12. Turren

My mate was beautiful on the inside where it counted.

She was rip-my-heart-from-my-chest-and-hand-it-to-her gorgeous. The longing inside me only grew the more I got to know her. She’d shared with me tonight, and I’d cherish that forever. It was wonderful to talk with her without her snapping or distrusting me.

I would build on that because there was no other mate for me but this one.

I understood why she resisted me. If she was like most humans, she’d only heard horrible things about orcs. To her, I was basically a beast, a male who’d rut with her without her consent, who’d claim her and take her far from everything she loved.

Again, I reminded myself to be patient. I still had two days to show her I wasn’t someone to fear, that I was someone she could love.

I wanted to watch her leave the water, but I also wanted her to see she could trust me. I turned away while she strode up onto the bank, dried, and dressed in clean clothing.

She, in turn, studiously washed her clothing, avoiding looking my way as I did the same.

After I was dressed, I helped her hang her clothing on tree limbs, and we started a fire. I could hear her brother approaching along the shore, and while I enjoyed talking with Brunnen, I would miss this time alone with Kaila.

“I have something for you.” I said quickly, holding out my clasped hand. “It’s a simple thing, but I saw it and thought of you.”

She frowned.

I tried not to flounder, to remember that with her, I could find my words. “Usually,” I swallowed hard, “these aren’t found around here.”

“What aren’t found around here?”

“They’re beneath the ground.”

“I see.”

She didn’t. Panic rushed through me. I was messing this up, and I didn’t know how to fix it. “It was sparkling. In the water. I . . . thought of you.”

Her head tilted, and her gaze shot to mine. I sensed a touch of vulnerability there, and I ached to smooth any fear from her soul.

Please, mate. Know that you can believe in me. In us.

“What is it?” she asked, her voice guarded.

I stilled my floundering heart and made my tongue work as I opened my fingers, revealing the green stone lying on my palm. “It’s an emerst stone. They’re rare.” Giving this to her meant something to me, and I hoped she’d one day see that, that she’d one day feel the way I did for her. “When you’re angry—”

“Snarly, you mean,” she said with a touch of humor, her fingers hovering over the smooth, flat stone but not touching. “Snarly is actually quite a good way to describe me, wouldn’t you say?”

“Oh, no no. No. No.” Stop saying no. “Never.”

She was the mate I’d hoped to be with, the one I could talk to, touch, and share everything locked within me. I had a lot to give. So much, I felt like my heart would explode at times, that it surely couldn’t hold this much emotion inside without the feelings clawing their way free.

She lifted the stone and held it up in the waning daylight. “It’s beautiful.”

“It reminds me of your eyes when you’re . . . snarly.”

Her lips curved up in the prettiest smile. My soul ached to see that expression on her face every day for the rest of my life.

“Do my eyes really look like this?” When she turned it, it sparkled, shooting green bands toward the forest floor.

“Yes. I can string it on leather if you’d like. Like a necklace. That you’d wear. It would look . . . nice on you.” Would she reject my offer? Wearing a gift from me might feel too intimate.

“Thank you. I’d like that.”

My shoulders loosened, and the bursting feeling in my heart slipped away. I wasn’t a male who talked much about feelings, but with Kaila, I wanted to share everything if I could only figure out how. I worried telling her too much would make her back away.

“I’ll make a hole on one edge,” I said. “I won’t break it.”

“I know you won’t.”

“I’ll present it to you when it’s ready.” She gave it back to me, and I carefully tucked it into the small pouch on the inside of my loincloth waistband. I sometimes kept coins there or bits of my world that caught my eye.

She laid her hand on my arm and started to speak, but Brunnen appeared from the trail winding along the riverbank and strode over to us.

He hefted his spear. “I practiced after bathing, Turren. Want to see?”

“Yes.” My voice came out gruff. What would she have said if her brother hadn’t arrived? I wanted to know. Needed to know.

After lighting the fire, I collected my whisp lamp from my bag and walked over to the open area adjacent to where we’d made camp. With the lamp generating just enough light to see, I stood to the side, watching as Brunnen carefully went through the moves I’d taught him.

“You’re doing well,” I said when he finished.

His smile practically lit up the area, and it reminded me so much of Kaila that the bursting feeling started to grow again within my heart. Could I take this overwhelming, wonderful feeling or would it tear me apart?

We cooked our meal and ate well.

“More?” I offered Kaila, who’d chosen to sit beside me with Brunnen on her other side.

“Oh, no thank you. I couldn’t eat anything else.”

When Brunnen shook his head, I carefully placed what was left in coated fabric and tucked it into my bag. We’d eat it in the morning. I also removed a few tools and stuffed them into my loincloth waistband.

With my whisp lantern guiding our way, we went to the river for a drink and to cleanse our mouths and teeth. After, Kaila followed Brunnen and I as we walked through the adjacent forest to select a tree.

“What about this one?” he asked, pointing. “It’s tall, and I see branches high up where I can rest.”

I held my lamp close to the trunk. “See this.” I pointed to where insects had burrowed beneath the bark. They studiously climbed both up the trunk and toward the ground, many carrying bits of crushed vegetation. “They’re nesting in this one and they’ll find you.”

Brunnen squinted upward, though it wasn’t easy to see even with the lamp. “Way up there?”

“Would you like to chance it? These insects bite.”

He shook his head.

We walked farther and when he chose another tree, I nodded with a smile of approval. “Yes. This one.”

“Watch.” He jumped up and grabbed onto the lowest branch. He hitched his heels on the limb and shifted his body to lie on the top. Standing, he grinned down at us. “Look, Kaila. If I ever have to travel through the forest on my own, I’ll be able to pick a tree and climb it.”

“You’re leaning quickly, youngling,” I said with pride.

He beamed and leaped again, latching onto the branch above, climbing farther.

“Would you like to select our tree, my contented mate?” I asked. Funny how I could speak when I focused on describing her current mood.

“Sure.” She started walking, crooking her neck to look at the trees. “Do you believe I’m content?”

“I hope you are.”

“My belly’s full. My brother’s happy. I’m . . .” She swallowed. “I am content. You named me true this evening.”

Progress. It was all I could do not to shout out my joy. I was much more than content.

I’d found hope.

“What about this one?” She stopped beside a tree, leaning close to it. “I don’t see any insects, and the limbs above appear wide and smooth.”

Looking up, I grunted. “A good choice. Do you need anything before we ascend?”

She shook her head.

“Will you let me carry you?” I asked.

“Alright.” Her eyes darted up to my face, and I wished I knew what her expression meant. Fear? No, not that. Nervousness? Not that either. Ah, yes, I knew.

She was still content.

I wasn’t sure I could bear the aching feeling in my chest.

I lifted her gently and, holding her in one arm, leaped onto the first branch above.

“Orcs are nothing like human men,” she said softly.

I jumped to the next branch and studied the ones above, selecting the next. “In what way?”

“Men can be . . . surly.”

“You must feel comfortable with that attitude.” I said in all seriousness.

She frowned before her light laughter trilled out. I’d heard her laugh with her brother while walking today, but with me, she’d only been serious.

And surly.

“Funny.” She smacked my chest, though not hard. More like a tap that showed affection.

My pulse surged, having nothing to do with my exertions. If only I could hear her laugh with me like this all the time.

“We have a definite class system in the village,” she said. “And I don’t only mean those who have and those who don’t. My brother and I were in the group without. We struggled to survive. But there’s also a class system among the sexes. Women there are considered . . . inferior.”

“Truly?”

“You sound amazed.”

“I am.”

“It must be the same with orcs.”

“Not at all. Females and males are different. While some female orcs are as strong as any of our males, many are not.”

“See? Orcs give more value to strength, which is only one small part of a person.”

“I didn’t say that.” I tried to collect my thoughts while studying the branches above. “Some females are as strong as males. Females in my clan—no, in all orc clans as far as I know—are not valued solely on the might of their arms.” I jumped again, landing squarely on a higher branch. Two more and we could settle for the night. Another leap, and I planted my boots on the next.

“I suppose it’s the same everywhere,” she said sadly. “A woman can tell the world she wants to control her own life, but all it takes is one man, a man who might not even be family, to state he will claim her, and everyone agrees.”

“Ah. You saw me claiming you as me announcing that I would take control of your future.”

“I won’t let anyone do that to me. I ran from the village because a man was making demands. I could’ve complained to the mayor, but he’s not a good person. I doubt he would care. He probably would’ve told me to climb into my boss’s bed and be glad someone wanted me.”

“I claimed you as all orcs have for as long back as any orc can remember.”

“It feels like the same thing to me.”

I landed on the branch I’d selected and settled with my back to the trunk, my legs stretched out in front of me. This tree was so large, it towered over many of its friends. I could shift on the branch while we slept without fear of falling.

Kaila sat on my lap, facing sideways. Better than facing away where I couldn’t see her expression.

“All are respected in my clan,” I said. “I mean this. Not only for what they can offer others, but for who they are at their very core.” I tapped my chest. “If this was not true, I would not be caedos.”

“I don’t see the connection.”

“Then you haven’t noticed my arm.”

“I did. I was going to ask about it but decided you’d tell me what happened if and when you wanted to.”

“You see that this arm isn’t as strong as the other.”

“I didn’t notice any difference when you climbed the tree while holding me.”

“There is. I have fought for much of my life to prove to everyone . . .” Hating that I was nearly shouting, I lowered my voice. “I have proven I am worthy.” I tapped the trunk behind me. “Do you think one tree has more value than another?”

She shrugged. “I guess if one’s bigger, it has more value for the wood it can provide.”

“One could say it overpowers the others, much like you describe the men in your village. A tree this large has an enormous canopy. Its leaves stretch highest to the sun and thus, it shades those below who then gain less nutrients from the light. But it also provides shelter from storms, blocking much of the wind. It doesn’t see the smaller trees as competition. It doesn’t feel that their slighter bodies have less value.”

“I doubt trees think of anything like that.”

“You don’t believe trees think of anything other than stretching toward the light and sucking up water with their roots?”

“They’re not sentient.”

“Some of these trees are.”

Her gaze darted around. “You mean they’re watching, listening?”

“Nothing like that.” I lifted my pendant, which blazed with light once more. “Wanderers are special people within the clans. They travel, testing tones with their pendants to discover everything the world around us has to offer.”

Her head tilted. “It’s just a piece of metal, isn’t it?”

“Watch.” I gently blew across my pendant, creating a low tone that rumbled across my skin.

The light went out.

Her breath caught, but she huffed. “You can’t prove that you made your pendant stop flaring by creating that sound.”

“That wasn’t why I blew across it.”

“Then why?”

I untied my whisp lantern from my waistband and held it up, puffing air across the small creature nestled inside. The insects flitted about, and we collected them, giving them a home in a clear round plant. There, they laid eggs that hatched to replace the parent.

The whisp emitted a low glow.

“More blowing.” She sounded disappointed. “You’re not doing anything I couldn’t do. This doesn’t prove trees are sentient.”

“No?” Turning, I hung my lantern on the thin branch curving down from the canopy above. It rocked, making the glow float around us.

“I don’t see what you mean,” she said a bit sadly.

I took the lantern back and blew across my pendant.

The thin branch coiled back up among the others above.

“Hold on,” Kaila said in awe. “Did . . .?”

I nodded, grinning. “Watch.” Another puff of air across my pendant, and the branch descended once more. I hung the lantern on it, and with another tone from my pendant, asked the tree if it would please hold our light through the night. The leaves above trembled, giving me the answer.

“You . . . I don’t know what to say. I’ve heard of magic, but it’s just something out of stories, isn’t it?”

“It’s not magic unless you consider the wanderers as orcs who can create it magical as well. I spoke to the tree with the tone, proving it not only heard but it responded. Sentient, in a slight way.”

“I’m . . . amazed. Stunned.” She sighed. “I can see what you mean about the relationships of trees, but that doesn’t apply to humans. Women are not considered equal in my village, and I suspect that will never change.”

“Not until minds are changed first.”

“How does someone do a thing like that?”

“It takes more than one person, and it takes persistence, proving one’s worth many times until it sinks in so deeply, they can’t see you in any other way.”

“You’re speaking of your arm now.”

My throat tight, I could only nod. Did she see me as defective? My parents had.

“I’m sorry. I imagine it was very painful.” Her gaze remained on the limb. “When it happened.”

“Horribly.”

“I’m sorry. When you want to talk about it, I’m ready to listen.”

“One day, perhaps.”

“Like one day, women might be considered equal to men. I’m one such being with very little power. Some women have started to say no. They left their village and built a new one. We’re traveling there. I’ve only dreamed of having complete say in my own life, and I’m excited to think that there, finally, I’ll be considered equal to all the others.”

She was still determined to tell me goodbye. So much strength in such a tiny person. I admired her greatly. But it was going to hurt when she walked away.

“You’ll find life in the new village much different from the one you left behind.” I didn’t want to leave her there. I still had one more day of travel and two nights before we’d reach the village.

Was that enough time to convince her we were meant to be together?

“You mentioned my claiming you,” I said. “For orcs, claiming a mate is a mutual thing.”

“You may have noted that I didn’t agree, so it wasn’t mutual for us.” She moved to face me, her legs going around my waist.

Did she realize she was calmly accepting this position, that we’d sleep with our arms around each other as if we truly were the mates I’d proclaimed?

“I did note that,” I said gruffly. “When orcs are chosen by the fates, they both are excited. One claims the other and the words are repeated, thus making it a mutual thing.”

“Just like that, a couple is happy to let the fates play such a large role in their future?”

“For us, it’s sacred, something we long for our entire lives. It’s rare for the fates to pair a couple.”

“What if one of them loves another?”

I lifted her chin to meet her eyes. “Do you love another?”

“I’ve never been in love.”

A relief. How could I compete with a shadow? “Do you long to love someone?”

“Not if it means giving up my soul.”

I treasured how strong willed and independent she was. If only I could show her that I wanted a mate who’d stand beside me, not in my shadow. “When two love,” I closed my eyes to help find the words. If I could see them in my mind, I could say them, “They’re not giving anything up. They want to share all they are with the other.”

“I can’t imagine a love like that.” Her words came out wistfully, and when I opened my eyes, she wrenched her gaze from mine, planting it on my chest.

“What if a love like that was given to you?”

“By the fates?”

I nodded, grateful she was discussing this with me and not arguing.

“I’m not sure I could believe it was true.”

“And if it was?”

“I believe I’d grab onto such a love and cling tight. Nothing and no one would tear us apart.”

“And that, my pensive mate, is what I hope we’ll find together.”

“We only have two more nights and one day together.” Her gaze dropped to my mouth. “And you still haven’t kissed me.”

“Maybe I’m waiting for you to kiss me.”

Her tongue, so tiny and pink, dipped out to stroke across her lips.

I bit back my groan. My cock ignored my will and started to stiffen.

“We should sleep,” she finally said, looking to the right. “Can you turn down the lantern?’

I blew the request across my pendant, and the branch lifted enough that we still had light, but it was muted.

“Goodnight, Turren,” she said softly. “I . . . You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met before. I . . . like you.”

My pulse thudded louder than the drums we beat during celebrations.

“Goodnight, Kaila. You’re unlike any other. I like you too.”

Her lips curled up on one side.

Before I could blink, she rose up onto her knees and placed her mouth on mine. Just as quickly, she backed away, though her fingers remained tight on my arms.

“First kiss,” she said, her voice breathy.

“That was a quick kiss.”

“You didn’t specify how long they needed to be.”

I teased my fingertips up and down her sides. She didn’t pull away. Her eyelids fluttered, and a shiver skipped through her. Looking up at me, humor shone in her eyes. “I guess you’d better make sure the second one lasts longer then.”

I sucked in a breath, not daring to believe she’d said such a thing. It was all I could do to make my tongue work to give her a reply. “I believe I should.”

“Until tomorrow, then.”

“Only one full day left.” Despair clogged my throat. A lot could happen in one day. “I’ll have to find a way to fit in two long kisses.”

“I . . .” A touch of longing came through in her words. “I look forward to it.” Her husky laughter rang out, smoothing across my skin and plunging down into my cock. The foolish thing responded as if it thought one simple kiss could lead to so much more.

In no time, her breathing leveled off. She mumbled something and snuggled deeper in my arms. In her sleep, she sought me.

I’d cling to the idea that this meant something and pray to the fates that tomorrow I could make a difference.

I wasn’t being completely honest with her about my life with my clan, but how could I share everything? I’d wait and tell her when the time was right. And I hoped that time would be soon.

While she rested, I carefully took out the tools I’d removed from my bag.

Then with the whisp lantern guiding me, I quietly began working on the stone.