17. Nick

CHAPTER 17

NICK

So kiss me then. Who says we have to be a secret? - HB

One of my strongest, most stubborn beliefs was that I could will what I wanted into existence. I would simply work every angle, analyze each problem, and zero in on my goal until I got my way. The only time it hadn’t worked was with Clara, and I blamed my youth for the failure. Deep down I’d always believed I’d be with her again, but something still nagged at me.

Our pause had ended after she got sick, but that didn’t mean I could see her whenever I wanted. I was serious about her; there was no doubt in my mind regarding where I wanted us to end up. She was it for me and she always had been.

But even though I knew she was serious about me too, she was still cagey about saying the words out loud. She was still resistant to talking things over. I knew she was scared and holding on to hurts from our shared past. I suspected she had hurts and secrets from after we’d broken up too, so I held tight to the notion that we had time. Time, freedom, and proximity. Those things, along with our undeniable chemistry, meant we would eventually be okay.

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t tell Sasha and Ethan about us yet, not until I was one hundred percent sure we wouldn’t end up in another pause. I didn’t want to put them through any uncertainty. They’d taken the divorce hard, and I couldn’t do that to them again, especially since they’d grown so fond of Clara.

She was on my mind all the time. In fact, she’d been the only thing on my mind since we’d slept together. The rest of my life was falling through the cracks. The house was a mess, I had papers piling up to grade, and my lawn was getting out of control. Figuring out what to cook for dinner was usually a no-brainer, but not tonight. I was staring into the fridge with sightless eyes, like a living embodiment of the cliché of a clueless man.

“Dad! There’s blood everywhere! I’m dying!” Sasha’s frantic shriek shot me straight back into reality.

What the hell?

I flew up the stairs and down the hall to her bedroom where I found her frantically rummaging through her dresser, tossing clothes behind herself. “What? Blood everywhere? Sasha, sweetheart, what’s happening. What’s going on⁠—?”

A breathless Ethan came running in behind me. “It’s not everywhere, Dad. I checked. It’s just in her underwear in the garbage can in the bathroom. She got her period.”

“Go away, Ethan!” she screamed at him. “Leave me alone! Get out!”

“Oh. Ohhh. Oh my god,” I heaved out a relieved sigh as I connected the dots and realized what was happening. “Sasha, honey. You’re not dying, I promise you. You started your period. I thought your mom told you about that. Didn’t she? You had that talk with her, right?”

She stopped throwing clothes and turned around. Her tear-streaked cheeks broke my heart. “My period? She said I’d be a teenager first. I’m not even twelve yet.” She sighed deeply, though she was still trembling. “So, I’m not going to die? Are you sure? Every time I went to the bathroom there was blood, and it feels—I don’t even know. I kept throwing them away and hoping it would stop.”

I pulled her in for a hug. “No, honey. You are not going to die. This is totally normal. You just started your period, that’s it. I mean, it’s a big deal, but not one that will kill you, I swear.”

She threw her arms around me and burst into fresh tears. “I don’t have any of the pads and whatever else Mom said she’d buy for me. I was looking for all my old pajama pants to put on. Mom said we’d go shopping together and buy all the things I’d need but she’s on a plane right now! We can’t even call her until tomorrow. I don’t have anything, Dad. Blood is going to get everywhere if I leave the bathroom. I’m going to ruin the whole entire house. How will I sit down or go to sleep in my bed? Should I sleep in the bathtub tonight⁠—?”

“No, you do not have to sleep in the bathtub.” I rubbed my hand in soothing strokes across her back. “Shh, Sasha, honey, it’s okay. Listen to me.” I took her by the shoulders and looked her dead in the eye. She was panicking, and I had to make her believe that I could handle this. “I got you, Sash. You will be fine. I’ll go see if Clara has stuff you can use for now. Then later I’ll go to the store and get you whatever else you need. Everything will be okay, I promise you.”

She wiped a hand across one check and sniffled. “Okay, but I don’t know how to use any of it. Mom said she’d show me when I started.”

“There has to be instructions on the box, right? I will help you. Why don’t you go take a shower and clean up and I’ll go next door and see if Clara has anything we can borrow. Maybe she can come over and stay with y’all while I go down to the Piggly Wiggly and grab whatever else you’ll need. Sound good?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine now that I know I’m not gonna die. I saw the blood and it scared me. I didn’t even think.”

I pulled her in for another hug. “Go on and take a long, hot shower and when you’re done, I’ll help you figure everything out. Sound good?”

“Yeah, Daddy.”

I followed her into the hallway where Ethan and I locked eyes as she headed into the bathroom and closed the door. “That was intense,” he finally said after we heard the water start.

“You’re telling me.” My hand went to the back of my neck as I took a breath and calmed my racing heart. She’d scared the shit out of me with all that screaming.

“I’m going to clean up her room for her,” he announced. “She was stressed the hell out. And I feel bad. I didn’t mean to embarrass her. I thought—I don’t know what I thought. But I was worried when she said she was dying.”

“That’s nice of you, bud.”

He grimaced. “Yeah, like, I’d probably flip out too if I went to the bathroom and found a bunch of blood in my underwear, you know?”

My lips twitched in amusement. “I imagine that would be very alarming,” I agreed. “I’m going to head next door. Be right back.”

“Okay, Dad. I’ll get all this crap picked up, no problem.”

“You’re a sweet kid, Eath.”

“Sometimes. Don’t tell anyone,” he grumbled.

I huffed a laugh and made my way over to Clara’s house.

“Hey there, neighbor.” She was on the porch with her ever-present mug of coffee sitting on the railing and that same podcast sounding out its motivational quotes through her open front window.

“It’s cold out today,” I remarked.

“Are we really talking about the weather?” She laughed. “I thought we’d moved past that.”

“It was the topic du jour the other night, if I recall correctly.”

“Ahh, yes. The thunderstorm. I appreciate your company and big strong arms. Sleeping in my closet is never ideal. What brings you over?”

“Uh, I need your help with Sasha. Morgan is out of town.”

“Maybe you should hire a nanny to help you out. I hear all the single dads are doing it.” Her mouth twitched at the corners and her eyes sparkled with amusement as she teased me.

“Now why would I do that when I have a gorgeous blond heartbreaker like you living right next door?” I reached over and touched her nose with a fingertip.

“You make a good point. What can I do for y’all?”

“It seems like she’s started her period, her first one. Morgan is out of town, on a plane right now, in fact. I wondered if you had any, um, supplies? And would you sit with the kids while I pick up some more? I don’t like leaving them alone. Ethan’s not the best when it comes to making good choices—he’s still a bit impulsive.”

She stared at me for a second, mouth slightly open as a spark of some indefinable emotion flickered across her face. Then her eyes softened on mine and she broke into a sweet, tender smile. “I don’t mind at all. You’re a good dad, Nick.”

“Thanks.” This scenario was the perfect opportunity to bring her closer to my kids without the pressure of letting them know we were dating or getting back together, or whatever it was we were doing. We still hadn’t labeled it. “Would you stay and have dinner with us tonight too?”

Her eyes lit up. “Are you sure about that?”

“Absolutely. We don’t have to say a word about me and you. Just a neighborly dinner, right?” I winked.

“Oh.” The light left her eyes and I frowned. “Of course. What a great idea. And I have pads inside. I might not have food in my kitchen, but I have always those.” She made a joke to cover her obvious disappointment and I couldn’t help but think I’d put my foot in my mouth, big time.

“I appreciate this. Clara? Are you okay?”

“Of course I am. I’m fine. I’m glad I can help her. I’ll grab everything and meet you at your place.” She turned and ran inside, slamming the door behind herself before I could question her further, so I got up and went home, leaving the door open for her to come in.

I arrived in time to hear the water shut off. “I’m back,” I called. “Clara’s coming over.”

Sasha, in her bathrobe, popped her head around the corner at the top of the stairs. “Thank god.”

“Like I said, I got you, honey.”

“Hi, Sasha.” Clara stepped through the open front door behind me and held up a grocery bag. “I brought you some pads. Think of them like puzzle stickers. They fit right into your undies.”

“Oh! That’s all I have to do? Stick it there?”

“Yep. Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.”

Sasha ran down and grabbed the bag. “Thank you. Will you be here if I can’t do it and need help?”

“Sure thing. Here, let me show you one before you go upstairs.” Clara dug into the bag and demonstrated what to do.

Sasha beamed up at her. “I can do that!”

“You sure can.” Clara beamed right back.

We watched Sasha run up the stairs with the bag.

“I appreciate this more than I can say.”

“No problem at all. She’s a sweet girl and I’m glad I was here to help her.”

“So, listen. Real quick.” I opened my notes app on my phone where I kept a list of products Sasha might need and handed it to her. “I researched this a while back so I’d be prepared, just in case. But it’s just too much. How do y’all ever decide what to buy? What would an almost twelve-year-old girl want to use? I had hoped to run this by Morgan but never got the chance.”

Her lips turned up at the corners. “What I gave her was pretty basic. She can keep the rest and if she likes it, just keep buying it.”

“Hey, Miss Clara! Are you staying for dinner with us?” Ethan asked as he bounded into the living room. “I put all her clothes in the hamper,” he informed me.

“But they were clean, Eath.” I ran a hand over my beard, trying to keep my cool. “She pulled them straight out of her dresser. We both saw her do it.”

He shrugged. “I’m gonna go play Fortnite with Makenna. Cook something good so Clara will stay. Later.”

“Yeah, okay, later. Thanks, I guess.” I shook my head, exasperated. “Damn, I fucking hate laundry,” I grumbled and grinned when she burst out laughing. “Knowing him, it’s all mixed up now.”

“Poor baby. Did he say Makenna? As in Wyatt Monroe’s daughter, Makenna?”

“That’s the one. He’s got it pretty bad for her.”

“Well, isn’t that interesting?”

“Forget about them. Forget about the laundry. Forget about everything.” I stepped closer to her. “I got it pretty bad for you, you know.”

“That’s even more interesting. We should talk about it after dinner.”

“Talk? You?”

“Yeah, perhaps. Sometimes I’m into communication, like when I’m not spying on the neighbors or running from giant killer bugs.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“Ah, I see. I have to catch you in the right mood, is that it?”

She pursed her lips, pretending to think it over. “Hmm, something like that.”

“I want to kiss you right now,” I growled. My heart rate skyrocketed at the thought of getting my hands on her again.

Soft fingertips moved to my forearm as she leaned in to whisper, “And I would very much like to be kissed by you.”

I took her hands in mine and walked her backward toward the kitchen, winking when I caught her eyes again. “Let’s go make dinner.”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Her gentle laughter rippled through the air, and I wanted nothing more than to hear it in my home forever.

“Come with me, baby. We can steal a minute or two together before reality strikes.”

“Reality is not my favorite thing. I much prefer dreamy late nights and dramatic balcony rescues. Although, I could do without the throwing up and bugs. Thunderstorms can eff off too.”

I pulled her into the pantry and closed the door behind us. Without hesitation, she stepped into my open arms, reaching up to pull my face to hers. My tongue traced the soft fullness of her lips as she melted into me, and we lost ourselves in each other.

She broke the kiss. “Let’s not learn the hard way that your kids are onto us,” she whispered. “Getting busted in a pantry would be a rookie move, don’t you think? We’re better than that, Nick.”

I reclaimed her lips for one last kiss before answering. “I don’t know about Ethan, but Sasha is definitely suspicious of my feelings toward you. Or maybe she just likes you a lot. She tells me to ask you out all the time.” Clara’s eyes were soft, sparkling with contentment, and her lips were swollen from my kisses. I didn’t want to leave the pantry.

“And what do you tell her?”

“I change the subject and she rolls her eyes and laughs at me.”

“She’s a clever girl. So, what’s for dinner?”

I reached for a package of noodles over her shoulder. “Some sort of pasta? A salad? I’ll check the fridge for ingredients.”

“I’d offer to help you, but I don’t cook.” Her teasing voice made me smile. “However, I’ll be excellent company while you cook. I excel at drinking wine and making witty repartee. Clean-up duty is my go-to kitchen strength, and I might be able to make a salad, but we’ll have to see what you got.”

“That all sounds like heaven to me.” A ripple of excitement shot through me even though what we were doing was normal, mundane even.

The fact that she was here with me and the kids gave me hope.

Our past had been encroaching less and less into our present interactions and I couldn’t help but feel like we were now on the path to starting a future together.

I found the ingredients for a quick pasta and salad.

She set the table and we shared a bottle of wine while I cooked.

Dinner was full of talk about school and Green Valley’s upcoming Fall Festival. Sasha was doing better. She was comfortable and relaxed, and I was thankful Clara was here to help me.