26. Isla

26

ISLA

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

My fingers hover over my phone screen, my heart pounding as I debate whether to send the text. After two days of bottling up my emotions, I finally feel ready to face Asher after his help while I was dealing with a very heavy period. Not to mention, we need to get back to filming the short-form content that Bailey and our social media followers absolutely love.

When he was there for me, it was just like he used to be years ago.

It’s stupid, really, how much I’ve overthought this moment. I keep replaying that afternoon in my mind—the way he showed up at my door with the goodies he purchased for me in hopes that it would make me feel better. It’s not like I forgot how kind he could be. But feeling it again, so unexpectedly, cracked something open inside me.

I take another deep breath as I stare at the message I’ve typed, urging myself to press send. What if I’m being foolish about all of this? Could this be something that I’ve just drummed up in my head, and he’s not thinking anything about it?

Honestly, I don’t even know what“this”is.

Me: Thanks for everything a couple of days ago. I was wondering if we could talk?

The words are lame, but I’m not sure what else to say. Before I can stare at the message for fifteen more hours, I hit send and toss my phone down on my bed. It’s silly because I’m going to end up picking it back up in the next minute to see if he responded anyway.

I glance at Tessa’s side of the room, thanking the universe that she has class right now and isn’t here to watch me do this. The only one who can judge me as I pace back and forth is me. The likelihood of me getting a response anytime soon is low because of his busy schedule, and I know that. Even with that in mind, each second still feels like an eternity. Have I made a terrible mistake?

All of that changes, however, when I hear the tiny sound of my phone vibrating on my bed, stopping the spiraling that I’ve gone down and am about to get deeper into.

Asher: Of course. Are you feeling better?

I read his words once and then twice. The fact that he’s still concerned about my well-being, even days later, makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter.

Me: Yes, much better. Thank you.

I press send quickly this time, so I don’t stare at the text, and he responds in a flash.

Asher: I’m glad. How about you come over to my place? We can talk here.

Relief washes over me, followed by a fresh wave of nerves. Going to his house feels intimate, but it’s better than meeting in public or here because Tessa might disturb us.

Me: Sure, that works. When do you want to meet?

Asher: I’ll be free in an hour if you are. No practice today.

I stare at his response. In an hour? As in today? I knew there wasn’t practice today, but the timing of this is throwing me for a loop. I glance down at my outfit—an oversized sweatshirt and leggings. At least I have time to change.

Me: An hour works. See you then.

I hit send before I can second-guess myself. Now, I have less than sixty minutes to get ready and go to Asher’s place. My heart races as I rummage through my closet, trying to find something to wear that looks put together but not like I’m trying too hard.

Why am I even thinking this way?

I settle on a pair of dark-wash jeans and a soft, cream-colored sweater. It’s casual, but still nice. I decide to shower and change, which takes up most of the time. I run a brush through my hair and apply a touch of mascara and lip gloss.

Asher sends me his address just before I leave my room. Although I was there for the hockey party, it was dark, and I was drinking. Once I hit the road, the drive to his place feels way too short, but it makes sense because his house is just off campus. When I pull up out front, I sit in the car for a moment, trying to gather my courage. The place is typical of what you’d expect for a group of college guys—rough around the edges, but I can still see the charm in it. The house itself is two stories, built decades ago, with weathered brick and white trim that could use a fresh coat of paint. Their front yard is small and unkempt, unlike the grounds of the university. But I have to admit, I’m surprised by how clean the outside is and wonder if it carries on into the inside of the home.

This is it. No turning back now.

I step out of the car and make my way up the front porch. I can feel myself slightly shaking as I make my way to the front door, but before I can even knock, it swings open.

Asher.

Has he been watching and waiting for me to arrive? I can’t deny that the thought of that makes me happy.

“Hey,”he says, stepping back to let me in.“Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me,”I reply.

I step inside, taking in the surprisingly tidy hallway and living room. The furnishings are simple but comfortable, with a well-worn couch, a couple of armchairs, and a coffee table with a few textbooks. It feels lived in but not messy.

Asher closes the door behind me and gestures toward what I assume is the kitchen.“Make yourself at home. Can I get you anything to drink?”

I shake my head, feeling too nervous to even think about consuming anything.“No, I’m good. Thanks, though.”

The war within me rages, screaming thatthis is a mistake andI’m being a boss by reaching out to meet.I should have thought more about what I was going to say before texting him, but here we are. It would have been easy just to text him and say thanks, but I wanted to meet with him in person.

Why am I lying to myself? I know exactly why I wanted to see him.

“Are your roommates here?”I ask, glancing around and breaking the silence at the same time. Go me.

He shakes his head.“No, they’re gone, at least for now. It’s just us.”

“Ah.”I’m not sure how to feel about that. I’m glad we’re alone, but given what I’m feeling right now, I’m not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse.

Asher leads me into the living room, and we both take a seat on the couch, which leaves a respectable distance between us. I exhale as my fingers make their way to the hem of my sweater. I’m struggling to find the right words to start this conversation.

“So,”I begin, my voice sounding a little shaky, and I hate it.“I wanted to thank you again for coming over the other day. It meant a lot that you were there for me.”

Asher’s green eyes meet my blue ones, and I see a flicker of emotion in their depths.“You don’t have to thank me, Isla. I’m just glad I could help. I couldn’t do much to take the pain away, but?—”

There he goes, being all sweet again. I shake my head and put my hand up to stop him from talking.“No, you did so much, and I appreciate it. Eventhough I wonder if it has made things awkward between us. Or maybe that’s just me being caught up in my own head about all the things that are going on between us and I should?—”

Asher’s chuckle stops me.“Sunshine, you’re rambling.”

I feel my cheeks grow warm because of his words. He’s right, I am rambling. I take a deep breath, trying to slow myself down.“Sorry. I guess I’m just a little nervous.”

“Why?”

I bite my lip.“Because of everything that has happened since I moved back here. It’s just... it’s brought up a lot of old feelings.”

Asher nods slowly.“I know what you mean. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about it too.”

Relief washes over me, but I can still feel the heat on my cheeks. At least it’s not just me. “Really? I wasn’t sure if... I mean, after everything that happened between us...”

Asher leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.“Isla, what happened back then... I was young and stupid. I made a mistake letting you go. And seeing you again, being around you, it’s made me realize how much I’ve missed you.”

My heart swells at his confession.“I’ve missed you too. More than I wanted to admit. But what about my PCOS diagnosis?” I blurt out the question without processing that I was going to ask it.

“What about it?”

“I experience some of the side effects that come along with it.”

Asher tilts his head as if he’s trying to understand what I’m trying to say. “I don’t understand how that would change how I feel about you.”

“But I have difficult periods sometimes, as you saw the other day.”

“And I wish I could take the pain away.”

“I have excess hair growth that I sometimes shave off.”

He shrugs. “So what? I’m hairy too.”

That makes me laugh for a second. “And I told you about the weight gain and pregnancy?—”

Asher touches my cheek, silencing me without saying a word. “I don’t care about any of those things because all I want is you. All of you. I also did some research after you told me about it so I could educate myself. Like things you can eat that might help lessen the symptoms, medicines you might have to take….”

I close my eyes while leaning into his touch and trying my best not to cry. It feels so natural to me, and I refuse to fight against what seems to be instinct. I’ve missed his touch, and it’s only now that it hit me.

“But that’s not all.” I open my eyes as he finishes speaking. He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a slender, off-white box. “Glad I didn’t smash that in my back pocket.”

He hands me the box. I stare at it for a moment before opening it to reveal a delicate silver necklace with a small teal charm shaped like a lotus flower and a teal ribbon intertwined. “This is a reminder of how strong you are in your battle with PCOS. The teal lotus flower and ribbon represent your fight, resilience, and strength throughout all of this. You’re a warrior.”

My tears make their appearance as I look at the necklace. I touch the charm gently before looking back up at Asher. “It’s beautiful,” I whisper. “Thank you so much.”

It takes a moment for him to put the necklace on me, and he helps me wipe away my tears. Once he does, I look up and find what I can only describe as doubt in his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I hope I’m not fucking all this up. We have a lot of history, and I don’t want to mess it up again.”

“Aren’t we older and wiser and all that now?”I ask as I play with my new necklace and earn another chuckle from Asher.

“I suppose we are.”

“But what are we doing?”

Asher’s thumb gently caresses my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. He doesn’t wait for me to respond to his question.“I think,”he says,“we’re giving ourselves a second chance.”

I search his eyes, trying to read the true meaning behind his words within them.“Is that what you want?”I whisper.“A second chance?”

Asher nods, his gaze never leaving mine.“More than anything, sunshine. I know I hurt you before, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. But if you’re willing to give me another shot, I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make it right this time.”

“I want that too, but I’m terrified.”

“Completely understandable. It was the same way for me the first time around, but not anymore. I’m not running away from this again. I’m not running away from whatever this is and what it could turn into.”

“But what about my dad? He’s still your coach.”Apparently, blurting out questions today is the name of the game. I’m stating the obvious, but it’s the truth. I still work with the team. Is that against any rules in the paperwork I signed?

Asher’s gaze shifts for a moment, and I can see the cogs in his brain turning before his eyes meet mine again.“I know it’s complicated with your dad being my coach and you working with the team. But I’m willing to face whatever challenges come our way. I’m not going to let that stop me from being with you. I did it once, but I’m not doing it again.”

“But I don’t want to be a distraction for you.”

“You would never be a distraction for me. Hell, if anything, you’d be the reason I’m less distracted. Knox would be proud.”

I tilt my head to the side, and Asher drops his hands from my face. I immediately miss his touch.“What does he have to do with this?”

A soft smile plays on Asher’s lips.“It’s a long story, but Knox has been on my case about you since the moment he saw us together at the rink.”

I raise an eyebrow, intrigued.“Oh really? And what has he been saying?”

Asher chuckles before leaning back against the couch. I might stare for a second longer than I should when his shirt rises, showing a hint of abs, but his words bring my attention back to his face.“He pretended like he was going to go after you to piss me off because I was denying what I knew to be true, even though it was the first time we’d been in each other’s presence in years.”

I can’t help but laugh at the thought of Knox pushing Asher’s buttons that way. It’s oddly reassuring to know that Asher’s feelings for me are so obvious that his teammates, who would know him best, have noticed.

“Well, I’m glad he could give you a little nudge in the right direction,”I tease. Some of the nervousness I’ve been feeling since the moment I decided to text him leaves my body.

A smirk appears on Asher’s face.“I agree, but it didn’t take much. Now, enough about him. The last thing I want you to think about right now is another guy.”

“Oh really?”The words sound more flirty than I anticipated, and I have to give myself a mental pat on the back.

Asher leans in closer, his face mere inches from mine.“Really,”he murmurs as his hand cups my cheek once more.“Right now, I only want you thinking about me and what I’m about to do to you.”

And then his lips are on mine.