25. Asher

25

ASHER

T he silence between Knox and me feels like a ticking time bomb as we sit across from each other in our living room. I didn’t expect the words to flow like we were on the best of terms, but this is painful.

With a sigh, I lean forward, my elbows land on my knees, and I say,“So...”I clear my throat, trying to find the right words.“I know things have been weird between us lately.”

Knox snorts.“Weird? That’s the understatement of the fucking year.”

I open my mouth to respond, but Knox cuts me off before I can get a word out.“Look, about what I said the other day, about Isla?—”

I cut him off this time.“I overreacted, and I know you didn’t mean anything by it. There’s a bunch of stuff going on, and I don’t know up from down half the time.”

Knox’s eyes zero in on me. It’s the first time he’s looked me in the eye in who knows how long.“I can see that. You’ve been playing well for the most part, but you’ve still been off your game.”

The truth hurts, and I can’t deny that he’s right.“I’m doing the best I can right now,”I say.

“Your best?”Knox’s laugh is harsh.“Your best isn’t good enough if this is it. We’re all busting our asses out there, and you’re dragging us down with whatever the hell’s going on in your head.”

I flinch at his words, feeling the weight of my own failures pressing down on me.“It’s not like I’m doing this on purpose, Knox. I’m trying to keep it together.”

“Trying?”Knox rubs a hand across his chin.“You think trying is enough? We’re not just talking about you here. The whole team is feeling it. You used to be the guy we could count on. Now? You’re a fucking liability.”

His words slam into me like a sledgehammer, and for a moment, all I want to do is fight back, to tell him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I can’t because, deep down, I know he’s right.

“I get it,”I say, my voice barely above a whisper.“You’re right. I’ve been off my game, and it’s affecting everyone. But it’s not just about Isla. There’s a lot going on that I haven’t talked about.”

“So talk.”

“It’s also my family. My mom... she’s been struggling… financially, I mean. We weren’t rich by any means when I started here, but she’s had blow after blow over the last few months. I’ve been trying to help where I can, but it’s difficult.”

“I get it. Family stuff is never easy. But you can’t let it follow you onto the ice. You’ve got to compartmentalize and get help.”

I nod, knowing he’s right, but it’s easier said than done.“I’m trying, but sometimes, it feels like everything is just too much. It feels like I’m being pulled in a million different directions and can’t keep up.”

“So ask for help. You’ve got a whole team behind you, Asher. We’re here for you, but you’ve got to let us in. You can’t keep shouldering all of this on your own.”

I lean back, running a hand through my hair as I exhale.“I just don’t want to be a burden and let anyone down.”

“You’re not a burden. But you are letting us down when you don’t trust us enough to tell us what’s going on.”Knox’s words are blunt, but I can hear the underlying concern in his voice.

He makes an excellent point that I agree with. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I know I need to communicate better and ask for help when I need it.”

“Damn right, you do. We’re a team, Asher. On and off the ice. We’ve got your back, but you’ve got to let us in.”

This conversation is helping more than I expected because I do feel the tension leaving my shoulders.“Thanks, Knox. I mean it. I know I’ve got some work to do, but I’m going to try to be better about leaning on you guys when I need to.”

“Good. Because we need you, Asher. The team needs you. But more importantly, we want to be there for you as a friend.”Knox reaches out, clasping my shoulder.

I manage a small smile.“I know. And I’m going to do my best to be there for you guys, too.”

“I think the guys will appreciate that. And I’m sorry for pushing your buttons the way I was.” Knox asks as he drops his hand from my shoulder.“So what’s the plan? What can we do to help?”

“…I’m not sure yet,”I finally say.

It is the truth. None of this is easy, and I’m not sure which way to turn at this point. My schedule is pretty much what it is at this point. Having more money would be helpful, but I’m not ready to beg for handouts. My family and I are doing fine, but it could be better.

“I get it. And?—”

Knox’s words get cut off as heavy footsteps hit the stairs. If I didn’t live here, I would assume the person is falling down the stairs. But I know it’s Wilder trying to get… somewhere. As if conjured by my thoughts of him, Wilder pops his head in the room and says,“Is the coast clear?”

“The fuck…”Knox mumbles before I can comprehend what is going on.

“Are you two done? Are we all cool?”

Knox and I exchange a confused glance before I turn back to Wilder.“Uh, yeah, we’re good. Why?”

Wilder’s face splits into a grin.“Because the cavalry has arrived!”

He steps into the room, followed by Levi and Blaise, both of whom are carrying pizza boxes and a case of beer.

“Wilder was hungry and thought we could all use some bonding, so here we are.”

I shake my head because I’m not at all surprised that this is Wilder’s big idea.“You guys are something else. Thanks for this.”

Levi sets the pizza on the coffee table and plops on the couch beside me.“Anytime. That’s what friends are for, right?”

The feeling is mutual. I give him a slight nod and reach for a slice of pizza. The smell alone is enough to settle any tension in the room. It’s not New York-style pizza, but as soon as I take a bite, it hits the spot.

Wilder flops onto the armchair across from us and takes a long drink from his beer.“So what else are we going to be up to tonight? Should we continue the deep feelings talk? More heart-to-heart conversations?”

I roll my eyes, but Blaise speaks first.“How about we just watch the game? Although there is a time and place for it, I’m not drunk enough for a feelings talk.”

“Seconded,”Knox agrees, reaching for another slice.“I’ve had enough serious conversation for one night.”

“I’m not going to disagree with that,”I say before taking another bite of the pizza in my hand. The warm, cheesy euphoria is sitting in the top three of the best things ever, right behind hockey and sex. The order of importance for those things changes depending on the hour. Is it right? I’m not sure, but it’s where things stand in my head.

Levi grabs the remote and flips through the channels until he finds the game we’ve all been waiting for.“Here we go. The San Diego Sharks versus the DC Titans. Perfect timing because the second period is just starting.”

Our TV screen lights up with the packed arena, and I wish I was there. The DC Titans, in their bold red, white, and blue uniforms, are known for their excellent offense. On the other side, the San Diego Sharks, wearing deep navy and gold, have a reputation for their disciplined, hard-hitting defense. The clash of styles promises an exciting game, and because we are in Virginia, most people in our area will root for DC, including myself. However, I know that Isla’s older sister works for the San Diego Sharks, so I’m curious about who they are rooting for.

Probably still the Titans.

I stretch my legs as the second period begins. My discussion with Knox fades into the background as we focus all of our attention on the game. The Sharks strike first, a quick wrist shot from their star forward sneaking past the Titans’ goalie. Wilder lets out a groan, shaking his head.

“Come on, Titans. Get it together,”he mutters, taking another swig of his beer.

But the Sharks keep the pressure on, their defense smothering the Titans’ attempts to generate offense. By the end of the period, it’s 2-0 Sharks, and the mood in the room has shifted from relaxed to slightly anxious.

“They’ve still got time to turn it around,”I say. I don’t know how my optimism is going to fly at the moment, but here we are.“One goal, and they’re right back in it.”

“They better,”Knox grumbles.“I’ve got money on this game.”

I raise an eyebrow at him.“Since when do you bet on hockey?”

He shrugs.“Since I had a good feeling about the Titans. Which they’re currently making me regret.”

This time, Blaise chimes in,“You don’t bet on our games, right?”

Knox rolls his eyes.“I’m not gambling. Someone bet me that the Sharks would kick the Titans’ ass. And I couldn’t say no.”

The third period starts, and I’m ready to lace up my skates and jump in there myself if they don’t turn it around. Thankfully, it seems as if the Titans have gotten it together after the last period. They come out as if their asses are on fire, and I’m thrilled. They get rewarded for their efforts five minutes later when their captain, Hunter Callahan, scores on a deflection from the point. My living room erupts in cheers.

“There we go!”Wilder exclaims, pumping his fist.“That’s what I’m talking about!”

The goal energizes the Titans, and they control the play. But the Sharks aren’t going down without a fight. Their goalie makes a series of spectacular saves, if I say so myself. Because of that, it robs the Titans of what looked to be several goals. Fuck.

As the clock winds down on the last period, the tension in the room is almost back to where it was when Knox and I were talking, but for a different reason. With just two minutes left, the Titans pull their goalie for an extra attacker. It’s a risky move, but they need a goal.

Everyone in the room is on the edge of their seats as the Titans swarm the Sharks’ zone. Passes are flying, and shots are being fired from every angle. The Sharks’ goalie is making save after save. If they weren’t up against the Titans, I would be impressed, but how well they are playing only irritates me.

“Come on, come on,”Levi mumbles under his breath, his eyes glued to the TV screen. I’m not sure if he realizes he said the words, but I agree with his sentiments.

With just thirty seconds left, the Titan’s defenseman, Caleb Raine, winds up for a slap shot from the point. The puck rockets through a maze of bodies and finds its way into the back of the net.

“Yes!”I shout as I jump to my feet.“Fucking finally!”

The room feels like pure pandemonium. We all exchange high fives, and there might have been some beer spilled, but we can deal with that later. I swear it has been some time since we’ve felt this joy from our games.

The game isn’t over yet because it heads into overtime with a tied score. My leg is bouncing up and down as it begins, and I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through this alive, given the anxiety that I’m feeling. My heart threatens to leave my body unassisted the longer this game goes on.

Although both teams have the opportunity to score, neither one of them can make a goal happen. I rub a hand across my face when it’s becoming more apparent that we are heading for a shootout. I look to my left and find Knox pacing back and forth, clenching and unclenching his fist. A lot must be riding on this bet he took, and I can’t help but wonder why. However, now that we are just back on good terms and with the high stakes of this game, this isn’t the time to ask.

But then, with just over a minute left in the extra period, the Titans’ forward, Luke Drake, picks up a loose puck in the neutral zone and makes it all the way to the goalie.

I swear the room holds its collective breath as Drake makes his move. Forehand, backhand, forehand again. The goalie bites, and Drake tucks the puck into the open net.

Game over.

Titans win!

“Oh my—”An explosion cuts my words off.

“Unbelievable!”Wilder yells, spilling his beer again.“What a finish!”

Knox lets out a triumphant shout, pumping his fist in the air.“Yes! That dude is going to pay up!”

I turn to him, grinning.“Looks like your bet paid off, huh?”

He nods, a smug smile on his face.“Never doubt the Titans, man. Never doubt them.”

Levi leans back on the couch with a grin on his face.“That was one hell of a game. Reminds me why I love this sport so much.”

“Couldn’t agree more, brother,”Blaise says as he reaches for another slice of pizza.

As the post-game analysis starts on the TV, I look around at my friends and teammates, happy to have them all here to experience this with me.“You know,”I say, grabbing a slice of pizza myself,“this is exactly what I needed tonight.”

Levi raises his drink in a mock toast.“To the Titans and to nights like this.”

We all raise our cans in agreement, and for a moment, everything feels right. No stress, no pressure, just a bunch of guys enjoying the sport they love.

There isn’t much better than that.