36. MADDIE

CHAPTER 36

MADDIE

" Y ou guys are being ridiculous."

Ryan hovers over my shoulder as she says, "We are so not. We're protecting our talent."

She's wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt that doesn't match the chilly early spring weather. But earlier, at the apartment, she said she wanted people to see her muscles and know they shouldn't mess with her, and therefore me. Because today, she's here as my bodyguard.

What she didn't know was that Justin, my brother-in-law, was coming over, thinking the same thing. Except he's in a plaid flannel that doesn't hide his massive CrossFit guns, and he's got a beard so thick anyone would think he's going to pull an axe from under the table and throw it like a lumberjack warrior. No one would guess he's the softest teddy bear and hasn't chopped a log in his life. He's a corporate lawyer who works on customer contracts at a desk every day.

Mom is also acting like I'm someone famous, asking the occasional reader who approaches me to sign my book to stay at a respectable distance. And Meg apparently really likes photography now, because all she's done is take pictures of me from every imaginable angle, both when I did a first chapter reading and while a whopping ten people lined up for a signature.

It's so embarrassing. My face has been a jalape?o all day. But I'm so touched I've cried twice in the bathroom already.

I shake my head and fiddle with my gold Sharpie that matches the pretty crown on the cover of my debut book. I've been so overwhelmed the past few weeks with school, tutoring, finishing my hockey romance so I can start preparing it for self-publishing after graduation, a PCOS diagnosis and the ensuing research, reconnecting with Mom and… and um, the whole thing with a certain boy… that the launch day crept up on me. Don't get me wrong, I did as good a preorder campaign as I could on a student budget and with limited support from my publisher. But this goal that had felt so out of reach, so far away for so long, is now realized.

It occurs to me now that graduation is just around the corner, which will put the words The End to the college chapter of my life. And I'm not ready to say goodbye to this life just when I was starting to have fun with it.

Great, now I'm teary again.

The doorbell chimes, signaling a new customer, and I automatically plaster on a smile, hoping it's a potential reader. But the person who walks in is the very last one I expected.

I blink really hard. "Rebs?"

She gives me a tentative smile that looks like a grimace, and something about it tells me this isn't a coincidence. She must've seen my posts about the event on my author social media pages. I figured she had unfollowed me when I moved away. I sure unfollowed her.

Stretching to glance around her and out the windows, I don't see neither hide nor hair of the other mean girls. Huh.

"Um, hi," she says as she approaches the table.

Mom, who now knows everything that went down between Rebs and me, gets in the way with her arm raised to the side. Words dripping with sarcasm, she says, "Excuse me. Strangers must stay behind this line."

"Yeah, we have to protect the talent," Justin gruffs behind me.

"Oh, okay." Rebs clutches something against her chest, and I only catch a glimpse of what it is as she extends it toward Mom. "Can I please get an autograph?"

It's my book. Rebs preordered my book.

A gasp is all I'm capable of. I meet her eyes, and she bites her lip.

"I'm sorry, Maddie. I'm sorry it took me so long to understand that I should never have traded you for popular girls. You left my name in the acknowledgments, and it nearly broke me, you know?"

Choked up, I confess. "To be honest, it was sent to print months ago. It was too late to change it."

"And you would have?"

I cringe. "Probably."

Here she is apologizing, and maybe I could've lied for her benefit, but I'm done with lying to myself to please others.

Rebs doesn't seem offended. She nods as if she expected this answer. I reach over and hold my hand out, and for a moment, no one moves.

"I'll sign it."

She springs into action and hands me the book. Mom leans over to catch what I'm about to write, so I hunch over and use my hair as a curtain to hide my scribbles. Once I'm done, I sign with an extra flourish, set the marker down, and return the book with a salesperson smile.

"Thank you so much for coming to my signing. I hope you enjoy the book!"

Rebs picks it up, and with one final watery smile, she turns around and marches out of the bookstore with her shoulders drooped. She doesn't know yet that what I wrote is:

To Rebs,

The protagonist's best friend was based on you, because you were mine. We may never go back to being exactly that way, but we can start over and go on a new journey, just like the leads of this book.

Your friend (and now published author—squee!),

Maddie

PS I miss our couch.

I'm sure she'll text me when she reads it, and I'll read the text because I never blocked her on my phone. I always left that channel open for her, and for her only, because I always knew deep down that she was also a victim of the others.

Realizing how far I've come, I sag against my chair with a sigh. All I need now is a pizza from Romano's with my family, maybe a movie at home with Ryan, and a nap that lasts for three days.

Again, the bell chimes, and this time, a massive guy walks in. My heart leaps into my throat, but it's not him . This one's too white, with hair too red, and he's dragging a girl in by their joined hands. A smile forms on my face when they face forward, and Ryan speaks first.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? The traitor and the nice half of the double-A battery."

Christine rolls her eyes. "Traitor my ass." Mom clears her throat in that teacher way of hers, and Christine straightens. "Um, my behind, I mean."

"Mom." I hiss at her. "People are free to talk how they want. Not everyone is your student."

"You're my daughter, though. So don't you use that language again, missy."

I've decided to accept her nagging me about language to her heart's content, because since the hospital saga, she hasn't mentioned any of my fat rolls even once. Is this growth?

But also, she doesn't have to know my new hockey romance is packed with cuss words. It's not like hockey players are known for being clean-mouthed.

"Anyway, we came to support you. What do you want us to do?" Archie asks, looking around as if this is the first time he's seeing all these strange artifacts the rest of us call bookshelves and the small and curious objects in them that we know as books.

I wonder if that's how Aran looked the first time he walked into the library for his tutoring session with Wyatt.

No, I shouldn't think about him. I've been really good about it this week.

Somehow, after he took me to the hospital, I thought he might reach out to ask how I was doing or something. I anticipated it and dreaded it in equal measure. But he didn't, and that disappointment was like a brand-new heartbreak.

I had to remind myself again that he would've been a good Samaritan to anyone in that situation and that there was nothing special about that day. He was probably at the library to meet his new tutor or to study. And he sat across from me, watching me, because… well, I have no idea why. But it definitely wasn't because he has a crush on me or something. We're not in middle school.

So, anyway, we're back on the getting-over-Aran train. Choo freaking choo.

"Let me explain. It's very easy," Ryan says matter-of-factly. "You grab one of these books from this pile here. Then you ask Maddie to sign it. And then you go over there to the nice lady at the counter and pay for it."

"Bravo." Meg starts clapping. "We should've printed that and put it on a poster, to be honest."

I laugh. They're such a strange combination, and I can tell that after this, my sister and my roommate will become besties. I'll be the third wheel, and I'll love every second of it.

It's even funnier when the two Thunder assistant captains follow the instructions to a T. As I'm signing their books, the door opens again, and another massive guy stands in line, followed by another one, followed by another girl. And they turn out to be Jamal, Mark, and Amber, who got held up finding a parking spot because they all came together.

No Aran.

My smile turns tighter, because here I am again, disappointed. What right do I have when I'm the one who excised him from my life? Being lovesick sucks.

After a few pictures and some chatter, they leave to hang out around town before the Bolts' big semifinals game later tonight. I heard through the grapevine—a.k.a. the Strikes—that the Bolts' coach started the backup goalie for the past two games, but tonight, Aran will start as usual. I wonder how he feels about that. Is he in good condition? I hope?—

I shake my head hard. When am I going to stop thinking and worrying and yearning for him?

Pushing my chair back, I tell my bodyguards, "Excuse me. I need a bio break."

"Yes, of course." Ryan pretends to make way for me in the middle of an invisible crowd.

Laughing, I say, "Dork."

Ryan touches her ear and nods to herself before grinning. "Copy that. Back at you. Over."

I love her. At least Aran did right by introducing us.

Swatting her arm away, I make my way to the staff bathroom at the back and splash some cold water on my face. I smooth out my marigold dress, push my hair back so my strawberry earrings are visible, and nod to myself.

"You got this, Maddie. You're an adult now. A published author and a confident woman. This too shall pass. You'll get over him, and if not, you'll write a bestselling book about it." I pump my fists and walk back out.

And there he is.

Bulky guy. With skin the right shade of brown. The buzz cut. The square jaw. The deep-set black eyes that find me instantly. Dressed in a black suit, white button shirt, and Thunder Bolts' blue tie. My book is tucked under his arm, and he has a wooden box in his hands. It's tied with a ribbon in the exact color as my dress. I even glance down at myself to confirm. As if somewhere along the way, he realized this is the color that makes me happiest.

I can't move.

My entire family glances between Aran and me. More than once.

Justin opens his big mouth and says, "Oh, so this is Maddie's plus-one?"

And I open mine to say, "He's not my anything."

Something flashes in Aran's face, but it's gone so quick I can't guess at what it was.

"Happy book launch day," Aran says with that deep, naturally husky voice that feels like a luxurious fabric against my skin.

My legs twitch with the strongest urge to run again. Deep down, I know if I stay in his presence longer, I will fall in love with him all over again. Harder. Irreparably.

But my heart roots me to the spot, ready to get hurt again.

"Thank you," I respond breathlessly, even though I've just walked out of the bathroom.

Aran's eyes drink me in my fluttery dress that reaches my knees, my bare legs, and my wedge sandals. My toes are painted the same color as my earrings, and his eyes make the connection right away. In fact, when he sees my earrings, his lips curve ever so slightly. The movement would be imperceptible to someone who doesn't know him or isn't paying attention.

I fold my arms and almost say that yes, I even smell like strawberries. So what? I am cringe, but I am free!

"I brought you a gift," he says, cutting through my thoughts, and lifts the box just a tad.

"Well?" Mom asks me, wagging her eyebrows from behind Aran. "Aren't you going to take it, Maddie?"

I have a feeling that by it , she's referring to the whole man. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the minutia of the Aran saga, but she knows I have unreciprocated feelings for him, though she's convinced they're reciprocated. Captain of the ship, apparently.

Sighing, I propel myself forward. I keep my eyes on my pile of books by the corner of the table instead. He places the box in my hands when I extend them to him. One of his hands holds one of mine like he's trying to steady it under a massive weight. Except the box is light, and his hand is so warm and soft, and my whole body flares to life.

As coolly as possible, I snatch my hand away. But the brush of our skin is like lighting a match. Pretty sure my face is flaming.

Clearing my throat, I take a seat. "Thank you for the gift. Would you like me to sign your book?"

"After you open the box."

Ah, crud. I've made the mistake of looking up at him. Aran's full attention is on me like there's no one else on the entire planet. He doesn't notice that my mother is about to squeal.

"Uh, okay."

I hasten to untie the pretty bow. The sooner I look at the contents and sign the book, the sooner he'll leave and this can all be over. I slide open the box's lid and…

Inside, there's half a dozen strawberries coated in milk chocolate and a note nestled between them. Aran motions at the note with his lips.

Breathing in deep, I grab it and unfold it. I recognize his handwriting right away. My heart starts hammering at full speed, even before I read the first word.

Strawberry,

I could never be the hero of one of your romance books, but if you give me a chance, I want to be the hero of your own life's romance. Friendship isn't enough. I want the whole bite, and you can bite me back (any time).

Yours,

Chocolate Bar.

I shock everyone by barking a laugh. That's when I finally figure out why the strawberries are covered with chocolate, because the moment I saw his naked abs with my own eyes, I blurted out that they looked like a chocolate bar.

He's—He's saying he's all over me. That I'm the strawberry to his chocolate.

I shock everyone by bursting into tears. Even him.

"Rodriguez, you are so dead—" Ryan starts.

"Are these good tears? Bad tears?" Mom asks, the excitement melting away from her face.

"Listen, punk?—"

Meg interrupts her husband. "We are lawyers. If you hurt her, we bankrupt you."

I laugh again, then sob. "Stop, everyone. Just stop."

Aran unfreezes himself. His hands hover in the air, as if he wants to reach for me, but he pulls them back. The only sign that he's nervous is that he swallows hard. But he says nothing as I regard him. Everything was in this box in my hands.

But why now? After I've worked so hard to get over him? After he only wanted to be friends? Wasn't he only a no-strings kind of guy? And what if his coach suspends him again? Will he like me if I keep becoming an obstacle in his life?

My heart wants to leap to his hand, but my brain says hold back . My stomach is a cocktail of emotions that makes me want to puke.

Slowly, I return the note to the box and close it delicately. Without looking up at him, I ask, "Can you give me some time to think about it?"

Aran murmurs, "As long as you need, Strawberry."

"Straw—huh?" Justin asks behind me.

After a quiet pause, I hear shuffling and see Aran turn around. He leaves with my unsigned book still tucked under his arm. And the fact that the clerk doesn't stop him means he walked in with the book. Which means he preordered it. He dressed up, wrote this note, and bought these delicate treats to… to…

To confess his feelings for me.

Aran "the Iceberg" Rodriguez has feelings for me.

Ryan crouches beside me. "Maddie, what do you want us to do? Should we tackle him to the ground so you can kick him while he's down, or do you want us to hold him down so you eat his face?"

"Is that what kids nowadays are calling it?" Mom asks.

I push to my feet, square up my shoulders, and say, "No, I got this."

Except, when I burst out of the indie bookstore, Aran is nowhere to be seen. I meander around the streets downtown, but there's no sign of him. It's like he decided to give me time and space by running as far away as possible.

But I know where Aran runs to. And so I ditch my book launch and go chase my own romance.