Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

The clomp of his boots echoed on the hardwood stairs. Too many emotions were racing through him at once, he didn't know which one to focus on first.

It should be anger.

Gage didn't have what people would call a “good” relationship with his parents. It was more his fault than theirs. He was the product of teenage parents. They gave up their dreams of traveling the world to raise him, but as soon as he graduated high school and left for basic training, they were gone. They checked in occasionally. Oftentimes he was busy, so the conversations weren't in depth. It wasn't that he didn't love his parents, they just didn't have anything in common.

They were free spirits, and he preferred a very regimented life. They always had more in common with Dani and maybe that was why the knowledge that they were speaking to her cut him so deeply. He wanted them to be mad at her like he was. To be angry that she walked out on him instead of giving him the opportunity to prove they could have a different life from the ones their parents did.

Even if there had been several times over the years that he wasn't so sure that was true. It was one thing to say he would've done things differently. It was another thing entirely to prove it.

Gage continued to stomp through the house like a toddler when his phone rang. He didn't look to see who was calling when he answered with a "What?"

"If that's the tone you took with Bree, I can see why she's pissed at you."

He rubbed his forefinger between his eyebrows and did his best to calm down before responding to Steel.

"That's not why she's mad at me."

"Care to explain? Bree being grumpy means Chance is grumpy because she's taking it out on him. Then there’s the fact that Bree called in the troops, so now it's not just Bree who wants to chop your dick off but all the ladies. So how about you explain to me why my wife is thinking about touching your dick?"

Gage chuckled at the mental image his teammate’s words created. Bree was clearly on more of a tear than he realized.

"I'm sure none of them will actually touch my cock, they know better. She's mad I didn't tell her or the team that we got shot at today."

Steel whistled. "Yeah, that would do it. What happened?"

Steel's response was what he expected from his teammate. Not the overreacted one he got from Bree. Getting shot at wasn't anything new for them. It didn't happen daily but it certainly wasn't out of the norm for someone in their profession.

"We were followed from the jail. At first it was a car. It rear-ended us. I was able to lose it on the highway, but as soon as we got off the exit, someone on a motorcycle started shooting at us. It wasn't a big deal." There he went using that stupid phrase again. "I was able to lose them as well and now we’re safe at one of Black's houses."

He did his best to downplay the situation. Gage didn't want them digging into his past with Dani more than they needed to. And his friends would definitely dig. They’d all found their happily ever afters and wanted the same for him. They didn't realize it wasn't in the cards for him. He lost his chance back in high school.

"How long have we known each other?"

Steel's question threw him for a loop, so it took him a second to realize the answer.

"Twelve years or so. Not nearly as long as you and Jaxson have known each other."

Steel and Jaxson were recruited from the same unit. He joined them later and rounded out the three-man team who reported solely to Pritcher. A man they found out, in the end, was using them as his own personal hit squad. Unfortunately, Gage, Steel, and Jaxson were forced to take a dishonorable discharge because of the things they were tasked with doing. General Pritcher was just another example of why he couldn't trust people not to betray him.

"Okay, so long enough to know that we aren't just teammates anymore. We're family."

There was that word again.

"The rest of you guys are family. I was brought in because of Jaxson, and I was fine with that. I needed a job that gave me a purpose. For the most part, Blackguard has fulfilled that, but this is just a job for me. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Bullshit," Steel spat back at him. "You are family. I don't care how much you try to deny it. You have our backs, and we have yours. That's what family does for each other."

That was what family was supposed to do for each other, but from his experience, that didn't happen. Just look at his own parents. They were talking to his ex and never mentioned it.

"And what if I don't want that?"

"Again, bullshit. I've seen the longing on your face when you think no one is looking. You want it, you just refuse to allow yourself to have it. You won't let any of us get close enough to help you through whatever it is that’s holding you back."

The mention of his problems was the last straw. Steel thought he knew best just because he had Karlie and his daughter. Sure, it was a rough road getting there, but not all of them were that lucky.

"You don't know shit," he hissed. "You talk about friends and teammates being family but until you've been stabbed in the back by both the woman you planned on spending your life with and your best friend, you don't get to lecture me. Family is bullshit. Everyone is all about themselves. They just like to pretend otherwise. I'm the only asshole who sees that and will be protected when people's true colors come out."

Gage removed the phone from his ear and hit the end call button harder than necessary. It wasn't the same as slamming down a house phone, like he had done after shit blew up with Dani, but the satisfaction was still there. Steel would get his message loud and clear.

"You're never going to forgive me, are you?"

He cursed to himself. Dani should never have been able to sneak up on him. He was either losing his edge or too distracted by her. For his sake as an operative, he hoped it was the latter.

"It doesn't matter either way. After your court date, we can go our separate ways."

He was lying to himself. He wouldn't be able to leave her until he knew she was safe. He couldn't have her death on his conscience, and death was imminent if the motorcycle chasing them today was any indication.

"I thought about reaching out to you a dozen times over the past year but I always chickened out. I think a part of me knew you would never give me an opportunity to explain."

This was not a conversation he wanted to have. He was already feeling vulnerable. It was the only reason for why he lashed out the next second.

"Explain?!" he yelled. "What could you possibly want to explain? How you broke my heart? How we spent over a year making plans as a couple and even more years before that as friends, only for you to decide one day you no longer wanted the same things I did? Or maybe you wanted to explain how you left me, but made me look like the bad guy when you turned to my best friend for comfort?"

Gage shook his head. "You're right. I don't want your explanations. I don't care about them. Not anymore. You taught me a valuable lesson; one I will never forget. I'll never trust another soul on this planet again in my life."

For the second time in just as many hours, Gage stormed away. It was becoming his modus operandi when it came to dealing with Dani. Probably because he couldn't face the heartache she caused. He never could. The seventeen years since leaving were spent constantly keeping himself busy enough so he never had enough time to think about it.

Maybe that was his problem with civilian life. Working for Blackguard wasn't keeping him busy enough. It might be time to find something else.