17. CHAPTER 17

17

KAI

The quiet in this big ass mansion is driving me insane. Pacing around the entrance hall in the main house leaves me with nothing to do but repeat my encounter with Jules over and over in my head. Trying to dissect every word and act, and piece it back together like a puzzle, hoping it will make sense. But nothing. All my thoughts are frantic, in a thrilling way, but also with a hint of fear. Fear that we have taken it too far with that kiss, and what the fuck it would mean for my mom if this went further and she found out. But the swelling ache in my chest blocks it all out when my mind drifts to those lips on mine, the claiming intention behind it. It makes me live in hope, a dangerous hope, as I’m already putting too much weight into that moment. That Jules will be my shield in life, my protector. That he is some kind of superhero that will make everything else in my life right, while I stand in the background basking in his love and attention. Love. That’s another thing that should have me halting the breaks on this car crash waiting to happen. I’ve wanted Jules since I was a teenager. Over those years I really thought that it was love, even though his contact with us was rare, it made me feel things I’d never felt before. But I was an inexperienced teenager with a crush. It couldn’t have been love. But now, after spending all this time with him, it’s morphed into more. This searing blade that cuts deep into my soul whenever he is around me is another level of love that will destroy me. I know it will, because how could this ever possibly work? Internally, I shake my head at myself over the whirling thoughts that won’t quit, as to why am I even contemplating any of this. I don’t even know if Jules regrets that kiss, or if he just did it to shut me up.

I rest my head against the wall and zone out, focusing on the chandelier that sparkles like diamonds hanging from the ceiling. I encourage the swirls of light to take me into a trance to clear my mind into some kind of zen state, so I can just rest my overworked, Jules obsessed brain. I’m not sure how long I stand there before I hear quickened footsteps from down the hall where Dima’s office is. As I turn my head, I can’t help but smile when I see Aaron come into view. He’s a freaky fuck, but I like him.

“Hey Kai, can you take me to my apartment, please? I need to collect a couple of things. Lev said it was cool.”

That sounds perfect to me, because I need to get out of this house.

“Sure, let’s go.”

It doesn’t take long to get to Aaron’s apartment where I pull up to a stop on the street outside of the complex.

“Don’t be long, Aaron. I don’t want Lev pissed at me.”

“Kai, don’t say shit like that to me. Getting Lev pissed at you is more of an incentive as it would be hot as fuck to watch him get all angry,” Aaron says, leaning his head back onto the headrest, his eyes closed and a demonic grin on his face. This is fucking awkward, as the guy has zero social awareness and boundaries, but I’m not about to get myself fucked up in the pen, even if it does make Aaron happy.

“Go get your shit, Aaron.”

“Okay, okay. Just kidding. I won’t be long.”

Aaron gets out and slams the car door shut. I run my hands over the steering wheel, admiring the gorgeous interior. It’s a dream to be driving an expensive sports car like this, and Dima said I had access if needed. It’s a sweet ride. I tap my hands on the wheel to a beat that I make up in my head and immediately feel a little more relaxed. Which Jules must sense, because my phone pings with a text from the controlling dick.

Jules

All good?

Yep. I’m just out with Aaron.

I’ve already pressed send by the time I reread the text and realize how it sounds.

Jules

What do you mean, out? Does Lev know? Why aren’t you at the house?

Chill out. Lev knows. I’ve brought Aaron to his place to get his things.

Jules

You armed? Be careful, Jake’s crew are a risk.

I’m torn between hitting my head against the window or screaming until I lose my voice. The need to be sarcastic wants to win this tug of war, but I take the high road.

All safe. Talk later.

As soon as the message reads ‘read’ my phone rings, Jules’s name written across the screen. I can’t do this right now, so I decline the call. The guy is taking up too much of my life as it is. Plus, I know it’ll piss him off to be ignored.

A chime alerts me of another text and I look down and can’t help the laugh that bubbles up out of my mouth. He is so damn easy to piss off.

Jules

Answer the phone, Kai!

I’m working and this conversation is unprofessional. I’ll talk to you back at the house.

This is such a mic drop moment that I want to high five myself. Thinking that somewhere nearby, Jules is losing his ever-loving shit not knowing how to deal with me. Such a gratifying moment.

Jules

I’ll show you unprofessional.

I really hope he does, because this anger flirting is turning me on so much I’m questioning if my morals require medical intervention.

My phone starts to ring again and as I look down at the screen I'm jarred to see Lev’s name. I answer straight away, only to hear his booming voice on the other end.

“Where the fuck are you?” Lev says.

“What do you mean? You told me to take him home,” I say, confused by this conversation.

“Yes, an hour ago. It shouldn't take this long for him to get his shit.”

“Sorry, Lev. He hasn't come back down yet. Do you want me to go check?”

“What a fucking good idea. Keep me on the phone.”

Shit. Sounds like I'm in trouble. Time has flown by and I hadn't even noticed. I get out of the car where I’m hit by the cold air of winter. Muttering to myself about how fucking cold it is, I head upstairs towards Aaron's apartment. I stand outside the closed apartment door and shout through.

“Aaron, you ready to go?” No answer.

Lev again shouts orders down the phone at me to just go in, which I do while yelling Aaron's name.

Checking all the rooms, I get to a bedroom and notice blood on the floor. All of my insides shrivel up at the sight. Not only for wondering what the hell has happened to Aaron, but that it happened on my watch.

“Oh shit, Lev, there's blood on the floor in what I think is his room, it looks like his bag of stuff has been left.”

Loud cursing ensues before he orders me to come back to the house. I’m dreading the response I'm going to get. Nerves overtake my entire body, nausea hits the pit of my stomach. How did I not notice that Aaron had been taken? This is all my fault. Again, a failure, letting everybody down. I deserve everything I get. Arriving back to the main house thirty minutes later, I open the door to find the brothers and Seb congregated in the entrance hall. Before I get a chance to say anything, a hard punch to the face by Lev has me collapsing backward into the wall.

“Do your job properly next time, Kai, or you won't be alive to tell the story, I don't give a shit if you’re Jules’s nephew. Do we understand each other?”

The burning ache in my jaw is overwhelming. I want to cry but I’m also numb. What if something bad has happened to Aaron? I'll never forgive myself.

“Sorry, Lev. I'm so sorry.”

“Stay here with Seb. We found him, so we're going in,” Lev says, still holding eye contact with me, letting me know that he will end me if I fuck up like this again. I'm actually shocked he hasn't already. I nod my head in acknowledgement as Dima and Lev gather up to leave, leaving Seb behind with me. As the door closes, Seb gently pats me on the shoulder, his beautiful brown eyes full of sympathy.

“He's like that with everybody, Kai.”

I have nothing to say in response. Jules was right, I wasn’t ready and I may never be.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be okay. It wasn't your fault.”

“But it was my fault, if I wasn’t focusing on fucking Jules, I could’ve done something or, I don’t know, just stopped it.”

“He been giving you shit?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Come on, let's go get a drink while we wait for news.”

I follow Seb into the kitchen, but his words do nothing to comfort me. If I could swap places with Aaron right now, I would. Yet again I'm the cause of somebody else's hurt and upset. Maybe I’m cursed, as I’m struggling right now to remember a time my actions caused anyone happiness or pride in who I am as a person.

This is Jules’s fault. He brought me here. I never wanted to come here, but I followed, believing that he knew best. That Mom knew best.

Well, fuck them. If anything happens to Aaron tonight, it’s not just his blood on my hands.