Twenty Three

Twenty-Three

Ana

I’ ve been hanging out at the clubhouse a lot more, because at least it has some life in it. People. Noise. I was starting to go stir-crazy stuck at Dag and Freja’s, even though it had been my haven, in the beginning. But it’s starting to feel like my own self-imposed prison. I have things to do now. Something to look forward to: opening the store with Cady. Wallowing in self-pity isn’t helping, so, moving forward might be the best option. For a little while, at least. I’m not getting too settled, though, because this place, it really isn’t my future. I’m not staying, that hasn’t changed. I’m still determined to track down Lars and Lea, that’s where my future lies, with my surrogate family, not this dangerous, dysfunctional one. That’s what my mama would want, she wouldn’t this .

I’m hanging out by the pool table, talking to Kit and Jep, when he walks in. Joel. He looks slightly dishevelled, his hair falling down over his eyes as he drops his helmet onto the bar, and I watch as he pushes it back off his face. And when he glances over his shoulder and catches sight of me: just the briefest of glimpses, but it’s enough to open the floodgates to those thousands of butterflies that have taken up residence in my stomach.

I excuse myself from Kit and Jep and head outside, I need some air. I sit down on the battered old couch on the front porch of the clubhouse and check my phone: there’s a message from Cady, and I tap out a quick reply. She’s at the store, overseeing some of the interior work. I promised her I’d start chasing up suppliers for some of the clothes and jewelry we plan to stock, but I can’t use any of my old contacts. Skip’s orders. He’s given me a list of people to call, but I haven’t got around to it yet. I probably should, though. Make a start, at least. And I’m about to, but then Joel comes out of the clubhouse, shoots me a look I can’t read and heads down the steps, and I watch him stride across the compound toward the auto repair shop on the other side of the yard. His coldness is brutal, I don’t deserve that. But, at the same time, I’ve been avoiding him, too. Sort of. Because seeing him hurts. Being around him stings, because of what we did. And yet, I still don’t regret it.

I shift my gaze for a moment, glancing over at the condo where Kit and Jep live. On site. The way these people live their lives is both strange and fascinating and again I yearn for my old life, the pain of losing it the way I did is still raw, and I find myself wiping my eyes as I try to blink back hot, angry tears. And then I take a deep breath, shake my head as I try to rid myself of the negative thoughts: try to find the hint of a positive one. But I can’t stop my gaze from shifting back to Joel. He’s leaning back against his bike now, talking to some of his club brothers, and the anger and frustration I was feeling just seconds ago is slowly being redirected at him, but confronting him would be a mistake. These men, the kind I always thought would be beautifully dangerous; sexy and wild, that’s not the reality. But pushing him aside: forgetting the way he felt against me, inside me, I can’t do that. I can’t…

~~~

“Wow!” I gasp, spinning around to take it all in. “You got all of this done this morning?

“It’s amazing what you can do when these men actually respect you.” Cady winks at me as she wipes her paint-stained hands on a tattered cloth. “You like it?”

The entire interior of our little shop now has bright white walls with splashes of yellow and gold: the new shelving is up, the floor’s been replaced, along with the old counter, and the windows cleaned. I was only here two days ago and it was nothing like this.

“I love it!” I smile at Cady, even though I’m still confused and a little wary as to why she’s being so nice. Why she’s helping me like this. “Thank you, Cady.”

“My pleasure, kiddo. And you don’t have to thank me, I’m doing it for us, god knows I need something to get my teeth into now I’m back home.”

I go behind the newly installed counter, running my fingers over the fresh wood.

“Some of the guys made this,” Cady says, resting her arms on the countertop, “with their own fair hands. Can you believe it?”

I look at her. “It’s really nice.”

“Yeah, well, some of them are actually quite talented. Anyway, did you manage to call some of those names Skip gave you?”

“I did. A couple of them are calling in here, to the shop, tomorrow morning, eleven 0’clock, to talk about supplying whatever we need… Cady, can I ask you something? And will you tell me the truth? Please?”

She stands upright, tucking the cloth she’d been holding into her back pocket. “Sure. What is it?”

I look around me, imagining what this place could look like, when it’s finished. And I can’t help comparing it to my old business. My beautiful little store that I’d ran with my two very best friends, in a life I’d loved beyond anything. This will never be that. But it might, at least, give me some necessary distraction while I try to work out my next move.

“Is this place nothing more than a front?” My eyes lock on Cady’s. “I’m not as stupid or as na?ve as some people might think. I did as much digging as I could, on how clubs like the Viking Bandits work, when my mama got involved with Skip.”

Cady lets a couple of beats pass, glancing over her shoulder before she looks back at me. “I’m not going to lie to you, Ana. Yeah, this business could be a front for something else, or it could be one of the few legit businesses this club has, because they do have them. I just don’t know for sure. I tend not to ask too many questions.”

“What are we talking about, then? What kind of front?”

“You said yourself, Ana, you’re not stupid. I think you already know the answer to that question… Look, we are going to run this business how we want, okay? And just keep our heads down. That’s all we need to do. Everything else is the club’s problem.”

It’s no surprise, what she’s just told me, but hearing the words out loud, it’s a little unsettling.

“You’re going to be just fine, Ana, I promise you. I told you, Skip thinks of you as his daughter, he won’t let anything happen to you. That’s also the reason he’s doing this: giving you this. He wants you to stay.”

Even though I know that his feelings were genuine, I still can’t quite get my head around how someone like Skip could love someone like my mama but, now, I truly believe that he did.

“Anyway,” Cady sighs, hands on her hips as she spins around, her eyes raised to the ceiling. “Just that to deal with, and once that’s painted we can start thinking about stocking this place.”

I follow her gaze, an idea forming in my head. And I don’t know if it’s a good one, but all of a sudden it feels like something I need to do. “Is it okay if I leave you to deal with those meetings tomorrow?”

Cady looks at me, her head slightly cocked, her hands still on her hips. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. There’s just something I need to do, that’s all.”

She narrows her eyes. “Oh yeah? Anything in particular?”

I shake my head. “Nothing important.”

She wants to know more, of course she does. It unnerves these people when I’m vague but, right now, they have nothing to worry about. I’m not going anywhere. Not yet.

“Okay.”

She wants me to elaborate, but I’m not going to. It really is nothing important, I’m not lying to her.

“You sure everything’s alright, Ana?”

I nod, coming out from behind the counter. “Everything’s fine.”

Cady leans back against the counter and crosses her arms. “How are things between you and Joel?”

That wasn’t a question I was expecting. “There’s nothing between me and Joel.”

“But you want there to be. Right?”

I can stand here and kid myself that I don’t want to feel the way I do about Joel, but the thing is, I feel everything for that man. “I don’t know.” I’m just not ready to admit it, yet. And I’ve tried: forced myself to think of every reason why Joel Madsen is a really bad idea, but I’m choosing to ignore them all. And I don’t know when it changed, when I stopped thinking of him as an irritation and started to actually want him around, but it happened. And now I can’t stop thinking about him. Can’t stop wanting him to notice me. See me. Want me the way I want him.

Cady just throws me a look that tells me she’s not convinced, and I’m too tired to argue. Let her think what she wants to think, I know she won’t say anything, to Joel. To anyone. I hope.

“Can I trust you, Cady?” Because I need to know that. I really do.

“Of course you can.”

We lock eyes. She smiles. It’s genuine.

“And you’re sure you’re okay looking after things here tomorrow?”

“I’m sure. You do whatever it is you have to do, kiddo.”

“Thank you.” I head into the back room. The least I can do is make us some fresh coffee.

“Ana?”

I glance back over my shoulder. “Yeah?”

“Be careful.”

I’ll try. That’s all I can really promise her.