89

Kassie

In Motion

My boyfriend didn't just need sleep. He also needed what I readily had available the entire semester - time with his friends. Time to relax . Time to stop worrying about the impending future about the corner that neither of us could do anything about.

"I've calculated it down to the minute, " I told him in the passenger seat while he kept his hand on my thigh. "Thirty five minutes at June's house. The moment we walk in, the clock's ticking, and there's an extra five minutes to account for dumb shit happening so we have a buffer zone."

"A buffer zone. I like that." Ryan chuckled, rubbing his thumb on the inside of my jeans.

I took a long look down the road and glanced at the back window. "I didn't include…uh…parking."

"Better start the clock now."

Adam and June were co-hosting a party together at her house and the entire road was packed full of cars. Sardine packed. We had to park the next street over and we were lucky to get that with how many other people were coming in. While we walked up the driveway, Ryan wove his fingers in mine.

I double-checked my phone. "Twenty nine minutes of fun left."

"I'm already having a blast." He laughed, pulling up my hand to point out a guy heaving his guts out to a flower patch on the side of the house. "Look, that's fun."

June's house was full of football players and every single person in the housing committee. But we didn't have to push past the crowd. It moved out of the way for us and the two of us walked in with a nice berth away from the craziness.

"Holy fucking shit! " Adam yelled. "Ryan?! At a party? "

I threw a grin up at Ryan and he grinned back at me while we came to the table surrounded by all of our friends. King, June, Zariah, and Adam were deep in a card-game, with ripped up trading cards used as chips, the free ones we got for old Romans players.

"Overdramatic asshole." I smacked Adam on the shoulder and pushed him towards King as I took the chair next to him.

"I'm here," Ryan announced, his hands up, before he took the seat on the other side of mine. "Use all the jokes out."

King took a deep breath. "It's like seeing Sasquatch."

"Ryan-quatch," Zariah quipped.

"Ryan-crotch?" Adam demanded. "Big Z, don't be gross."

"Just deal out the cards," I told him, exasperated, and Adam shoved the cards off to Ryan to shuffle. Ryan started immediately while Adam tossed back a beer.

"Okay, I have a question." June put her head in her hands, watching Ryan. "Were you always like this?"

"Nope," Adam answered before Ryan could. "Ryan used to party in high school."

My mouth fell open. "For real?"

Ryan gave a half-grin. "It's true."

"I can't picture Party Animal Ryan…" I pointed at Ryan, Adam, and King. "I feel like I already know this. How long have you three known each other?"

"Freshman year, college," King answered automatically.

Adam thumbed towards Ryan. "Third grade. We've known each other too long but we can't get rid of each other, we know too much."

"What the hell were you two like as third graders?" Zariah asked and stopped herself. "Why do I ask questions I don't want to know the answer to?"

"Oh, you know what." Adam grinned wide. "I've got a good Ryan story."

Ryan started passing out the cards. "Don't."

"It's a good one."

"I'm willing to bet it's not."

I leaned forward, interested. "A good Ryan story?"

"Oh, yeah." Adam took another swig of beer. "Ryan. Ryan—dude—this is great. Girls, you're going to love this. Ryan, this story will get you some mad pussy tonight. Anyone want to take a guess what Ryan wanted to be when he grew up?"

Instantly, the curiosity of the table was caught and Ryan groaned. "You need to drop this story, man."

"I used to use this story as Ryan's wingman in freshman year." Adam smirked.

Zariah frowned. "Not a football player?"

"Nope." He imitated a buzzer. "Try again."

King shook his head. "I don't know this one."

"Are we playing a game or not?" Ryan tapped his cards against the table. "Dumbest asshole goes first—Adam—if you'll take the honors."

"Biggest dick goes first? Don't mind if I do."

"Wait, hold on." I held up a hand. "I want to hear what it was."

"You've hyped it up too much," Zariah agreed.

I honestly couldn't think of what kind of job would get girls going. The more I thought about it, the more confused I became. If it wasn't being a football player, what did little Ryan wanted to be when he grew up?

Ryan gave Zariah a long look when she started chanting and beating her fists against the table. He sighed, turning his eyes back to me. I had a feeling whatever it was, he was reluctant for me to hear it most of all.

Which just made me more eager to hear it.

"When I did the project…" Ryan ran a hand through his hair. "Don't get me wrong, it was easier when I got the football scholarship but before then, my dad wasn't around a lot. He's a firefighter, a lot of late nights. So for the project—and Adam, this is the last time I'm telling this story—I wanted to be a dad when I grew up."

Zariah burst into laughter while June cooed from the other side of the table but I gazed up at him, quiet. Ryan wanted to be a dad. That's why he'd been so upset about the kids' training camp when he made that kid cry. I blinked at him, stunned, and something soft clicked inside of me.

I completely understood how Ryan used to get laid talking about this.

"You wanted to…be a dad?" I repeated.

Slowly, Ryan nodded. "Yeah."

"And you…want to be…a dad?"

My question lingered in the air for a moment before Adam took another swig of his beer. "Yeah, he does. Because he's a moron. You know what kids do? Fuck up your credit score."

The game hadn't even started yet but I suddenly needed a drink too. We had twenty-four minutes left on the clock, even time for a little buzz to wear off before the next obligation. I pushed up out of my seat. "Ryan, can you play for me?"

"What? Oh, yeah."

"I'm going to go get beers," I announced. "Who wants a beer?"

"Guess who's coming with you?" Zariah sang. "I forfeit, I'll play the next round."

"Hey?" Ryan reached for my hand. He looked concerned and his voice dropped low. "We were just kidding around. I didn't freak you out, right?"

My heart beat in my chest. "No. Of course not."

"Okay."

As quick as I could, I headed to June's kitchen, silently thanking the stars for the off-limits tag. People parted around me, making huge steps away while I walked in a straight line, breathing in deeply all the way there. I wasn't panicking. It was more of a weird hurricane of emotions. Overwhelming adoration for my quarterback hit me like a truck and left me dizzy.

"Kass!" Zariah jogged up to me. "Hold on, slow down!"

I sucked in another breath. "I'm thinking of postponing UOD."

"What?" She met my stride. "Wait. What? "

I yanked open one of the coolers but Zariah put her hand on the top, shutting it before I could put my hand inside. She stared at me. Probably waiting for an explanation that made sense.

"Because…?" Zariah motioned for me to continue. "Because Ryan wants kids? "

"No."

"Because what? "

"Because his pro schedule's going to be even crazier than this," I blurted out. "Because I could get one more semester with him before I go to UOD." I wrapped my fingers around the handle of the ice cooler, not even to open it, just for something concrete to hold on to. "I already called them."

"Holy shit. So…this is like…in motion?"

"I don't know. They said I'd just have to reapply again. And I'd lose my financial aid package."

Zariah breathed out through her nose.

I motioned her hand away and propped open the ice cooler. There was only a single beer inside. I'd have to go searching for the others. "And then, if I decide to stay—and Ryan and I break up—that'd be a huge fucking regret, because I missed out on OUD. And I wouldn't want to work at the training center anymore so there goes my paycheck." I shook my head at her. "I don't know."

"Kass…"

If I kept moving, I could think clearly. I went to the next ice cooler up on the table and the people around it gave us space. It was empty.

"I haven't told Ryan anything," I admitted. "I can't until everything's on paper."

"Kass, are you doing this for you?" Zariah said gently. "Or are you doing this for him?"

I didn't answer. I walked over to the fridge. A brand new ring of beers sat on the bottom shelf, a perfect find. Nothing for Ryan though. I knew he wouldn't drink with practice tomorrow. I pushed aside items on the shelf, digging in the back, all while I could feel Zariah's eyes on me.

"Him," I threw over my shoulder. "No question."

"Kass…you have to think about yourself too."