19. Ash

Iwake up to find Kayla in my arms. I bring her body closer to mine and enjoy the feel of her breathing against me. She lets out a content sigh as I run a finger up and down her exposed leg.

To say I’ve enjoyed my time with her would be an understatement. I’ve never laughed or smiled this much. I’ve never felt so drawn to someone.

The ranch work has been surprisingly rewarding, too. By the end of each day, I feel like I’ve actually achieved something. It doesn’t hurt to have Kayla by my side while I’m working, either.

Every time I think about leaving, a knot forms in my stomach. I think about not being able to touch Kayla again, and my chest aches. I feel completely out of control.

I used to make fun of guys that were all wrapped-up in a girl, but now I’m one of them. I’ve been trying to deny it, but my actions make it pretty clear — I’m crazy about her. Like jump-on-a-couch-and-scream-about-it type of crazy.

I know it’s going to hurt like hell when I have to leave. I’ve even considered asking Kayla to come with me, but I know she has her life here.

I’ve been racking my brain for a way to go back to hockey and be with her but I’m coming up short. Every time I see her and realize it might be the last time, I make it count. I feel like I’m trying to keep a mental video of all the moments. I know when I’m gone, I’m going to be thinking about her all the time.

I feel like such a punk being all mushy, but I can’t help it.

Later that day, I sit on a few hay bales and pat Dusty, one of the horses that Kayla is helping. I’ve come to love horses. Each of them has a unique personality, just like humans.

It’s something I never thought about. In my mind, horses were just large animals that sometimes got forced to race. Now, I know they’re beautiful, extremely intelligent creatures.

As far back as I can remember I’ve been focused on hockey. It’s what I’ve lived and breathed. Being on this ranch has flipped everything upside down. The satisfying work, the gorgeous farmhand, the beautiful animals, the scenery — it’s refreshing.

It feels like my head and my heart are at war. I’ve even considered giving up hockey. I’m not the guy who drops everything for a girl. I’m not one to commit at all. A therapist once told me it was because I have a fear of being like my father.

I don’t remember much about him, but I vividly remember the day he left us. I remember my mom sobbing. I remember all the times she had to bust her butt working three jobs just to survive.

In my mind, if I don’t commit to someone, I don’t have the power to hurt them. It’s a twisted sense of logic and makes no sense, but it’s what I’ve always done.

My therapist reminded me that I can still cause pain even if I set boundaries and expectations from the start. I broke the rules with Kayla. I let myself feel. I let myself forget that this can’t be something more.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave the ranch and not hurt Kayla. Hurting her will be my biggest fear come to life. I know it’s not the same situation as my father leaving, but it feels like it.

It’s only been a short time with her, but it feels like we’ve known each other our entire lives. The thought of her being in pain because of me makes me want to throw up.

It’s hot out today and she’s in denim cutoffs, a tank top and cowboy boots. I already groaned at her for being a tease. When she walked downstairs in that outfit, it didn’t take long for me to get her out of it.

She walks by me with a little extra sway to her hips, and I know she’s doing it on purpose. I whistle at her, and she shoots me a mischievous grin over her shoulder. I swear my heart skips a beat. Why does she have this effect on me? I can’t get over how deeply attracted I am to her. It’s not just her physical attributes but her kindness, her wit, and her soul. It’s everything about her.

I just want to be with her all the time. I almost want to kick my own ass for being such a sap.

She smiles at me as I continue to calm Dusty. My heart sinks. Reality is starting to hit me.

I stare at Kayla, wishing there was a clear path forward together. For the first time in my life, I want there to be.

I let out a soul-wrenching sigh. I’ve been so wrapped up in her that I’ve been avoiding the dark cloud over us. She notices my melancholy and bounces over to me, the horse backing up as she approaches.

She swings a leg over my lap and sits down, and I immediately forget everything I was thinking about. Slowly, she leans in and kisses me. Her lips are gentle against mine, as if she’s afraid of hurting me.

I’ve grown accustomed to her lip-biting, hair-pulling kisses, but this is different. This feels like goodbye.

Neither of us know when we will have to say it, but we both know it’s coming soon.

She deepens the kiss, and I respond. My heart races as she moves against my lap. Pulling back, she looks into my eyes, and it feels like she’s taking in every detail. I do the same, memorizing the dimple in her cheek, her long eyelashes, the tiny freckles on her nose, and her sparkling blue eyes.

Sliding my hands down either side of her, I pull her closer. I need more of her.

Hopefully, we’ve still got a few weeks in our own little world, so I’m going to do my best to enjoy it.

The world disappears as she kisses me harder. I let myself sink into our kiss, and for a moment it’s just us two. When we finally come up for air, she snaps back into work mode.

I sigh and follow her to the cabins, toolbox in hand. We’ve made quite a bit of progress. It just needed some TLC. Kayla works on painting the exterior, and I get to work fixing some of the hinges.

While I was in college, I helped my cousin on building sites for a little extra cash. This has come in handy when fixing the cabins. I asked Kayla how she would’ve fixed it without me, and she just shrugged and said she would’ve figured it out.

That’s one of the things I love about her — her stubborn belief that she can overcome any obstacle. It’s inspiring.

I finish the last cabin and look for Kayla. She’s bent over, trying to paint a hard-to-reach spot. I can’t help but stare at her. “That’s some good, uh, painting you’re doing there.”

I hear her scoff. “I don’t think it’s my painting skills that you’re admiring right now.”

Joining her on the porch, I chuckle. “I’m only human.” I look out at the view and take a deep breath in, immediately filling my lungs with paint fumes.

I cough and Kayla laughs. “What were you doing?”

“I was trying to appreciate the fresh air.”

She looks at me like I have three heads.

“Clearly, I wasn’t thinking.” I shake my head.

Her eyes trace my body. My arms are exposed because it’s hot today. Suddenly, I’m the one that feels like a piece of meat.

She smirks as if reading my mind. “There’s something else I need you to do.”

I sigh and follow her into the cabin. The air whooshes beneath me as I’m thrust onto the bed.

Kayla leans down and kisses my neck. “The cabin beds haven’t been tested yet.” Her hot breath lingers on my skin.

I run my hands down her body and my cock springs to life. “For the safety of future guests, I guess we’ll have to test it out.”

She bites her lip and nods. “It’s a hard task, but someone’s got to do it.”

I pull Kayla in and she straddles me. She rolls her hips and I groan, my hands tracing her breasts through her shirt.

Suddenly, there are footsteps on the porch. We spring apart, and I grab a stray piece of wood. The footsteps get closer, and I start to swing.

“There you guys — whoa!” Jack jumps back so I don’t hit him.

I let out a massive sigh. “I could’ve killed you, dude.”

He laughs. “I was trying to find you.” He looks around the cabin. “These look great!”

I notice Kayla has already fixed the bed and is pretending to fix something in the corner. She looks up at him and gives him a small smile. “Back so soon?”

He sighs. “Yeah. Dad was driving me crazy, and he doesn’t need my help anymore, so I thought I’d come and rescue Ash.”

She stands up and crosses her arms. “Rescue him. Really?”

Jack laughs. “You should take it as a compliment that you can scare the shit out of hunky men.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Hunky men?”

He rolls his eyes. “I was mainly referring to myself.”

I shake my head. That doesn’t even make sense.

He looks at Kayla and then at me. “It’s good to see you didn’t kill each other.”

I let out an awkward laugh.

Kayla’s eyes light up as if she just thought of something. “He almost chopped off his foot. Oh, I wish you could’ve seen him baling the hay.” She cracks up laughing.

Jack slaps me on the shoulder. “Lucky I came back when I did.”

I chuckle, but it’s only half-hearted. I look at Kayla. Her shoulders are tense. I can feel a shift in the air. Our bubble has officially burst.