12. CHAPTER 12

12

KAI

Tonight was a lot to digest. I think every emotion flooded my system: excitement, fear, anxiety, and confusion. The point of how dangerous these guys are has been driven solidly home in the short amount of time I’ve spent in Lev’s presence. While he scares the fuck out of me, I want to do well for him and Dima so that they’ll keep me here. I can see myself adjusting to this life, I just hope my past stays there and that Zac lets things go. Jez has been quiet since his last text, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the idea of going home to visit Mom. Zac is small potatoes compared to the Kozlovs, but he’s a nasty fucker.

“How do you feel now that you know what we do here?” Jules asks, as we start to drive out of town. The street lights fading into the background as I stare into the side mirror. I catch a glimpse of my face in the reflection and it’s the first time I’ve seen myself not look so tired, so downtrodden with nothing but questions in my eyes, asking myself what the hell I’m going to do with my life.

“Good. Lev’s intimidating. Simon was cool. I thought he’d hate me because of how annoyed he was when we met, but he explained a lot about the job and the club. I’m more relaxed about things.”

“That’s great. It’s pretty easy here if you just follow the rules and do what’s asked of you.”

“I won’t let you down.”

“I know.”

Jules looks over at me with a small smile as we pull onto the driveway. Just as I get out of the car, a motorcycle pulls up next to us. As the rider dismounts the bike, he takes his helmet off and holy fuck, he’s smokin’. I’ve never seen this many hot men in one place before, I’m borderline tempted to change from being bi to just gay, as these guys are sinfully attractive. A beautiful smile stretches across his gorgeous face, and pretty eyes light up as he walks towards us.

“Hey Jules,” he says.

“Hey Seb. Great timing. Kai, this is Seb, Dima’s husband. He also bartends at Starlight. Seb, this is Kai, our new guard,” Jules says, and immediately my thoughts race with how hot Dima and Seb must look together.

“Great to meet you, Kai,” Seb says, holding his hand out for me to shake. He grips my hand firmly, and his kind smile reassures me that I will get on with him. Jules is right; he is the most normal here.

“You too. Nice bike,” I say.

“Thanks. You ride?” Seb asks.

“No, it’s something I’d love to learn, though,” I say.

“I can teach you if you want?” Seb offers.

“Err, I don’t think Dima will like that, do you?” Jules says, chuckling.

“I don’t give a fuck what D says, Jules. Haven’t you learned that by now?”

“Hey, it's your funeral, just keep me out of it,” Jules says as he guides me to the side entrance.

“Nice meeting you, Kai. If you get bored with the cavemen, pop over to the bar for a drink,” Seb shouts as we walk away, and he heads into the main house.

“Thanks. I will,” I say as I wave him goodbye.

“He’s nice,” I say to Jules as we walk towards our house.

“He is, but be careful. Dima is very possessive, and Seb encourages it. You don't wanna be caught in the crossfire.”

“He can’t be that bad.”

“Kai, he murdered Seb’s fiancée and her lover. Actually, Seb technically murdered his ex, but that's not the point. So yes, he would hurt anyone he thought was a threat or meant harm. There are no rules here. This is considered the norm. You need to remember that.”

“Are you fucking kiddin’ me? Seb killed someone? Wait. What really happened to that guard, Zayn?”

“He betrayed the brothers. He had to die.”

“Fucking hell, Jules. What have you brought me into?” I say, looking at him head-on as we stand outside the door to our home.

“A new start. A family. Yes, we’re bad people, but we protect each other and have a good life. You need to make it work in your head, Kai. Worrying about it only means you’ll make mistakes. Just go with it.”

“I can do that. Just go with it, it’s only murders. No biggie. How dumb of me.”

“Kai, watch it.”

This is the most surreal moment I’ve ever experienced. Jules talking so candidly about life here like it’s not a big deal. I swear we drove through a portal to a new world when Jules brought me here. But what can I do about it? I’m now firmly interwoven into this underworld, and I need to get out of my head and accept it. How I accept it I don’t know. For now I’ll just have to fake it.

“What the hell am I supposed to tell Mom?”

“What your mom doesn’t know won’t hurt her, Kai. Trust me.”

I scoff at that. Trust me . Yeah right. This has disaster written all over it.

It’s the following week, and much to Jules’s annoyance, Dima has me working at Starlight with him tonight. Lev wanted Jules and Simon with him at Desire for a meeting with Carlos about future shipments, and thought it would be good for me to know the layout of this club in case I’m needed here. To be honest, I’m glad of the reprieve, as Jules has not left my side. While my obsession over him is still present, his overbearing attitude towards me stirs the petulant side of me. Plus, it’s a nice change of scenery, coming to the bar.

Starlight is what I would describe as decadent. Sultry music from the live band on stage with burlesque dancers, the crowd that fill the tables on the main floor all have the appearance of money and influence. The bar is modern and similar to the one at Desire. While Dima is out back, I head over to grab a soda and say hi to Seb, since the bar is less busy now that the show is on.

“Hey Seb,” I say as I lean my elbows on the bartop.

“Kai, great to see you. Want a drink?”

“I’ll have a soda, please.”

Seb grabs a tall glass, fills it with ice and a slice of lemon, followed by the soda and hands it to me.

“Thanks. Great bar.”

“Yeah, it can get a little rough sometimes, but I love working here.”

“Does Dima mind you working?”

“Mind? The fucker didn’t have a choice. It was a dealbreaker before we got married. If D had his way, I’d be chained to him the entire day.”

That makes me laugh, Dima is alarmingly possessive of Seb from what I’ve witnessed. I can’t help but be a touch jealous though. I’ve never been wanted like that, I mean, I’ve never even had a boyfriend or girlfriend before.

“You have anyone back home, Kai?”

I take a sip of my drink, trying to stop myself from retreating into my shell. I’m not ashamed that I’ve had nobody special in my life, but I’m not exactly shouting it out loud for everyone to know, as in my mind it sounds pretty pathetic.

“Nah. Not a lot of choices back home. Had to travel to another town for hookups, and that was rare.”

“Well, maybe you’ll score some action here.”

“Maybe.”

“Are you okay, Kai? I know we don’t know each other, but you can talk to me. I promise I won’t share anything you tell me. Even to D.”

“I don’t know. I’m just lost. Had a bit of trouble back home before I left. The guys I hung around with have said they’ll hurt me if I go back.”

“What! Does Jules know?”

“No! No. And please don’t say anything. I’m sure it’s fine and they’re just angry with me. They don’t do shit like that. I think I just bruised some egos by leaving without saying a word. Not that I had a choice in leaving.”

“You know, you don’t have to stay here, Kai. This life isn’t for everyone. I mean, fuck, it isn’t for me but I’ve found a way to live beside it and have a life with D. Maybe you need to find a way or start somewhere else. I’m sure Jules would understand.”

“Ha! He wouldn’t. I haven’t seen him since I was sixteen. I barely know him, Seb. But he’s barreled in and started to control my life already, you should’ve seen him in Lev’s office on that first night. It was embarrassing, being spoken to like a child.”

“I know that feeling well. If anyone knows about controlling, possessive guys, it’s me,” he says, laughing, which lightens the mood. “But you like him too? Am I right?”

My eyes look straight into Seb’s and he isn’t mocking me, his gaze is soft and encouraging me to trust him.

“I’m that obvious,” I say, taking a final gulp of my water.

“Yep. You both are.”

“Both? Nah, Jules doesn’t like me like that. Also, he’s straight.”

“Trust me, Kai. Jules is the same as the brothers. Their love language and foreplay is asshole possessiveness, with a hint of violence if anyone tries to touch you. I guarantee, Jules would fuck up anyone who got near you.”

“He’s straight.”

“So was I, and look at me now.”

“But…”

“You need to stop overthinking things, Kai. Take on one thing at a time. Get adjusted here. Jules isn’t going anywhere. Maybe it’ll fizzle out, but my advice, gain your footing here with the respect of Lev and D. The rest can come later.”

“You’re right. Thank you.”

“Anytime. You want a refill?”

“Please.”

Relief. That’s all I feel after unloading my fears onto Seb. Safe to say I think Seb is awesome and might now be my top confidante. He’s right. I need to situate myself in the fold of the brothers first. Everything else will have to take a backseat. Even though I want to rush into anything Jules would give me with both feet.