Chapter Three | Owen

I wasn't paying attention to the conversations circulating around the dinner table. I was replaying the text messages I'd shared with Skylar. I still couldn't believe I'd told him I had an ongoing crush on my stepbrother. I'd never told anyone about it. Not even Ethan. My feelings for Matthew were indicative of my ability to pick men. My first love was straight and related to me.

It had been all downhill from there. My only long-term boyfriend had turned out to be using me for my money. Four months into the relationship, we'd moved in together and I'd made the mistake of giving him a credit card. I thought that's what partners did.

Big mistake. We only lasted two more months once I suspected his motivation.

It had taken an entire house sale to clear my credit card debt.

I picked at the mashed potatoes on my plate. I'd swamped them with gravy, but I wasn't particularly hungry. My mind was taking me places I had no right or reason to visit.

If I was reasonable about it, Skylar felt more like a mentor than a potential love interest. Knowing that truth didn't help any. The man who was married to my nemesis, Chad, was making me feel things. Emotions I'd never felt before. I felt seen and understood.

Matthew nudged me. "You okay, brother?"

I rolled my eyes .

Brother.

God, don't remind me.

"I've been texting with a guy."

"Does it look promising?"

"It looks complicated, to be honest."

He pounded my shoulder. "You'll figure it out." Then he went back to eating and jumped into a conversation about gutters. I had a guy who dealt with mine and other household chores. I wasn't interested in knowing about the dangers and considerations of gutter cleaning.

And here came the obligatory tap on my shoulder by my mom.

"Can you help me tidy up in the kitchen?" She rested her hand on me until I nodded. I assisted by collecting everyone's plates and carrying them to the kitchen. After scraping and rinsing, I began to fill the dishwasher. My mom approached and rubbed my arm.

"I was hoping you'd bring someone home this year," she said. "Have you been dating?"

I exhaled hard. "Of course, I've been dating. Not a single one of them was husband material."

None were more than fuck me material. All had been fuck me raw and take off kind of guys. My mom had no understanding of the turmoil my dating life caused me.

"Surely, you've met someone who would fit the part."

Fuck, I nearly dropped a dish. She really didn't get it. I wasn't looking for someone to play a role. I needed to find my soul mate. "I'm not simply going to settle, Mom."

"You could be happy over time."

"Jeezus, Mom … did you talk to any of my brothers like this?"

"It was different for them. It's so much easier to find a woman to love. "

I threw my hands onto my hips and stared at her. "Love is never easy."

"I said easier … not easy."

"And you think my life would be easier if I was attracted to women?"

"I never said that."

It's bloody implied though, isn't it.

I started furiously washing the pots. My mom joined me at the sink to dry after I finished rinsing. "I just want you to be happy," she said.

I looked along my shoulder at her. "I know that and believe me, I'm trying."

"How's work?"

Thank God. A shift in topic.

We carried on like that for the rest of the cleanup. My mom loved to hear about the magnificent properties I had the good fortune of assisting my clients in buying and selling. I told her in detail about the room sizes and extravagant finishes. And that, yes, I was doing well. There was always room in my life for more money, but I was enjoying what I had been blessed with.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I dried my hands and lifted it out.

Skylar: Are you shy about sexual experimentation?

I nearly fumbled my phone. Where had that come from? And how did I answer such a blunt question about something so intimate? I scrambled for an answer. I didn't want him to think I was a prude, but I didn't want to lie to him either. He'd asked me the question for a reason.

Me: Not my favourite. I've been burned a few times. Bit of a vanilla guy .

Skylar: Maybe you haven't found the right partner.

Every fibre in my being quivered and jumped into overdrive, my heart thundering. Was this Skylar's method of flirting or was he simply curious. I had no idea how to read him.

Me: Maybe.

Skylar: Okay. Have a good night.

I pocketed my phone without responding. How was I supposed to have a good coherent night with my family after that? Skylar sometimes did that—shot questions at me out of left field. Usually, to have me think about an issue from a different angle. Never sexual, though.

Was this Skylar leveling up toward a deeper relationship?

I arrived at the pub a few minutes early for the meeting of the Salish Sea Society . Noah and Liam were there in the snug already. Ethan would be bounding in shortly.

Liam had his glass of water and there was a pitcher of ale on the table. Both men rose to their feet and hugged me. Not embarrassed to say—I looked forward to those hugs every week.

I took my usual seat and poured myself a pint. The cold amber liquid felt good in my throat. Even though it was Sunday, I'd had a busy day. Real estate wasn't bought and sold according to a schedule. I never knew when I'd be pulled into work.

Ethan arrived wearing an enormous smile, gave me a rough hug from behind my seat, and kissed the side of my head before messing up my hair .

"How's everyone's week?" he asked as he dropped into his chair. "Christmas?"

"Busier than we'd expected," Noah replied. "At the pub and home because the kids are off school." He lifted his pint glass. "Which brings me to my news."

Liam smiled and patted Noah on the back.

"Brody and I are looking to adopt the kids," Noah revealed.

"Wow!" Ethan popped up out of his seat. "That's amazing! What happens first?"

"We've talked to a lawyer already," Noah replied. "We start with lots of paperwork."

"It'll happen," Liam said. "Those noodles are so happy with you both."

"I'll fill you in as we move through the process." Noah tapped the table. "What's everyone doing for New Year's Eve? It's only three nights away."

"We're staying in," Liam said. "We'll spend it with the family."

A corner of my mouth lifted. I liked hearing Liam refer to Jamal's family as his family too. He'd been put through a lot in the foster care system. He deserved a family who loved him.

"We're staying in too," Ethan said then nudged me with his fist. "You'll come over, right?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't have plans for being a third wheel this New Year's." All my friends were paired up. They didn't need me hanging around.

"You sure?" Ethan responded.

"I'll have my own kind of evening, drinking wine, and sitting in my hot tub."

"Sounds lonely," Ethan replied.

"Sounds relaxing," Noah countered .

"I can't wait until we can spend an evening in our own home," Liam said.

"How's that coming along?" Ethan asked. "You said you had a lot to buy."

"We have the furniture for the living room now. Still need to find a dining table. I'm in charge of figuring out what we might be missing from the kitchen. I don't want to scoop everything from under Alesia. Wouldn't be very good roommate-leaving etiquette."

"I've never seen Liam so excited about something," Noah said. "Love is awesome."

I looked down at my glass. Noah hadn't said those words to hurt me. But it had. I needed to get over myself and be happy for my friends. They'd found their forever guys.

"What's happening with Skylar?" Liam must have noticed me pouting.

I lifted my head. "We texted on Christmas Day. Had a good conversation."

"Any movement away from his role as your therapist?" Liam responded. That was a definite jab. Not that I shouldn't be expecting one … from any of them, really. What Skylar and I were doing bordered on weird. Liam was right. Skylar had been counseling me.

I toyed with the idea of telling them the last messages we'd exchanged.

I took a swig of my beer.

Sure. What the hell.

"He asked if I was shy about sexual experimentation."

Ethan snorted and coughed a spray of beer at the table. He grinned at me after recovering. "That would be a big fat, yes."

"I told him that."

"Why do you think he asked you?" Noah inquired .

"No idea." I lied. "Sometimes he asks me things so I spend some time thinking about what he's asked me when he decides it's something I need to work through."

"You have no idea what prompted it?" Ethan asked.

I had a very clear idea of where the question had come from after thinking about it. Skylar was intrigued by my ongoing infatuation with my stepbrother. Maybe in his realm of experience, he would have investigated if Matthew felt the same way. Attempted to fool around a little.

Skylar had been trying to determine if my reluctance stemmed from a sense of morality or insecurity when it came to sex. I had come across clearly with my feelings on the first issue, but he had needed clarification on the second. I wasn't sure why he needed to know that.

"No clue," I lied again.

Noah came to my rescue. "Does anyone have plans for the coming year?"

Ethan shot his hand up. "Daniel and I are taking two weeks off in the spring to drive the camper around British Columbia. It'll be fun even though we'll barely make a dent in the province."

"We have some camping trips with the kids planned too," Noah replied.

"We're going to rent a kayak when it gets warm enough," Liam added. "Jamal has always wanted to try paddling around. It's safer for him if we're in one kayak together."

I crossed my arms. "I'm looking to buy a '67 Mustang to restore." It was a solitary venture but one that would keep me entertained. My stepdad owned an auto repair shop, and as a youth, I would go there after school every day and learn everything I could. It had become a passion.

"Oh, that will be good for you to have a new project," Noah replied .

God, that sounded pitiful. That I required projects to keep my mind off the fact I was out there living life on my own. I inhaled a quick shot of air as I remembered what Skylar had told me. I wasn't alone. I had my family. And I had my friends. I needed to be more grateful for them.

I smiled at Noah. "I'm looking forward to it."

The room descended into random chatter filled with exclamations and laughter. These men were my family too. I was surrounded by a loving community. My heart lightened as I allowed myself to loosen up. Enjoy the conversation. Interject. Taunt and tease. It felt good to partake.

Driving home, my thoughts turned to Skylar. Friday, our scheduled texting day, was almost a week away. I was anxious to know what he would ask me next. How he would crack open another aspect of my life I'd been trying to smother. How he would press me to explore my mind.

I longed for more human connection. Once home, I flopped down on my bed and stared at my phone. Skylar had set a day of the week for us to text for a reason. He was a busy man.

Busy and married.

I sat up with my back against the headboard and opened a dating app. There was a message waiting for me. I indulged the man who appeared to be looking for long term. He wanted to take things slow if we decided to embark on something. Spend time getting to know me.

Delay any rush into the bedroom.

We chatted for a good two hours before I started to feel funny about it. We were getting on so well; I could imagine us making a go of it. I know … cart—horse. The realization that I was interested in this man, that it was mutual, had me shutting down. This wasn't who I wanted to be having this type of conversation with. Skylar was the only man I wanted to be talking to .

Talking and so much more.

I closed my eyes after escaping the conversation, stating I was tired after a long day. I imagined Skylar wearing a short black skirt and pink crop top. He had one hand on his hip, the other beneath his skirt, stroking his cock. He tipped his chin downward, indicating I should sink to my knees. My heart beat faster as my mind played out my obedience.

His skirt was draped across my nose as I sucked on the tip of his hard dick. He lifted the material and covered my head with it. His scent beneath it was exhilarating. I couldn't wait for him to fuck me while wearing the feminine clothing. Did that make me kinky after all?

Had I just never found the kink that turned me on?

I groaned with every aching throb of my cock. I refused to touch myself. I shouldn't even be imagining him in the way my mind had created. I had more respect for Skylar than that.

I rolled off the bed and headed for the shower.

I'd need a cold one to calm my body down.

It was almost midnight on New Year's Eve, and I was relaxing in my hot tub. The air was crisp around me as I sipped on my second glass of wine and looked up at the stars.

Noah was right. It was relaxing being on my own.

The guy on the dating app had tried to arrange for us to meet tonight, so neither of us would be alone. I declined and told him I was interested in someone else.

When my phone buzzed, I looked at the time. Ten minutes past midnight. I hadn't expected Skylar to text me at all. I'd been certain he would have plans with Chad that extended late into the night. New Year's Eve was meant for lovers. Their lives turning over a new page of adventure.

Skylar: Happy New Year !

Me: You too! Thought you'd be busy kissing your husband.

Skylar: Did that. Several times. I have more stored up for him. What about you?

Me: Did I kiss anyone?

Skylar: Yeah.

Me: I'm on my own at home, so no.

Skylar: No prospect you could have jumped on.

Me: Maybe, but I turned him down.

Skylar: Why'd you do that?

I decided to be bold.

Me: I have someone else on my mind.

Skylar: Anyone I know?

Me: Yes.

Skylar: I see. In that case, I might have someone on my mind too.

Was he flirting?

Me: Your husband?

Skylar: Always, but no.

I felt dizzy. Not sure if it was the length of time I'd spent in the hot water or if Sklyar's admission was doing me in. I wasn't sure how to answer. I'd rarely been this direct.

I took a sip of my wine and then returned the glass to the edge of the hot tub .

Me: I dreamt about him last night.

Skylar: Was it a good dream?

Me: A very good dream.

Skylar: Will you dream about him again tonight?

Me: I hope so.

Skylar: I hope so too. And with that, I'm going to say goodnight.

Me: Goodnight.

I set my phone down and sank beneath the water, giddy and beyond ecstatic. That was definitely flirting. The first we'd done. He wasn't just my mentor. He was interested in me.

And I was interested right back.