22. Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Gary

May 31, 1985

W hen Gary woke in the morning, the sun peeking through the white blinds, Jeff was still fast asleep beside him, his hair mussed up, mouth slightly open, breathing deeply. Gosh, he was beautiful. Gary reached out a hand to touch Jeff’s cheek but stopped short of making contact with his skin, realizing that his touch might startle Jeff awake. Tucking his arm back underneath the covers, Gary continued to watch him for a little while. Briefly, Gary considered making coffee, even without being able to see very well, but then he remembered that Jeff wanted to take care of him, and he didn’t want to take that from Jeff.

After letting Jeff sleep for a little bit longer, it was almost time for the morning radio show, and so, Gary pretended to toss and turn a bit, enough to rouse his companion.

When Jeff’s eyes fluttered open, a smile stretched across his face, and even though everything was still out of focus, he knew it had to be one of the most beautiful sights he’d ever seen.

“Morning already?” he mumbled in a low, raspy voice.

“Yeah,” Gary said softly. “Sorry.”

“When’s your show?”

“Eh, not for an hour, but I need to start prepping soon.”

“’Kay,” Jeff said, closing his eyes again.

“Jeff...” Gary lifted his hand and paused. “Can I hold you? ”

“Of course.”

“I was worried I’d startle you.”

Jeff let out a low chuckle, his voice still rumbly from sleep, and it made Gary’s chest feel warm and tingly.

“Radio man, you startle me every night,” he said.

Gary’s face fell. “Oh, God. Really?”

“All night. Every night.” Jeff was still laughing, but the warmth in Gary’s chest had faded. He couldn’t see what was so funny about it. “Gare, I’m exaggerating. But, really, every couple of hours, you pull me close to you like I’m a stuffed animal.”

Cringing, Gary said, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jeff let out a happy-sounding hum, and his eyes fluttered back open. “I love it.”

“But it startles you.”

“Not as much as it used to. Now only sometimes.”

Jeff reached for Gary’s hand and tried to pull it around his midsection, but Gary instinctively resisted, his stomach now churning uneasily. He hated knowing that he’d been intermittently scaring his boyfriend every time they’d slept together. No wonder Jeff always seemed to need so many cups of coffee.

“Baby, come on,” Jeff said, his voice still thick from sleep. “Cuddle me.”

“Gosh, I feel so terrible. I should buy a second bed or something.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s romantic.”

Jeff tugged on Gary’s hand again. Gary finally relented.

“See how nice this is?” Jeff said. “Don’t punish me for being honest with you.”

“It’s not fair to you that I sleep soundly while you’re intermittently waking up in terror.”

“It’s not that bad.” Jeff hooked a leg over Gary’s torso, towing their hips together. He shifted, and Gary felt something hard against his thigh. Jeff rocked his hips a couple more times. “Fuck, Gare, I want you.”

Gary swallowed thickly as a streak of arousal shot through him, making his half-hard cock stiffen some more.

“Hey, yeah, I want you too, Jeffrey, but can we talk for a minute?”

Jeff groaned. “Fine.”

“I’m really sorry I’ve been clinging to you when we’re asleep,” Gary started. “I knew I liked holding you close, but I hadn’t realized I’d been continuously upsetting you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I catch up on sleep whenever I’m by myself.”

“I know, but, sweetheart—” Gary stopped as soon as Jeff cringed. “What was that?”

Jeff closed his eyes for a moment and seemed to take a deep breath. His voice was a little shaky as he said, “Don’t... the, uh, the sweetheart name... Don called me that.”

“Geez, I know I’ve called you that before too,” Gary said, cheeks flushing. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I felt too bad to tell you before, but last night, I promised you honesty so... honesty.”

“Thank you. Really.” Gary breathed a sigh. “Sometimes I hate that you have a whole bunch of cute nicknames for me and all I have for you is Jeffrey. Which still feels mildly insulting. I mean, I messed up your name.”

“Nah, I love it. And you’ll eventually find some other nickname that you can pepper in sometimes. Or not. Doesn’t matter. Jeffrey is perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Jeff reached up to cup Gary’s cheek. “Okay, so, to fix the other problem, what if I buy one of those body pillows? If I ever can’t stand the sleep cuddling, you can have the pillow instead. ”

“Separate beds seems simpler.”

“No,” Jeff said firmly. “I told you, I want everything with you.”

“But—”

“Gare, Don took so much from me. I can’t let him ruin this too. Fuck that. I want to sleep next to my boyfriend.”

Geez, he really hated to know Jeff was sometimes uncomfortable in the middle of the night, but, truthfully, he liked sleeping together too.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed.

“Now...” Jeff rolled his hips a couple of times, which, wow, was so fucking hot. “Fuuuck, Gare. I want you.”

Gary let out a shuddering breath, his cock starting to throb with need.

“Okay, but, remember, we need to check with each other, okay?”

Jeff was starting to climb on top of him, still massaging his cock against Gary’s thigh.

“Uh-huh,” Jeff muttered, starting to kiss Gary’s neck. “Whatever.”

Gary had half a mind to shove him.

“Jeffrey,” Gary said with all the sternness he could muster.

Jeff snorted and said, “Fuck, Gare, come on, I’m being facetious.” He let out a little irritated-sounding huff. “God, you’re so considerate. Drives me crazy sometimes.”

“Now that I won’t apologize for.”

“I know you won’t.” Jeff started fucking Gary’s thigh again, which was so incredibly arousing. “Can I kiss you now? I need you.”

“Yeah,” Gary breathed. “Yeah, kiss me.”

Jeff captured his mouth in a hungry kiss. He continued to rock his hips, and Gary started to move his too, rocking up into him. Jeff climbed up a little higher and inched his leg over to fall on the other side so that he was completely on top of Gary. And, God, Gary could have come right then and there. In this position, it was so easy to imagine what it would feel like to have Jeff inside of him. After a moment, Gary’s hands found Jeff’s ass, and he pulled Jeff more tightly against him.

“Is this okay?” he asked between kisses. “I forgot to ask first.”

“Yeah,” Jeff said, a twinge of irritation in his voice.

Frustrating. But, well, at least he was cooperating.

While they kissed, one of Jeff’s hands became tangled in Gary’s hair, and oh, it was heaven. Gary squeezed Jeff’s ass once more. Harder. God, Jeff had a really nice butt. Gary had never really noticed before. Wanting more of it, Gary moved to slip his hand inside the waistband of Jeff’s briefs, but paused.

“Can I?” he asked, pulling on the waistband.

Jeff’s response was to kiss him harder. Hopefully that was some kind of “yes.” Over the next couple of minutes, Gary became lost in Jeff’s lustful kisses while he let himself knead Jeff’s unexpectedly firm butt. With Jeff’s hip massaging his cock, the fabric of Gary’s briefs was becoming wet with precum, the pressure continuing to build as his pleasure also grew.

“I might finish like this,” Gary admitted.

“Yeah,” Jeff said, his voice husky and low. “Me too.”

God, that was so hot. Gary had never come like this with someone before. Heat pooling low in his belly, Gary’s hands traveled upward, sliding up Jeff’s backside.

“So hot, Jeffrey,” Gary said.

“You too, radio man.”

Gary’s next moan was cut off with a kiss, and Jeff continued to thrust against him. Gary’s left hand traveled lower to squeeze Jeff’s perfect butt again. Geez, he could hardly believe that Jeff was his.

Nearly overcome with a sudden urge to remind himself that Jeff was real—and really his —Gary squeezed him tighter and then threaded his fingers through Jeff’s hair. After a moment, he took hold of a fistful of Jeff’s wonderful locks.

And Jeff broke their kiss.

“I, uh, fuck, Gare, I’m sorry,” Jeff said, the annoyance in his voice now much stronger. He squeezed his eyes shut. “Fuck.”

Gary took both of his hands away. “What is it?” No answer. “Jeff?”

“Nothing.”

“Hey.” Gary cupped Jeff’s chin. “Come on, we made a promise.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jeff opened his eyes. “Just... something about the way you... Ugh, Gare, I feel shitty saying it because I know you, and I know you’d never hurt me.”

“Whatever it is, I won’t be mad. I promise.”

“I think... fuck, it’s stupid, but your hands felt...” Jeff lowered his voice and muttered something that sounded like “possessive,” but Gary couldn’t be sure.

“Sorry, I’m not trying to irritate you, but can you repeat the last part there?”

“Possessive,” Jeff said, confirming Gary’s suspicion.

He frowned. “Oh.”

Geez, he wasn’t sure what else to say, and before he could think of the right words, Jeff was explaining himself.

“It was okay at first. Hot, even,” Jeff said. “But then, right before we stopped, it... bothered me.”

“I was too rough, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah, but, Gare, it’s stupid because—”

Gary placed a finger on Jeff’s lips. “No, it’s not stupid.”

With a frustrated sigh, Jeff hung his head. Gently, Gary lifted Jeff’s chin again and placed a soft kiss on his lips .

Jeff pulled away, shaking his head, and said, “I mean, Gare Bear, you’re the nicest fucking person I’ve ever met. And you’re lying beneath me with two black eyes—”

“Oh, yikes, really?”

“—and a swollen nose because you stood up to Don for me and still—”

“I know it’s not about me.”

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t. Ever.” Gary smiled a little. “Boy, it’s a little funny to hear you say that you felt me being possessive because I really was feeling that way.”

Jeff cocked an eyebrow in that all-too-adorable way of his.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean, I was feeling like I wanted to... to keep you.”

“I like that. In theory. But—”

“Dial it back?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, okay, I can do that.” Gary started to stroke Jeff’s face, enjoying the way the scratchy-yet-kinda-soft hairs prickled the skin of his fingertips, and the two smiled at each other. Gary’s stomach fluttered in a wonderful way. There had been a reason for that surge of possessiveness. It hadn’t been because of his typical need for closeness, either. Or not only because of it. It was more . “Jeff, I-I think I was... maybe feeling a touch possessive because I feel... I feel a forever way about you. Geez, maybe that sounds fast, but I mean that I wanted to... to keep you. Sorry, I—”

“Gare.” Jeff’s smile broadened. “I know what you mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I, uh, I feel that way too.”

Gary’s whole body was suddenly so tingly and warm, and his stomach was still fluttering in that wonderful, wonderful way. Looking into Jeff’s brown eyes, which were so soft and kind, Gary could barely breathe. He took a moment to enjoy that feeling—as though his bond with Jeff was so powerful it sometimes made it hard to perform a normal bodily function like breathing.

And then he found the courage to put what he was feeling into words.

“I love you, Jeffrey.”

With a soft hum, Jeff said, “I love you too, radio man.”

Their lips connected again, and this time, they kissed each other slowly. Sensually. Gary kept his hands light as they moved over Jeff’s body, and when Jeff started rolling his hips again, there was a tenderness to his movement—a beautiful fragility that hadn’t been there before. Again and again, their lips connected, and the sweetness behind each of their kisses had Gary’s eyes filling with tears. Suddenly, his cheek was wet, and he opened his eyes to see that Jeff was crying too. Gently, Gary pushed Jeff back enough to break their kiss for a moment so he could say those three words one more time.

“I love you,” Gary said. “I needed to tell you that again.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m sorry for before. I’d never—”

“Gare Bear, I know.” Jeff sat up. “I want to try something.”

Without first elaborating, Jeff removed his briefs, and then he hooked his fingers inside the waistband of Gary’s briefs to remove them too.

“Can I take these off?” Jeff said, though he was already tugging on them a bit.

“Yeah.”

They removed their shirts next. By the time they were both naked, Gary was hard again. Jeff was too.

“Sit up for me,” Jeff said softly.

He helped Gary position his pillow up against the headboard, and then Jeff straddled him, shifting his hips so that their cocks were basically pressing up against each other’s. The sight sent Gary’s heart pounding.

“Give me your hand,” Jeff said.

When Gary complied, Jeff wrapped Gary’s hand around both of their lengths and then placed his own hand on top. Jeff’s hand started to move, and Gary let out a whimper.

“ God , Jeffrey, I’ve never tried something like this before.”

“I thought it might be nice.”

Gary knew why Jeff would like this. In this position, Jeff was the one in control. And one of Gary’s hands was very much occupied now. Jeff took Gary’s other hand in his. Now, both of his hands were too occupied to be much of a problem.

Jeff continued to coax Gary’s hand up and down, up and down, and Gary could feel his balls tightening more with each steady stroke, his pleasure building.

Gary hadn’t realized he was staring at their cocks—completely transfixed by the sight, really—until Jeff laughed and said, “Look at me, Gare.”

Gary looked up, and the two of them locked eyes.

“I’m yours. I promise.”

Gary’s chest tightened. “Really?”

Jeff squeezed Gary’s hand. “Always.”

Gary squeezed back, and then Jeff tipped their foreheads together as their hands continued to move, each of their strokes urging Gary closer and closer to his own release. Soon, his entire body began to flush, making him feel like he was on fire, burning with the need to finish. And God , Jeff’s face was flush too.

“I’m close,” Jeff rasped.

“Me too.”

Almost immediately after he said the words, Gary’s cock started to pulse, his breath catching and body trembling as the white liquid erupted over their fists, coating both of their shafts. Moments later, Jeff let out a shuddered breath, and Gary felt him finish too, his hard cock throbbing in Gary’s hand.

“Fuck, Gare, that was incredible,” Jeff breathed, slowing his strokes.

“Wow,” Gary said, feeling a little lost for words.

For a couple of seconds, they stayed like that—panting, foreheads touching, softening cocks pressed against one another’s—and then Jeff kissed Gary’s forehead.

“Let’s clean up,” he said.

A few minutes later, once they’d finished cleaning up, Jeff snuggled next to him in bed, and Gary wrapped an arm around Jeff, pulling him close.

“Look at us, weathering the storm together,” Gary said. “You’re not embarrassed by the fact that you needed to stop earlier, are you?”

“Not . . . really. Or, okay, a little.”

“Okay, well, if you’d have tried to push through it, we wouldn’t have tried whatever that was, which was so incredible. I mean, just, wow.” He kissed Jeff’s head. “I probably wouldn’t have managed to tell you I loved you yet either. See, I really helped us, huh?”

Jeff pinched Gary’s side, and Gary let out an “eep.”

“Stop,” Jeff chastised.

“Stop what?”

“Gloating.”

“I’m not!” Gary protested, but Jeff craned his head and looked up at him with a skeptical expression. “Yeah, okay, I am , but, hey, I was right when it came to the vanilla ice cream, and I was right when it came to intimacy. I think the lesson is, we should always listen to—”

Jeff’s hand came to cover Gary’s mouth as he said the word “me,” and then he laughed against Jeff’s palm. Jeff sat up a bit, and the second he removed his hand, he planted a soft kiss on Gary’s lips.

“I hope you know I’m kidding,” Gary said.

“Yeah, I know.”

After another moment cuddling, Gary glanced at the clock on his nightstand. The numbers all blurred together. He sighed. “What time is it?”

“Five thirty-two.”

“Ugh, only twenty-eight minutes ’til showtime. I hope I can manage not to mess up too badly today. I really can’t see well without my specs.”

“I’ll be here to help.”

Gary squeezed Jeff a little more forcefully. Hopefully it wasn’t too much.

“Jeff, I have to know, are my little bursts of affection ever bad? Other than when we’re sleeping. Or in the middle of, uh, sexy stuff?”

“Nope. Never.”

“Okay. Good.” Gary had to hug him a smidge tighter now that he knew it was probably okay, which made Jeff huff a cute little laugh. “Jeff?”

“Mmm?”

“Will you ever tell me what happened?”

“Uh . . .”

“It’s not necessary, but—”

“I can.”

“Only if you want to.”

“Yeah, it’s... fine.” Jeff finger-walked his hand across Gary’s chest and then reached for Gary’s hand. “I want to tell you.” He let out a sigh. “Don was my boyfriend for a while. Well, for longer than a while, maybe. We were together for a couple of years.”

“How’d you meet? ”

“Our families kind of knew each other, so I’d seen him a bunch when we were kids. He was a few years older though, so we weren’t in the same class back in school.” Jeff started to play with Gary’s fingers, squeezing the tips of them and shaking them a bit, maybe to keep himself occupied while he opened up. “Don was kind of... pushy, maybe, as a boyfriend, or...” He shrugged. “Anyway, he was never the nicest, but we made it work. I made it work. Sometimes he was a little... forceful, but it was... fine. He’d never pushed me too hard. Sex-wise. Until he... did.”

“Oh, Jeffrey, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s... I mean, I should have stopped it.”

“Don’t say that. No matter what happened, it’s not your fault.”

“We had a tiff—like one of our typical fights—but he shoved me, and I hit my head, and... yeah.”

Gary flinched. Gosh, poor Jeff.

“Did you black out?” he asked.

“No, I . . .” Jeff buried his head in Gary’s chest. “I said . . . I said okay.”

Gary’s heart clenched, the shame in Jeff’s words slamming into his chest.

Jeff continued, “I said okay, so it’s my own fault. I hated every minute of it, but I never told him to stop. He was so... so liquored up too. Rough and possessive...” Jeff trailed off and shuddered. Gary winced from the word, and Jeff must have seen him because he looked up with the sweetest half-smile and said, “Not in a cute Gary Graham way. In a Don way. You’re not like him, Gare. Don’t ever think that you are.”

“Okay,” Gary said, warmth coloring his cheeks. “Thanks, Jeffrey.”

“Anyway, I felt really bad afterward. Just wrong inside. Or... broken. So I left. Took my car and went west. Just to be away. And then I saw my first tornado. Completely by chance. And it was like... it was like it was the physical manifestation of what I was feeling. I was so comforted by it. Like, fuck, there it is, there’s me. I fell in love with storm chasing then. Right here in Ohio.”

“Wow. Was there a funnel?”

“Yup. Incredible huh?”

“Scary. I hope we never have one here.”

“Nah, we’re too far east, probably.”

Gary hugged Jeff closer. “Even though you said you let Don”—he paused to think of a way to phrase it that wouldn’t hurt Jeff more before continuing—“be with you like that, what happened wasn’t okay. Not in my eyes, anyway. He should have listened to you, Jeffrey. Geez, I mean, it’d be hard not to feel pressured by someone badgering you, especially someone like Don. Don’t beat yourself up for that.”

“I’m not sure why it messed me up so much,” Jeff mumbled, his words slightly muffled into Gary’s chest.

“You’re not messed up,” Gary said. “Not even a little.”

Gary kissed Jeff’s head and then squinted to try to see the time on the clock radio. He still couldn’t really make out the red analog digits, but it was probably time for him to pull himself out of bed. “Hey, I think it’s time for Graham’s Flour Hour . Is that right?”

“Yeah,” Jeff said, sitting up and stretching. “Let me find some clothes for you and then I’ll start on the coffee.”

Gary smiled to himself. It was so nice to be cared for like this.

Once Jeff found Gary some matching clothes, Jeff started for the kitchen, but by the time Gary had pulled his brown-and-white striped T-shirt over his head, Jeff was back in the bedroom.

“Hey, radio man?”

Gare squinted in Jeff’s general direction. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Gary breathed a sigh as his entire body filled with warmth.

“Anytime, Jeffrey.”