Chapter 44

Chapter Forty-Four

DANE

H ow do I handle finding my dad celebrating his senate victory in the wee hours of the morning?

With Daisy's dress hiked over her hips? Yep.

I do what any good son would do—I shove my fist into his face. Not because Daisy and I are dating; we're not. Then through gritted teeth and clenched fists, I say, "I'm telling Mom. It's up to her on what to do, but I'm setting the rules now. Lettie will keep her sponsorships regardless of our relationship status. You will not attend another game of mine. If you do, I will go public with you screwing your chief of staff's daughter, who's decades younger than you."

Daisy fixes herself and by the time I'm finished speaking, she's muttering, "I'm sorry. He promised me?—"

I cut her off. "Daisy, I don't care. Not about you. I care about my mom and how after all these years of marriage, he would do this to her."

"Son, oka y, okay. Just don't tell your mother, please."

"What did you say when I was begging you not to come between Lettie and me? I believe it was, ‘I do what needs to be done.' Well now I'm doing what needs to be done."

For twenty-one years, I admired my father. Was he hard on me regarding basketball? Yes. But it was something we did together, and I cherished every one of the days of shooting outside together or going to a father-son basketball camp together. He opened doors for me that I may not have gotten being from a small town in eastern Kentucky.

But since he started running for the U.S. Senate, he has caused nothing but aggravation and pain. If he hadn't held Lettie's sponsorships over my head, I'm positive that Lettie and I would have gotten back together at Hagan and Adalee's wedding, if not before. However, her sponsorships pay for boarding Diamond Mine, feeding Diamond Mine, Jasper, the grooms, her travel, and Diamond Mine being transported to the competitions and a dozen more items I can't recall.

Furious and exhausted, I enter The Stable, and my teammates are awake and eating breakfast, and I haven't been to bed. They congratulate me on my father's win and go to shake my hand or fist bump me. I fake a smile and say, "Thanks, I gotta get some sleep before the game."

Devon and Nick follow me to my apartment. "We thought you would be happy it's over."

"Oh, believe me, I've never been so fucking happy." My voice is full of sarcasm.

Devon slouc hes on the bean bag next to the couch. "Call Lettie. Now that the campaign is over, it will free up some of your time. Isn't that why she broke up with you? You were neglecting all your shit because of her."

"Yeah, but that's not all." I sit on the couch next to Nick and send Lettie a message.

Things have changed, and I need to talk to you. I'll come by after my ballgame tonight.

"Are you texting Lettie?" Nick asks.

"Yes, I sent her a message. Now get out of here so I can get some sleep. And I didn't go through all of this to lose to North Carolina." The North Carolina Tar Heels are one of our biggest rivals in Division I basketball. Both historic programs.

"Good. Good."

They press their hands against their legs and leave. I lock the door behind them, set my alarm, and pass out from exhaustion, anger, disappointment, and hope that Lettie and I can find our way back to each other.

I call my mom even though I have no idea how I'm going to tell her that the man she loves cheated on her on the night he was elected to the US Senate.

"Dane, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Mo m, I have to tell you something. Dad…" I feel my chest getting heavy. I never wanted to break anyone's heart for any reason; it's not how I'm made. Whether it was Lettie or my mom, I have to be honest, so I'm starting with Mom. "Dad hasn't been faithful to you." My cheeks vibrate as I choke back tears.

"I know," she strains to say. "He told me, and I don't want you to worry. I'm a big girl and can handle whatever comes my way. You think you got your strength from your dad, but you didn't. You got it from me. I forgave him once but not this time. I'll file for divorce when we get back home. I'm done, but he's your father, and I hope in time you'll forgive him for what he did to me."

"Mom, I have to ask you if you had anything to do with Dad blackmailing me. Did you?"

"Blackmail? What are you talking about?"

"Lettie. He said if I got back together with her, he would pull her sponsorships."

Mom gasps. "Why?" Her reaction calms the anger deep inside me.

At least Mom wasn't involved.

"I'm so sorry, Dane. I think he's going through a midlife crisis, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. And I need to tell you something." I hear her inhale and exhale on a harsh breath. Coach Cappitano and I dated in college while your dad and I were on a break. Having him back in our lives has been rough on your dad. I thought I would marry Coach, but he broke it off, and I married your dad."

"Did you cheat on him?"

"No, but your dad knew that Coach Cappitano and I discussed getting married. Then he got a second chance with his first love and chose her. And I'm glad he did because I have you. My precious baby boy who's all grown up. Now I think it's time for you to get your second chance with your first love."

"I'll win her back and not because I'm a Greathouse. I'm the son of the strongest, most nurturing mom on the planet. I need to get to the arena."

Since we're playing North Carolina, we take the team bus to the arena. It's only a mile or so from The Stable, but basketball is king at this university. No matter how well the rest of the sports do, basketball wears the crown.

I've repaired my relationships with my coaches and teammates. Some of them have been through bad breakups and told me they would do anything to help me through it. What's odd is Lettie has helped me through it. Singing with her gave me all of the hope I needed that we would be back together sooner rather than later.

We change into our warmups, white pants with a blue stripe down the side. White shooting shirts that say, "Courage. Strength. Vision. Belief." I half-smile as I put it on. All the things I need to have Lettie back in my life.

It's two hours before the game. We stretch and shoot around. Then back to our state-of-the-art locker room where we sit in a circle and a video is projected on the floor beneath us. Coach points out reminders of defensive responsibilities, how to switch on our opponents and how to negate our own vulnerabilities. Scoring is not the pro blem with this team; it's defense. And defense wins championships and defeats rivals.

"Captain."

I stand, blow out a breath, and realize my knuckles are red from hitting my dad.

"Guys, I don't think I truly knew what the word fight meant until the past month or so. This isn't the time for my personal shit, but we have to fight for each other. We have to be there to back each other up. In a game of such magnitude, we have to be a team. What I've learned recently is, sometimes you need to lean on others. I thank each of you for holding me up. If we're going to beat North Carolina, it will take every single one of us. Whether you're on the bench or in the game, you need to be present. Looking for little nuances we can exploit." They nod in agreement. "Stand up."

We all put our fists in the center. "Stallions on three. One, two, three. Stallions!" we yell in unison, and they jog out of the locker room behind me. And it's the first time this year, I feel like I've earned the honor of being their captain.

While warming up, I look over to my parents' seats. I already know there will be another family in the seats. Harper asked me if I could get four seats to the game for a family that has been at the Cancer Center for months. Harper is a med student, but she and Logan make weekly visits and try to make wishes come true. This family's plight hit her especially hard. Twins, a boy and a girl, like Hagan and her, are both suffering from leukemia. They're currently in remission and are in Lexington for a chec kup, so when she asked, it was a no brainer. My parents willingly gave up their seats, even before he cheated on my mom.

Maybe Dad has a few redeeming qualities but in actuality, it's a publicity stunt.

Jogging over, I take selfies with them and let them know that they'll be escorted to center court at halftime. What they don't know is they'll be receiving my signed jersey framed as well as basketballs for each of them signed by the whole team. And the biggest surprise is a five-thousand-dollar check for a vacation on a kid friendly cruise ship. I donated it anonymously using some of the sponsorship money I've saved.

After outing my dad, I'm free, and I can't wait to see Lettie tonight and start our life together. These last weeks have felt like years. Even though I've pulled myself together, the key to my happiness is missing, and I plan on being real fucking happy tonight.

They announce the starting lineup, and the eight-year-old twins jump up and down. The girl waves a white pompom, and the boy has a #11 finger engulfing half of his arm, when they call my name. I run straight to them, giving them fist bumps, and then join my team.

During the first half we are ten points up, and I have eighteen points. During halftime, they do their presentation to the family. Giving to others fills my heart—it always has. Giving Lettie a dandelion when we were six or buying her an ice cream at the fair every year, or giving Lettie an orgasm, fills something inside me—just seeing anothe r person's eyes light up is worth it.

I need to focus on the game. North Carolina is only ten games behind us in the all-time wins for a university basketball program. We need to win for bragging rights. The second half starts off shaky with them pulling even. It's back and forth. At the eight-minute time out, I haven't had a breather, so I ask the coach for an extra thirty seconds.

The team breaks, and JaJuan takes my place on the court. I notice one of the blue coats waving in my direction. I look behind me to see if he's motioning for someone else. Then Reed appears from behind him with a worried look on his face.

Meeting Reed halfway, I ask, "What's up?" This is unusual to be flagged down by a friend during a game. He's the star hockey player, so he understands this better than anyone and as I realize it, a lead rock lands in the pit of my stomach.

"It's Lettie. She's in the hospital, something about drugs."

My eyebrows pinch together, unable to make heads or tails about what he's saying. It doesn't make sense.

"What?"

Lettie doesn't do drugs.

"Brooke found her. Are you coming?"

The twenty-five thousand fans chant my name, wanting me to come back into the game. "Greathouse. Greathouse." The fans look blurry like when an artist uses watercolors.

"Dane? "

I have to decide between letting down my teammates and fans or being there for Lettie, and it's an easy one to make. Running behind the padded seats of our bench, I grab Coach Cappitano's shoulder. He turns, thinking it's a fan. "What?" he asks in a harsh tone.

"Lettie's in the hospital, and I'm leaving." He shakes his head, and I ask, "If it were my mom in the hospital, when you were my age, where would you be?"

He gives me a concerned look. "Go on."

"Let's go," Reed calls.

Reed carries a lot of weight in this town since the rise of hockey, but the two of us together can part the Red Sea. Police escort us to the hospital, which is only five minutes away, being on campus.

Reed lets me out at the valet area and yells, "Emergency room." I look up and run in that direction. Reed didn't know anything except Brooke said she overdosed. Bursting through the two brown-paneled doors still fully dressed in my basketball uniform, people look at me, stunned and then up to the televisions throughout the waiting room. They look as confused as I am.

All of our friends are in the waiting room, minus Reed. "Where is she? Where is she?"

Harper grabs me. "I'll take you to her." She uses her key card to get us past the receptionist.

"What hap pened?" I ask while we briskly walk down the hallway.

"Brooke was worried about her. All of us had been calling her, hoping she hadn't seen the picture of you and Daisy. She didn't call us back, so a few hours later, Brooke went to her apartment, and the door was unlocked. She was with another woman. Lettie was unresponsive, so Brooke called 911."

Unresponsive?

"Is she… alive? Oh God, please. This was my fault," I shout. "What room? Where is she? I have to see her. It's my fault." My body feels numb, and my knees collapse, but Harper catches me and holds me up.

"This is her room. Dane, look at me. You need to be calm." Harper steadies me and pushes the cracked door open.

With my heart pounding relentlessly against my ribcage, I take a deep breath and step inside, unprepared for what I see—a frail and fragile Lettie hooked up to machines. Her eyes are closed, and she's lying on her side.

Walking closer to her bed, I reposition the sheet and notice how thin her legs have become. All of this is my fault. My fingers trail over the crisp white sheet up her leg and arm. I sit in the chair beside her. "Forgive me, baby. Please forgive me," I mutter.

Now I know how Lettie felt when I was hospitalized last year, after Reed pulled me out of Lettie's burning apartment building—hopeless and guilt ridden. None of this makes sense. Lettie has never done drugs. She drinks on the weekends and takes her ADHD meds, but that's it. I s it there for hours blaming myself. Knowing if I had handled my dad, none of this would have happened. She would be happy with me, not lying in a hospital bed.

Lettie's lids slowly pull apart, and her bloodshot eyes find mine. "Hey," I say softly as my fingers graze her cheek. "I'm sorry." But nothing I could say or do would ever be enough to make up for what I've put her through. This is all my fault, deserting her. I should have stood up to my dad and found a way to keep her sponsorships.

Tears form in my eyes as I take in her pale face, and I curse myself for not being there for her when she needed me the most. "I'm here now," I whisper, reaching for her hand. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Dane." My name comes out a frail whisper. "I'm sorry." Tears run over her temple and hit the pillowcase, sounding like a dripping faucet. Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Shh..." I say, trying to comfort her. I want to know what happened, but she's weak, and I don't want to upset her even more. The clock moves slowly, the minute hand takes hours to move five ticks. Then she falls back asleep, and I lay my head on our interlaced hands.

When I try to stand, feeling the need to pace and figure out what to do, Mom taps on the door, and Coach is behind her. "How is she? I called Winnie and George. They're on their way," Mom whispers.

I shrug. "Mom, I'm so scared. Life doesn't make sense without her. Has anyone said what happened?" I notice Coach stays a few feet back.

"No, but Jasper is outside, worried to death."

Coach chimes in, "And the whole team is here for support. They love Lettie." He cracks a smile, and I do too. They do love Lettie. Half of them wanted in her pants, but now they wouldn't dare ask her out. The team is here for both of us.

"I'm sorry I let the team sown but Lettie's the most important person in the world to me."

He presses his lips into a thin line and I guess we lost to North Carolina. "Devon hit a buzzer beater to win. But they aren't out celebrating, instead they're here for you and Lettie.

"Thank you. Take care of my mom. Can you stay with her while I talk to Jasper?"

Jasper paces the sterile white and gray hallway. When he sees me, he immediately grabs me by the arms and pulls me into him. "I'm so sorry. This is my fault. Did she overdose on her ADHD medicine?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure they'll tell me anything. Why do you think it's your fault?"

"She was endangering her life and Diamond Mine's. I flew off the handle and told her I knew she hadn't been taking her medicine. What if she took too many, trying to be fine so she could ride?"

Mom peeks her head out the door. "She's moving and mumbling."

"Jasper, you were trying to help her, and I'm forever grateful to you for caring about her. I appreciate all you've done for her, and I'm sorry for the tension between us." He swallows hard and he obviously cares about Lettie. "I mean it. Thanks for being here."

I shake his hand, then turn and walk back into Lettie's room. Mom and Coach get some coffee and leave me alone with the only person who makes me feel complete.

I'm looking out the hospital window when Lettie mumbles in shaky breaths, "No, no. Don't go,"

I turn back to the bed and sit on the edge of her bed. "I'm never leaving you again."

Her eyes flutter open, swollen and shattered. "Wrong guy at the wrong time," she says as her voice trails off.

"Don't say that, Lettie. You've always been my everything and always will be." She moves our intertwined hand under her cheek, silently crying. "What happened, baby? You scared me."

"You texted me, and I… had to see you with Dai…" She slurps up her words over her tears. "Daisy in my seats. Your mom said the seats were taken, but she would get me tickets."

My heart sinks over the devastation in her voice. "Why would Daisy be in my family's seat?"

"The election. I saw you holding her, and I thought she was living my life. My life. Mine and yours." She bursts into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. My thumbs rub back and forth over the soft skin of her hands and wait with sadness and remorse wracking my body.

"You were coming over to tell me it was really over, that you found someone else who made you happy. You looked happy. I couldn't take it anymore. I was leaving to come to the game and see for myself in hopes I would be wrong, but when I opened the door, my mom was standing there."

My jaw drops. "Your mom?" Her mom is a drug addict, and I can feel anger rushing through my veins. I immediately put the pieces together—her mom gave her drugs.

She shakes her head. "Mom showed up asking me for money. She saw a video of us singing somewhere, and she thought…" She inhales and continues to cry. "Thought we were still together and that I would have money to pay off their drug dealer. She promised they were quitting. God, I'm such a fool wanting a mom of my own."

"You're not a fool to want a good mother. What happened?"

"I told her about us breaking up and not even being friends." She closes her eyes and huffs. "Dane," she cries. "She said she had something to make me feel better. Something that would take my pain away, and it wouldn't hurt me; it was a prescription. I kept seeing Daisy kiss your cheek and thinking about her stealing my life with you."

She cries, and I cry with her. Lettie deserves parents who put her first. Hell, everyone does.

"You said nothing would change, and everything did, Dane. I lost more than I ever expected. I wish I would have never given in to you at the fundraiser. If I didn't, none of this would have happened."

My heart ri ps a little more, knowing she wishes we hadn't been intimate or was never my girlfriend. I kiss her cheek. "Baby, I have so many pent-up emotions inside me right now and so many things I need to tell you. This was all my fault, but I can promise you that I was faking happiness because that's what I had to do to get through the day, not being with you or talking to you. Daisy was screwing my dad. The asshole used me for cover, so if anyone caught her with him, he could say she was coming to meet me."

"You aren't in love with her?" she asks with her eyebrows stitched together in confusion and her throat quivering.

"I've only loved one person in my life, and she's lying in a hospital bed. You're my best friend and…. " My words die in the air because I don't know what we are.

"Dane, I've lost everything. I hurt so damn bad. You were moving on with your life without me. I've cried and cried. Jasper won't let me ride because I can't focus. I felt like you abandoned me, even though I'm the one who ripped us apart." She turns her head away from me.

"Lettie, when you broke up with me, how many times did you say we would stay friends?"

"But we didn't, did we?" she asks in a hushed tone.

Placing my fingers under her chin, I turn her face toward me. She needs to know how much I love her. "Because it felt like a ten-inch blade was jabbed into my heart and twisted. You destroyed me, Lettie and then my dad threatened to take away your sponsorships."

Her eyes narrow.

"I'm th e one to blame for why you're lying in the hospital. Not yours and not your mother's." Creases line her forehead. "It's mine and my dad's.

She nods, squeezing my hand with barely any strength. "I shouldn't have let him guilt me into breaking up with you, but part of me knew it wasn't healthy how we were."

"So, my dad talked to you? He was the reason you broke it off?"

She gives me a small nod. "Talk. Funny. More like he threatened me. I thought your dad loved me."

I thought he loved me too.

The machines beep, and Lettie looks scared, so I hop off the bed as the nurse comes in and puts her oxygen back into her nose. She taps on the machine, and it stops making that annoying beeping sound.

Lettie asks, " Can you tell me what you had to do to me? Was I dead?"

"We would have thought it was a drug overdose, but a lady showed us the pills she gave you. It was a bad interaction between your ADHD medication and the depression medication. We pumped your stomach, so we have you on a saline IV, oxygen, and are monitoring your heart. You were found by your friend, unresponsive in respiratory arrest. The paramedics were able to restart your breathing. Your heart didn't stop." She looks at both of us. "Try not to get upset. You're making progress since you're awake and alert."

We shake ou r heads. How do we not get upset over what has happened?

"Who found me?"

"Brooke. She had been calling you all day. Our friends had seen the footage of election night and knew you would be upset. She finally came over when you didn't answer for hours."

"I'll never be able to repay her."

"Do you remember the day we did our morning texts, and it felt like there was a chance we would get back together?"

"Yeah."

"I thought when I told my dad we might get back together that he would be happy that we might have a chance. Instead, he said it was for my own good, and I would never lose you completely. We both had dreams, and he wanted us both to realize those dreams, and I wanted that too. Wanted you to be standing on the Olympic podium one day while they played The Star-Spangled Banner, and you put that gold medal between your teeth. I thought I was being selfless." I hang my head with dried tears on my face. "Can you forgive me?"

She whispers, "Yes. I thought I was doing the same. I want my life back. But when you said we needed to focus on our goals at Hagan and Adalee's wedding, it seemed like the end of us. The kiss felt like goodbye."

"Baby, the kiss was... until tomorrow or whatever length of time until we could be together. If you'll have me, I want to be your best friend again. I want to be your boyfriend and one day your husband. The father of our kids. And we 'll have everything that matters—a family."

"Dane…" She pauses with trembling lips and shaky breath.

"Don't cry. It's all true. Tell me you want all of that too."

She struggles to sit up, so I help her and then sit on the bed. As she cries, she chokes on her tears. "I lost our baby."

My body stills, unsure if I heard her correctly. "What?" I push back to see her face.

"I'm sorry. I lost my best friend, my boyfriend, and our baby."

My voice trembles, and I narrowly force out words. "Baby? When? How?"

"I was still coming to terms with being pregnant at Hagan and Adalee's wedding."

My fingers rub over my five o'clock shadow as it hits me. "So, that was what changed your mind about being together?"

Nodding, she reaches for a tissue, pulls out her oxygen, and blows her nose, then she puts it back in. "I was going to find a way to tell you that I was pregnant, but then you started playing good again. I saw your face everywhere and knew you were doing exactly what I asked—being the Dane who achieves and succeeds. You appeared to be happy, and I didn't want to be what came between you and your career."

"You've always been more important than basketball. I should have shown you… proven to you. God, I don't know how you'll forgive me." My jaws tremble, and I break down. "I'm so sorry."

Lettie rubs my hand, and I use her hand to wipe away the salty river streaming down my face. She begins to speak, but her voice is strained and scratchy, so I give her a sip of water.

"Dane, I spiraled, not eating or hydrating. Then I fell off Diamond Mine, and Jasper was so angry I hadn't been taking my meds. Remember the game I brought my grandparents to?"

"Yeah. You had a bruised elbow."

"Granny and Paps were here early because that's when I had lost the baby. I had fallen off Diamond Mine two days before. My stomach was cramping, and I was bleeding, so I called my grandparents. We went to the doctor, and I miscarried our baby. We had a baby," she cries out and collapses onto my lap. I stroke her hair. I cried the night she broke up with me, but this pain is worse. Partly because I wasn't with her, and she had to go through it alone.

"I blame myself for losing the baby."

"Shh… it's not your fault." Visions of a baby Lettie traipsing through the fields, hiding under her granny's clothesline and hunting fireflies invades every corner of my brain. I blame myself for all of this.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through a miscarriage without me. We would have helped each other through it. Were you pregnant the night before you broke up with me? The night you were sick."

"I didn 't know it then, but yes. Your dad confronted me at the ballgame, and I knew I had to let you go. I was genuinely sick to my stomach at the thought of living without you. He assured me we loved each other so much that when the time was right, we could be together."

With our foreheads pressed together, we mourn the loss of our baby. One that was created with so much love. A life created between two people who have been together nearly every day for sixteen years. Tears roll down our faces, and I tilt her chin up to look in her eyes. "I love you. We'll celebrate our baby's birthday every year. We'll fill our home with children, laughter, singing, and love."

"That sounds perfect." Her lips, cracked from dehydration, press against mine. But they feel lighter and softer than they ever have. I tuck her head into my chest, and I can finally breathe.

"One step at a time."

"This time, let's take it slow and learn to be friends again."

We stepped out of bounds, but this time, we're standing on the line and shooting to win.