14. Nick

CHAPTER 14

NICK

I kissed the quarterback under the bleachers. Does that make me popular like you? Or is it one of those tree-falling-in-the-woods scenarios? No one saw it, so did it really happen . . . ? - HB

“Miss Clara, hi!” Ethan waved an arm in the air in greeting before deciding what he wanted for dessert. “Can we have ice cream?” His capacity to fill up on junk food and not vomit was always something to behold. This had to have been his second trip to the concession stand, if not the third. After a dinner of hot dogs and popcorn he was ready for more.

“Absolutely. Anything you want.”

“I can’t believe Mom is letting him eat all that crap,” Sasha chimed in. “You’re gonna barf later, Eath.”

“Hello? Your father here, also letting him get a treat.” I gestured to myself. “I only have a couple minutes before I have to get back to the team.”

“You always let us eat crap.” Sasha shot me a confused look. “Which is awesome ’cause a kid can’t live on healthy stuff alone. Fruit and yogurt are not dessert—that’s insanity. But Ethan is on another level tonight.”

“Hey, now, it’s homecoming. Unless you’re playing in the game, it might be a legal requirement to fill up on junk food while you root for your team. Plus, we all know his stomach is made of steel,” I joked.

“I guess it’s like a special occasion,” she pondered. “Well, all I want is a slushie and some cotton candy to put in it.” She let go of my hand and ran over to Clara who was standing by the edge of the bleachers looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “Hey, Miss Clara.”

“Hey, sweetie.” She greeted Sasha while pretending she didn’t see me. The two of them had bonded over porch décor and plants over the last few weeks while Clara had been busy icing me out.

Polite conversation and friendly avoidance seemed to be all that was left between us now, and I was done with it. I had been determined not to pressure her, but it was backfiring on me; I hardly ever saw her anymore, no matter how many mornings I sat in my truck like a simp waiting for her to come outside for work.

The progress I’d made at Sky Lake was gone, and I had to start over.

“Come sit with us,” Sasha cajoled. “We can make a bet whether Ethan is going to barf after he stuffs himself full of ice cream and whatever else he picks out.”

“I’m fine, Sasha,” he argued from his place in line. “Mom said I’m a growing boy, and I need dessert.”

“Dessert sounds good, y’all,” Clara said, backing away. “But, uh, I was about to go home. I have a headache, probably from all the noise. Maybe next time, okay?”

“Sure, maybe we can all go to the next game together, kids. Say bye to Clara.”

We made it to the head of the line. I let Ethan and Sasha order while I watched Clara from the corner of my eye as she headed under the bleachers instead of toward the parking lot to leave. I quickly walked the kids back to Morgan and shot a text to my assistant coach. I took a page out of Clara’s playbook and told him I had to run to the bathroom and was going to be a bit late coming back. I zipped up my windbreaker to cover up my Green Valley Football shirt, pulled my hat down low, and took off in search of Clara with an odd sense of freedom flowing through my veins.

The feeling that something big was going to happen kept the guilt of ditching the team for a few extra minutes at bay. And while I knew Clara was skittish and I didn’t want to push her, the last few weeks made it obvious that I’d have to at least nudge her a bit if I wanted to get anywhere. If we never talked, nothing would ever change.

Dim light flickered through the spaces in the bleachers as the scent of cigarette smoke and fried food from the concession stand filled my nostrils.

As my eyes adjusted, I couldn’t help but think about how differently Clara and I had spent our high school years. I’d always had sympathy for what she’d gone through, but being under here somehow made me feel it on a visceral level. You’d have to really want to disappear if you were spending your days under here in this stuffy, graffiti-filled mess.

I made my way to the back corner to find her with her foot pressed against the wall as she listened to the band play “We Will Rock You” in the stands directly above her. She sneezed when stomping overhead sent a flurry of dust down to cover our heads.

“Hey there, heartbreaker. Bless you.”

Her eyes squinted, then narrowed. I could feel her sharp gaze boring into me as I approached.

I glanced around the space. There were groups of kids here and there, but they were too busy to notice me, especially right here in this dark corner.

“What are you doing down here?” Her brows drew together in suspicion. “Don’t you have a team to be coaching right now? Someone will have definitely seen you walking under here.”

“Looking for you. I saw you head under here. Everything okay?”

“Of course it is. I’m fine, I was just, uh, listening to the band play.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. Shouldn’t you get going? The halftime show is almost over, isn’t it? Where are the kids?”

I pointed above me. “With Morgan.”

“Ahh, okay.”

“What’s wrong?”

She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter, I’m being ridiculous. I think I will go home now. You should go back to your team, Nick. I’m sure they’re wondering where you went.”

“Are you . . . are you jealous of Morgan?” The notion was so ridiculous I burst out laughing.

“This isn’t funny.” She moved to leave but I stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.

“Morgan is about to be remarried. It’s over with her, and has been for years. If I’m being honest, it was over before I even married her. I have no interest in being with her ever again. We spend time with the kids together sometimes and we’re cordial. It’s good for them to see that their parents don’t completely hate each other⁠—”

“That’s great, but that isn’t it. I⁠—”

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings by not seeing you up in the stands. I didn’t realize you were here.”

She dropped her gaze. “You don’t owe me anything, Nick.”

“I think I do.”

“Stop it.”

“We should talk.”

“There’s that word again.”

“Tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you, Clara. Make me believe you have nothing to say to me and I’ll go away and never bother you again.”

“Oh my god, you have to shut up, Nick, please.”

“I want to talk to you. I want to be with you⁠—”

Her gaze burned into mine. “You have no idea what you want. You don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“I want another chance⁠—”

“Well, you can’t have it. This is too hard. I keep telling you I don’t want to talk about the past because it doesn’t matter what you say about it. We were young. Kids that age don’t have a clue about what they need.”

“Clara, we need to get some things cleared up⁠—”

She held up a hand and covered my mouth with a fingertip. “Like I said, this is too hard. Listen, I recently got dumped by a man who jerked me around before deciding he would rather spend his foreseeable future on an oil rig in the middle of the damn ocean surrounded by a bunch of sweaty men rather than stay in Green Valley with me. I’m through with dating, through with men. No more relationships, Nick. I’m finished with getting my heart broken, especially by you. There is no way I could take that again.”

I removed her hand and held it against my chest, over my heart. “I won’t break your heart, I swear. Do you want me to get on my knees for you?” I sank down in front of her. “I’ll do anything to make you give us a chance. I’ll even beg you for it.”

She grabbed at me, trying to pull me to my feet. “You’ve lost your mind! Get up, Nick, it’s dirty down there.”

“I don’t care.” I reached for her flailing hands, holding them in my own. I needed to make her understand. “I’ll get dirty for you. I’ll do anything to make you listen to me.”

“Fine, I’ll listen. But not here. It can’t be here—there’s too many memories floating around to get lost in.”

“Then let me take you somewhere after the game. The kids are going home with Morgan, it’s her turn with them. How about you ride home with me, and we can talk at my house. Meet me at the gate when the game is over. Please?”

She sighed. “All right, fine. I’ll meet you. I rode with Sadie and Barrett. You can take me home. We are neighbors, after all. No one will think anything of it if we leave together.”

“Promise me you’ll be there.”

“I promise, okay? You’d better get back out there. The team will be coming out any minute, right?”

“Don’t forget you promised,” I reiterated, not caring one bit if I came off as desperate, because I was.

Her face softened. “I always keep my promises. Don’t worry. I’ll be there.”

This had to be the longest second half of a game in my life. I searched for her up in the stands every chance I got.

Finally, it was over. We’d won and I couldn’t find it in me to care. Playing the bathroom card again, I left the postgame pep talk bullshit to my assistant and once again pulled my hat low and took off to find Clara. She was standing at the gate, off to the side.

We left the stadium and headed to my truck. I helped her into the cab and started the engine.

The lights from the field faded into the distance as I drove toward home. “I think part of you likes hiding out and playing hard to get. You push me away because you wonder if I’ll chase you. You don’t trust me.”

“I don’t like it. It’s childish,” she countered. She huffed out a breath and began rambling. “I don’t want to be this way with you. It feels manipulative and I don’t mean to do it, but I can’t seem to stop myself⁠—”

“Hush, baby, it’s okay. I didn’t mean that to sound so accusatory.” I paused, taking a deep breath of my own. “We have a lot of years to work through, with each other and on our own. Do what you need to do. Do anything, say anything, just don’t give up on me. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Nick, I can’t promise you anything right now⁠—”

I turned my head, briefly taking my eyes off the road to gauge her reaction. “I get it. Sometimes I feel the same way. I wonder if you’ll come after me if I walk away. But we’re different. You and I have different wounds plaguing us, and I know what some of yours are, Clara. Don’t forget that.”

“I’m so sorry⁠—”

“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t let this go.”

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she whispered, the agony in her voice tearing holes in my heart. “I don’t know how I should feel. And you don’t know where all my wounds lie, Nick. Not anymore. I’ve acquired a few more over the years.”

I took her hand across the console. “That’s okay. We have time to figure it out. And if it doesn’t work, at least we didn’t give up without trying, right? You’re so strong⁠—”

“You know what?” She pulled her hand away. “I’m so sick of being told I’m strong. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I just want to be normal for once in my damn life.”

I pulled into my garage and closed the door behind us. “So be normal then. Or is there something I’m missing? Something you won’t forgive me for, no matter how much you say the past doesn’t matter? You’re hurting, Clara, and I can’t fix the problem if you don’t tell me what it is. I’m not letting this go anymore⁠—”

“I can’t talk about this when it’s not even your fault! I don’t want to upset you⁠—”

“Do you think I’ll leave if you make me angry or hurt my feelings? Is that it?”

“Forget it, Nick. This is why I didn’t want to say anything.”

“About what? Say anything about the past? Please do, I need to hear it.”

“Just drop me off. I can’t do this now⁠—”

I decided not to force the issue. It would serve no good to take a hard line when she was in no frame of mind to discuss the past. Reassurance seemed like the better tack to take.

“Clara, I am going nowhere now that I have a chance with you again. Please believe that. We can talk about this right now if you want or we can wait. I don’t care if you’re tired. I don’t care if what you say doesn’t even make any sense right now. We can figure out how to fix it together. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, I promise you.”

“But are you really here with me?” She groaned in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m such a pain about this. I can’t help but think⁠—”

“No apologies. Trusting each other after all this time isn’t going to be easy. We’ll have bumps in the road like any other couple and we’ll get through them all. Together.”

“I want that. I want to get through this with you.” She let out a breath, visibly calming down as she nodded slightly.

I held up a hand. “Do you want to know what I know?”

“Yes, I do. I feel so lost right now, so unsure of everything. But all I can think about is you and how much I don’t want to mess this up.”

“That’s good, baby. I know you’re not going anywhere. I know you want to try this with me. The fact that you’re so desperate to keep from upsetting me proves it.”

“Do you really think this is a good idea?” she whispered into the dark.

I shifted to face her fully. “I know what I feel in this moment, and you do too, don’t you? I want to kiss you—right now. I’m dying to know what it would feel like to be with you again after all these years. I can’t stop thinking about it. You haunt me, Clara. I’ve been living with the ghost of you since we ended, and I didn’t realize it until you were back in town to stay, living right next door to me, with your bed just two fucking walls away from mine.”

“I think about you too.” She gave me a side-eye. “Honestly, you’re driving me crazy, and it pisses me off.”

A familiar sense of awareness surged between us, and I knew for certain she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

I gripped her chin and turned her face to mine.

“Be mad at me if you need to. Run from me, hide from me, yell at me. All I want is to be with you again. Dish it out and I’ll take it all. I’d do anything for a chance to be with you again.”

“God, Nick, is this real? What are we doing?” She bit her lip as a flush rose over her neck to color her cheeks.

“We need one more time together, at least. For curiosity’s sake. For the leftover feelings. Hell, just to get each other off and work out some of this tension between us. Maybe it will make things better—who knows? I don’t care how much it will hurt if I have to let you go after. I need to be with you again, even if it’s only one last time, just to have some sort of closure.”

Having her this close to me was like a drug, lulling me into euphoria. She was on the cusp of saying yes, and I was desperate to hear the word.

“I want you too. I can’t lie to you, Nick. I’ve thought of you so often over the years, more than I want to admit.”

I offered her my most charming smile. “I have condoms inside my bedroom.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Presumptuous much?”

My lips turned up at the corner. “More like wishful thinking.” The prolonged anticipation was almost unbearable. I ran a hand through my hair as I watched her decide. She was gorgeous, sitting twisted toward me in her seat, chest heaving, lips parted, eyes at half-mast as she thought it over.

“Fuck it. Yes.” My heart soared as she reached for me, pulling me close with her hands on my neck as her eyes searched mine. “Yes, to all of it. I’ve been thinking about you and me together since I saw you sitting in your truck that very first day. I’m done with denying myself what I want.”

Like magnets, our lips crashed together. I drank her in—the sweet familiarity of having her mouth on mine again was both nostalgic and brand-new at the same time. I couldn’t get enough.

I pulled back, pressing my forehead to hers. “Let’s go inside. I want your clothes off.”

I got out, racing around the truck to open her door. She jumped into my arms and wrapped herself around me, arms around my neck, legs around my waist. “Hurry,” she whispered, nipping at my ear as I took the remaining few steps to my kitchen door.