17. Isla

17

ISLA

I mentally replay the interactions I’ve had with Asher over the past week.

On the one hand, I can’t help but smile every time I think about him giving me his coat and the Skittles on Saturday. Deep down, I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. He’s my ex, the one who broke my heart and made me build these walls around myself. Nevertheless, I can’t deny that I appreciated the gesture—or that I swooned a little when he made sure I was warm, even though he didn’t have to.

And I can’t even think about what we did in my parents’ house during the team bonding event. The way he looked up at me with his head between my legs almost made me have another orgasm. It made me forget, just for a moment, all the reasons why we shouldn’t have been doing it. I have no regrets outside of wanting more of him, not less.

Damnit, Selene and Hailey. More so Selene, but that’s beside the point.

I sigh as I use my key to unlock my dorm room. Thoughts of Asher evaporate as soon as I’m greeted by the icy glare of my roommate. She barely acknowledges my presence before turning back to her laptop, choosing to type loudly on her keyboard.

“Oh, you’re back,”she says a few seconds later as I put my bookbag down near my desk.

“That I am,”I reply, taking off my coat.“Hope you had a good day.”

I don’t want to be nice to her, but I can’t help but be polite because I don’t want things to get worse between us.

She snorts, and I can feel her rolling her eyes even though I can’t see her face.“As if you care.”

I bite my tongue, holding back what I really want to say. It’s not worth it to engage. With a sigh, I run a hand across my face and realize it’s been a while since I shaved the hair that grows on my chin. It’s one of the many perks of PCOS—unwanted hair in all the wrong places. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it feels like one more thing I have to deal with, as if everything else isn’t enough.

I’ve asked Dr. Patel about some remedies for that and will be trying a medication soon.

Making a mental note to do that the next time I shower, I sit at my desk and pull out my laptop. I brush it off, focusing instead on the pile of homework waiting for me. I have a couple of papers that are due in the next couple of weeks, and I want to at least start them, so I’m not rushing at the last minute. At least that’s the hope, because who knows how much I’ll actually procrastinate.

I settle in at my desk, open my laptop, and try to concentrate on the assignment in front of me. But my mind keeps wandering, and the tension in the room makes it hard to focus. The clickety-clack of my roommate’s furious typing is getting on every last one of my nerves. Instead of pouring gasoline on an already burning fire, I dig into my bookbag, find my Bluetooth headphones, and try to enter my own world. Once I put the headphones in my ears, I find my go-to homework/study playlist and press play.

I take a deep breath, attempting to center myself. I can’t let her get to me because I have work to do. She will not be a distraction.

The music I listen to time and time again does something to my brain. It is helping to drown out the bitchy vibes that are attempting to slap me in the face, thanks to my roommate. I open up the syllabus for my media and society class and download the PDF I’m supposed to read for class, which will help with the paper I need to write.

I force myself to focus on the words before me, trying to absorb the information about social media’s impact on modern society. It’s an interesting topic, one that I can relate to as a college student and as a photographer who shares my work online. But even as I read, my mind keeps drifting back to Asher and what has happened between us.

No, I can’t think about that. What I have to do is stay focused on my studies. I highlight a relevant passage in the PDF, wishing I had printed it out at the library so I could write some notes in the margins. I force my attention back to reading because I need to make progress on this assignment. The words blur together as I try to concentrate; my mind still wanders to thoughts of anything but the document in front of me.

After what feels like hours but is probably only thirty minutes, I can’t take it anymore. Although I haven’t been back in my room for long, I need to get out of here. I know I need to find another place to study and do homework because I can feel Tessa’s negative energy from here.

I save my work and close my laptop, stuffing it into my backpack along with the rest of the work I need to do. I grab my coat and head for the door, not bothering to acknowledge my roommate as I leave. The cool evening air hits my face as I step outside, and I take a deep breath, feeling some of the tension leave my body.

I start walking, not really sure where I’m going, but I need to move. The campus is quiet at this time of night, which I don’t mind at all. The library is a great place to go, where I can get some work done and find the quietness I’m craving.

I pull out my phone to check the time. Selene sometimes works the late-night shift at the library, and it would be nice to catch up with her, but it’s not late enough. Then again, if there’s a chance she’ll be there tonight, maybe I’ll stay there until she’s done with her shift and take the couch in her room. The idea continues forming in my head as I text Selene.

Me: Hey, are you working at the library tonight?

Selene: I am. What’s up?

Me: I needed to get out of my room because of you-know-who and could hang out there through your shift.

Selene: Ah. That’s fine, and then you can come back to my place.

Me: Thanks so much. I’m so grateful for you.

Selene: As you should be.

Selene: Just kidding. I love you, too. See you soon.

I smile at my phone before stuffing it back into my pocket. She’s absolutely ridiculous, but I love her, so I guess that’s why I keep her around. Plus, we can talk about the latest that has happened between Asher and me because I haven’t filled her in. I wanted to wait until I processed it. However, at this point who knows when that will be?

As I approach the library, my phone buzzes with another notification. Expecting it to be Selene, I glance at the screen, only to see that I have a new email. It’s from Bailey, and I’m left confused by the subject of the message.

The subject line of Bailey’s email reads, “Meet Tomorrow?” Confusion floods my brain. I stare at my screen for a moment before tapping on the message to open it.

Hey Isla,

If you have time, I’d like to meet with you tomorrow to discuss your work and a few other things. Would 10 a.m. work? If not, let me know what times work.

Best,

Bailey

I frown at my phone screen, trying to decipher the cryptic message. Discuss my work? A few other things? What could it be about? I can’t figure out what I might have done wrong. Should my mind have gone straight to me thinking I fucked up? Probably not, but that’s where it goes.

Could it be about Asher? Not too many people know about our history, and they shouldn’t know what has gone down in the last week.

Did Asher tell anyone?

But that doesn’t make sense either. I would also expect to hear from my dad if it was about Asher.

My mind races with possibilities as I stare at Bailey’s email, my feet carrying me on autopilot toward the library. Could it be about my photography work for the team? Did I somehow mess up an assignment without realizing it? Or... is it about Asher? The thought sends a jolt of anxiety through my body.

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves as I type out a reply.

Hi Bailey,

10 a.m. works for me. I’ll see you then.

Sincerely,

Isla

I hit send before I can second-guess myself. I shove my phone back into my pocket because my anxiety is climbing. Now I have something else that’s going to screw with my brain until after 10 a.m. tomorrow. But I have to focus on the work I need to complete right now.

The entrance to Ramsey Library is finally only feet away. I say finally because it feels as if so much has happened in the last hour. Warm light spills out of the enormous windows, and I can see rows and rows of bookshelves from across the street.

I walk through the automated doors and stop. Selene will be working at the circulation desk soon, so it makes sense for me to stay on the main floor so that she will see me when she comes in. I scan the room, searching for an empty table where I can set up my stuff for the next few hours.

Spotting a somewhat secluded area near the computer lab, I make my way over to the table in question. I settle into a computer chair with wheels and pull out my laptop, binders, and highlighters for the second time this evening. I arrange them neatly on the small table in front of me and open my laptop.

The first thing I do is print out all the papers I need to read about media and society. If I’m going to the library, I’m going to read and digest the information the way I want to, which just so happens to be by highlighting things and taking notes the old-fashioned way.

Once I collect my printouts, I put my headphones on, press play on my playlist, and get to work. The change in scenery and being able to mark up the documents does wonders for my focus because I find myself getting things done. The words flow more easily now as I highlight passages and write down key points that I’m taking from the reading. Time seems to slip away as I work. The outside world has faded into the background, and I’m finally getting things done.

A gentle tap on my shoulder startles me back to reality. I look up to see Selene standing beside me with a soft smile. I take my headphones out so that she can speak to me. “Hey, best friend. How’s it going?”

I lean back in my chair, stretching my arms above my head. “Better now that I’m here, if I’m being honest.”

She glances at my things scattered across the table. “Looks like you’ve been productive.”

“Yeah, I feel like I’m killing it for the first time in a while. There’s so much we need to catch up on. Plus, something else happened that has me kind of freaking out.” I pull out my phone and show her the email from Bailey. “I got this message asking to meet tomorrow morning. She wants to discuss my work and ‘a few other things’. Whatever that means.”

Selene reads the email before she looks up at me. “Huh. That is a bit cryptic. What do you think it’s about?”

I shrug. “No clue. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out if I did something wrong, but I can’t think of anything.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing bad,” Selene reassures me. “You’re an amazing photographer, Isla. The team is lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Selene.” I give her a small smile. It is what I need.

“Would it be weird for you to ask your dad if he knows anything?”

I sigh. “I thought about it and even double-checked that Bailey hadn’t CCed him on the email. Wouldn’t they have included him if it was something serious?” I say, trying to convince myself more than Selene.

She nods. “That’s a good point. Honestly, if it was something awful, I doubt Bailey would wait until tomorrow to talk to you. She’d probably want to discuss it ASAP, even if it’s late on a Monday.”

Her logic makes sense. “You’re right. I’m just overthinking it. As usual.” I shake my head at myself.

“That’s why I’m here. To bring you back down to Earth. Now I have to go and start my shift.”

I glance at the clock on my screen. Had that much time really passed? “Okay, I’ll be here, and thanks for letting me stay with you tonight.”

“It’s not a problem.” She flips her red hair over her shoulder dramatically. “Now, if you need to check out any books, I’m your girl.”

“Duly noted.” I roll my eyes at her as she walks away. A few seconds later, I snatch my phone from its resting place on the table. I immediately set an alarm to make sure that I’ll wake up with enough time to make it back to my dorm room.

The last thing I want is to be late for this meeting with Bailey.