Chapter 21

PALOMA

After my encounter with the racanna, I spent three days in bed, sleeping. I’d never been so exhausted in my life, which makes me wonder if someone drugged my food or water to make me sleep. Atox certainly would if he believed it was necessary.

There’s so much I don’t understand about the male, like why he hasn’t made any moves on me these last few days. We’ve been sleeping naked, usually with my back to his chest.

I must admit, I’ve never slept so well as in Atox’s arms. I appreciate his warmth and the way he holds me close, as if I matter. But he hasn’t tried touching me sexually. That baffles me. If it weren’t for his hard cock pressing against my ass cheeks every night, I’d think he changed his mind and no longer wants me.

And that… scares me.

Atox has changed since the racanna attack. He’s more patient with me, more forgiving. He’s no longer pressuring me to sleep with him.

I’ve been thinking of leaving here less and less, and I know why. I’d miss Atox. For as growly, demanding, arrogant, and outright infuriating as he can be, he’s also fiercely loyal, protective, and is trying to be the best person he can be, as grak and as my mate.

My mate… Those are not words I’ve ever conceived of before.

Maybe he’s not the only one who has changed.

Now we’re on our way to Pen’Kesh, with Zendar as our only guard.

“Why are you taking me to Pen’Kesh?” I ask as I readjust how I’m sitting atop Atox’s gorja. We’ve only been riding for an hour and yet I can’t sit still.

“Stop squirming, female.” Atox grumbles behind me.

“Sorry. I’m nervous.”

“You’ve ridden a gorja with me before.”

“I’m nervous about the market, not you.”

“I will protect you. Always.”

“How long is always?”

“Always is forever.”

I muster my courage to finally ask what I really want to know. “Are you taking me to Pen’Kesh to get rid of me?”

He doesn’t answer. What if he’s decided to trade me to the bantarans, vints, or moxxels? I’ve been sold once, so the possibility is now very real. But I don’t think he is angry with me and I can’t envision Atox selling me even if he were.

It’s possible I pushed him too much, and he’s tired of me.

Or he realizes I’m weak compared to orcs.

I hate being in the dark. Literally and figuratively.

“I’m good with secrets. You can tell me,” I add.

“It is not a secret. Zendar knows.”

Zendar. Our one and only escort. The male I followed out of the tunnels and the same male Atox attacked moments later. One escort, and no cart. That means we’re not picking up supplies. Maybe dropping off supplies. Me.

“Who would I possibly tell your secret to at Pen’Kesh? I certainly can’t trust the people who sold me to you. And I don’t have any friends or allies among the bantarans, vints, or moxxels.”

“All good points. But the answer remains no. You will find out in an hour.”

He’ll be rid of me in an hour. That’s what my terrified brain gleans from his words.

“I’m trying to acclimate to your people. I have no one to ask questions of other than you and I don’t know your ways.” As much as I try to remove the tremor from my voice, to prove I’m not weak, I can’t. For nearly two weeks, I’ve wanted nothing more than to escape the orcs, and now I fear leaving them. Or rather, leaving Atox.

He keeps his word, and he’s loyal to his people. He’ll do anything for them. But does that include me? He said he’d protect me, but did he say that to gain my cooperation?

Like my father and Council? The people who promised to protect everyone in New Earth.

“Please give me a second chance, Atox.”

He growls. “Grak, female. My personal name may be used by those who’ve earned the right.”

A reminder that I am not his equal. And may never be.

An uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach. As I twist to see his expression, the corners of his mouth lift into a rare smile. Sun bounces off his tusks, making them appear sharper than usual. I tap one.

“Don’t touch my tusks.”

I tap his tusk again, then remain utterly still, waiting to see what he’ll do.

“Hold your finger out,” he orders.

When I hesitate, he grabs my wrist and draws it to his mouth where his tongue circles the tip of my finger. I watch in total wonder as this massive guy makes love to my finger.

“You’re trying to give me ideas, aren’t you?” I ask as he sucks on me.

“Perhaps we will find a quiet spot in Pen’Kesh to see how you respond to my suggestion.”

I brush my thumb over where his mouth kicks up. “You’re smiling.”

“I don’t smile.”

“Then why are you showing me your tusks?”

“I’m pleased with you.”

I blink twice as I question if I heard wrong. “Does that mean I may call you Atox?”

“You already do.”

“But you haven’t given me permission. I’m not saying I think I need it, but it would be nice to have.” I need to know how far I can push him, to know that he truly will never hurt me. After all, I trusted my father, and I can’t forget how that ended.

“Forget it, I don’t know what I’m saying.” I want Atox to treat me as an equal, something I didn’t have in New Earth. I’m expecting too much from him. He rules over an entire settlement, after all.

“I will consider it,” he says unexpectedly.

I bite my bottom lip and face forward again while I try to focus on the motion of the gorja and push the image of Atox sucking on my finger out of my mind.

“Speak, female. I can see you have more to say.”

“I call you Atox because it’s a sign of being equal, not a sign of disrespect. I know you’re grak and I’m only a human to you, but I’d sooner live in the woods than be treated as a second-class citizen.”

“You prefer living in the woods where the yengas live?”

I shudder, but nod.

“I don’t understand all that you say, female, but I like when you speak your heart. It shows you are strong and worthy.”

I sigh. Nothing has changed, not really. He only wants me so he can have kids. That isn’t the same as wanting a wife, a partner.

“You deserve respect because you protect your people and fight for them. And although I’m not grak, or an orc, or a powerful fighter, I’m a good person and work hard. I deserve respect too, not to be treated like a child or punished.”

He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me so I’m sitting sideways, my legs hanging over one side of the gorja and my ass hanging over his thigh. A large hand rubs my bottom. Damn, but that feels good.

“Respect is for males. And you, female, enjoy my punishments.”

“You humiliated me, Atox. And if you want this—us—to work, then you can’t treat me as if I don’t matter.”

“I do not humiliate. I teach.”

“Find another way to teach.”

Atox presses his lips to mine, running a tusk over my bottom lip until I squirm in his lap.

“Now, that is a more effective method of teaching,” I say as his lips leave mine.

He doesn’t look at me or say anything. It’s as if we didn’t just kiss. Or he didn’t enjoy it. Damn, I wish he were easier to read.

“Tell me why the market makes you nervous, Paloma.”

Paloma now? I guess it was a good kiss after all.

“The last time I was there, it felt as if I was being watched.”

“You were. By me.”

“You were stalking me?”

“The human leaders gave me a choice of three females. All were brought to Pen’Kesh so I’d have the chance to see them and choose.”

“That’s when you decided on me?”

“I chose another.”

To my surprise, that hurts. “Oh.”

I’m having trouble thinking, breathing. I try to push off of Atox’s thigh, but he holds onto me. He won’t risk me falling or jumping from this great height, even if I don’t give a fuck what happens. Maybe this is why he’s grak and why I’m the girl who got sold. He’s thinks ahead whereas I just react.

I look over the side, at the ground speeding by, and clutch his arms. His lips brush the shell of my ear as he whispers, “I wanted you, female. From the moment I saw you in Pen’Kesh.”

“You chose another,” I remind him.

“I suspected your defiance would cause issues.” A slight chuckle escapes him. “I was right.”

“You can still send me back. Ask for another.”

“Vekk no. We are meant to be.”

“Are you sure? I thought I was meant to live my life in New Earth. Was certain of it, actually. Yet here I am.”

“Your people don’t want you, Paloma,” he says sternly, and then his voice softens. “But I do. Then, and now. You are my future.”

“It still hurts, Atox.”

His hand runs over my middle where the racanna left me bruised. The tenderness with which he touches me drives away the ugly truth, replacing it with a better one.

Atox cares about me.

I push back the tears. I cannot let my past continue to drag me down, not with my whole future ahead of me. I have to forge a new path. One that might include Atox.

I pat his hand, but don’t move it from where it rests on my stomach. “The bruises are healing. I meant it hurts knowing that my people don’t care about me. Do your people have a word for thank you?”

“Havala.”

“Then, havala, Atox.”

“For treating your injuries?”

“For wanting me when no one else does.”