24. Kayla

Time blurs by. Darkness surrounds me, figuratively and literally. My head pounds as my stomach lurches, again. I fling myself upright and make it to the bathroom just in time to empty the limited contents of my stomach.

My head, my heart, and my body are all out of whack.

I’ve been dragging myself around the ranch getting everything done. Barely. I feel like I’m walking through mud while being pulled backward. Everything is hard. Everything hurts.

I’ve been trying to stay out of my head, but there’s only peace and quiet around here.

I drag myself out of my room to muck out the stalls. I try to concentrate on Blaze. She’s been moping around too; I think she misses Ash. I thought that being around the horses would take my mind off him, but he’s attached to everything here. I sigh as I brush her mane, and she leans into me. Horses are smart. She can probably tell I’m not myself at the moment.

I’m doing everything I can to forget him. I’ve been throwing myself into finishing the cabins, but there’s still a lot of work to be done. It should be the perfect project, but it’s another place that has a memory attached to it.

Jack hasn’t said anything about my mood. He’s pretty used to me being quiet or annoyed.

I hate myself for feeling so deeply about Ash. I feel like a shell of myself. I don’t have the energy to be mad. I just feel hollow.

I dive into fixing a troubled horse, but horses are very attuned to energy and moods. This horse can tell my heart isn’t in it.

I try to push down the bile that’s rising in my throat. The last time I felt this physically ill was when my mom died. The doctors said my physical symptoms were caused by grief. It seems ridiculous in comparison — losing my mom versus losing someone I’ve only known for a short amount of time. They don’t compare. Yet, I feel just as sick.

It’s been a few weeks since he left. I don’t know what I expected to happen. I was hoping he would reach out. I remind myself that he left without a proper goodbye. He didn’t care enough to give me that.

Now that I’ve overanalyzed the situation, I know that Ash could’ve hugged me. Jack would’ve thought that was normal. He could’ve acknowledged me in some way, and it wouldn’t’ve been suspicious. He was a coward.

It’s stupid of me to hope he would regret ignoring me. I clearly meant nothing to him. I was a conquest. I fell right into his game.

I think about all the other girls he’s been with, and I feel sick. Did they feel like this too? Maybe I need to start a support group for girls who have been screwed over by Ash Northcross.

I’ve been avoiding social media at all costs. I don’t want to see him with any girls. It would break my heart all over again. I can picture him catching up with his teammates, laughing about the na?ve girl on the ranch who fell for him. Oh, God, he’s probably bragging that he banged Jack’s sister. I remember Jack warning me about a game hockey players participated in. The prize is the sisters of players. It’s an ongoing challenge.

My stomach churns again. That’s probably what I was. I was part of the game. I stop mid-field and hurl up my lunch.

Jack runs over and pats my back. “Go lie down. I’ll handle Chestnut and get her back in the stall.”

I nod. I’m afraid if I speak I’ll throw up again.

I dive into my bed and curl into the fetal position. I’ve felt awful lately, but I’ve put it down to a broken heart. This could be the chicken from last night. I thought it tasted a bit off. I shiver and rock back and forth, trying to focus on each breath, and eventually drift off to sleep.

Feeling a hand on me, I bolt upright.

Jack jumps back. “It’s just me.”

I blink but it does nothing to clear my brain fog. I roll my shoulders back to try and release the ache, but it triggers shooting pain throughout my body. Groaning, I fall back into bed.

Jack sits on the edge of my bed and feels my head with the back of his hand. “You’ve got a fever.”

I side-eye him as if to say duh.

He chuckles. “You may be sick, but you’ve still got your attitude.” He shifts on the bed and looks at me.

I sigh. “What?”

He bites his lip. “I’ve just noticed you’ve been in a mood lately.”

My heart starts to race. Here it comes. He knows.

He leans forward. “I’m sorry.”

I sit up slightly. “Huh?” It must be my brain fog. Why is he apologizing?

He pushes me gently back so that I’m lying flat. “I shouldn’t have abandoned you with Ash. I know it was out of line, and I’m sorry.”

I look at him like he has three heads.

He sighs. “Ash told me you weren’t happy about being left with him. I totally get it. He can be a pain in the butt.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Oh. Uh. Yeah. No. It’s all good. Dad needed you, I get it.”

He looks at me as I continue to shiver. “I thought it might be food poisoning, but then I would be sick too. Maybe it’s a stomach bug?”

Curling into the blanket again, I groan. “If it’s a stomach bug, I hope you catch it.” It’s something he used to say to me as a kid.

He laughs. “I deserve that. I’ll run to the store and get you a little care package.”

I nod my head. “Yes, please.”

Jack is really good when it comes to taking care of people when they’re sick. He pauses at the door as if he wants to say something, but then turns and leaves instead.

Beads of sweat run down my face as I thrash from side to side. I wrap my hands around my body hoping to stop myself from shaking.

In my brain-fogged mind, this is my punishment for letting my guard down — a broken heart and a stomach bug.

I toss and turn, unable to settle.

After what feels like an eternity, Jack returns. His eyes dart to me as he sets down the food tray on my lap.

My eyes go wide as I see what he’s put in front one me. Soup and a pregnancy test.