32. Chapter 32

As soon as Aspen turned his back on me, I knew he lied about us being okay. He'd never lied to me before. Or had he? I also understood at that moment we wouldn't be able to salvage our friendship. Me dancing and holding a girl ruined any chances to fix this between us.

No, fuck him. He was intimate with Lisa again. He had no right to be upset with me for dancing with another girl. The very idea that he touched, kissed, or fucked anyone else made me see red.

The word ‘mine' repeated over and over in my head. At that moment, watching his retreating back as the stabbing pain in my gut and heart had me nearly doubling over, I realized I loved him. I was angry, struggling to find air as my heart slammed into me so hard it pounded in my ears. I wasn't angry with him but at myfuckingself.

What was I thinking, believing I could simply walk away from him and pretend we hadn't shared something special? That we could just go back to being friends? That I could give him up that easily? For what? To fucking continuously please everyone around me? What about me? What about my happiness, dammit? Didn't I deserve to love who I wanted? Was it a risk to claim him as mine to the world? Yes, it was a massive risk and slightly terrifying. I didn't want to give up my family and career, but they would just have to accept me as I was and what I wanted. I… would find a fucking way because I needed to. There was no being happy without him. What was the point of success or worrying about a family who didn't care about you without someone you loved in it, sharing in joy and support? It would be a fucking lonely place.

As soon as I turned back to the frat house, the stabbing pain hit me so hard on my right side I nearly doubled over, growing slightly nauseous. Fuck. Goddamn gas. I had no time for this. I'd take an antacid when I got home. First, I needed to do something for Aspen, so he would trust me again before I even attempted to get him back.

I rushed toward my friends, still laughing and drinking in the kitchen, and stopped in front of them. Something must have been on my face, because they suddenly looked at me with concern.

"What's wrong?" Bryce asked. "You don't look so good."

"Well, I've been drinking, and… there's something I need to tell you privately. Now. It's important."

Ronnie and Bryce looked at each other, then at me. "Okay, baby. Let's go outside where it's quieter."

"Cassie can come, too."

We all headed out to the side of the house. I looked around to make sure no one was close by before I leaned against the limestone bricks and ran a shaking hand through my hair, unable to look at my closest friends because I was about to risk everything from their friendship to being ostracized on the team.

"I need to tell you all something, and the reason I've been so… off lately."

"I knew something was going on," Ronnie said. "More than just getting cheated on."

I nodded. "Yeah."

Bryce put a meaty hand on my shoulder, grabbing my attention. "Clearly, something's bothering you. We're here for you, okay?"

I nodded. "This could affect everything." With a deep breath, I exhaled my truth. "I've been… with Aspen."

Bryce and Ronnie blinked a few times, looking confused, but Cassie smiled. "You're into him," she said, and it wasn't a question.

"Yeah."

"Wait, what? No, I've known Coop for years. We're best friends. Dude, you're not gay."

"Agreed. You've always had a girl," Ronnie said.

"Dammit." I stared at the ground, unable to look at my friends. "Jesus. Why do I have to have a label? I'm only into Aspen. It wasn't supposed to happen, but things culminated, and we're really into each other."

God, please don't hate me.

"Okay. Okay. It's cool, baby."

I looked up at Ronnie and Bryce. "You're cool?"

They both shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, we don't care. You're our friend no matter what," Bryce said, and chuckled. "Well, damn, that explains your outburst the other day in the locker room."

Ronnie nodded in agreement. "That doesn't mean the team will be happy about this. But dammit, I'm team captain. They can get the fuck over it."

I finally smiled and my body unclenched. "This may hurt my chances for the NFL."

Ronnie shrugged. "Maybe. That just means you'll have to prove how invaluable you are to whatever team wants you. You want them to fight over you, no matter what. At the end of the day, they want to win. With our support, hopefully, it'll sway as much negativity as possible. And you're an amazing wide receiver. If they don't want you, then they don't deserve to win."

My eyes burned, and I rubbed them with fists, not wanting to get upset here and now. God, I hadn't expected this much support or getting this emotional. "Thanks," I whispered. "I love you all."

My friends crowded in on me and pulled me into a group hug as I choked back my emotions.

"Cooper… What"s going on with you and Aspen? Because you've been really off. What's the rest of the story?" Cassie asked.

"I've ruined things. I got so scared about my career, what you all would think… Even worse, what my parents would think and do. Ben also tried to talk me out of it, and successfully."

Cassie rubbed my arm with an empathetic smile. "But is Aspen worth it? This is a massive risk for you. So, that's the question you need to be asking right now."

I nodded. "Yes. I know that now and why I'm coming out to you all. I got fucking scared, so I ended things with him because the last thing I wanted was to keep him in the closet with me. He was here tonight, and I had no idea. God, I hurt him so much, especially after he caught me dancing with Khloe. And he won't talk to me. We've been honest since the beginning, but I don't know. He said we were good, but he needed time to deal with it, but he still barely acknowledges me."

Ronnie shrugged. "I'm no good with this relationship stuff. You know me. I go through a girl every couple of weeks. Bryce or Cassie is better at this stuff."

"It's cool," I said.

"Don't look at me," Bryce laughed. "Cassie runs the show."

She playfully slapped Bryce across the chest with the back of her hand. "Stop. You're as good at relationships as I am, or else I wouldn't be moving in with you." She looked back at me. "Just tell Aspen how you feel and that he's worth it. I promise you, he'll come around. You didn't ruin it. Not yet. Walking away and letting him grow further and further away from you would ruin it."

"You think?"

"I know it."

"Okay, so I gotta go, then. I need to talk to Aspen now."

"Not like that, you aren't. You've been drinking too much tonight. We all have," Bryce said.

"I'm not an idiot. I'll call an Uber."

I thanked them again and stormed off, grateful for my friends, now more than ever. While not everyone would be on my side with me dating a man, my friends and Aspen's friends and family were a good reminder that I would always have allies and support. I wouldn't be alone in this.

Our apartment wasn't that far, and under normal circumstances, I could probably walk it, but my stomach hadn't eased up much, and I wanted to reach Aspen quickly. Something told me time was ticking. I didn't want to lose what little chance I had left to fix this between us.

Once the Uber arrived, I climbed in, wincing at the pain in my stomach again. It seemed to be getting worse, especially when I moved around. I needed to take something, but talking to Aspen was my priority.

A few minutes later, the driver dropped me off at the apartment complex. I rushed up the stairs, ignoring the pain, and unlocked the front door.

All I could see in my mind was Aspen in bed with Lisa. The fear, jealousy, and desperation surged in me as I marched straight to Aspen's bedroom door. I almost stormed in, but instead, I pounded on it because I needed to fix things with him, not make them worse by being a fucking jealous nutjob. Still, I needed to know if he was with her or not.

"Open the fucking door, Aspen! You better not be…" I choked back the words, hating how accusatory I was about to be. I needed to trust him. To remind myself that Aspen wouldn't sleep with her so soon. But Amanda plagued me all over again. She hadn't seemed like the type to cheat either and cheat she did. Not to mention that Aspen had looked awfully cozy with Lisa tonight.

"Asp—"

Before I could finish saying his name, the door opened, but it wasn't Aspen. Lisa stood there, leaning against the door, essentially blocking my way in. That she was fully dressed had every tight muscle in my body loosening. Her black hair was pulled into a messy bun, and her penetrating green eyes sent daggers my way.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"What the hell do you think I want? I need to talk to Aspen." I tried to look through the door at his bed, but she closed the door tighter, keeping me from looking in.

"Well, you can't."

"The hell I can't."

She sighed and glared at me. "He's hurting because of you. The best thing you can do for him is to leave him alone and let him get used to the idea of being without you. He has asked for time, so fucking give it to him."

"No."

Lisa raised a black brow. "No? If you don't leave right now, I'll kick your ass. I may be small, but I can fight."

I wasn't about to debate her abilities. Who knew if she could or couldn't? So, I softened my tone. "Please, Lisa. Let me in and talk to him. I am here to fix things. I want him and I need to tell him that."

She stared at me for what felt like an eternity before she stepped aside to let me in. "He's in the shower. You can sit on his bed and wait."

Like hell, I was going to wait.

I walked in and looked back at her. "I'm going to make this right."

"Whatever. Be gentle. And fix your shit. I hate seeing Aspen so sad, and he's never fucking sad."

"I know, and I will."

"And if you hurt him again, I'll gut you."

"Noted."

She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

I quickly said hi to Morpheus before pulling off my hoodie and T-shirt. I winced at the sharp pain again, but I pushed it aside and removed my shoes, socks, jeans, and underwear. Hopefully, he didn't have the bathroom door locked.

I grabbed the knob and slowly twisted it. The clicking of the door showed that it was unlocked, and I pushed it open, entering into a world of steam, humidity, and scents of Aspen's body wash of rain and grass.

I reached for the shower curtain and slowly peeled it back to find Aspen resting his head on the hard tiles while the hot water poured over him. Fuck, my poor guy. I did that to him. I managed to break Aspen, a man who always seemed so optimistic and unbreakable.

A sudden gasp of a sob expelled out of him, and that hurt more than any knife.

He hadn't seen me yet, so I climbed in, reached an arm around his chest, and pulled him against me, whispering in his ear. "I'm so sorry, baby."

Aspen gasped and spun around. He stared at me for a moment, looking up and down as if trying to process if I was really there or not.

"Cooper?"

My hand caressed his stubbled cheek. "I'm here."

His dark eyes were red-rimmed, and suddenly his lip trembled, so he glanced away, but I wouldn't let him. I felt his ache as if it were my own. "I'm so sorry," I said again.

"You… hurt me."

"I know."

"Do you like her?"

"Never. You're the only one for me, baby."

Aspen sniffed and looked up at me. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think it means? You and I are done being over. I want you, Asp, if you'll forgive me for being a terrified dumbass."

"But what about your parents and Ben?"

"I'll deal with them soon. I promise."

"What about your teammates?"'

"I'll deal with them, too. Bryce, Ronnie, and Cassie already know and have my back. I told them tonight about us."

"You did?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"What about…"

"No more ‘what abouts.' You're it for me, Asp. God, if I had never met you, I would still be stuck in limbo with my life, never claiming what I wanted. You've inspired me to be a better man and make the most out of life. I was a fool to think I could live without you."

He looked up at me with watering eyes and trembling lips that I kissed.

"We'll take it one day at a time, but I promise not to hide you." I grasped his face with two hands as my stomach clenched in pain along with that dip like you were riding a roller coaster because I was about to confess my biggest secret. "Even though we've spent most of three months just messing around, my feelings have grown for you. So fucking much. I love you. It hasn't been long, but fuck… I've missed you something awful. This past week has been fucking torture without you. Then seeing you with Lisa tonight lit a fire under my ass. I thought you two were… going to get together."

"You love me?"

"Yes, baby."