21. Nick

CHAPTER 21

NICK

You’re mine. I love you, Clara. - Nick

Iwas running behind schedule. Instead of dropping off the kids with Morgan in the parking lot, I’d had to drag them all around that damn festival trying to find her, and I had the feeling I’d somehow pissed Clara off when I’d introduced her to Morgan’s douchey fiancé.

Making small talk with Morgan was never my idea of a good time, and adding in her fiancé? No thank you. It had wrecked my mood.

To be fair, I had no reason to dislike Malcolm; he just gave me a dirtbag vibe. But bad vibes weren’t enough to act like a dick to him, and the kids had no complaints, so I always kept things cool and cordial whenever I was around him which, luckily, was not often.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Clara a text to apologize for acting like a grouchy ass at the festival.

After leaving the kids with Morgan, I’d stopped at the Piggly Wiggly for wine and dinner ingredients. How the place was that busy when half the town was at the festival was beyond me.

I was late for my football game, still had to get the steaks in the marinade, and now someone was banging on my damn door.

My brother’s voice rang out. “Hey, Nick. I know you’re in there. It’s Sam, open up!”

I stalked to the front door determined to get rid of him. I was in no mood for whatever family bullshit he was most likely coming to harangue me with. I’d done my familial duties for the day in dropping off the kids with Morgan, but now I was running late. I was supposed to be at the Smoky Mountain Inn in a few minutes for football and I needed it. I was tense, and a good game always helped me unwind—that, or a long nap. Honestly, I was torn between the two.

Clara and I were having dinner together tonight, and I was exhausted. I wanted to play some ball, come home and shower, have dinner with Clara, then spend the rest of the night buried inside of her—in that order. Sam and his bullshit did not fit into my plans for the day.

I threw open the door. “I don’t have time for this⁠—”

He looked like shit. Messy, unkempt. Not at all like the polished, impeccable man he’d become after taking the job with our stepfather.

“We have to talk.” He shoved around me and headed for the kitchen. “I need a drink—” He spotted the grocery bags, the bottle of wine on the counter, the candles and cloth napkins piled on the stacked plates ready to be set on the table. “Am I interrupting something? Are you getting ready for a date?”

“I think that’s obvious,” I ground out.

“You’re seeing someone? Is she here? Mom is going to lose her shit. She’s obsessed with the idea of you remarrying Morgan. She won’t listen to reason.”

“That’s not my problem, Sam. What do you want?”

“I was supposed to come here and drag you to the Bandit Lake house to make nice with the family, but I’m here to apologize to you.”

“For what? I don’t have time for⁠—”

“For a lot of things, Nick. So many things. Ivy and I are divorcing. She took the kids to her parents’ place to stay and I⁠—”

“I’m sorry. But⁠—”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about Dad lately. I’ve been going over all the mistakes I’ve made since he died and I—” He wandered back to the living room and sat down hard on my couch as a sob shook his shoulders.

I sat next to him and patted his back. “Hey, it’ll be okay.” When we were kids, I would have hugged him, but we didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore. “Divorce isn’t the end of the world. I should know, right?”

“I quit working for Phil.” Our stepfather was a decent person and we got along okay, even though our basic life philosophies didn’t quite mesh. Our mother was the real problem in the family.

I decided to take a few minutes to talk to Sam, then get rid of him.

“How did he take it?” I asked.

“He was disappointed, but he understood. Mom, on the other hand, was horrified and completely furious with me. Apparently, I’m destroying our family.”

“You know that’s not true.”

My phone went off with a text message. Clara’s name flashed on the screen before I snatched it off the coffee table.

“I have to answer this. I’m sorry.”

“Clara? Hill?” My reaction must have given something away because he went pale. “Fuck . . .” He breathed and dropped his face into his palms.

My eyes narrowed as I set the phone down. “Yes, Clara Hill. Why?”

He ran his hands into his hair and looked up at me with panicked eyes. “Shit, Nick. What has she told you? Where should I start?”

“Told me what? What are you talking about?”

“The day after y’all graduated. The morning at the bus station.”

Now I was the one to turn pale. I sank back into the couch completely drained as my mind spun, trying to put the pieces together.

He knew about the bus station. He knew about her? How?

What else did he know?

“She’s told me practically nothing,” I told him. “In fact, she goes out of her way not to talk about it. How do you even know about that? What the hell is going on?”

He met my eyes. “Mom found a bunch of notes stuffed in your backpack—love notes and plans to run off together—from Clara to you. I came back for your graduation and to stay for the summer, remember?” I nodded. “When I got home, she was in a rage. She threatened to cut me off, to stop paying my tuition and never speak to me again, if I didn’t give Clara a note saying you were choosing college over her and make her believe it.” His shoulders dropped. “I shouldn’t have done it. In fact, I almost didn’t, but she threatened to do the same to you too. So I gave in.”

“What the fuck? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“She told me to keep quiet and I—with Dad gone, the thought of losing Mom too was—I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I thought I had to hold together what was left of our family. Are you back with her now?”

My head was spinning. “I’m trying to be.”

“Mom’s plan was stupid. I figured the two of you would end up talking, have a laugh, and figure out the note was bullshit. Did you find her and talk?”

“No, I—I should have. But I—it broke my heart when I thought she changed her mind about me. I couldn’t face her.”

“When you didn’t get back with her, I thought you’d be okay. That it wasn’t that serious between the two of you.” He studied my face. “You weren’t okay, were you?”

“No. No, I wasn’t okay. Not at all.” The words left me in a defeated breath.

“We were all so fucked up after Dad died.” He sighed heavily as his voice filled with anguish. “Everything felt like the end of the world, didn’t it? Like nothing good would ever happen again. It was hard to believe in anything.”

“Yeah, she left, and god, it hurt, but it also felt like it was inevitable, like I had been waiting for it to happen the entire time I was with her. I guess that’s why I gave up and let her go. I thought she’d be better off without me always having to keep our relationship hidden from Mom. I felt like I was letting Clara down.”

“I’m so fucking sorry. What can I do? Would it help if I talked to Clara and told her the truth?”

I was angry—no, furious—with my mother. She’d cost me my relationship with the love of my life. But I understood why Sam had done it and reminded myself he was just as much a victim of her in this situation as Clara and I were. Our mother had never been an easy person to deal with, especially not after our dad died. She’d constantly been on the verge of a breakdown, and neither one of us had wanted to upset her.

We’d barely even begun to grieve our father before things began to change, pulling us in opposing directions. Sam had done everything our mother asked of him while I’d fought against it, clinging to the memory of our father and all that he’d taught us growing up.

“No. Now that I know what happened, it explains a lot.” I let out a deep sigh.

“I’m so sorry, Nick. And Mom? What are you going to do?”

“What would be the point of doing anything?” I half yelled, my exasperation flowing through the room. “She only hears what she wants to hear. It kills me to say it, but I don’t know who she is anymore.” My head fell back on my shoulders, and I closed my eyes. “I haven’t since Dad died.”

“She was never the same after, no matter how hard I tried to make it so. I’ve been going along with what she’s wanted for years, Nick. I went to the college she chose, I married who she told me to, took the job with Phil—but nothing is ever good enough for her.” He threw his hands in the air. “I’ve reached my breaking point. She’s never going to change and I’m too exhausted to keep trying to fix our family. I bought a place in town, and I found a new job, one I got on my own.” I’d never heard my brother as contrite as when he said, “I miss my brother, Nick. I was hoping we could get back to how we were before.”

I hated to see him struggling but was glad he’d finally wised up. And I missed him too. “It will be okay, Sam. We can try. You, me, and our kids.”

“You don’t hate me for this?”

“No. I’m not happy about any of it, not at all, but I get it. This is all on her. I wish I could understand where she was coming from, but I don’t think I ever will.”

“You won’t, so don’t even try to figure her out. I’ve stayed close to her all these years, and I still don’t get it. It’s not about Phil, he’s great. She just lost herself after Dad died—lost her way, lost her values, lost her fucking mind? I don’t know. I don’t blame you for cutting her off like you did. I only wish I had done it, too, sooner.”

The distance between me and my mother was never an easy thing to deal with, even though I knew it was for the best. “I didn’t want to.”

“I know that. But you’re arguably better off for it.”

I shrugged. “Maybe, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“I know it doesn’t, and I’m so damn sorry. I’ll go. You should talk to Clara, let her know how you feel about her. Tell her everything. And please tell her I’m sorry.”

“That was actually the plan. We were going to talk over dinner.”

“Shit.” He winced. “I’m sorry I intruded.”

I waved off his apology for the interruption. “No, it’s okay. I know everything now, and that’s a good thing. She’s been holding something back. It was so long ago I thought that maybe it didn’t matter if we never brought it up, but I think it’s been the key all along.”

He stood and gave me an unexpected hug. “If you change your mind and want me to talk to her, I will. I will do anything in my power to make this right.”

“Thanks, Sam.” I hugged him back.

“I don’t deserve your thanks, not when I’m such a huge part of what messed this up for y’all.”

“Look, it was Mom. She knows what buttons to push. She’s not above using manipulation to get her way with us, and she never has been. I don’t blame you for this.” His hesitance in believing me was clear in his expression. “I mean it. Do I wish you’d come to me? Of course I do. But I understand why you didn’t. We’re going to be okay.”

He slapped my upper back and headed for the front door. “I’ll call you,” he said when he reached the foyer and turned back. “Maybe we can get the kids together sometime, act like a real family for a change. How about Thanksgiving? No more phony bullshit. No more Bandit Lake and the country club. No more catered dinners and thousand-dollar bottles of wine. I want to dig out Dad’s stuffing recipe. I want to bake Grandma’s pies again. I want to burn a fucking turkey and be like we used to be in that tiny little trailer. Can we try?”

“I’d like that a lot.”

He grinned at me. “Me too. Remember what Dad always used to say?”

I shook my head, my lips turning up in a sad smile. “He used to say a lot of things.”

He stopped, hand lingering on the doorknob as his expression grew serious. “Sometimes you lose at the wrong time so you can win at the right time. Maybe now is supposed to be your time with her, Nick.”

“Maybe it’s our time too,” I said with all the hope in my heart. “He held our family together. Now it’s up to us.”

“Love you, brother.”

“I love you too. See you on Thanksgiving.” I threw my hands out wide. “Right here.”

“Count on it.”

An idea struck. Why did we have to wait until Thanksgiving to start reconnecting? “Hey, hold up. I’m supposed to play ball with the Monroes and a few other guys up at the Smoky Mountain Inn. Want to come with?”

His eyes lit up. “That sounds better than moping around my empty house. Thanks, man.”

This was it—things were changing for the better. I was going to get my brother back, and I knew in my heart now was my time with Clara. Now that I knew what had happened to break us up, I could start doing the work to repair the damage.