongue licked inside me. My legs fell open and my head tilted back, "with vanilla ice cream, please."

"Great." The voice sounded uncomfortable, like he was trying to get off the phone. I wanted to get off too. "Anything else?"

Alex's palms spread my thighs wider as he kissed my clit. My hip thrust into his face with a frustrated grunt. He chuckled, his tongue flicking and teasing me.

"Leave it in the hall, thank you," I cried before slamming down the receiver in abject horror. Before I could formulate the words to chide him for embarrassing me, his mouth slid around my clit and his finger moved back inside me, making my hips shoot up. The cry that I'd been holding back finally escaped, resonating between my ribs, echoing in my chest, tingling in my nipples and fluttering in my stomach.

"So polite," Alex murmured. His mouth traced the seam of my thigh, teasing every nerve. "Losing your mind, but still saying please and thank you. Are you going to be that polite with me, Grace?"

"Please," I whimpered, wanting his mouth back where it belonged. Threading my hands in his hair, I tried to pull him back but he resisted, smirking up at my frustration from between my legs, opening them wider and teasing his fingers back inside.

"Please what?" he asked in feigned confusion.

"Please put your mouth back. "

"Where?"

"On my — on my clit. Please , Alex.".

"Such a good girl, that's what I like to hear," he said as his head dipped again, his soft moan reverberating through my nerve endings. I whimpered at the workings of his tongue, writhed as his fingers explored inside. "I knew you'd feel this good. So sweet, so tight, so fucking perfect."

"God, that feels incredible," I raved, feeling my inner muscles clench and he groaned into me at the praise. My feet pushed into the bed to lift into his mouth and he wrapped his free arm over my waist to hold me down as his lips and tongue caressed me. I gripped the sheets as sparks built in my stomach.

When he looked up with a triumphant gleam in his eyes, it was enough to make me fall apart.

"Oh fuck, Alex!" I swore as the orgasm cascaded through my body in a flush of heat, warming in my core then snapping through my nerve endings. My hips bucked into his mouth as my legs shook around his head, fingers tangled in his hair. He let out a hungry moan, sending vibrations shooting through my center, up into my belly, and through my fingertips and toes. Pleasure cascaded through me, wiping my mind clear of all thought.

His gentle hands caressed my legs as I came down,murmuring against my sensitive skin. "Can you go again?"

"I — I don't know," I confessed, mind a little loopy, body feeling drained. "That was …"

"That was what, Grace?" When I let out a grunt of tiredness, his teeth scraped my inner thigh. "Don't leave me hanging. Lightning or fireworks?"

"… the Fourth of July."

"Good. That was the opening burst," he said, self-satisfied and confident. "Let's build to the grand finale."

His mouth dropped for another round, but I used my hand in his hair to pull him off. "No, not that. Can we …? Please, Alex."

I drag him up to kiss me, pulling his body against mine. My eyes fluttered shut as our bodies fit perfectly together, and his hard length pressed against my hip. I dropped my hand between us to trace his length.

"God," he tilted his head back to catch his breath. "How do you do this to me? "

I pushed his pants down his legs and he shifted to kick them off. I grabbed the condom and rolled it up his length. He rolled over me, propped up on those perfect forearms, and notched himself at my entrance.

Then he was pressing into me, stopping to let me adjust and clenching his jaw at the snug feel.

But it wasn't just his size I was adjusting to.

He fit perfectly into my body. The way a man was supposed to fit a woman. The way I'd always craved feeling — like half of a whole.

If only he could fit so perfectly into my life.

"Can you lift your legs, darling?" he asked. WhenI wrapped my legs around his hips, he slowly pressed the rest of the way in. I loved the feel of him inside me, of opening for him.

And we paused as he made small circles with his hips, his forehead pressed against mine, gazes locked. I fell into his eyes, irises dark with need like the midnight sky. I gave myself over to his movements, lost in the slide and friction as he began to move.

I used my well-honed meditation skills to push away all thoughts of anything but the feeling of him inside me. As my body built to another climax, as my hips rolled into his, as he aligned himself so that he grazed my clit at the end of every stroke, as my body lit up with need and desire … I leaped.

And I let myself fall.