23. Chapter 23

In the dimming sunlight, I drove up the long driveway, surrounded by barren farmland and bare trees, when a white, two-story farmhouse with a wraparound porch came into view. I parked my truck next to the other cars and climbed out, grabbing my duffel bag from the back seat.

As soon as I locked my car with the key fob, I looked up to find Aspen standing there with his usual pent-up energy, emoting and trembling with friendship and happiness. My stressed-out heart and mind calmed as soon as I saw my ‘golden retriever.' How strange to see Aspen after a couple of days and suddenly feel relaxed and… at home.

I knew he'd want to hug me, so I dropped my bag and held my arms open. He bit his bottom lip as he came barreling at me like a linebacker. I laughed as our hard bodies clashed, and he held me in a fierce grip, while I held him back.

"It's only been two days since we've seen each other, Asp."

"It feels like ten."

My stomach fluttered at his words. He wasn't wrong. I'd gotten so used to having him around all the time that when we were apart, it was like I missed a part of me. But as much as I wanted to give in to the feelings, my brother's words about my parents never accepting Aspen and me kept reverberating in my head. And what would that mean for me? Would they abandon me? Turn their backs? Hate me?

Despite my worries and reservations, I let him take my hand and lead me into the house. The inside of the home was organized chaos, like how Aspen lived. Everything had its place, and they kept it neat, but they had a lot of stuff. Photographs of the kids and art were all mixed together, hanging on the walls, chairs were stuffed with throw pillows and blankets, all the wood floors had rugs and decorations, and more framed photos covered every spare table. What a world of difference compared to my parents" home, which was modern minimalist. Cold like them.

I glanced at a few photos of Aspen as a little kid, looking adorable, with his poof of dark curls and missing teeth. In all of them, he exuded such joy.

Aspen's childhood home smelled like a home should, full of love, cooking, and warmth. The place instantly drew me in.

He dropped my hand when we approached the kitchen, where his parents cooked dinner while his sisters helped.

How stupid of me to assume his adopted sisters would be white like Aspen. God, what an idiotic assumption on my part.

His entire family stopped what they were doing and smiled at me, lighting up the entire kitchen like Aspen always did when he saw me. Poppy was the first to come over and pull me into a hug. I hugged the petite woman back before Aspen's dad shook my hand. He had longish brown hair mixed with gray that fell to his shoulders in waves, with a short beard and crinkles around his eyes that reflected a lifetime of happiness and joy.

"I'm Joshua Harper, but you can call me Josh. Nice to see you, Cooper."

"It's nice to meet you, sir… er, Josh."

The tall sister with the long braids, wearing basketball shorts and a T-shirt, came bouncing over and held out her hand. "I'm Sage."

"Hi, Sage. It's nice to finally meet you," I said, shaking her hand.

"And I'm Willow." Aspen's other sister waved from the counter, where she kneaded some dough. Both of Aspen's sisters were beautiful.

"Hey, Willow."

"Well, that's my family," Aspen said proudly.

I smiled and nodded.

Aspen tugged on my arm, pulling me out of the kitchen. "Come on. I'll show you my room. We have to share since there are only four bedrooms and they're all taken, but my bed is big enough. You can drop your things up there."

He took me on a quick tour, showing me where the bathrooms and bedrooms were located before we reached his room, which was vastly different from my childhood room. He had photos of friends all over the place, band and movie posters covered the wallpapered walls, and like at our apartment, books crammed his shelves. His bed was covered in a dark gray and white comforter and matching pillows that went well with the teal, white, and gray hexagon wallpaper.

And Morpheus' cage sat on top of his dresser. I tapped on the glass to get his attention. "Hey, little buddy."

"Coop?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we… talk for a minute?"

I looked back to find him frowning while gnawing on his bottom lip. That couldn't be good. Shit. Was he going to end whatever this was going on between us? I didn't want to jump to conclusions. Then again, maybe it was for the best. Fuck, I didn't want it to be over either.

I swallowed, and Aspen eyed the movement. "Yeah, sure."

"Let's go to the barn, where it's private and quiet."

I nodded and waved for him to lead the way.

When we stepped outside, a windy chill hit me, blanketing my skin with goosebumps. A cold front was moving in later tonight, bringing rain with it, and the temperature was already dropping.

I followed Aspen toward the old barn, unable to take my eyes off his bubble-butt, wearing jeans. How did I not see him wearing jeans? He rarely wore them, and he looked fucking good in them.

That was the other problem. I noticed things about Aspen I hadn't before, paying attention to way too many details. More than I should. The way he fit in his clothes, how his muscles moved when he didn't have a shirt on, or those two little freckles above his left nipple that looked like a little fairy kiss. I also often had the urge to tug on a stray curl that fell in his face because it covered his wide, soulful dark eyes. Fuck, I was in trouble.

We stepped into the barn, and he closed the wooden door behind him. The place smelled of dirt, straw, and horses. I strangely liked it. The barn was completely empty, with all the animals currently outside in the fields.

Aspen leaned against the wood door and looked at me with emotive eyes, dying to tell me something, but I stayed quiet, letting him process his words. Then he rounded his shoulders and started pacing the straw-covered dirt ground.

"Don't hate me. Please."

"That's impossible."

He paused as his eyes lit up in the dim barn and smiled before he paced again.

"So, uhm, my friends found out about us. I'm so sorry, Coop. I'd been talking to Mac when Ethan and Zayne overheard. Please don't be mad. I should've told you earlier, but I've been processing shit, and… well, they swore they wouldn't say anything. It happened purely by accident."

While I didn't want anyone to find out about us, Aspen's friends probably wouldn't blab about us. I built up a worse scenario in my head about what Aspen planned to tell me, so this news hadn't been on my top of worries. Still, it was weird that more people knew what we were doing. "It's fine, Asp. I trust them not to say anything. They won't, right?"

He stopped his pacing and fisted his hands. "No. They won't. I swear. So sorry."

"You didn't intend for it to happen. And you're telling me now. It's okay." I was probably telling myself that more than him.

Aspen visibly relaxed and nodded before he frowned again and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, there's more."

My body tensed again and broke out into goosebumps, but I didn't know if it was from the wind blowing in through the cracks of the barn or from the impending bad news.

"I… also told Mom. That was… intentional. I really needed someone level-headed to talk to, and Mom always seems to have the answers."

"She knows?"

He nodded, his curls bouncing around his head.

Now, it was my turn to pace as the panic built inside me. It was one thing his friends knew, but it was another for his Mom to learn the truth. What did she think of our fooling around? She didn't care if Aspen had a boyfriend, but I'd had sexual fun with her son. Oh, god. My face burned, and my heart hammered in my chest.

Aspen rushed toward me but didn't touch me. "Shit, you're upset. Please let me explain."

"I don't understand, Asp. Why would you need her advice? Advice about what? We've just been messing around with blow jobs, and now she knows. Oh, shit."

"It's okay. Mom doesn't care."

"I care!"

He nodded. "You're right. Of course. I'm sorry."

I rubbed my face as all the stress consumed me again, along with a spike in anxiety. I'd been so tightly wound after Thanksgiving and playing horribly, but I'd felt better once I got here. Now, I was drowning in doubt and worry. What if my parents found out? Or—

Aspen's hand resting on my arm strangely calmed me as his warmth spread through my skin. "Coop… Please let me explain everything."

I inhaled and did my best to unclench myself and listen to what he had to say. Aspen would be honest, so I had to be prepared for his news.

He took a deep breath and paced again, which made me the fuck nervous again.

"Shit, here goes nothing…" he mumbled as he ran a hand through his locks, still pacing and not looking at me. "I always told myself I would know it when I found someone just for me, and I was right. I figured it would finally happen if I was patient."

Yep, it was over. I realized it'd be disappointing once we stopped, but not for how strong that disappointment would feel as if I'd been gut-punched despite expecting it. My stomach dropped, not ready for this to be over, but I had no choice. I needed to respect Aspen finding someone else. That had always been our agreement.

"I underst—"

"Please… just let me finish."

I nodded and folded my arms over my chest to hide my trembling hands.

"It started out as fun for us, but it has turned out to be so much more, Coop. You're so amazing. Who knew, right?" He chuckled, but the humor didn't reach his nervous, wide eyes. "You're chill, accepting, smart, fun, fucking talented, and you're so brave. You and I have meshed so well and so fast."

At least we could still be friends, but he didn't need to give me this long speech like he was buttering me up to spare my feelings. No matter my feelings for him, I had to let this go. "It's okay, Asp. You don't need to—"

"Please, let me say this before I chicken out."

"Okay. Sorry."

He finally stopped his pacing and stood in front of me so close I felt the heat from his body. His chocolate eyes stared right into me as if he saw inside my soul. "I want to hold you at night and to kiss you. Yes, lots of kissing. I love to kiss. And I want to hold hands with you and… I can't do this bro-job thing anymore, Coop, because I want so much more from you."

Wait, what did he say? Was he ending this because he didn't think I wanted him back? Was he asking for more? I couldn't tell. Whatever it was, my heart beat so hard and fast that I could hear the blood pumping in my ears.

"Fuck it…" Aspen mumbled before he charged at me, grabbed my face with two hands, and pulled me into a deep, heated kiss. My brain shorted out for a moment, sorting through the fog of confusion before I got lost in his mouth, the scruff on his face, the warm hands on my skin, and his rain and grass scent.

I fucking melted.