28. Chapter 28

Life had been fucking amazing. The Longhorns won against Oklahoma State last week, and we were on our way to the Sugar Bowl. Things had been tense on the team, but we practiced our asses off, ready for the big game on New Year's Day.

And to say Aspen and I were having a lot of fun would be an understatement. We did anything that required our hands and mouths all over each other. We literally starved for each other's skin and bodies.

Yeah, life was fucking good.

I couldn't get enough of Aspen, and being with him should've scared me more, but we fit together so naturally that I didn't struggle so much with my sexuality. I'd gone with the flow over the past few days when it came to being with Aspen. He made everything so easy. It was only my worries about what to tell others when and if the time came that kept me slightly pulled back.

Aspen took off work tonight, so he and I were free to do whatever. He walked around the house naked as usual, distracting me from a video game I was playing to unwind. Aspen felt more free to be nude around the apartment since we'd committed to each other, and I loved his body. As he moved about the kitchen getting dinner ready, he bent over to grab something from the cabinet below, exposing his hole. I swore to god he did that on purpose. Did he want to play? Then, a thought occurred to me. A naughty thought.

"Don't cook tonight. I'll order us some wings. My treat."

He looked up from what he was doing with a smile on his face. "Okay. Sounds good."

"Come here, baby."

Aspen sauntered over to me, already getting hard, as if his body read my dirty thoughts, and I hardened in response. God, what the fuck did he do to me? No woman had ever turned me on the way Aspen did. Perhaps because he was so open, sexually, and you always knew what he wanted. There was an honesty to having sex with Aspen I never found with the women I'd dated. Being with Aspen reminded me of how much easier men had it when it came to sex. We didn't have the same constraints holding us back as women did.

I put down the game controller when he climbed onto my lap and straddled me.

"Need something, Superstar? Does your cock need some lovin'?"

"Yep, I need you. Let's play a game."

He raised his thick, dark brows, and his smile curved crookedly. "Oh, I like games."

"Take off my shorts, baby."

"You sure have gotten bossy, Mr. Top."

I shrugged and waited for him to do as he was told.

Aspen didn't really care, clearly enjoying this. He slid off me while grabbing the waistbands of my shorts and underwear and tugging them off. I raised my ass off the couch to help him.

I fisted my cock and gave it a few pulls. "Grab the lube and a condom."

He bent down to give me a quick kiss before he walked off. When he returned a moment later, he handed me the bottle and condom. Aspen watched me as I rolled the condom down my still-hard length, and then I poured a little lube into my hand.

"Turn around and bend over, Asp."

Without hesitation, Aspen bent over in front of me and grabbed his ankles. Why was it so fucking hot bossing him around and making him obey my every command? Even more so with his pink hole opening and closing as if desperate for stimulation.

He craned his neck back at me. "Is there a particular game you've got planned?"

I winked at him. When I finished lubing and prepping him, I smacked his ass. Who knew where this naughty, sexual side of me came from? I'd never been this bold. People always assumed being some football star meant you had an abundance of women to choose from and fuck. Maybe that was true of Ronnie, being the quarterback and all, and while I had a lot of opportunities, I wasn't as into it as Ronnie was.

"The game is for you to ride my cock while you play a video game, and you have to maintain a good score. You're good at this game, so you should have no problems, right?"

He turned around, chuckled, and shook his head. "What do I get if I win?" What could I give him we hadn't already done? Let him fuck me? Maybe. Maybe not.

"What do you want to win?"

He thought for a moment, and when it appeared he'd come to some sort of decision, he eyed me carefully, but he held a gleam in his dark eyes. "You have to spend one entire day at home, naked, with me."

"Naked?"

"Yep. I want you to feel how freeing it is when we're not messing around. I want to see you clean the apartment or cook us a meal completely naked."

"Deal, but only if you win the game. And if you don't come the entire time, I'll suck it out of you when we're done."

Aspen leaned over me, boxing me in on the couch with his arms on either side of my head. "I like this naughty side to you, Superstar."

"I kind of like it, too."

After a quick make-out session, Aspen turned to face the television with the controller in his hand and eased down onto my swollen cock.

My head fell back as I breathed through his tight heat. Fuck. Yep, Aspen ruined me for anyone else. No, he fucking destroyed me.

This was going to be quick. Aspen tried to play the game and not lose while I pumped into him, bouncing on my cock. At least, I think so, since I was more focused on his tight ass. My fingers dug into his hips, watching my dick slide in and out of him. Fucking hell.

The entire scene was fun and a little raunchy, so it didn't take me long to come. I pulsed in his hole as I wrapped my arms around his stomach, resting my head on his back as I calmed my breathing.

Fuck the game.

I snatched the controller from Aspen, tossing it somewhere before I slipped out of him and yanked off the condom, dropping it on the floor. Then I shoved him back onto the couch, kissing down his tight body and smooth-as-silk skin.

By the time I reached his cock, he was leaking all over, so I licked it off, tasting his earthy bitterness.

His fingers forked through my hair, taking handfuls of it as he pumped into my mouth.

"Fuck, Coop… I love your mouth." He groaned when I gagged around him. "Yeah, like that. Choke on my dick."

Soon, Aspen was spilling hot cum down my throat as I tried to swallow it all. When he finished, he yanked me up by my hair and claimed my mouth to taste himself on my tongue.

"You're so fucking sexy, Superstar. I know I tell you that all the time, but it's never enough. It will never be enough. That was hot, but I think I lost my game, though."

We looked at the screen to see it had blinked off, and we both laughed. "It's cool. I'll still spend a day with you totally naked."

"Best boyfriend ever."

We held each other on the sofa for a while, not yet ready to let him go before I had to order dinner.

"Coop?"

I stroked his back with gentle fingers, loving the softness of his skin under the hard muscle. "Yeah?"

"I know… you need time, but do you… think that maybe we can go on a date or something, at least?"

I stiffened, and he must have sensed it because he quickly added, "I mean, I know you have worries, and there"s no rush. I really do understand. But… do you think we'll ever get that chance?"

The guilt tore through me. I wanted to give Aspen the fucking world. I adored him. But the thought of going public right now sent my anxiety soaring again. I wasn't ready. I had too much fucking at stake right now. Could I risk losing my parents, friends, and career for him?

"Aspen, I would really like to, but I'm… not ready yet. Please, give me some more time."

"Yeah, of course."

"Do you think we can wait until after the championships, at least?" That was still a month away. Would that be enough time for me?

He furrowed his brow, but nodded. "Yeah, okay."

But he sounded uncertain. Aspen deserved someone to show him off. I wanted to be that man, but my fears and this need to keep everyone fucking happy ran deep. I was trying to make myself happy, too, and whenever that happened, I kept coming to a crossroads that affected everyone else negatively. How did people find that happy middle ground?

I kissed his head and held him tighter. "Give me time, baby," I said again.

Later that night, while Aspen was in the shower after dinner, I got a call from Ben. Usually, he called me after a game, so we'd already talked last week.

"Hey, bro," I said when I answered, still fucking high after my fun with Aspen today.

"What's up, Coop? Just checking up on you. How's practice? You all ready for the Sugar Bowl."

"Yeah, we're working our asses off, but we'll be ready."

"I can't wait. You're going to kick ass. I know it. The Longhorns are going to go all the way. I can feel it."

I chuckled. "Maybe. We'll definitely try our best."

"Are you ready for it?"

"I think so. If we can win this, I'll have my choice of draft picks." My gut and heart suddenly sank. I wanted to go to the NFL, but I hoped it wasn't at the expense of my family. No, fuck it. I was going regardless.

Ben sighed on the other end. "I know. You can do this, but Mom and Dad…"

"Yeah… whatever."

We left the rest of the unspoken words hanging over our heads like a guillotine. Ben seemed fine with the path our parents chose for us. Happy even. He was their golden boy, so I had a lot to live up to. If they saw how I played and how much I loved the game, they could finally let go of their control. But now it was my turn to shine and on my own terms.

"Hey, how's the new girlfriend? What's her name again? Danielle?"

"Yep, that's the one. We're doing great whenever we have the time to see each other, but when we do, we're fire."

"Gross, I don't need to imagine my brother and sex."

Ben snorted a laugh. "Okay, hotshot. How about you?"

"How about me what?"

"What about what we talked about… you and this roommate of yours?"

My stomach clenched and twisted, and I couldn't think of the words to say. Did I tell Ben that Aspen and I were a thing now? He said he didn't care about my sexuality, but I knew he would be in protective mode.

My silence must have been an answer enough.

He sighed. "Dammit, Coop. You need to let him go. This isn't good, and not only because of Mom and Dad. You know damn well if you want to go into the NFL, they won't recruit a gay player."

"I'm not fucking gay," I snapped, but breathed in my anger. This wasn't Ben's fault. "Aspen thinks we might be pansexuals."

"Whatever it is… this phase, you messing around with your sexuality with a guy… your team won't accept it. The NFL won't recruit you. They won't care how you label yourself."

"Carl Nassib came out as gay a couple of years ago." I had researched this shit before I came out to anyone to prove there were other queer players out there… barely.

"And he retired this year before his time. Sure, he retired to run a business, but do you really believe people didn't make his life a living hell that pushed him toward that direction? There are barely a handful of out players, and most came out while they were either established in the sport or retired, not before."

"Maybe. But Dorien Bryant came out."

"I have no doubt many more are closeted."

Ben wasn't wrong. The more we talked, the more hopeless everything felt. Could I lose my chances with the NFL for Aspen? My feelings for him had grown over the past nearly four months, but I didn't know if I wanted to give up my future for anyone.

"If you want to pursue this career of yours, I'll back you up with Mom and Dad, but I can't help you with this thing you're going through with your roommate. No one's going to understand, Coop. And some will hate you for it, and that's something I won't stand for."

I ran a hand through my hair as my stomach dropped from the disappointment and knowing Ben was right. I had been gearing toward coming out after football season, but what if I never got into the NFL for being with a guy? It seemed ridiculous to juggle your career and someone you cared about. "Yeah."

"If it were up to me, I'd tell everyone to fuck off. I don't care who you're interested in."

"Yeah."

"End this thing now with your roommate. Stay friends or whatever, but do it before you two get too deep. I'd hate to see you give up your dreams over something so uncertain and risky. I mean, you don't even know what you are sexually."

"I said we might be pansexual earlier. Besides, why do I have to define myself?"

He sighed again. "You don't, I guess. But it seems to me you're just floating through this with no plan."

If I ended things now while we were still new and before we got too deep, I could salvage our friendship, right?

Fuck, I hated this. Why must there be fucking rules on who people date? Why must my career and family be hinged on who I choose to be with? Goddamn stupid.

"Look, I gotta go, Ben."

"Coop—"

I hung up before he could talk me further out of dating Aspen. Regardless, I had a lot to think about. As soon as he first kissed me that day in the barn, my brain had been solely focused on Aspen, and my feelings had only grown since. I didn't want to let him go.

Fuck, I wanted to break something!

I had this sudden urge to turn around and glance back at my door. For some reason, I thought Aspen had been standing there, overhearing me, but he wasn't there.

Thank fuck.

I couldn't believe I played as well as I did during practice with all the shit that had been on my mind with Aspen, thanks to Ben bringing all my issues to the surface. Still, the excitement in the locker room was palpable. We were fucking going to the Sugar Bowl, and practice had gone so smoothly, only amping us up.

"Who's gonna win the Sugar Bowl, babies?" Ronnie yelled out, which he'd been doing every day since our win against Oklahoma.

"We are!" we yelled back, laughing.

The last time the Longhorns won the National Championships was back in 2005 by the skin of our teeth. I'd only been three years old at the time, but I'd watched that game countless times over the years. God, to be the ones to put the Longhorns back on the top would be a dream come true.

As we got changed out of our gear, my grin was massive from the good vibe in the locker room. We were pumped to win this bowl in three weeks, and it felt like we could take on the world as long as we stuck together as a team. While I'd already been approached a couple of times by recruiters, they would come in more frequently if we could win this championship.

As I got lost in the din, I found myself strangely in tune for the first time with what my teammates were saying. Maybe because it had been on my mind for a while now or because I'd been dating Aspen. Homophobic slurs were thrown out like any other word, as if they weren't harmful. It wasn't the first time I'd heard such words coming from their mouths, but for the first time, it affected me on a profoundly deep and personal level.

Their words became a knife, stabbing into my heart over and over, and I found myself bracing myself against the cold metal of my locker, struggling to breathe, reminding me that being with Aspen would always be difficult. People would always hate us.

My stomach clenched, realizing how right my brother had been. They would never accept me as being gay or… whatever. They threw the slurs around so casually, unaware of the pain they inflicted. Like those words didn't hurt or ruin other people's lives. It explained why so few men came out as gay in sports. The homophobia was real, and for the first time, I recognized it as such, and that was on me. They wouldn't care or even understand about sexual identities. It wouldn't matter because I had a boyfriend.

I could keep things a secret, but that wasn't fair to Aspen or me, especially because he wanted to hold me and kiss me in public, and I wanted the same. Besides, people would start to question why I wasn't dating women. My situation had been accepted for a while because of being cheated on, but eventually, they would push for answers or push me on to their girlfriends' friends. And my friends had already started pushing girls on me. Why did people fucking care, anyway?

I slammed my locker harder than I'd meant to, but I was fucking pissed. Pissed at their words. Pissed at the situation. Pissed at my complicated future. "What the fuck?!" I yelled at my teammates, unable to take the slurs any longer.

Everyone froze to stare at me, and all looked confused because I never yelled at anyone, plus we just had a big win. I shouldn't be angry at all, but happy.

"Stop with the fucking gay slurs! Jesusfuckingchrist! Do you have any idea how words like that hurt people? Did you not understand there's a growing violence against that community? Knock it the fuck off!"

Before anyone said anything or questioned me, I grabbed my things and stormed out of the locker room.

My high from the fantastic practice and looking forward to the big game vanished as my worries and stresses consumed me. Was that how things would always be? Listening to talk like that, except it would be directed at me and Aspen? And for the rest of our lives? Because homophobes were everywhere. Could I handle it? No, I couldn't because I couldn't even open up to my best friends about Aspen. If I couldn't trust my friends and family, who could I trust with this? Even Ben didn't support me, and we were close. For the first time, I felt completely alone.

Fuck, but I liked Aspen so much I ached. If I couldn't tell the world I cared about him, then that would make me a piece of shit. He deserved so much more than a closeted relationship. I just couldn't give him more. There was too much at risk. At first, I thought it would work out with enough time, but my brother and team proved that Aspen and I weren't possible. Not if I wanted to be in the NFL. It may have been easier had I chosen not to go pro or hadn't had the parents that I did. Would I be willing to sacrifice my family, team, and my future?

God, I had a lot to think about.