3. Apryle

Chapter 3

Apryle

I run. My thoughts are muddled and frantic as I make my way to the only place I know is safe here. I can sense Kye in every part of me, and it just increases my apprehension. He is so intense, so big, and he is a nightmare I can never escape. Just knowing how easily he can overpower me is terrifying.

As I approach our building, I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants, trying to steady my breath. My chest feels so tight I can hardly draw in air, and my heart is fluttering in my throat, making me feel panicked.

I crash through the front door, bouncing off the woodwork as my head spins. I lean a hand against the wall, my legs threatening to buckle beneath me as I try to drag in a breath.

"Apryle?" The voice filters through my raging panic, but all I can do is press both hands against the wall and try to suck in oxygen. "What happened? Get Halle!"

I try to focus on Roux's voice, but everything is swimming around me. I let my head dip down to my chest, which somehow seems to allow for deeper inhalations.

"Apryle… I'm here. You're okay."

I shake my head. I am not okay, and I don't see how I will ever be. I can't have a mate. I sure as hell can't have one as big as him.

Fingers wrap around my wrists, the glint of a blade filling my vision ? —

It's not real.

They are not here.

I blink rapidly, and the sensation disappears. The only person touching me is one of the few friends I have in this life. Roux is watching me with so much concern it makes tears brim in my eyes. It has been so long since anyone cared about me that I can't stop the sob that erupts from my mouth.

"You're scaring me. What happened?"

I try to straighten from the wall, attempting to pull myself back together. I can't afford to fall apart. I need a plan to get out of here.

My wolf, who chooses to show her face at the worst possible time, doesn't like the suggestion. She bares her teeth at me, letting me know in no uncertain terms that we are not to leave our mate.

Fuck her. She should understand why we can't trust anyone ever again.

I turn around to face Roux. She hovers close by, as if she wants to touch me but is scared to.

"When you rejected Sawyer, did you take him back because you wanted to?"

It's an unfair question to ask. She and Sawyer went through hell to get to where they are now. I shouldn't bring up that traumatic part of their history, but I need to know if it is possible for me to walk away.

Her expression contorts into one of pain, and I feel even worse for putting that on her face.

"You don't have to answer that. Sorry."

I push away from the wall, intending to run to my bedroom and grab my things. If I leave now, maybe I can put some distance between us.

"There is no resisting the bond, Apryle." My footsteps falter and I close my eyes, squeezing them tightly together as my fears are confirmed. "It's like an out-of-body experience. My brain was saying one thing, but my body was not having it." She shifts uncomfortably. "I love Sawyer—don't misunderstand what I'm saying. He is everything to me, but I was helpless against the bond. It can't be fought, and it's just a waste of energy trying." She blows out a breath. "What I realized afterward was that most of what I was feeling was fear I'd created myself. I was scared of hurting Sawyer the same way I thought I hurt Edward."

That makes sense to me, and it mirrors a lot of my own issues, though I'm not scared of hurting him. I'm terrified of him hurting me .

"Was the bond wrong? Did you wish it had chosen someone else for you?" I wince even as the words pass my lips. What kind of question is that to ask someone?

Roux moves up behind me, slowly stepping around until she's in front of me. "Have you bonded with someone?"

I bite my bottom lip, trying to hold together my shattering emotions. "I don't want him."

Sympathy ripples across her face as she grabs my hands and walks me into the living room, easing me down onto the couch.

"Who?"

"He's a vargr wolf named Kye."

"What's going on? Who's hurt?"

We both look up as Halle and Tessa rush into the room. Tessa locks her gaze on me, and I can see the moment she understands something is really wrong.

"Apryle's mate is here," Roux says. She speaks slowly, as if trying to make them understand that this is not a happy thing.

Tessa and Halle exchange glances before the little moon-touched female moves to the couch, sinking down next to me. She surprises me by taking my hand in hers. It's no secret I've never been nice to anyone in our coven, so I don't expect her kindness at this moment, but Tessa has always been the one with the biggest heart out of all of us. I hope she doesn't lose that with all the horror we are facing.

"You don't like him?"

I don't know how to explain to her that everyone I've ever trusted has betrayed me. "I can't have a mate."

My breathing becomes labored again. I feel crazy. I'm sure they think I am.

"Apryle, I understand being scared," Halle says in a low, soothing voice, "but the magic that creates mating bonds knows what it's doing."

I shake my head. "If it knew what it was doing, it would never put me with him. I can't do this. He's not for me. I don't… I don't want to be with someone." I fist my hands over my temples as his presence swirls through my mind. There is just no escaping him. "I need to disappear. I've done it before. I can do it again."

The women exchange worried glances.

"You can't leave. It's not safe out there," Roux pleads.

"I'll hide in the human world. I know how to pass as human." I try to stand, but Tessa grabs my hand, forcing me to sit again. I'd have to hurt her to pull free, and I won't risk her or her pup.

"No more running. That's all we've done in the past, and it doesn't work. Eventually, everything catches up with us."

"And we don't want you to leave, Apryle." This comes from Halle, who is perched on the coffee table in front of me, her red hair pulled over one shoulder. "You're one of us. We already lost Hester from our coven. We are not losing you too."

This stuns me. "You… you want me to stay?" I say the word slowly, my brain failing to comprehend any of this.

"Of course we do," Roux answers. "You're our friend."

My heart squeezes so tight at those words. I've always felt like an outsider, even at the Sanctuary. Part of that is my own fault. I'm not exactly the cuddliest person to get to know. Pushing people away, making them hate me, has been my defense mechanism for so long now that I don't know how to be any different, and yet despite all that, despite my attempts to remain alone, these women like me.

I just wish they hadn't chosen to tell me this now when I have to leave. It's going to be harder to do that after this.

"I have to go."

"No, you don't." Halle stands, looming over me despite her short stature. "If you go, we'll find you, and we'll bring you back."

Her threat has my eyes narrowing at her. "You can't track me across the country when I'm masking myself."

She raises a challenging brow. "Do you want to test that theory?"

I glance at the others, who are clearly in Halle's corner, and if I'm being honest, I don't want to leave. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, the first thing you're not going to do is run," Tessa says. "Halle and the others may be able to chase you, but I can't, and I want you to meet my baby." She places a hand over her stomach, which seems to have popped out a little more in the last week we've been here.

"It's not fair to use your kid to keep me here," I mutter.

"I'll use whatever I have to, Apryle."

"Why don't you tell us what it is about him that has you so scared?" Roux asks. "Did he hurt you?"

An ugly feeling spreads through me because Kye has done nothing wrong. I'm punishing him for things other people, monsters, have done to me.

"No," I admit, because I don't want them to think badly of him either. He doesn't deserve that. "Though he might hurt Beck." At their confused looks, I add, "He wasn't too happy that he's been training with me. In fact, he was a little bit scary when he saw the bruises on my arms from our last training session." Halle glances at Roux and the look that passes between them has my eyes narrowing. "What?"

"He's already so protective of you. It's kind of cute," Halle coos.

Is she insane? None of this is cute. "He's lost his mind. He chased me down, pinned me against the fence, and…" My face heats as I remember what happened between us.

Halle smirks, filling in the blanks herself.

"Yeah, I'm not seeing a problem with any of this," she teases. "He sounds perfect."

"Yeah, well, I hit Mr. Perfect with my magic."

Halle snorts while Tessa's eyes flare wide.

"You did not."

"He was touching me, and I wanted him to stop." I'm not sure that's entirely true. My pussy reacted to his touch. My panties are still damp from my arousal.

"It's okay to be scared, Apryle," Roux interjects over the others. "You wouldn't be normal if you weren't. He is a stranger to you, and it'll take time for you to get to know each other. I wish I'd been more open with Sawyer. It would have saved us a lot of heartache." She winces. "I hate how much I hurt him in the early part of our mating. I don't think I'll ever get over it, even though he says he's fine."

I don't want to think about how this affects Kye too, because if I do, I won't have the strength to push him away. He didn't ask to be tethered to someone like me either.

"It's been a rough week." Roux gives my arm a gentle squeeze. "There's been a lot to deal with, not just leaving our home and finding a place here, but all the stuff with Hester too. Give yourself a break to work through it all."

She's right. Hester broke my heart when I learned about her betrayal. I had no idea she was so linked to the people who are trying to hurt us, to force us to do horrendous, horrible things. This week has been rough, and the hits just keep on coming.

"He might be a good mate," Halle adds. "Give him a chance to show you who he is before you dismiss him entirely."

I don't need him to show me.

"Besides," Roux says, "if he's already being protective of you the chances are he's not going to back down."

She's right and that scares me. I launch to my feet, Halle and Roux mirroring my motion. "I'm not running," I assure them. "I just… I need a moment."

Without waiting for their responses, I rush upstairs to my bedroom, closing the door behind me before I sink against it. This is fucked up.

I don't appreciate being attacked, little mate.

His voice fills my head, and I jolt at the intrusion. I'm used to the silence of my mind, even though I am part wolf. She's rarely around, but now I have a full-blown consciousness rattling around in my brain. Kye's going to be hard to avoid when he can read every single thing I'm feeling.

I don't appreciate anything you did, I retort.

I can sense his irritation through our bond.

I understand that you need space, and I'm willing to give it to you for a short time, but Apryle, I'm not going to deny our bond forever. I want you at my side. You're mine to take care of and to protect.

The way he growls that last line sends a shiver racing down my spine. So very few people in my life have ever wanted to protect me that even the mere notion of it is foreign.

Why?

I sense his confusion before he asks, Why, what?

Why do you want to take care of me?

I don't want to ask it, and I'm terrified of his response, but I still do. Most of the people in my past wanted to control me or use me. Others only felt the need to hurt me.

You know why.

Because you think you own me now? I ask this question with more than a hint of sarcasm.

I do.

My heart sinks at his words. This isn't because he wants me or cares about me. Kye is just like every other person I have dealt with over the years.

And that's the problem, Kye.

As soon as I say this, I drop my walls around my mind, protecting myself from him, and the only thing I feel is relief at the silence that greets me.