23. Alex

Chapter 23

Alex

I crawled under the dining room table to lock the leaf in place. When I arrived with Grace, Mom shot me a ‘we'll talk later' face, offered appetizers to Jean and Ruby, and put me to work setting the extra places.

My head slammed against the underside at Dad's voice. "We didn't expect you for Christmas."

I hadn't expected to be here either. When I left last week, I'd swung by the house with Victoria to pack my bag without telling Mom and Dad I was leaving. I rubbed the back of my head as I crawled out. "The client signed late last night, it made more sense to come home."

"How long are you here?"

"Flying back on January 1." My eyes darted into the kitchen, where Mom and Grace sliced potatoes and hummed to Christmas carols. Jean knit and Ruby perched on a stool playing with the dusty old pony I'd found in my aunt's basement.

"Why didn't you call us to pick you up?"

"The train station is only a mile from the hospital," I said, which was factually accurate but dodged his real question: ‘What the hell are you doing with Grace?'

I hadn't come home one night last week. At the time, so focused on making sure she was ok, I hadn't considered my parents' reaction, when she asked me to stay, or when I'd gone to class with her, or when I'd been called off to work.

I definitely hadn't thought about how to respond when Dad grilled me like he was polishing his shotgun on prom night .

"I didn't like how I left things," I said, turning to the china cabinet for plates and glasses. Digging around in a drawer of kids' plates and cups, I found a rag to rub off the light dust that had settled inside. Without realizing it, my attention re-focused on the women in the kitchen as Ruby spoke to my mom, who burst into laughter.

"That Ruby's a charmer, huh?" Dad said.

I couldn't hold back my grin. "She reminds me of Mallory at that age, always wanting to put on a show for her adoring fans."

"I guessed I missed that," he sighed, his shoulders slumping. I shot him a quizzical look — how could he forget her impromptu dance recitals? "I worked too much when you were kids, missed so many milestones: your first steps, Nick's first words. Terry coached your baseball team because I couldn't get off work. Thankfully your mom knocked sense into me to make me realize what I was missing."

I stared at him, incredulous. I'd always thought my parents had the perfect marriage. From the moment they met, their love had seemed inevitable. Mom went to a real estate closing with one of her interior design clients at Dad's office, and he'd been dumbstruck by her beauty, charm, and poise. He chased her out into the parking lot to beg her for a date that night, and they were married six months later.

But maybe it hadn't been as perfect as it seemed. Had he really been absent? And what had she done to knock sense into him?

Before I had a chance to ask, he cleared his throat. "But that's a story for another day. Let's not ruin Christmas by rehashing all my mistakes."

Mallory entered the kitchen, wine glass balanced between her fingers, and lit up when she saw that Grace had arrived. She pulled her into a tight hug, then Grace introduced her to Ruby.

"Rainbow Dash!" Mallory shrieked in a tipsy voice, dropping onto the stool next to Ruby.

"Santa brought me this one," Ruby bragged, displaying her new toy. "My best friend MacKenzie's Rainbow Dash has spikier hair."

"Mine looked just like this. She even had a mark from when … "

When she tapped a dent in the toy, her eyes shifted to Grace, whose lips parted as she caught my eye. My sister twisted, first surprised to see me, followed by a glare of betrayal for my theft. I nodded to Ruby. Mallory blinked twice, then grinned. "Wanna see if we have Applejack?"

When my sister held out her hand, they disappeared together to the basement. Grace's gaze dropped to my mouth before she reached for her wine glass and responded to something Jean said.

Dad's gaze locked on my face, eyes softened but brows furrowed. "Alexander, do you know what you're doing?"

"Yeah, Dad. I'll be careful." We both looked at Grace laughing with Mom, that gorgeous smile lighting up the room. "Nick gave me advice."

Now it was Dad's turn to look surprised. "You and Nick are talking again?"

"Grace dared me to call him."

I examined my fingernails to avoid Dad's eyes, remembering that morning's conversation with my brother.

"You know there are other girls to hook up with, right?" he'd asked.

"If I wanted meaningless sex I would have stayed with Victoria."

"You two are still doing that?"

"Not for a while." It seemed inevitable at the hotel, but I realized that while the opportunity was always there, it had been over a year since either of us had taken the initiative. Even if I had gone upstairs, she probably would have been passed out in paperwork. I would have jerked off in the shower and crashed alone.

"Good. The problem with long-term casual sex is that it rarely stays meaningless for both parties."

"Is that why you find a new woman every month?"

"One of the many reasons," he said smugly. "But I meant you could find someone unattached to Mallory. Download an app, buy her a drink, get it out of your system. Don't drag Grace into your drama."

"But I don't want that."

"Why? You only want what's off-limits?"

"Being Mal's friend only complicates it. And it's not like we grew up with her, like Kate. That would be gross, like kissing my little sister. "

"Like Kate would lower her standards to kiss you," he teased. "So if it's not chasing what you can't have … why Grace?"

"It's not just one thing. She's smart and funny, and she calls me on my shit but she's also sweet, and when she laughs, it's like …"

"Oh my gosh, you like this girl."

"She's impossible not to like. You should see how everyone at the hospital fawns over her."

"No, I mean you like -like her. You have a crush."

"What is this, middle school?"

"You're not denying it."

Since Nick knew already, I confessed, "Yeah, I have a crush."

"Holy shit, Alex Clarke is growing feelings in his old age. I wonder if it came in with your longer nose hairs."

I ran my hand over my nostrils to check. Jerk.

"This could get messy," Nick warned. "If she gets hurt, Mallory will be livid."

"I won't hurt her."

"I believe you won't try to," he sighed. "You'll fly back to California unscathed while she deals with any fallout. Are you sure I can't talk you out of this?"

I grunted a no. I wanted his professional advice, not his judgment. After all, my brother had developed a reputation for three things:

On set, he was known for being a perfectionist but not a diva, a quiet leader beloved by his coworkers.

Off-set, he was known for letting loose. He hosted giant invite-only house parties — sponsored by Elysian tequila, of course. In the press, he was photographed a revolving door of women. When one managed to date him for three months, Cosmopolitan ran a cover story: "How to Keep An Unattainable Man."

Gossip columnists and paparazzi grilled his exes, but they didn't engage in the usual Hollywood slander, insisting that he was a perfect gentleman. When pressed, they said they didn't feel like they knew him.

Because that was the final part of his reputation: secrecy about his personal life.

Nick had always kept to himself, and when he finally hit it big, our whole family was harassed for access. His quest for privacy started as a way to protect us from scrutiny … but then the stories escalated .

If you believe the gossip, his house supposedly has an off-limits wing. The Hollywood Reporter claims it's a sex dungeon, but that's unconfirmed by anyone he's publicly dated. If I had to guess, it's something nerdy, but I wouldn't know; he's usually filming on location, so I haven't visited his place in LA since he first bought it five years ago.

"You know the campsite rule? Leave the person in better shape than you found them," Nick asked. "As long as you communicate about your timeline and boundaries, and treat her well during your time together, you should be ok. Oh, and one more thing …"

Mallory returned with another pony, looking almost as excited as Ruby. Grace had been right: Mal's childlike joy was one of my favorite things about her. They started playacting a scene about the ponies being, I don't know, chased by dragons on a volcano … who knows what those two were up to?

"What did Nick say?" Dad prompted.

"He said Grace should tell Mallory about us, without my involvement."

"That's probably for the best," Dad said in relief, then clapped my shoulder. "Come on, football time until dinner is ready."

After dinner, Mom pulled out a small red satchel and declared it was time for the Peppermint Pig. She explained theSaratoga Springs Christmas tradition to Jean and Ruby: Families strike the candy pig with a hammer then eat a peppermint shard while sharing a tale of the past year's good fortune.

As she explained, my mind whirred. What good fortune could I share?

Mom slid the small pig into the velvet bag and whacked it with a mallet the size of a mini-golf pencil. "Since I'm going first, I get to claim the overly sappy fortune of being together. It's been a long time since Alex has been home, and Grace has brought even more wonderful people into our lives. "

Mallory was thankful to Grace for being her studio work wife and taking care of all the boring stuff. Dad was grateful for the doctors and therapists, working tirelessly to help him regain his strength, and Grace for being there when he needed her. Jean was grateful for Grace's unexpected hospitality.

Ruby, who looked so little in her chair between Jean and Grace, glanced skeptically inside the red velvet bag. "There's a pig in there?"

"A candy pig, about the size of your palm," Mom said. "If we break it into smaller bites, there will be enough pieces for everyone."

Ruby picked up the mallet. "I won't hurt it?"

"No, sweetie, it's already broken," her grandma said.

Ruby whacked the bag, thanking to Santa and Mallory for her new ponies. When Jean nudged her, she added that she was glad Grace called Santa.

When Grace reached for a shard, her eyes flicked to mine as she placed it in her mouth. Under the table, my body reacted to the pinkness of her tongue and the shape of her lips around her fingers. She looked down at the table with a flush in her cheeks, then her eyes rose to Mallory's, then Mom's, then Dad's. "My good fortune this year is the sensory room. It couldn't have happened without this family." Then her eyes dropped to Ruby. "And my favorite patients will get to enjoy it."

When the pig landed in my hands, my mind went blank. I didn't want to talk about work … and I didn't have anything else.

I whacked the velvet bag, the candy pig cracking inside. Took my time to remove a sliver, hoping that stalling would bide my time for a good idea. It didn't.

I cataloged everyone else's answers: Grace's hospitality. Grace's resilience. Grace's kindness and generosity.

And then I knew what to say.

"I'm grateful that Grace yelled at me," I smirked. When her lips parted in surprise, Mallory nudged her shoulder in approval.

I crooked my finger at Ruby so she leaned closer, delighted at the secret. "Ishouldn't tell you this, but the first time Grace called me, she was mean to me."

Ruby turned to Grace in shock. "You were?"

"She needed to be. She's sweet to the rest of you, but she understood, even before we met, that I needed tough love. "

When Grace's hazel eyes softened, my throat tightened … so I looked across the table at my mom.

"If she hadn't yelled at me, I wouldn't have gotten on that plane. I would have missed …" I cleared my throat and crossed my arms, squeezing my elbow.

Mom's eyes misted, so I looked at Ruby leaning against Grace's shoulder, brown eyes wide with curiosity. When Grace's arm reached around Ruby's back, my tongue felt too big for my mouth.

"I didn't realize how much I'd been missing, and I …" I stared at my empty plate as my words lodged in my chest.

The silence around the table was thick. I opened my mouth to finish, but all that emerged was a rough cough. Embarrassed, I dropped my hands into my lap and stared at them.

A blonde tornado knocked me sideways and slung her arms around my shoulders. I stiffened in surprise and almost pulled away before remembering Grace's explanation that Mallory always craved touch.

I wrapped an arm around my sister's puny waist, leaned into her bony chin, and let my eyes drop shut. She murmured into my hair, "We're glad you're here now, Alex."

Mom wiped a tear away and stood up, brushing her legs. "Who wants dessert?"