16. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

Gary

D ays later, when Jeff had some time off from the mall, he came over to Gary’s in the afternoon, and the two of them spent an hour snuggled together in bed before Gary had to prepare for the evening show. Sensing how hard it was for both of them to untangle themselves from each other’s embrace made Gary’s heart feel so happy and so full. Never had he been in a relationship like this before, one where he felt like the other person wanted to be with him as badly as he wanted to be with them. What made Gary’s heart even happier was the fact that Jeff seemed to be learning to trust him. And Gary was learning to trust Jeff more too. Finally, Gary seemed to be starting to believe that Jeff wouldn’t leave him out of the blue.

Over the next hour, Gary worked in the kitchen to try out a new recipe he’d made up—a vegetable and nut meatloaf—while Jeff skimmed the newspapers to find some information that Gary could share on his broadcast. Once the loaf was finished, Jeff came into the kitchen, a pencil tucked behind his ear.

“Smells . . . interesting,” he said.

“Yeah, well, if it tastes terrible, I’m blaming you,” Gary said, removing the pan from the oven.

“Uh, I’m sorry, what?”

“Meatloaf. Isn’t that one of your favorite meals?”

“Yes, meat loaf.”

“Well, I wanted to make it for you. ”

“Gare, I think you’re missing the most important part of the word.”

“Come on, if vegetable burgers can be tasty, surely vegetable loaf must be edible.”

“You are a special kind of weird, radio man,” Jeff said as he walked over to the cabinets to get a couple of plates. “Don’t you ever eat meat?”

“Eh, sometimes.”

“Not that I’ve seen.”

“I feel more peaceful this way, maybe,” Gary mused. He cut a couple of slices of loaf and loaded them onto the plates. “I’m much more regular now too.”

“Wow, that is... romantic,” Jeff teased. “Thank you for that information.”

“Hey, now, I’m simply preparing for the future. I thought you said you wanted to stick that majestic cock of yours in my rear end sometime.”

Jeff erupted with laughter. “Majestic cock?”

“Do you not like my compliments?”

“Oh no, I like them. I just never know how weird they’re going to be.”

“Great.” Gary handed Jeff a plate. “Ready for mush loaf?”

“Is that what we’re calling this interesting creation of yours?”

“Excuse me, you were the one objecting to the word meatloaf .”

“Fair point.”

Gary and Jeff sat down to eat. Gary was pleasantly surprised that the mush loaf wasn’t half bad. Jeff seemed to enjoy it too. He practically inhaled his first plate and then had two more slices afterward. When they were finished, Gary went into the studio to read Jeff’s notes. Jeff volunteered to clean up in the kitchen, which was so incredibly sweet of him, especially since Gary had been the one to make it so messy. Seriously messy. Kind of like a bomb had exploded, leaving sweet potato skins and carrot ends scattered over the countertops. Jeff finished cleaning a few minutes before Gary had to be on the air.

As soon as Jeff came into the studio, Gary reached out and took his hand, pulling Jeff onto his lap.

“Is this how you’re planning on running your broadcast?” Jeff asked. “With me on your lap?”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

With a mischievous smile, Jeff shifted back and forth a couple of times, rubbing his ass over Gary’s crotch, and Gary’s hands reflexively took hold of Jeff’s hips to try to steady him.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?” Jeff asked, the playful hitch in his voice making Gary’s heart melt a little.

Jeff had seemed so serious back when they had first met. Heck, he still seemed so serious sometimes, mostly when they were with other people. Gary couldn’t help but feel special whenever Jeff was particularly playful with him. It meant that they were comfortable together. Or maybe it meant that Gary brought out the playfulness in him. Either way, it was a precious thing.

“Jeffrey,” Gary chastised. “Don’t make me broadcast to my lovely listeners while having a hard-on.”

“I can take care of it when we have a commercial break.”

“No way. I refuse to let you suck me off while I announce the spring sale at Plant Palace.”

“Right. Maybe a break from commercials, then.”

“Oh no. I’m not chancing it. What if I leave the mic on or something?”

Gary tried to coax Jeff off of his lap, but Jeff wouldn’t budge.

“Come on. I was kidding. You know I was kidding,” Jeff said. “Let me sit here for a while.”

“I need you to swear that you won’t try anything.”

“Gare, I promise. Cross my heart. ”

Gary pretended to think this over, though he really liked the idea of Jeff sitting on his lap for a while.

“Alright, fine, you can stay,” he said after another moment.

For the entire first hour of Tell Me S’more , Jeff sat in Gary’s lap, and boy, was it ever wonderful.

While Jeff hadn’t ever intentionally tried to turn Gary on throughout the broadcast, Gary still found himself feeling intermittently excited for his show to end. Why on earth had he settled on eleven? He really needed to fix his hours.

For the rest of the program, Jeff read on the love seat nearby, though he seemed to be on the verge of sleep a couple of times. Radio broadcasting probably wasn’t that exciting to watch. Not after you’d witnessed the magic a couple of times.

As soon as the broadcast was over, Gary stood to retrieve Jeff from the couch, but Jeff was already pushing up to stand and then walking toward him, his hand outstretched.

“Finally,” Jeff said.

Taking Jeff’s hand, Gary’s stomach fluttered, and the butterflies only beat their wings more and more fervently as they neared the bedroom. Even though the two of them had been spending plenty of time together in bed, Gary still hadn’t been able to move past the nervousness he felt each time Jeff initiated something. It had really hurt his heart to see Jeff so panicked the other day. It hadn’t happened again, but maybe that was only because they hadn’t really ventured beyond mutual masturbation since.

Once they were in the bedroom, both of them stripped to their briefs and then climbed into bed together. Gary expected Jeff to settle next to him, but instead, Jeff hesitated, and then, rather than lie down, he climbed out of bed.

Gary’s brow creased with worry. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. I have an idea. ”

After a few seconds of rummaging through the closet, Jeff pulled out two ties.

“Ready?” Jeff asked, his smile turning the slightest bit devilish.

“Uh, I’m not sure. For what?”

“Last time I tried to blow you, I...” Jeff trailed off. His facial expression—lips curled, face reddening—suggested he’d rather not finish the sentence. He cleared his throat before continuing. “I think it was your hands that . . . bothered me. Holding onto me, I mean.”

“Oh.” Gary’s stomach tensed from the sudden wave of nauseating guilt. “I’m so sorry, Jeff. I never meant—”

“Gare,” Jeff clipped, shaking his head. “Just leave it. I’m not mad.”

“Okay.”

“But I want us to try again.”

“While looking fancy?” Gary asked playfully, nodding toward the ties and wiggling his eyebrows.

With a snort-laugh, Jeff said, “No, uh, I thought maybe I could tie your hands to the headboard.”

“Whoa!” Gary laughed nervously. “I’ve never tried something like that before. Bondage. Wow.”

“Neither have I.”

“Well, I mean, if you think it’ll help, then—”

“I have no idea, but...” With a sigh, Jeff sat on the edge of the bed. “I thought we could find out. I have to try. I have to be... better.”

Gary reached for Jeff’s hand. “Don’t talk like that. You’re perfect. Right now. Just like this.”

“Yeah, it’s perfect that we can’t move past hand jobs.” Jeff pulled his hand away. “Or, fuck, it’s even more pitiful than that because I can’t even seem to bring myself to let you touch me.”

“Jeff.” Gary reached for Jeff’s hand again. Thankfully, Jeff didn’t pull away. “Jeffrey.” Gently, Gary tugged on Jeff’s hand. “Come up here.”

After placing the ties on the nightstand, Jeff climbed into bed. Gary rolled onto his side, and the two faced one another.

Staring into Jeff’s beautiful brown eyes, which were filled with so much sadness, Gary was overcome with a powerful yearning to help rid Jeff of every bit of the pain and fear and worry he still felt. With a tentative hand, Gary reached up to sweep his fingers through Jeff’s hair, and he was rewarded with the sweetest little smile.

“We’ve only been together for a couple of months,” Gary said. “Even shorter than that officially. What’s the rush?”

“If I had met you before...” Jeff’s tiny smile vanished. It pulled at Gary’s heart. “Gare, I’d have taken you to bed right away. I’d have known every Goddamn inch of you by now.”

“I’m happy with the way things are.”

“Yeah, but, Gare, I really like you.”

“So? It’s still okay to take our time.”

Jeff leaned forward and kissed him. And even though it was just a small brush of Jeff’s lips against his own, Gary’s stomach tumbled.

“I kind of love this,” Gary said. “I love that every single kiss is so special.”

Jeff smiled again. God, it was wonderful to see.

“Don’t lie to make me feel better,” he said, though he was still smiling.

“I’m not. I swear to you, I’m not.”

For the next couple of minutes, they exchanged soft kisses, each of them so incredibly precious. Gary cherished every one, loving every second of this closeness they’d built. Even once they finally stopped kissing, Gary was still lost in his bliss when he moved his fingers through Jeff’s locks again and noticed a tiny scar right near his hairline. He touched it with his thumb.

“What’s this?” Gary asked.

Jeff’s eyes immediately broke away, and Gary’s stomach turned.

After a moment, Jeff looked back up.

“It’s from Don.” He shrugged like it wasn’t that important. “From... the... what happened. I hit my head on the corner of the nightstand.”

Gary kept stroking it with his thumb.

“Geez,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“Can I kiss it?”

Jeff smiled. “Yeah. Sure.”

Gary pressed a soft kiss to the scar. When he settled back down on the mattress, he started petting Jeff’s hair again.

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“I know.”

Jeff closed his eyes, and an overwhelming sense of tenderness filled Gary, making him feel like he might... like he might burst. God, he wished he could help Jeff somehow. Jeff was so sweet, so wonderful. Underneath that hard exterior, he was one of the kindest people Gary had ever met. It was completely unfathomable that someone had ever hurt him.

After a moment, Jeff leaned in again and kissed him, making Gary’s stomach tumble some more. Then Jeff broke away and looked at Gary with unbridled intensity.

“Radio man, I want everything with you.”

Gary had to take a moment to sit with the enormity of those words. He stared into Jeff’s eyes, overwhelmed once more at the affection he saw in them. Finally, he took a breath and smiled softly .

“I want everything with you too, Jeffrey. But this ”—he took Jeff’s hand and raised it to his lips to kiss Jeff’s knuckles—“is everything to me. Being with you is everything.”

His smile broadening, Jeff hummed contentedly.

“So corny, Gare Bear.”

“Sorry.”

“Nah, I love it. I love how corny you are.”

For the next little while, they kissed sweetly, stopping occasionally only to nuzzle each other’s faces, and when it was close to midnight, Jeff rolled away.

“It’s late, but...” He took the ties from the nightstand. “ Can we try this?”

Gary hesitated, looking from the ties to Jeff. He frowned slightly. “I feel kind of silly that my very sexy boyfriend is offering to suck me off and my first reaction is worry, but please tell me you’re not pushing yourself too much for my sake.”

“I’m not. I’ll stop if I need to.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Gee, I’m really putting that heart of yours through the wringer tonight,” Gary said with what he hoped wasn’t too nervous of a laugh.

“Yeah, it’s pretty horrible of you.” Jeff took Gary’s wrist and moved it toward the bedpost. “Better punish you somehow.”

“Oh, so is that the real motivation behind this? I’ve been bad?”

“So bad. So naughty.” Jeff had to pause tying Gary’s wrist when he burst out laughing. “Sorry, I can’t.”

Gary laughed again too. “Yeah, I’m not sure either of us is really suited to role-play.”

“Aren’t you a radio personality? ”

“See, I am a radio personality. I’m not pretending to be one. You of all people should know that I am exactly as obnoxious in person as I am on the air.”

Jeff finished tying Gary’s right wrist and then climbed over Gary to start on his other one.

“Yeah, you really are obnoxious, Gare,” he said, wrapping Gary’s wrist in the silky fabric. “I love it.”

Gary couldn’t stop chuckling. “Oh?”

“Fuck yes.” Finished securing Gary’s wrist, Jeff gave Gary the most adorable triumphant smile, and then he started peppering Gary’s face with kisses. “Obnoxiously nerdy.” Another kiss. “Obnoxiously silly.” Another. “Obnoxiously corny.”

Gary could feel his cock starting to become hard. He shifted his hips as Jeff continued to kiss his face and neck and then moved lower to kiss Gary’s chest.

“Obnoxiously cute.” Another kiss. “Obnoxiously sexy.” Jeff’s tongue flicked Gary’s nipple, causing him to suck in a breath. “Obnoxiously sweet.” More kisses on Gary’s stomach. “Obnoxiously perfect.” He hooked his thumbs into the waistband of Gary’s briefs and pulled them down to reveal Gary’s now-very-hard cock. “Christ, look at you, Gare. Obnoxiously well-endowed. Add that to the list.”

“Jeff.” Slightly embarrassed, Gary tried to shove Jeff with his foot. “Stop. You’ve seen me before.”

“And yet somehow, I haven’t really let myself fawn over this beauty of yours. Really, Gare. I love your cock.” Jeff lowered himself until his mouth was hovering only inches above Gary’s head. He paused before swiping his tongue across the tip. “I’ve been wanting to show you how much I love it.” His next teasing lick made Gary’s entire body shudder. “Cute.” Another lick .

Instinctively, Gary pulled against the ties. Suddenly, his stomach was churning, and a wave of nausea hit him. What was happening? He had never felt this way with Jeff before.

Jeff smiled wryly in response to Gary trying to break free. In a playful voice, he said, “Okay, I know neither of us thought we’d be into this, but I have to say, I like seeing you squirm like that.”

Gary shut his eyes. Memories of wedgies, of being shoved into the classroom closet, of being pushed and kicked and taunted flitted into his mind, and though the memories brought Gary clarity as to why his stomach was turning unpleasantly, he couldn’t convince himself to tell Jeff, not when he had seemed so proud of his idea.

“Mmm... I like you like this,” Jeff purred before dragging his tongue from the base of Gary’s cock up to the tip. “All mine.”

God, the warmth of Jeff’s tongue felt so incredible. But...

Shame crept up the back of Gary’s neck, turning his face hot.

“I couldn’t be more turned on right now,” Jeff said.

Gary sputtered, “Meanwhile, I’m lying here completely mortified.”

“What?” Jeff raised an eyebrow. “Not really, right?”

“Well, a little? I feel weird being tied up like this while you tease me,” Gary admitted, his cheeks still flush with heat.

“Oh.” Jeff climbed up next to him. “Baby, I’m sorry.”

He kissed Gary softly, and the sincerity in the kiss made Gary’s eyes tear up a little. He tried to turn his face away.

“What?” Jeff asked. “Gare, talk to me.”

“I’m not sure that I like this. Just, uhm, the being tied up while you tease me, it reminds me of the times I was teased when I was a kid—obviously not the specifics, but the, uhm, helplessness?”

“Oh, fuck, Gare,” Jeff said before peppering kisses on Gary’s face as he’d been doing earlier, but with much more urgency this time. “I never want to make you feel helpless. ”

“I know.”

“What about my teasing comments? Were they bad too?”

“No, those were okay, but”—Gary pulled against the ties—“not coupled with this. Actually, I’m not sure I could handle even slight physical teasing by itself either. Not while I’m being restrained.”

Letting out a frustrated groan, Jeff buried his face in the crook of Gary’s neck, nuzzling him there for a moment before planting a small kiss near his Adam’s apple. He sat up to untie Gary’s right wrist.

“Do you think we’ll ever figure out how to be together without one or both of us feeling like shit?”

“Of course we will.” Gary pulled his hand free. “But I think we need to stop trying to rush the intimacy.”

As soon as Gary’s other hand was free, Jeff rested his head on Gary’s chest. Gary pulled him close.

“Are you upset with me now?” Gary asked, rubbing Jeff’s arm lightly.

“No, Gare, not even a little.”

Gary let out a short sigh of relief. “I liked your idea in theory. Really,” he promised. “I’m not sure what happened. I was clearly turned on. But I felt... weird too.”

With a clearing of his throat, Jeff said, “Yeah, no, I, uh, I understand.”

Jeff’s uneasy tone had rendered each of those words a dagger, and Gary winced when he realized the implication behind them. He hugged Jeff tighter.

“I’m sorry,” Gary said softly. “I’m sorry that you, uh, that you understand.”

“I’m okay, Gare Bear.”

Gary kissed his forehead. “I’m here, Jeffrey.”

Shifting his body closer, Jeff said, “ I know.”

The two lay together for a while, and then, Jeff fell asleep. Deep asleep. Even without seeing Jeff’s face, Gary could tell by Jeff’s slow breathing that he was completely out of it. Gosh, it was wonderful to see. Right then and there, Gary made a promise to himself that he’d keep trying to help Jeff see that it was okay to be vulnerable, that it was okay to not be okay.

Not long thereafter, Gary fell asleep too—mostly naked, with his briefs around his knees, not even having brushed his teeth—and the two of them slept like that until morning.